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April 15, 2013

Brand new user.. I need to decompress.

We were never together but you made me feel like we had everything we could need between the two of us. I feel sick because of the fact that you LIVE in my brain. I can't kick the habit of you. I'm tired of losing sleep because I can only think about you. WHen I do finally get to sleep, I dream of you- all the things we said we would do, all the ways I thought you and I would look like together... Only to wake up in tears because although you promise ti try to "revisit this in the near future", I KNOW you will never grow the courage to do this. This.. this, what I've been waiting for years to take place. I never wanted any of this until you showed up again. I feel so much, and I tell you but you act like you feel NOTHING. Was this really nothing to you? I was banking on this. I felt so sure. So sure. I still can't believe how wrong I am. I don't want to let go but the more I hang out here thinking about how amazing you and I would be together makes me feel like I'm falling for you. UNACCEPTABLE. You don't deserve me to fall in love with you. At least not like this. It's not a one-way street. It's so difficult to tell myself not to call you, text you, e-mail you, because I want you to know everything I feel just in case I didn't make it clear before. But I know I have. It's not desperation, I just want you to know what I'm about. I need you to know that I really believe we would be fantastic together. You say you know, but it doesn't feel like it. Maybe it's my fault for not explaining that properly. But you allowed me to believe again for a while. Without you there, I can't and don't believe. The only glimmer of hope would be with you right now because your personality and the way you know me is what makes me feel like it's okay for me to be open and myself around someone. Around YOU. Thinking about you makes me dark when once not too long ago, it made me shine, smile and just so happy. Even hearing from you. But it's my fault for making you a priority when I was simply an option to you. The amount of times you said we were on the same page sold me. I was sure that you were sure. But I was wrong.

Nobody knows me like you. You don't know that. But now.. The question is.. should I wait for you since we can be so powerful together? Or is this heartache too much to put up with for a man?

April 15, 2013

So, tomorrow is your birthday. Will you be expecting a text or email from me, this little mug who I'm sure you think will still be there if ever you change your mind or feel in need of an ego boost? It really wouldn't surprise me, you are so incredibly arrogant. Or are you still with the one you started seeing days after getting out of bed with me? Do you have plans to spend your birthday with her, has she got you a carefully chosen card with lovingly written, thoughtful words and beautifully chosen and wrapped gifts, just like I did? I don't know and I don't want to.

Will you even give me a thought, however briefly, and wonder, when your phone beeps with a new message, whether it's from me? Will you remember your birthday 2 years ago when I gave you 'the best and most thoughtful gift, the nicest thing anyone's ever done' - the surprise holiday. You had no idea where we were going until we got there - I'd booked the best room in the most amazing place overlooking the bay, Champagne on ice, a birthday cake and gifts. You laughed when we walked into the room because it and the view were so fantastic. Anyone who saw us that week, walking along the beach hand in hand, gazing into each others eyes and generally behaving like newlyweds, would never for a second have thought that, only 2 months later, you'd have dumped me. How could your 'strong feelings' diminish so quickly?

I hope you do think of me tomorrow - it would hurt me to think you won't, to think that me, your fantasy of almost 3 years, now means so little or even nothing at all, that you wouldn't give me and your birthday holiday at least a brief thought. I know I shouldn't care but I do.

But no matter what, you won't hear from me tomorrow, or again. Almost 6 months strict NC, and I won't break it and you wouldn't allow yourself to, to let me back into your black and frozen heart, again. You're a robot who lives life by logic alone. I'm a loving person, complete with the human faults you couldn't forgive me for having, who is open to new experiences, is spontaneous and is capable of accepting people for who they are. I hope you're the one with regrets when we look back on our lives, for not having a more open heart and for not being able to accept me as a real person instead of the fantasy you'd built up in your head - life isn't like that, that's not real but my unconditional love for you was.

April 15, 2013

Here we go again. I am preparing for a storm cause I know you by now.

So I've come here so I will be the strong one. I won't give in. I will hear you out and act like I don't care. You will push my buttons. I won't give in. You will say things about your past love but I won't give in. If I wasn't hurting this much I would probably feel sad for you. Such a sad thing when you keep defending a woman who has left you a gazillion years ago and hasn't looked back. I needed you to do right by me. You ****ing NEVER did. I hope you will regret this with the power of a thousand suns. But I really, really, really, really want this to stop. You are not that all that. I was in a better place before I fell in love with you. A much better place. I want to go back to her. To me.

April 15, 2013

hey M

you know what? i wish i had never met you

but you also know what?

i`m going to be just fine without you in my life anymore. scrap that, i`m going to be a lot better without you in my life

took me so long to see that you are just toxic. flags were there from the start but i blanked them cos i loved you.

looking back now i`m not so sure if it was love or more pity

i pity you now, i have nothing left to give you, you`ve had enough , don`t you think?

your the 1 that needs help, not me, but then i`ve always said that

this song is for you

because you won`t EVER

i have been to the bottom of the well. now i`m on my back up to a better life without you

in the mean time.... you keep digging yourself even further down

as i`m on my way to the top, any loose bricks i find, i`ll send down to you

aM

April 15, 2013

^^ What that guy said! I feel exactly the same!

April 15, 2013

I gave you everything I had. I gave you all of my time and my thoughts. I even offered you my goddamn kidney!

But what did I get in return?

Depression

Social Anxiety

Panic attacks

Lack of sleep

Oh and I'm underweight

So yeah, thanks, love you too!

April 16, 2013

I gave you everything I had. I gave you all of my time and my thoughts. I even offered you my goddamn kidney!

But what did I get in return?
Depression
Social Anxiety
Panic attacks
Lack of sleep
Oh and I'm underweight

So yeah, thanks, love you too!

Damn.....sorry.

April 16, 2013

I'm really angry with you.

I trust our breakup reasons, I even respect them. But, why...OH WHY, did you wait until you KNEW how committed I was to you? How into you I was? WHY THE EFF, did you say the things you said over the final two weeks, making me be that much MORE into you?

I don't care how valid of a reason it was or how it was outside of the control of our relationship...I barely care how selfish it is for me to be mad. You killed my trust, you killed my desire for love, for anyone.

It'll be a long while until I find the strength to see anyone again. I'm not going to trust anyone when they tell me the things you told me, because a week later they could just "not have the time" anymore. Even though you truly don't, with school and L....

All the while, you're content living your life without me.

April 16, 2013

I hear you've done the same thing to the 'friend' as you did to me. Wonder what the new guy has? I'm actually surprised that you realised he was manipulating you by buying you lots of things. Can't believe he spent over £1000 on you, for you to leave him for someone else! So tempted to troll/rip the sh*t out of you and him but that'll bring me down to your level.

Oh and your car looks like you drove it through Halfords, and you've done all the things you told me you wouldn't do, funny how things change!

April 17, 2013

I hate your ****ing gut! I hate you ! I hate you! I hate you! How can you let me go like this. I Hate you! I really hate you! Oh god I love you............... I really do love you. You don't know how much I love you! I really love you. I m still in love with you. Why do I still love you?? Why! I hate your ****ing gut! I love you! I ****ing hate you........ I really do want to hate you........... I love you.........I think I will always do...............

April 17, 2013

Ashley we've been together for one year and I cherished every moment together. I know I've did many stupid and bad things but it was the best I could have done at that moment in time. I know I lost lots of money in the casino and I promised I would not go again. You changed after that. Our texts would be a few times a day and conversations short. But what I really wanted to say was that I felt betrayed after you promised me you will not talk to the friend I introduced to you. After I saw that text message I was devastated. I did not see anything else but I should have to get a complete closure. I asked you and you did not show me. You are hiding something. These so called fake, backstabbing, unreliable bastard "bros friends" are scumbag dirts with no morals. All of you made me felt like a fool and played. They will get whats coming for them. Karma's a bitch. I am heartbroken. worst cannot describe what I am going through right now. All I asked for was your loyalty and respect. I loved , I hate it's a ****load of emotions mixed together. I let you in a very vulnerable place in my heart and you left me. You left me. You left me alone. By myself. Those cruel sharp words you said to me pierced through my heart like a knife. How do you suppose you want me to be the one to contact you again? I will not contact you.I treated you like you were apart of my family. I dont understand how anyone can be so cruel and heartless. If you wanted a break give me some respect instead of playing these childish games. I want to forget about everything and move on. But I cant let go this moment. Maybe in the future. You will always have a place in my heart. At that moment in time...I really loved you. Its hard enough to survive in this cruel unforgiving materialistic world, and to have your close friends and lover betray you...how can I learn to trust again? You broke our bond. how can you let go so easily. But I know I will survive. The wounds would never really heal. just hidden inside and it becomes a part to defining who I am. I will have the courage and strength I need to survive because I've lived alone and by myself for 20+ years and I will learn to cope with it. Theres nothing more I can say or tell you. I've done everything I can. But I just wanted to tell you to Take good care of yourself. Study hard in school get good grades and get into a good university. Dont be so naive and get decived or tricked by other people. Have a good heart and be a good person. I wont be able to be there for you im sorry. Build a good relationship with your mom and dad. They love you. I love you. Dont forget about me.

April 17, 2013

I love you even though its going on three months.. You're happily in love....

I have talked to your sister.. She has told me that she will find me someone, I honestly don't want to.. but I feel as though, I can't find anyone to measure up to you. NO one person will measure up to you. I'm trying not to give up on that idea.. that idea makes me more depressed then I already am..now I had talked to your sister before, when you initially said you weren't coming back.. She told me she'd find someone for me. i don't want anyone else.. I want you..

I know that when I got with you, I believed in marriage. I married you islamically and to me.. I felt so completely in love, I had believed in it. I believed in that peace in what you said.. I love you still. I try not to think about it.. I really try not to think about how you broke my heart, how you told me on valentines, it had to be valentines.. I try not to think about how you told me u were going to see me, that u had wanted to see me.. that you led me to believe you.. I try not to think about any of it.. but you really broke my heart.. YOU were already gone..

April 17, 2013

i know what you are saying about no one measuring up to your ex but one thing that someone else will do that your ex never could or would measure up to, is treat you and love you the way you deserve, the way everyone deserves with the person close(st) to them in their life.

April 17, 2013

oops i missed the point of the thread

Emm ok here goes..in a oner....'S' you led me down two paths and i chose the one i wanted to believe for that i am in the wrong as well. You are an arse though pretending to be a guy with integrity and morals and i guess you kept me around because i believed the image of the guy u wanted to be and for that same reason i probably repulsed you a bit as well. I was your cheer leader while i think no one can satisfy you save your own fantasies. When it came down to it, you proved to me and yourself you are a gutless wonder and so, i am leaning toward disbelieving the rest about you as well. you are sooo complicated, a ****ing labyrinth of complexities that felt strangely familiar and immediate. It's one reason why i came closer to you. I was probably just another girl on your path to fall on...even though i gave more than most. And why is it the guys needing the most variety in sex are always the worst in bed?! maybe that one is just a self fulfilling prophecy. I ate a fruit pastille ice lolly the other day when i realised it looked the same size as your dick. i overestimated you. you are in fact, 4 inches hard. Time for me to move onto bigger and better things.

April 17, 2013

Can't believe how much posting I've been doing recently. I was doing ok. I really felt I was.

But now you've brought me to a new lowest point. Another lowest point. I can't handle any more of them. I don't even know what the hell has happened. I thought i knew what happened but now I am just clueless. I have no idea what all of this was. It certainly wasn't love. You are confused out of your mind. You were and still are. The worst idea I've ever had was to think I would love your confusement away. You erased me. I will erase you. Just don't come back when I'm moving on. I might just hurt you real ****ing bad. Stay clear of nice words. Stay clear of lovey dovey talk. NOT when I'm moving on. You had your chance. Over and over and over again. Now go find your ex and try her. I won't be here anymore.

April 19, 2013

It's been a week since you dumped me and to be honest, I only spent one night shedding tears for a worthless piece of sh* like you. Way to drop the ball on a girl who had so much potential. I wasn't even asking for much, I wanted to be there for you and you refused to see that. You don't deserve to be with someone like me and you don't even know what you're missing out on because you're so self-centered.

Not only did you wait til I noticed your behavior before finally telling the truth, you decide to tell me on the day my mom was in the hospital and you blew me off when I needed someone the most. You're a true piece of sh*, especially after telling me you still wanted to be friends? HA. If walking away from someone while their watching their mom suffer on a hospital bed is your idea of friendship, you are deadly mistaken.

It is NO FRIGGIN wonder why you have such crappy luck right now. You're moving back home to your parents with no job, no friends, and a $30,000 debt that reaks of your stupid mistakes with your ex that you're still not over. While I'm here, LOVING my job, LOVING all the friends I have and will continue to enjoy my fulfilling life without you. At the end of the day, you stole a part of me that I will never get back, but at least you have taught me to be smarter when it comes to who gets to enjoy what I have to offer.

April 19, 2013

its been almost 4 months, i still miss you...

why i cant get over you, why it is so hard. Gosh, why i still hoping for you to come back after all the pain you have caused me? i love you so much it hurts. Why this feeling never go away when its obvious you are not for me?

I miss you so much, i dont know why...

April 19, 2013

I miss you terribly. The world is too quiet without you nearby. I go to bed early and rise late and feel as if I have hardly slept.

I wish you will come back to me, but I know you won't do.

April 19, 2013

I assume it's just me who has remembered that, this time 2 years, ago we were on our way to Scotland for your birthday surprise, and you didn't even know where we were going until we got there? I wonder if you even remember it, or think of it - or me - at all?

You should though, as you loved it - and we could hardly believe how blessed we were with the weather, boiling hot and in Scotland in April! - and said it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for you, the best gift you'd ever had. Have you overridden memories of that time, and me, now with ones with 'her', or others, and places you must have now been to with someone else (the bitch from your running club who you took out days after we last shared a bed and you told me 'you're stunning, we fit together' maybe)? Have you finally gone to Madrid, the place you wanted to experience for the first time with me (you told me as we walked hand in hand on that deserted beach 2 years tomorrow)?

I really hope that, one day, you look back on how you treated me - especially in contrast with how I treated you, and all I sacrificed for you, you selfish man - and cannot live with your conscience. You are a horrible, spineless coward and I wish with all my heart that our paths had never crossed. I may have finally found out what it's like to know what true love was with you, but it ultimately wasn't worth the price I paid. You're a real piece of work, not worth a ****.

April 19, 2013

i hate the fact that i still wake up thinking of you. that you haunt my dreams, every night. that you lied to me. it hurts so bad. to realize that you suddenly stopped wanting everything with me, that you just put me aside, left me behind, without a single care. For god's sake, for a month you carried my baby. i was with you when you needed it the most, i protected you from everything and everyone, i took you for who you were and accepted your flaws.

I am not flawless, i know that, and i told you. I know i promised not to hurt you. But that is an impossible task. Every relationship has that, and you should differentiate the pain that comes from the fact that we are not perfect, that we are still learning, that we put ourselves in vulnerable positions when we love and some things are bound to hurt each other. It is not the same as what you are doing. Consciously lying, toying with me, having me as your "backup".

I could have done everything, under the right frame. I love you enough for second chances. But not like this. I told you, "lets keep it cool and lets talk IF/WHEN you come back, to see if we can retake things". I told you "Lets just go with the flow and see what happens". I told you "let's get married before you leave". I told you "don't be like this". You had promised not to leave me. I hate the fact that i let good chances pass, just because taking them would mean i would have to go alone. I don't regret that, to me, it was worth it. But you were never able to do the same.

If that was the case, why did you say all those things to me? Why didn't you really think it through, even though i asked you? Why did you give me the idea of a future, of a life with you?

I told you so many times, you were all talk. Your actions always showed your true colors. All the things I saw hints of, happened. I should have known earlier, that you were never going to give in.

Even in the end, i trusted you. I loved you. I wanted to be with you. Wherever you were. You were my chosen one. And you destroyed me. And there was no need for that, that was just mean ****. It's been half a year already, and 4 months since YOU contacted me again.

I was moving on. I was doing well. I was coping. And I let you ruin me again. And I know I shouldn't have let you.

You are achieving your dreams. OUR dreams. I am glad for that. But i hate you. How all you wanted was the easy way. You didn't want to fight with me. You did not give me enough time...

April 20, 2013

Let me go. Please. You don't want me. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You don't want me. You really don't. Don't feel like you're losing something. You're not. You just feel the emptiness of me moving on. But it could've been any other girl and you would feel the same. You love being loved by someone. Knowing someone's there. I was there, for way too long. I have nothing left to give. I am truly grieving you cause I know I will stuck to my guns this time. You'll be ok. Stop using my heart. Just stop.

April 20, 2013

T - I'm done. It's obvious that you're looking to move on and that what's her face is ready to move right in. I've asked you for my item back and I hope you send it right away, because I don't want to have to come pick it up. I doubt you want that as well.

What I don't understand is why you continue to leave that stuff up of mine on your FB page if you don't want to see me anymore. Is it because you know when you go back to being on your own, you won't get as much attention? Sure looks that way.

I would have stuck by you through thick and thin, but you haven't shown the same character traits for me. Is that what you meant by "damage"? That you're a fly-by-night who sweeps in with your charm and compliments and devotion and then suddenly turns all chicken and avoidant? It would seem so.

I know when I'm being rejected and it can't be hidden or excused. It's too obvious - and not just to me. I wasn't revolving my life around you, I was simply trying to have you show a little consideration by letting me know when we could chat. Then you blow up at me and that's how all this went haywire, because you were insulting and childish. Never understanding what I was trying to do. Never even wanting to understand.

It's okay. There are plenty of men out there who will appreciate a woman with humor and talent and who is actually willing to spend time with them and listen to them complain about anything on earth. Which I can and will do; as long as they are willing to spend time with me face to face.

You told me you don't trust TT - Maybe not, but you'll sure let her get under your skin when it suits you, won't you?

Anyway, it's over for me. I won't hang around parked in a space with no sign or parking signs. I'd have waited until you were over your little problem, but not if you're going to ignore me completely. So long jerk. You hurt me and I won't be trusting your intentions again ever.

April 20, 2013

Hi P

How are you? I just wanted to check up on you, just to see how you are doing. I also wanted to tell you that I miss you, but I dont think that would make a difference. I understand why we broke up, it's because you still have feelings for your ex. I'm mad that you told me all these things in the beginning and lead me to believe everything you said. You should of told me the truth from the beginning. I feel like I was used as a rebound, and it hurts a lot. At this point I dont know if I can trust a girl anymore or jump into a relationship with someone because I am absolutely scared that I will get my heart broken again.

anyways Just wanted to tell you how ive been feeling lately, but ive been doing well day by day.

April 21, 2013

This song is how i feel about you right now

April 21, 2013

So its official, you now cheated on the friend you've left me for, and the guy you cheated on him with ironically told me how wrong the two of you were when it all kicked off when you left me!

I still remember when you used to tell me about you getting bullied and how you never had that many friends etc. I feel sorry for you in a way, because your immaturity makes you so blind that you don't realize how much pain you're putting other people in just to cover up your bad past.

I wonder whether you think about me sometimes, you've not spoken to me, or tried since October. And yet I was the guy who treated you the best, funny how you treat people. I just wonder how you managed to go down this road, when I knew you, you used to be so anti cheat it was unreal.

Edited April 21, 2013 by Harradin

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