Post here instead of contacting your ex!

May 19, 2013

I'm scared. I wish there was a way that I could have you back, but there isn't. I made 4 years of memories with you, memories that would normally be happy, but they've been spoiled by your lies and disgusting behavior. Even if we got back together today, I don't think it would ever work. I could never trust you again.....why did you have to do this?! Why did you have to be so cruel? I thought you loved me, we talked about marriage all the time, what happened to that?! Do you have any idea how much you messed me up? My self confidence is nonexistent, you killed my ego, I'm lonely and depressed and I feel helpless like I have no control in my life.

And did you ever apologize? Of course not, you don't think you did anything wrong. You replaced me.....why? I was so good to you, I loved you unconditionally through thick and thin. I was always there when you needed me and was faithful to the very end. You left me for someone whom I know won't treat you well, you left me for an *******. I don't even know the other guy but I can safely say he's no good because he allowed you to cheat in me. He knows that he's the other guy in this situation yet he's ok with it. If I were mean and abusive it would be different but I'm not. How could you? You said you cared about me....that you didn't want to hurt me.

You wanted to be friends and still live together while you were seeing this other guy, how selfish are you?! You would play me like that? Play nice with me and keep me around as a backup while hiding this other guy from me? I never thought you were capable of such a monstrosity. As if this wasn't enough, you went on to make me the bad guy. You claimed I was harassing you and being immature. Ya I sent some nasty messages, who wouldn't in my position. I started out nice but you ignored me.

You couldn't own up to what you did and you still haven't. You didn't feel bad, you have no remorse. You severely underestimate how much you hurt me, someone you claimed to care about. I'm a grown man, but I was so inconsolable one night that my dad had to step in and you know how much of a hard ass he is. That's when even he broke down and tried to get answers from you. Was it right? Maybe not, but does it really matter? Nothing that I have done compares the the deceit and hurt that you showed me.

And yet, somehow after all this, I'm still wanting you back. I don't get it. And even more than that, in thinking of ways to better myself for you, as if I'm the one who messed up and lied. Why am I thinking this way? I wish you weren't as happy as you are, I wish you cared that I wasn't talking to you, but most of all I wish you missed me and all the memories we made.

May 19, 2013

Hey my friend! You finally texted me you wanted to talk.

I hope we can salvage our friendship! This makes me hopeful but I don't want to say that yet.

You put me in more anxiety than if you were an ex

May 20, 2013

Day 27 NC & you make me sick.

All the lies you told are finally catching up to you. I hear your friends don't have much to do with you now, maybe they are just as sick of **** as I was.

I look back on the time we spent together and wonder how much of that time was spent by you lying and manipulating me. The worst part is that I was completely oblivious to it all. How could I be so stupid?

Each and every day I am getting stronger and stronger. Each and every day the memory of you gets less and less intense.

Do me a favour and never contact me ever again

May 20, 2013

Sending me a Friend Request now? Do you expect an acceptance on your accord? Hey yeah we got our closure two weeks ago but guess what!? I don't really want you in my life as a friend at this moment. Look I realized you needed me a lot more than I needed you, even though your broke up with me. I've been out with friends and family every single day this past week and you know what, it has been awesome. I'm generally happy now, you were nice while we lasted but even my friend told me the break up is a blessing. You were an anchor in my life, someone who distracted me from myself. Now I have a girl, who so happens to be friends with one of my cousins, and she talks about me everyday with her. Who would have thought I would be able to find someone like that so soon after our break up. I still managed to finish the semester with no grade lower than an A- even though you were a major distraction in me doing my work. I was able to re-establish an old-friendship that had ended at one point because I hooked up with my friend's ex after a long time of not talking. Life is good for me. And look I will miss what we had now and then, but in the long run it really doesn't matter. You're not my love anymore, you are just that girl I once shared something with. I wonder how it feels knowing that I'm perfectly fine without you. I hope you have a decent week. Also hope your dad had a happy birthday! He was a great guy

May 20, 2013

February stars in the dark, temptorily floating in dark

Hello I've wait here you here ever long tonight I throw myself in two, outta the red outta my head she sang

I'm over head outta ever head she sang, and I wonder when I sing along with you if every thing feel everything could ever feel this this real forever and if everything could ever could ever be this good again the only thing ill ever thing Ill ask of you promise stop not to stop when I think when she said

May 20, 2013

Hey, sorry I didn't respond to your question last night but I didn't cause we both ended it as a goodnight to each other but you were the last to say it. I just wanted to not bother you even though you say you won't. I hope you're feeling better today since the last 2 days you've caught a fever. This is one of those mid-nights that I am thinking of you when I just woke up. No matter how happy or sad I get, you're on my mind. Why? I sometimes wonder if you think of me, of course you do perhaps not in the way I do. My mind has been bothering me lately, I want to say I miss you but I'm being strong. Next week Monday I will be in NYC. The days are narrowing down, I'm getting so scared and excited at the same time. It makes me feel good you ask when I am coming down and whatnot. It shows you care, that you think of me. It makes me feel good. I bet you're sleeping at this moment but I want to say goodnight and that I hope you're feeling loads better now. Hope the fever isn't kicking high or else I'm gonna beat the fever up haha. Goodnight, I love you. Sleep well!

May 20, 2013

Seriously? I'm returning that crazy making subterfuge to sender. It has nothing to do with me and never did! I won't let anyone put that garbage at my doorstep. Take responsibility for whatever is going on in your life and quit trying to dump it on me.

Edited May 20, 2013 by avelonia2013

May 20, 2013

February stars in the dark, temptorily floating in dark

Hello I've wait here you here ever long tonight I throw myself in two, outta the red outta my head she sang

I'm over head outta ever head she sang, and I wonder when I sing along with you if every thing feel everything could ever feel this this real forever and if everything could ever could ever be this good again the only thing ill ever thing Ill ask of you promise stop not to stop when I think when she said

Come down and waste away with me, down with me...

Slow how, you wanted it to be,I'm over my head, out of her head she sang

And I wonder when I sing along with you,

If everything could ever feel this real forever.

If anything could ever be this good again,

The only thing I'll ever ask of you.

You gotta promise not to stop when I say when.

She sang

Breathe out, so I can breathe you in,

Hold you in, and now, I know you've always been there

Out of your head, out of my head I sang.

My dear and beloved "heartache " at the beginning I wanted to write something sad and depressing about you but then I remembered this song and my mood changed . I don't want to keep dragging you around everywhere I go , you are a very heavy luggage and i don't want to keep carrying you around . So I'm done with you at least for today

May 20, 2013

I wish I had never wasted 10 months on you, and I wish I had never loved you.

Thank you for indirectly rubbing in my face that your life is just spectacular without me, and hinting that I should just "get over it".

Thank you for just tossing me away in a few months time, and directing your eyes towards the next "shiny objects".

Thank you for parading your singleness around the forums like a dick, and making posts that reek of singleness.

Thank you for making me realize that you're just a dime a dozen. You were attracted to other women while we were together, and I wasn't attracted to other men. Thank you for making me feel bad that I wanted other men to desire me BECAUSE I couldn't make myself be attracted to other men in the same manner you were attracted to other women. And also the fact that I could never be ALL of your desires in one, so...yeah.

Thank you for for letting me know what your ideal woman really looked like, while I never berated you by talking about guys who looked nothing like you.

Thank you for having such a simple-minded, narrow view of things and proving just how much of an idiot you are.

For 10 months, I've inflicted selfishness and painful emotional burdens on you, while pushing you away, although not intentional. Thank you for letting me get a taste of my own medicine at present. Thank you for not being above revenge, even after the end.

Thank you for using a public forum to let your "friends" bully me while I was in peril, blatantly showing that you don't care anymore.

Thank you for talking to other chicks on your home profile. Yes, I looked at your profile for the first time in months. Yes, I know.

Thank you for making me realize just how flawed of a person I am, and forgetting that you were that person once.

Thank you for not releasing your grip on my thoughts, while you happily enjoy your life. As if nothing significant had ever happened between us.

Thank you for never failing to show that I was second best all along, no matter how you tried to put it otherwise. Thank you for not understanding WHY I was talking about "singleness", "uncertainty" and "non-committment" towards the end, failing to make the connection to the statement before this. Thank you for being the one who brought my insecurities out, causing a huge blow to my self-esteem, failing to understand why, and putting ALL of the blame on me.

Thank you for being a hurtful, clueless pig, and not the nice, compassionate guy that I used to know and hoped I would still know.

Thank you for being like the others.

Thank you being the reason why I wrote this in the first place.

Edited May 20, 2013 by SingOutLoud

May 20, 2013

Why You’re a Horrible Person

From the beginning, you lied to me. You claim that you didn’t leave me for someone else, but you did. The time frame that it happened in suggests that you had an interest in him well before you broke up with me. Emotionally you were already cheating on me, just because it wasn’t physical doesn’t mean it wasn’t unfaithful. As if that wasn’t enough, when we first broke up you wanted to remain friends. This is incredibly selfish of you. I was obviously still in love with you, how do you expect a friendship to work with that. You think that offering to be friends makes you seem less horrible. “If I stay friends with him then I can’t be that mean, right? And if we stay friends then he can’t be that upset.” You only offered friendship to make yourself feel better; you didn’t care at all about my feelings.

Not only did you want to remain friends, but you also wanted to remain living together at first. This is absolutely disgusting. You were planning to keep me as a friend and continue living together all the while you were seeing someone else behind my back. This fact alone shoots you to the top of my list of horrible individuals. Do you know what kind of emotional torture you put me through? First, as much as you disagree, you never gave me a good reason for any of it. You simply said, “I changed.” I had to watch you leave in the middle of the night and not come back; did you really think I wouldn’t know what was going on? I asked if there was someone else, of course you lied and said it was a TA meeting. I don’t know what hurt worse, the lie itself, or what the lie was about.

Mind you, all of this took place before I knew for sure about the other guy, it was only suspicion. This was before any mean messages were sent, so you were just lying to and hurting someone who loved you and cared about you more than anyone on this planet. You hurt the person who deserved it the least. I was the one consistency in your life. You accuse me of badmouthing your dad but you were the biggest trash talker of all. How many times did you come to me complaining about him or your family? It seemed like every week you had something new to say about them. You are full of hypocrisy, and that behavior continues.

So I finally saw the exchange of messages with the other guy. I was brought to my knees, I was sick to my stomach. I didn’t want to believe that you, the person I trusted most and had by my side for over 4 years would do this to me. Even to this day it is surreal, to me, friends, and family. No one thought you would ever do anything like this. I composed myself and confronted you. Of course you had nothing to say. I wish I would have said more, asked more questions, I didn’t think that would be the last time I saw you. Do you remember the last hug I gave you? I came to your door and pretty much said goodbye. You didn’t care; you were already involved with someone else.

So I left, and I realized I still had a lot of questions, questions that you ignored. I got angry, I sent nasty messages, not to provoke you, but I figured I had nothing to lose because you already weren’t talking to me. ANYONE in my position would have sent those messages, yet you act like you’re an innocent doe being verbally abused, you seem to forget that you caused ALL OF THIS. So yes, I continued sending messages because I continued receiving no answers. No honest apologies, no admission of guilt, you never said that you screwed up.

So now you started making me the villain, cried wolf and threatened to involve the police. Are you that delusional? You really don’t realize that you are the one who screwed up? The fact is that you are selfish, you couldn’t take responsibility for your actions and you were willing to do anything to cover your ass. You have now made yourself more horrible. This pattern continued for quite some time, all the while you are STILL with this other *******. Now people say to be, how do you know he’s an *******? It’s quite simple really. He knows that he was the “other guy”. Any man who is ok with that is disgusting. So I feel fairly comfortable calling him an *******. He is also quite stupid; does he know realize that you could do the same thing to him that you did to me? Have fun with that. Everyone knows you are only with him to distract yourself from what you did.

Now I personally believe you’re probably sleeping with him. Is that horrible act #3 or #4? I lost count. 4 years, no sex. That should explain enough but I’ll spell it out for you. How many guys out there are willing to wait like I waited? Probably very few. I wanted sex, you claimed you wanted it but were never in the mood. Anytime I brought it up you got angry, so I couldn’t win. Here’s the icing on the cake though, you lied to Greg and told him I was the one who didn’t want it. I loved you, I thought you were beautiful, you were special to me and I deserved to have you. Now you’re probably just another notch on this guy’s belt and it breaks my heart. The fact that you remain with him just adds further insult to what you have done to me.

You lost Greg; you probably resent me for it because in your mind you think it’s my fault. I didn’t tell Greg to do anything. He did it all on his own based solely on what you did. If you want to blame anybody, blame yourself. Here’s the fun part, you still try to contact him. You say you really need him and get upset that he won’t respond. Here’s that hypocrisy again, you want him to talk to you, yet you never talked to me. Do you really fail to see that? That’s right, you don’t see much of anything since you distract yourself with clubs and drinking. That definitely seems like the smart thing to do. In case you haven’t figured it out on your own, this life won’t last forever. This guy will disappear soon and so will your friends. By the way any friends who support you in this either don’t know everything or simply put are too stupid for me to bother with. So you aren’t in school, I don’t think you’re doing any schooling next year, you aren’t working, and you don’t have a job to come back to at home (yeah I know about the vet clinic). Things will fall apart, and then you’ll have to deal with the reality of what you did. You think the grass is greener on the other side, I’m sorry to say that it’s rarely true. Right now you’re still in the honeymoon phase, everything is new and exciting; that’ll wear off eventually.

You say that you left me because I wasn’t caring enough. We both know that’s a lie. That issue came up all the time and I made the effort to address it. I even offered for us to go to couples counseling but you said no. You didn’t want to try. What happened to us was normal, we got comfortable, but I was willing to work to fix it whereas you just gave up. As much as you don’t want to, as much as you think I’ve just become an *******, you know that I was a great guy, and that while we were together we got along so well and loved being together for several years. We always talked about marriage and having an awesome family, you brought me to meet your family. Why would you do all this if you were going to leave me? That’s just one of several unanswered questions I have.

You know that we were perfect for each other, but you lost it. You made a mess of everything and I hate you for it. I fantasize about being with you again, but deep down I know it can never happen, I could never trust you again. Every time I touched you I would know that someone else had been there, touched you the way I was touching you, it makes me sick. You are by all means a monster, a monster that I miss dearly. I hate that you’re “happy” without me. I hate that you don’t care about what you did. You’ve changed so much for the worse. There was a better life out there for you, here with me. How could you do this to someone you said you cared about? You can preach and say that I’m immature and lack self-control but it would be more hypocrisy. It was your immaturity and lack of self-control that caused all of this. You are undeniably the most horrible person I know, let that sink in. You lost something special.

May 20, 2013

I wish I had never wasted 10 months on you, and I wish I had never loved you.

Thank you for indirectly rubbing in my face that your life is just spectacular without me, and hinting that I should just "get over it".

Thank you for just tossing me away in a few months time, and directing your eyes towards the next "shiny objects".

Thank you for parading your singleness around the forums like a dick, and making posts that reek of singleness.

Thank you for making me realize that you're just a dime a dozen. You were attracted to other women while we were together, and I wasn't attracted to other men. Thank you for making me feel bad that I wanted other men to desire me BECAUSE I couldn't make myself be attracted to other men in the same manner you were attracted to other women. And also the fact that I could never be ALL of your desires in one, so...yeah.

Thank you for for letting me know what your ideal woman really looked like, while I never berated you by talking about guys who looked nothing like you.

Thank you for having such a simple-minded, narrow view of things and proving just how much of an idiot you are.

For 10 months, I've inflicted selfishness and painful emotional burdens on you, while pushing you away, although not intentional. Thank you for letting me get a taste of my own medicine at present. Thank you for not being above revenge, even after the end.

Thank you for using a public forum to let your "friends" bully me while I was in peril, blatantly showing that you don't care anymore.
Thank you for talking to other chicks on your home profile. Yes, I looked at your profile for the first time in months. Yes, I know.

Thank you for making me realize just how flawed of a person I am, and forgetting that you were that person once.

Thank you for not releasing your grip on my thoughts, while you happily enjoy your life. As if nothing significant had ever happened between us.

Thank you for never failing to show that I was second best all along, no matter how you tried to put it otherwise. Thank you for not understanding WHY I was talking about "singleness", "uncertainty" and "non-committment" towards the end, failing to make the connection to the statement before this. Thank you for being the one who brought my insecurities out, causing a huge blow to my self-esteem, failing to understand why, and putting ALL of the blame on me.

Thank you for being a hurtful, clueless pig, and not the nice, compassionate guy that I used to know and hoped I would still know.

Thank you for being like the others.

Thank you being the reason why I wrote this in the first place.

And why, WHY did you have to be all casual-like ONE MONTH after we broke up, as if we could be "just friends" that easily, even though I still loved you? Why did you have to tell me that you smoked weed with someone else, even though our first time smoking weed was supposed to be with EACH OTHER?

Now do I have to picture you kissing another girl like you kissed me, smiling at another girl's texts like you did with mine, and most importantly, losing your virginity to her when it was supposed to be OUR first time? Do you have any idea how much pain you're causing me now? I bet you don't care. I also bet that you'd be just as miserable as I am if you were in my position.

Great. Now you're going to be with a girl who's more sexually aware/adventurous, betterlooking, kinder, more giving, emotionally stable, friendlier, and NOT insecure. Good luck with your upgrade, I guess. It's like when those "yellow umbrellas of possibilities" starting popping up after Ted broke up with his ex on HIMYM, right? I bet you're happy about that.

And did you finally buy that ridiculous theory that "nice guys" are insecure and finish last, and that's the "cocky, confident" *******s are happier and get the girls they want? I bet that's why you're acting this way now. You really are just a dime a dozen-- your attitude is "down with one and onto the next", right? Good luck becoming the next PUA. (No, that's not a compliment.)

Edited May 20, 2013 by SingOutLoud

May 21, 2013

Why You’re a Horrible Person
From the beginning, you lied to me. You claim that you didn’t leave me for someone else, but you did. The time frame that it happened in suggests that you had an interest in him well before you broke up with me. Emotionally you were already cheating on me, just because it wasn’t physical doesn’t mean it wasn’t unfaithful. As if that wasn’t enough, when we first broke up you wanted to remain friends. This is incredibly selfish of you. I was obviously still in love with you, how do you expect a friendship to work with that. You think that offering to be friends makes you seem less horrible. “If I stay friends with him then I can’t be that mean, right? And if we stay friends then he can’t be that upset.” You only offered friendship to make yourself feel better; you didn’t care at all about my feelings.

Not only did you want to remain friends, but you also wanted to remain living together at first. This is absolutely disgusting. You were planning to keep me as a friend and continue living together all the while you were seeing someone else behind my back. This fact alone shoots you to the top of my list of horrible individuals. Do you know what kind of emotional torture you put me through? First, as much as you disagree, you never gave me a good reason for any of it. You simply said, “I changed.” I had to watch you leave in the middle of the night and not come back; did you really think I wouldn’t know what was going on? I asked if there was someone else, of course you lied and said it was a TA meeting. I don’t know what hurt worse, the lie itself, or what the lie was about.

Mind you, all of this took place before I knew for sure about the other guy, it was only suspicion. This was before any mean messages were sent, so you were just lying to and hurting someone who loved you and cared about you more than anyone on this planet. You hurt the person who deserved it the least. I was the one consistency in your life. You accuse me of badmouthing your dad but you were the biggest trash talker of all. How many times did you come to me complaining about him or your family? It seemed like every week you had something new to say about them. You are full of hypocrisy, and that behavior continues.

So I finally saw the exchange of messages with the other guy. I was brought to my knees, I was sick to my stomach. I didn’t want to believe that you, the person I trusted most and had by my side for over 4 years would do this to me. Even to this day it is surreal, to me, friends, and family. No one thought you would ever do anything like this. I composed myself and confronted you. Of course you had nothing to say. I wish I would have said more, asked more questions, I didn’t think that would be the last time I saw you. Do you remember the last hug I gave you? I came to your door and pretty much said goodbye. You didn’t care; you were already involved with someone else.

So I left, and I realized I still had a lot of questions, questions that you ignored. I got angry, I sent nasty messages, not to provoke you, but I figured I had nothing to lose because you already weren’t talking to me. ANYONE in my position would have sent those messages, yet you act like you’re an innocent doe being verbally abused, you seem to forget that you caused ALL OF THIS. So yes, I continued sending messages because I continued receiving no answers. No honest apologies, no admission of guilt, you never said that you screwed up.

So now you started making me the villain, cried wolf and threatened to involve the police. Are you that delusional? You really don’t realize that you are the one who screwed up? The fact is that you are selfish, you couldn’t take responsibility for your actions and you were willing to do anything to cover your ass. You have now made yourself more horrible. This pattern continued for quite some time, all the while you are STILL with this other *******. Now people say to be, how do you know he’s an *******? It’s quite simple really. He knows that he was the “other guy”. Any man who is ok with that is disgusting. So I feel fairly comfortable calling him an *******. He is also quite stupid; does he know realize that you could do the same thing to him that you did to me? Have fun with that. Everyone knows you are only with him to distract yourself from what you did.

Now I personally believe you’re probably sleeping with him. Is that horrible act #3 or #4? I lost count. 4 years, no sex. That should explain enough but I’ll spell it out for you. How many guys out there are willing to wait like I waited? Probably very few. I wanted sex, you claimed you wanted it but were never in the mood. Anytime I brought it up you got angry, so I couldn’t win. Here’s the icing on the cake though, you lied to Greg and told him I was the one who didn’t want it. I loved you, I thought you were beautiful, you were special to me and I deserved to have you. Now you’re probably just another notch on this guy’s belt and it breaks my heart. The fact that you remain with him just adds further insult to what you have done to me.

You lost Greg; you probably resent me for it because in your mind you think it’s my fault. I didn’t tell Greg to do anything. He did it all on his own based solely on what you did. If you want to blame anybody, blame yourself. Here’s the fun part, you still try to contact him. You say you really need him and get upset that he won’t respond. Here’s that hypocrisy again, you want him to talk to you, yet you never talked to me. Do you really fail to see that? That’s right, you don’t see much of anything since you distract yourself with clubs and drinking. That definitely seems like the smart thing to do. In case you haven’t figured it out on your own, this life won’t last forever. This guy will disappear soon and so will your friends. By the way any friends who support you in this either don’t know everything or simply put are too stupid for me to bother with. So you aren’t in school, I don’t think you’re doing any schooling next year, you aren’t working, and you don’t have a job to come back to at home (yeah I know about the vet clinic). Things will fall apart, and then you’ll have to deal with the reality of what you did. You think the grass is greener on the other side, I’m sorry to say that it’s rarely true. Right now you’re still in the honeymoon phase, everything is new and exciting; that’ll wear off eventually.

You say that you left me because I wasn’t caring enough. We both know that’s a lie. That issue came up all the time and I made the effort to address it. I even offered for us to go to couples counseling but you said no. You didn’t want to try. What happened to us was normal, we got comfortable, but I was willing to work to fix it whereas you just gave up. As much as you don’t want to, as much as you think I’ve just become an *******, you know that I was a great guy, and that while we were together we got along so well and loved being together for several years. We always talked about marriage and having an awesome family, you brought me to meet your family. Why would you do all this if you were going to leave me? That’s just one of several unanswered questions I have.

You know that we were perfect for each other, but you lost it. You made a mess of everything and I hate you for it. I fantasize about being with you again, but deep down I know it can never happen, I could never trust you again. Every time I touched you I would know that someone else had been there, touched you the way I was touching you, it makes me sick. You are by all means a monster, a monster that I miss dearly. I hate that you’re “happy” without me. I hate that you don’t care about what you did. You’ve changed so much for the worse. There was a better life out there for you, here with me. How could you do this to someone you said you cared about? You can preach and say that I’m immature and lack self-control but it would be more hypocrisy. It was your immaturity and lack of self-control that caused all of this. You are undeniably the most horrible person I know, let that sink in. You lost something special.

Bravo to you sir! You will realize down the road that this breakup was the best thing to ever happen and a guy like you will get what you deserve, someone who understands who you are and appreciates all you offer! Wish you all the best and letting you know that you aren't the only one to face such a selfish ex partner in your life

May 21, 2013

B:

I want to walk through the door and lift you in my arms, put you in my car, pick up the baby and bring you home. I want to walk in, and save you. Save you from yourself. Save you the disgrace of what you are doing even though you believe it is doing what is necessary to take care of you and the baby. It can't be better than being with me. It can't be a better life just because you have some money to throw at your hair and clothes. It can't be better because you aren't in school and you are not heading on that path to get a career and I want you to have that. So I picture in my mind what your reaction would be to me lifting you out of that place. I think how crazy you must think I would be. That I've lost some screw in my head that kept things together. But I loved you so much. I was willing to spend the rest of my life with you and I bought you that ring as a sign to show you my dedication. But what you are doing now is detroying what you were when we met. In fact, it might already be destroyed. I want the girl back that I fell for. Because she was perfect for me and I love that little girl still so very much. But I can't save you if you do not want to be saved. It would do no good. I'm sorry. I want to so badly.

May 21, 2013

why why why why why why why did you send that??

do u think am a whore do u think what i shared with you i do it with everyone else?

I loved you unconditionally, despite everything.

what guy are you talking about?????

what younger brother and younger sister??????????

why don't you want to face me and tell me what you have in mind!!!!!!!!!!

am not a liar or faker. i was 100% real with you, everything i shared with was 100% real. i never badmouthed about you infront of anyone. i loved you with all my heart!!!!!!!!!! since you came into my life, there is only one man that is you.

i trusted you and i talked about my past with you, and now you are using it against me????? i loved that man when i was too young and got over that story many years ago !!!!!

do you think i didnt wait for you to come back??

every time i try to just love you, you would just tell me 'no girl dont be serious' or 'this is not right'

I know i should have done things better, but i was loyal to you, loved you and trust you so much that i tried to open up about my family, but what happened the next day??????? you became serious again, and i regret everything i said about my siblings and about my therapy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

why rishan why.

I brought up two kids who are not my own and you calling me lazy, immature, irresponsible????

i shared my interests with, my dreams, my goals, and very little about my family and you felt i wasn't good for you...and now am the bad one what if i told you everything would you have left immediately? is my face the only plus point rishan? i thought you loved me for who am.........

I have always loved you, and still love you, but am hurting so much. this can't be you....

May 21, 2013

4days no contact....... my belly feels weak, going through the motions my heart hurts but i know this was in our cards... im enjoying the support of great friends, amazing family, prayer and God!!!! i need this time for myself so i'll be ready to love again.. and im excited for the day to come again Xo's

May 21, 2013

Every day, I still cling on to that false string of hope that you will one day return. I still can't bring myself to accept what has happened between us. I wish that I could contact you without hesitation, and somehow (by the grace of God) things would start falling into place again. Somehow, things would be fixed.

But alas, there are too many broken pieces of myself that I have to pick up and patch on my own. I have too many burdens, unsolved conflicts, hangups, and past ghosts. If only there was a foolproof way that I could escape all of this pain, and if only death didn't appear as pleasurable as it does to me now.

Even despite all of the bad times, you've been so good to me during one of my darkest phases. Unfortunately, this current phase in my life is one of my darkest yet. And yet... you've moved on. Treating me as if I'm some insignificant, regular person, and showing that you have better things in mind.... than me. It hurts to think about it, so I try to distract myself. Of course, these panging feelings come back to haunt me at night, and I end up torturing myself.

Do you think I'm being overdramatic? You're probably trying to block me out for the purpose of your survival. Not only that, but you've categorized me as a crazy villian and invalidated my experiences in order to move forward. I could also wish for you to, somehow, see this post, in addition to my two previous posts in this thread, but what good will that do? You'll just shrug your shoulders, say "That's a shame." and move on. You're completely detached from me, and it hurts. I know that I've made you feel this way alot during out relationship but.... does anyone really deserve this? You, once being a significant part of my life, one of my closest friends, and lover... just becoming like this? I hope that someday, you'll be able to see your intent for revenge and look at this situation for what is really is: adding salt to the open wound of a person who was once a huge part of your world.

I don't want to say goodbye, love. I don't want to forget. But I also don't want to make any more promises that I might not keep. I wish I had stronger willpower. You've lost sleep over me in the past.... well, lately, I've been screaming in pain over you. And shedding hot tears. And losing weight and appetite. And losing hair. Are you happy about this? Have you really become that cruel? I would never wish such misfortune on you! Are you gonna tell me to just "get over it" and that I'm "causing unnecessary/undue pain" on myself?! Were you NOT once my beloved friend, lover, and confidante?!

You know, I wish that things didn't turn out the way they turned out right now. I wish that we could easily get together, enjoy some bubble tea on this sunny day, and just indulge in all of the happy things about what us. But now.... you're thinking of doing those activities with someone else, aren't you? Honey... as aloof as I was in the past, as much as I easily coped with spending time without you in the past, and as likely I was to get past this relationship faster than you.... despite my nature and history, I still love you. I've never stopped thinking about you. You have always been, and still are in my memory, my only sunshine.

May 21, 2013

I work. I take care of two orphan kids, and my ill mother. I'm a good Designer, and a great painter - I'm not a perfect person, but not a selfish, user, or attention seeker..

You think my father is great? Do you want me to send you files of his strategies/tactics so you can apply it on your kids?

I don't mind, but I don't wish your kids or anyone's elses kids to go through such injustice.

If you want to talk to me directly, I'm up for it. Indirect talks ain't my thing. I let my emotions take over, but there was never any evil plans or intentions. So sad that you think I want you back because I saw you happy without me, where the truth is I will be happy for you "and so sad that am not the one sharing this happiness with you" - But never would want you to fail, or relapse..

May 21, 2013

I am so pissed that I broke my 10 days of NC because I'm weak! I barely knew you, yet it's like you have me under some sort of spell. You know what, I'm not even sure I like you as a person. I just like the idea of you, but it sucks that that idea will only be a fantasy, because you didn't even give us a chance.

I really hope that I will eventually be able to get over you once and for all, because this isn't healthy. It isn't okay to be pining after someone's affection, someone's friendship, and someone's touch when they couldn't care less about you. You're a disgusting person and I really feel bad for the next girl and the next girl, and the girl after that who will have to deal with your mean spirited, emotionless ass!

FU!

May 21, 2013

You often post saying things that don't necessarily reflect what you wish for in reality (I don't mean that in a bad way), and I got stung by that a few months ago, which is why I am so afraid to say this now, but I will, once, and have done with it. I do want you back; but only if that is what you really want and need. The last thing I want is to hurt someone else unnecessarily.

I was poised to walk away because I believed that you had moved on. If it's really and truly not the case, please let me know.

I would someday need to know - for my own peace of mind, and because I worry about you - that you are finding ways to cope with the things you struggle with. This is in the eventuality that there would be something between us that there is not now.

I don't have any hope, but I had to say it one last time.

Edited May 21, 2013 by Maple Syrup
spelling

May 21, 2013

I know we have a history. I know we ****ed up. I gave you 5 separate chances.. why is it so hard for you to give me one too? I know you've given me plenty of chances before too. But we were both in the wrong for so long and I wronged you and I know. I'm sorry, please, please forgive me and let's work on this... give us both the chance to treat each other better..

May 21, 2013

:love:

May 22, 2013

Was doing fine last night and then the confusion came back today. When we last spoke was there something on your mind that you wanted to know? If I could ask one question right now that would be it. If you could only see what I said last night you would know how I feel. I'm afraid to say too much though because there's always a vast difference between this world and that one. Okay, I'm going to say it. I always wanted to just grab you and tell you how I feel, but I was too afraid I would get slapped back to a hard cold reality and be completely rejected by you like before. This whole thing has been very painful and I've been extremely sad. I would have been happy to provide give and take, but it was impossible under those conditions. I can't and won't go back to that no matter how much I'm hurting right now.

I have so much running through my mind right now and it's sooo hard! I don't know what the reality was and feel like a fool for allowing myself to have feelings for you. I couldn't help it though. I want to talk to you, yet I know if it is simply a new spin on the same story, I can't. I just can't. I don't even know how you feel about me and if your actions were the reality. I feel stupid for even asking that! Actions speak the truth.

I have to run. If you were here this is what I would say to you.

May 22, 2013

If I could have one last conversation with you..

You'd be asking for me back because don't lie, everyone's been saying that you miss me.

Oh, so the girl you left me for didn't work out huh? I mean you dated her a week after we broke up, she's two years younger than me, is transparently pale (which does NOT work on her) and baby didn't you always say how you loved my big blue eyes? Her eyes are brown.

And what did they mean "things didn't work out"? Did she realize that she'd be a rebound? Were you not good enough for her? Maybe you should have thought about the fact that she might not pick you right up after you tossed me aside. You barely dated her a week, and now you have no one - and don't think we haven't all noticed you're wearing the same sweatshirt everyday that i sprayed with my perfume before returning to you.

And I trusted you. When I told you about my abusive ex, these were your exact words: "I promise I'll never hurt you." Yeah, what a lie. Guess you got tired of this beat up heart and thought hell, it's been broken before, it won't mind a few more scratches. But you didn't take one thing into consideration - I loved you. I don't care if you never did but I DID. Past tense.

You're done. All I love are the memories and that's all you'll ever be to me. You don't treat human beings like that. You don't dump her two days after your birthday (yeah, don't think I didn't notice) and when she offers to be friends don't agree and then give her death glares whenever you see her. Don't let your friends to call me by your last name like we're still together.

It's been a month. You know you ****ed up by now and yet you still refuse to give in and apologize for treating me like ****. You're a spineless, shallow, self-centered boy, not yet ready for a woman.

But tell your family I miss them, especially your mom, she was the sweetest. I really loved them too.

But your chance is long gone with me, so move on. Sorry about your failed relationship with that other girl - guess you realized she can't give you what I gave you. She could never love you like I loved you. You will find someone someday, but nothing will totally replace me, your first girlfriend, in your heart.

Oh, and if you think the reason I'm not with anyone is because I can't get a guy, you're wrong. 3 guys have asked me out already honey I just want to wait until a real man who wants me for me comes along, and until then I'm enjoying being single.

Thanks to your a**hole move, I've been bettering myself - working out, being more friendly with boys, getting a little tanner, and being more self-confident. That's all I can thank you for. That, and the memories. I hope you've learned something from this relationship. Goodbye. *walk away*

May 22, 2013

I wish you'd know just how amazing he is with me, how he travels 5 hours just to see me... how he stares at me when I'm describing stupid things as if it was something interesting, how he genuinely encourages me to focus and finish assignments and seems confused and maybe disappointed when I can't, and he's lovely and so handsome and turns me on just by smiling at me. He's this positive light in my life, finally.. and yet he's not you, I hate myself so much for not being able to just fall in love with him, for thinking of you all the time.. you, of all people, the only person that always made me feel stupid for studying too hard, intellectually inferior for not liking art, financially inferior too for not being able to afford 'quality' clothes like you, the only person I know that went through drugs... I know I know just how bad you are but I can't get you out of my heart, I'd do anything to do it, I could see through all the junk.. I could see your love, your innocence, your dreams, my best friend... why does this hurt so bad?. I know you wonder why I blocked you everywhere, knowing you I'm sure you think it has anything to do with my previous attempts to break up, you must have convinced yourself by now that I really wanted you out... I never did, I couldn't bare your treatment, our tense conversations after what happened, your coldness, your lies... I know you lied to me because you knew that if you told me I'd walk away, but lying to me pushed me away anyways. It's just so over, and it hurts, it hurts so much... I miss you, all my struggles would go away if you'd just come and put your arms around me.. but that memory is tainted too now, I will never be able to talk to you again, or forgive you, or forget... you made it so nasty at the end, I can't just let time do its work because it's never going to be just about it, I really hope I have the strength to always keep present the way you're capable of hurting me.

May 22, 2013

Ugh. I will be sooo glad when I'm past this phase! How I'm feeing changes every moment like....

WTH?! Sooo irritating.

Edited May 22, 2013 by avelonia2013

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