Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[mbhuens1]

My story is a bit confusing, but here it goes. I was in a great relationship for 17 years. The last 2 years deteriorated to the point where we didn't see each other for weeks, either working or staying with friends and family. During this time, I met another woman, who was single and we became good friends. As my relationship crumbled, this woman and I embarked on a relationship. To make it more complicated, my job took me from Los Angeles to Miami, so we began a long distance relationship in March of last year. We visited each other and I came for Thanksgiving. We were in love, or so I thought. After Thanksgiving, she announced that she was not in love and not happy and that we were done. I went back to Miami and licked my wounds. We didn't talk for a few weeks and then we began talking. Finally on New Year's Day, she said, we shouldn't talk anymore. We didn't, then in Feb, right before my birthday, she called me and we began talking again. As luck would have it, my job was moving back to Los Angeles in April, and I thought that (since I was still in love with her) might help her to see if we could make a go of it. She thought I was crowding her and we then stopped talking again. We've texted a few times and plan to meet 'as friends' for dinner in a few days. Here's my challenge: I do love her and I do understand that the start of my relationship with her was not easy on her, nor was my moving to Miami. But I can't get her out of my mind. She and I met hiking and we love that and we both run and we love movies. We both like good food and wine and she's just a very good person. I don't want to put the weight of the world on this dinner or freak her out with too much information, so I'm trying to stay relaxed and just not think too much about it.

[youngnlove89]

Dear ___,

 

I had a really nice time with you, it was good seeing you and you know I will always care for you. I love you deeply. I stand firm when I say I do need some time away from you because my thoughts and feelings on us have not changed. This “thing” we have going on is emotionally tangling and messy. Your indecisiveness about commitment has hurt me and I really feel like it is selfish and inconsiderate of you to keep dragging me along while you try to figure out what it is you want, me or something else.

 

Soon you’ll be buying a house, you have a great career and you go on tons of trips with your friends. I look at your future and I don’t see me in it. You have all this talk about your future and your big plans, but nowhere am I mentioned. I am on the side rooting you on while you race towards the finish line to success, when instead you should want me running next to you, together.

 

I won’t be your scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings anymore, and neither can any other girl. The problems you have with me will be the same problems you have with someone else. This issue stems deep within your childhood and is way more advanced than you can bare to burden. It hurts me to see you like this.

 

I could write a more extravagant-detailed letter about all the things you didn’t do right, but you know this. You never invited me on your trips, such as: camping, Vegas, tube float, cruise, Sedona, Flagstaff etc., how you would not even commit to being my boyfriend (which makes me think that you want to be with someone else). How you stopped buying me flowers, never bought me a single present, a card on my birthday, how you can’t look at me and say, “you are the one and I don’t want to be with anybody else”, and how you don’t want to be in a relationship that prospers into something more.

 

I already know the answer and I do not want you to mistake last night for me back peddling.

 

I appreciate you explaining to me why you are the way you are and I believe you come by the issues you have honestly. Due to your issues, you are broken and you do not have much to offer or give which is why you were not very good to me or for me. The only reason I allowed this to go on for so long was because I cared about you and loved you. I see the good in you, what you have to offer, how great things could be and I waited patiently, I hoped and I prayed that you would address, work on and fix the issues that were preventing you from being the man you can be and us having the relationship that I wanted.

 

I made the decision to walk away from you / us because you have disappointed and hurt me for the last time. I am no longer willing to put you and your issues above what I want and need. I am not going to neglect my feelings, my needs and my happiness any longer.

 

If you ever hope to have a chance with me again you are going to need to be able to explain to me what your issues are, how you went about addressing them, what steps / actions you have taken and what steps / actions you will take in the future to make sure I am never faced with them again. Unless you can / do those things, I will not have any sort of relationship with you.

 

I believe in you. I sincerely think you can overcome this, but you have to want it first. You have acknowledged the issue, now you need to address it. Sure you can blame the last 28 years on your childhood. However, the next 50 years are on you. Do you want to be lonely for the rest of your life or do you want to be with someone who cares for you, loves you and believes in you?

 

You have a choice, choose wisely.

Edited May 1, 2013 by youngnlove89

[eachcomingnight]

Two things -

1. I feel awful in the aftermath of speaking to you (as everyone said I would).

2. I don't regret it.

 

I felt I had to go through this. In a way it has taken away some of the mystery (which is of course part of what makes NC so hard). But, no surprise, I do feel like I have lost some of my control and my resolve.

 

Meh. I really just want you to realize that you've made a mistake and that you want me back.

[lop98]

You played our song to her! wow... you really know no ****ing emotional boundaries. You probably can't even tell people apart. You probably even play to her the songs I sent to you. Hats off at your degree of shamelessness and cheapness. I wish nothing but the worst for you and what hurts is that you'll do great, because the world is made out of social climber trash like you two.

 

I would've never done that with this guy I'm seeing. You're truly messed up. What a major mistake it was letting you in... I will always regret that night when I decided to just go for it and express and let grow what was there in small amounts. I was so stupid.

[CaliforniaGirl80]

I have no words for you. You really have no ****ing clue. It is really strange to hear someone being so clueless. But you still have the ability to bring me to tears. I hate it. I hate your pity. You keep saying the same over and over and over again. And I keep listening, over and over and over again. Just stop talking you ****ing idiot. Just contact your ex of 4! years and leave me ALONE! It can't be that hard. If everything was such a fairytale she will surely appreciate prince charming contacting her. Just do it. You will be dissapointed but I can't wait for that moment to come. Not because I want to see you hurting but because you're a fool for making up a dream and you need a wake up call. When you are awake I can finally breath KNOWING what I already know. It is all you, it was all in your head and there is nothing wrong with me.

[bohica]

YOU DON'T DESERVE ME OR MY FRIENDSHIP!!! I DESERVE TO BE TREATED MUCH BETTER THEN YOU TREATED ME AND NEED A WOMEN WHO WILL APPRECIATE ME AND LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM!!! SOMEONE WILLING TO MAKE COMPROMISE, CONCESSIONS AND SHOW ME THEY WANT ME IN THERE LIFE!!!

 

AAAAARRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

BOOOOO-YAHHHHHH

 

I feel better already....

[intigo]

Im sick and you are my disease. This situation is really wrong, you have really no idea what have you done to me, you dont know that i cant eat i cant sleep and all day i think about you and him together.You said you love me and 4 days later i learn you date another guy how could you? You can move on its your right but DONT tell me you love me dont tell me it hurts, you dont know what pain is you dont know what love is, I have panic attacks daily im falling apart. I want to call you to tell you im in pain but i wont. Only you do this calling and saying you are in pain no you are not you are happy with someone else if you loved me we would be talking about it you rushed so quickly to another guy. I truely still love you but i dont know what to feel anymore. I disqust myself because i have all these feelings for you. I wish i could just dissapear from this planet. You told your friend you cant be with me because you are afraid that i will hurt you is this the truth or another lie?I cant stand this you dragged me along for two months why? why did you do all these things? You broke me you ****ed me up really good noone can help me i cant even help myself. I wish you would call one last time to say everything you said was true and either say goodbye or lets try this again. I still hope that one day we will sleep again together maybe im just a fool.I have nothing to prove to you little bitch i still love you and i ****ing hate myself for this.

 

The more you suffer

The more it shows you really care

 

The offspring-self esteem

[eachcomingnight]

Changed my mind. Regret it now but won't beat myself up for it.

 

I "understand" but I don't.

 

I still think you're screwing up.

 

I wish I could press "fast forward" and you could see it for yourself.

 

But what do I know?

[ChazzB]

why couldnt you see it... we had all this potential, to be this great, revolutionary thing. to me you were the one that deserved my love, it made me happy loving you. i know i failed, i told you a thousand times. I'm not perfect. i am still growing in every area. you are too. but i wanted us to grow together, to bond as we grew, to learn from, and for, each other. we had it all, and we had everything else ahead of us, just with some patience and communication.

 

**** is destroyed and irrepairable right now. i can't deal with the idea of what has happened and be with you anymore. and you don't even want to. but hell, i still love you so much, you are still part of me.to me you still feel like my wifey, or at least the memory of you because you are not the same person anymore.

 

how could you change that much in so little time? why would you go to another place, and did not take me with you?

 

i miss you so much...

[SimonSerenade]

"I don't find you sexually attractive anymore" "I love you, I'm not sure I'm in love with you" "I'm not ready for a relationship"

 

Ptffff you make things hard for yourself, stupid *******.

[shiver23]

I really miss you, and I think we could work things out. I love you so much... *sighs* god that felt weird to do, but it might help...

[CaliforniaGirl80]

Disgusted again while thinking about all you've said about a thousand different things. I still have this huge urge to confront you even though we've had way too many confrontations as it is but I feel there's always stuff I haven't said. I want to say them so you know that YOU are the screw up. Not me! Stop making me feel crazy. You are projecting your own bull**** on me. Thinking about how you were crying to your ex to take you back. Disgusted. Disgusted. Disgusted. Just leave me alone. You don't understand you already ruined me. Let me be ruined in peace.

[grayfox]

Dear ex,

 

I dont regret us splitting up or the fact that you started seeing someone a month after we split or that he met he kids a week after u started seeing him. I just think your f***ing nieve and stupid. Hes buying your love and working himself into what was MY FAMILY! He will burn you when you least expect it. Talking about marriage n babies within the first two weeks. Im sorry but you have lost your mind and my respect for you. You may have walked all over me and it does hurt everyday. Your nothing to me now. You think I care and that I want you back..... yes I do still love you but I would never have a silly little child like you back. You never learnt from the mistakes you made when we was together. Im always going to be a part of my childrens lives but you can disappear from my mind and my heart.

 

Time will make me strong. You have thrown away a diamond.

[SimonSerenade]

Well it's been almost a week since I last spoke to you, mostly I've been okay I geuss, today hasn't been great though, I just can't believe we were doing so well, felt like we had made a fresh start then you just totally disregarded my feelings and did whatever you wanted, I thought for once you might of changed that side of you but I don't think you ever will, the way you act after you've done something wrong always surprises me, somehow you turn it on me and act so cold and horrible, this time you took it too far and said too much.

 

I'll never be able to forget that you said you weren't in love with me anymore and weren't sexually attracted to me, you said it was the truth, truth still hurts and needs to be worded differently with things like this, saying it outright like that is just cruel.

 

I don't know how your coping right now, I don't want to know, in fact I never want to know because a part of me already knows you don't care or feel a thing, you fooled me, I forgave you for so much and did so much for you, even bought you a nice new ipad only for you to dump my ass 2 weeks later, I geuss that's just one of life's really cruel lessons, follow your feelings and never neglect your instincts because more than half of the time there on the money, your selfish and don't give a rats ass about anyone, nothing more than a spoiled brat, you'll never have another chance to lie to me, you will never ever lead me on ever again, I hate you so much, just don't know how something so evil can come in such a cute package, I feel sorry for the next guy who falls for you, he's going to wind up the exact same way, extremely frustrated and upset at your lack of heart and emotion and willingness to screw people over, go back to hell, you belong there.

[SimonSerenade]

Well I finally heard from you, hardly the kind of conversation I wanted to have with you, I still don't know how you feel or what you want, one minute you think it's best that it ends, the next your not sure then your back to being vile and cruel and I still can't help but think you've done this to yourself, maybe you just feel you can take advantage of my feelings for you and do things on your own terms, I really wish you hadn't even bothered to ring, took you long enough yeah but if that's the result then I'd of been better off never hearing from you again and drawing my own conclusion, it was evil to keep me up this late either way, I'll never understand how you can make a mistake and make it my fault, that has always baffled me, I think you'll always do what you want regardless of how anybody else feels, I don't know why I stand by you, I'd say its love but that would only mean you take advantage of that love and desperation I feel for you, at least I know what I mean to you now and that's absolutely nothing, geuss I'm just gonna have to deal with it and step back from now on, I don't think I would ever feel right with anyone else but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy my own company, I can't live in hope and I can't think of you with others, if you can live without me and love again then I have to accept that and accept it was real for me if for nobody else, I gave it my all and I feel like a hero for that much, I wonder how you feel when you realise you have it nothing and let the best thing you ever had go without a fight.

[grayfox]

Even thou we talk everyday. Its mundane talk about when im picking or dropping our daughter off. You think your life is perfect now your with mr dream man. I just feel that its so wrong, placing him so high on a pedestal. Your not seeing that he is buying your affection. Your blinded by it. Im not bitter or annoyed by it. I just think your been nieve and stupid. No mindgames or telling you now. Im leaving you to make your own mistakes now. Even if it hurt me. I know you don't think it will happen. It will come round when u least expect it. He knows what he is doing and your making the same mistakes you made before but this time it isnt behind my back. Good luck to you. I hope your life is going to plan and doesnt fall within the next 6 months like I see it doing. I just needed to say this as you wouldnt listen to me, im not protecting you anymore. Im sorry. I cant do it. I would rather have you hate me then be nice and act like we was nothing!

[CaliforniaGirl80]

I can't believe how much I hate you right now. I have so much anger built up inside me. I want this to be over, like yesterday. You are so mean. I wish I was cruel like all the other girls and left your ass years ago. I am not what I've become. Go on and **** off you jerk.

That silly girl you're obsessing about is homely looking and boring. You're obsessed. You don't like to feel rejected. That is why you're still insanely obsessed with her. Well be obsessed. Just don't involve me ANY LONGER!

[Harradin]

When you appeared in my life, it seemed to be incredible timing and I genuinely thought we'd be together for an incredibly long time as we had amazing chemistry and we got on so well, I have never met anyone like you.

 

I find it sad that we only lasted 2 and a half months (and don't forget how intensive it was in the short period of time) and 7 and a half months on from that, there was no reconciling, and we haven't spoken to each other over 6 months.

 

We both were each other's first boyfriend/girlfriend, we used to be so anti cheating and so in love and you used to tell me how you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me, yet now you cheat and jump from boyfriend to boyfriend because you're so insecure in yourself you need to feel approved.

 

For some strange reason I still have the idea that you still love me, but I'm past it, I could never take you back judging by what you've done. I probably will always love you, but don't forget you are the only culprit.

 

I just don't understand how something so amazing, perfect and meant to be, could turn so awful.

[SimonSerenade]

I have no idea where I stand with you right now, your making it so hard, feels like I'm not allowed to be myself and have faults anymore, I'm only human after all, you expect way too much of me, I only expect you to be the girlfriend you should of been from the start, you make so many simple things so hard, knowing you can't open up and be romantic is an absolute killer, nobody wants an insensitive girlfriend, yet I always stood by you and hoped one day you would think of me for a change and show me that you feel the same way I feel for you, it's starting to feel like that day will never come, there's just no sense or urgency on your end to keep me around or make things right when you've done wrong, once you've rid yourself of me all promises made are void, meaning my feelings are of no value to you, you can't expect me to fully trust you when your fickle like that, your words mean nothing when you actions speak otherwise, I wish i was stronger, nobody should have to deal with this, I want to trust what you say but if you can't take that seriously then you can't expect me to either, you got me wrapped around your finger and its all on your terms, doesn't matter how I feel, you'll do whatever you want regardless, you need to grow up and learn some compassion, you want my trust? Earn it because its not going to be given otherwise anymore, you don't deserve it as it stands, a promise is a sacred bond, one you will never know the value of. I deserve honesty, respect and understanding, hopefully one day i will have that, kind of messed up how I have to hope for that.

[shiver23]

I miss you...why do you have to seem so suited to me? All we were missing was timing. Everything else was right, you said so yourself. I love you. Please say you'll come back to me. I'll focus on myself in meantime. I just want you waiting for me....

[SimonSerenade]

I love you, I miss you, I can't see my life without you, I only wish you'd feel the same, I'd always stand by you and no matter what I'd never stop loving you an wanting to be close to you, you are my world and always have been since the day I first saw you, hearing your doubts and loss of feelings for me is destroying me, I hope we can make this work, just like I always have been, I'm right there by your side, please don't take that for granted or take advantage of it anymore, I'm doing my best and giving my all, underneath all the problems I just want you to show me you need me and couldn't bare to be without me, I've never wanted anything more, I just want to matter and be a priority for you, I would be happy and sleep well at night just knowing that, being your first for everything has meant the world to me and I want to be your last for all of that too, right now, I'm frightened and insecure, wondering hen your going to drop me again, I just want you to comfort me and tell me I'm everything and you couldn't be without me, as it stands I'm going to bed knowing nothing at all, I can only dream of the day all my sreams come true, I just want you all to myself, I want a simple life, no games, no messing around, no Facebook or any meaningless crap like that, just me, you and a bright future, that should be all that matters, you can have all the gadgets and superficial things in the world at your disposal but it won't fill the void of the love we have for eachother.

[d0620]

What was I thinking? I am never going to allow myself settle for such a small piece of a relationship. I am not your booty call, where you take me out to dinner two maybe three times a week ---- me and then it all repeats itself. I am better than that. I am blocking you from my phone and my life, I have given you too much already. You are too busy but you find time to take other women to baseball games and I see a car at your house late at night. Yeah de ja vu, I don't want any parts of it anymore. I have sacrificed my previous relationship hoping you would come around and now I am sacrificing my current relationship because you decided to come back and forth at your own conveinance. You don't have that right and you have not earned it. I am taking it back.

 

Today starts my Day 1 of NC, you don't deserve to know my feelings. 9 Days since I have last saw you. I am leaving...

[SimonSerenade]

That was the hardest thing I have ever had to say to you, sometimes the simpler things to say are always the hardest, there was no way I could keep you with me knowing your unhappy and don't want that, regardless what you think I'm not that selfish, this is going to kill me inside and it's gonna take something special inside me to find a place where I can move on but I won't bother you with it, I'll stay out of your way, I won't call you, I won't be on Facebook, I won't even go into your work even though its the local supermarket, I don't know how you'll cope, I don't know if there's a somewhere deep inside you that'll kill you too but either way I promise I'll make it simple and easy for you to move on, despite things going wrong I would never have wished for this outcome, all the good things always weighed out the bad, just laying next to you and looking in your eyes made everything worth while, nobody will ever measure up to how we were when we got close to each other and I don't think I'll ever give someone the chance to anyway, I love you, I'm sorry for whatever reason it didn't work out, I hope now you can find the happiness you need.

[Rudyruude]

Happy birthday.....hope he treats you like gold the way I did.

 

It's been almost a year now...she left me for another dude (which i found out after the fact cuz she didnt have the guts to tell me and had to make up a load of BS when she dumped me) just after her birthday last year. Haven't spoken to her for close to 10 months...not even a text, email or anything. I had the urge today to text her and wish her a happy birthday cuz I have a heart and thought its just a nice thing to do...but then I remembered the kind of person she was (when she left)and how i didnt hear a peep from her on my birthday so **** her. 10 months strong and im not about to give that up for such a horrible person. I have been doing pretty well, wasn't thinking about her too much, getting out and meeting new ppl but my wonderful friiends had to remindme it was her birthday today (although i knew it was her birthday anyways) so naturally shes been running through my head all day. But like I said...not worth it...so here it is:

 

Happy birthday ya dumb **** hope ur happier now with ur deadbeat drug addict boyfriend and dont worry...itll be a cold day in hell the next time i come to any event centered around you. Good luck.

[maturityassets]

Hey R

 

I miss you. And I can't get passed it all. Can't believe you left me. i wish I never called your best friend after I was jealous about you sleeping with the guy who you cut out of your life for me in our relationship. I know it was after our break up, but you played with my feelings so much. You didn't know what you want. You kept toying with my heart because you wanted to see if we could spark and at the same time you were jealous that I was trying to date others. I know calling your best friend killed any hope even for you that when you would be ready you would return. It hurts. I only called because I was in disbelief that you would do that to me, I had to hear it from some one else.

 

I never cared for someone like I cared for you. I should be doing my work for class and studying for finals. And I should be happy with E now. But you were my "picket fence". I miss missing you now and then. I know we hurt each other at the end. I know you apologized as did I. Doesn't take back anything that happened. But we did have an amazing relationship. We lost our virginity to each other, and you were comfortable being naked in front of me. Staring into your eyes just took away all my anxiety. You use to kiss me on the neck those nights and I knew you couldn't take yourself off me. Even though you had your flaws, I loved you and looked over them. You were lazy and hard headed. You got hypnotized by the tv whenever there was on, and you always forgot to call back when you said you would. We always traveled together and I did my best to be fun and spontaneous. You even said the last time we talked that I was the best boyfriend ever and that you learned so much about yourself being with me. I gave you so much initiative in your life. I convinced you to go back to college because it didn't make sense at your age not to. You're not even 20 yet! I helped you get your permit by going to the DMV with you, even though you only used it so you could get into clubs I was open to you going out with your friends to the club once a month because I trusted you. I wish you could have appreciated me a little more. That you could have understood what it all meant.

 

I cry right now knowing how much I cared and see it all squandered away. A first love that will never die, or at least it will take a long time. Wish I knew about this thread before so I didn't contact your friend. She is my friend too but she is your best friend. Sigh* We went through so much together. Your surgery, me waiting 8 months just to hang out because you were recovering and you were confused between me and that guy, meeting each others families, our families loved us, the argument we had because I was late because of my friends. The first time we were intimate. Me getting arrested right in the middle of finals for something my family didn't even do and because of a whacko cousin. You coming over my house and being amazed how big it was. We spent new years together even though you were sick as a dog. We kissed at midnight and it seemed like forever. We went to see "chicago" as your Christmas gift but soon after your grandfather passed away. I went to the awake and you were so happy to see me and everybody was amazed by how respectful I was and told you that you made an amazing choice. We got into a car accident but were ok. Shared valentines week together every night in bed and eventually we did it. And the memories go on and on. I'd give anything to be with you.

 

Sigh* It was you and me vs. the world in my car. But now your gone, and I have to move on. Talking to someone else on the phone is new, but she has the same reaction to my "soothing voice". I will never forget you and I hope you never forget me. Best of luck to your family. BYE! Till whenever we talk again as Friends.