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Posted

We've made decent efforts to remain friends over the past weeks. I thought that was civil. You got sick and I thought I wanted nothing more than to be there with you. I unblocked you from everything, just wanting to know your condition. In the middle of all this, while on the treadmill, later on the shower, it dawned on me the emptiness of what we have. Like a house after the hurricane, just memories to hang on to, all damage, nothing to rescue, and I lost the energy to repair.

 

I have experienced nothing but sorrow since our relationship started, at first balanced by all that dopamine but the ending was the ending alone, a nightmare, everything I always criticized about separations and that I fortunately had never experienced: the drama, the dirt, emotional abuse, agony, you held me responsible for all this mess claiming I didn't open up myself enough, and I felt the most stupid person, completely guilty. Now I see clearer. It was so clear after getting physical, your aggressiveness, how you thought you possessed me, your manipulative ways, how you demanded more each time, all the red flags were there, the announcement of how the breakup would be, and I ignored them. You can be such a good person, but also the worst.

 

I meant everything I wrote this morning, I wonder if you are waiting for something, is it all temporary? did it become pity? are you just too selfish that you'd rather reduce me to a backup?, but I'm not sure I'm interested in the answers anymore. You made a choice, you've confirmed your choice over and over for the past 3 months, my problem has been not understanding it, getting tricked by your constant calls, chasing you thinking you needed protection from your self-destructive ways. Maybe you do, maybe you don't, but by protecting you I'm destroying myself, even caring for you is consuming me.

 

I've cut string by string in the last months, it's the worst timing to do this right now, but I'm ready to let you go now. You don't need me and I need to learn again how not to need you. You'll recover physically, I'll recover emotionally, we'll move on.

 

Thank you for the friendship of all these years, for the romance, for making me smile and hopeful. It helped me realize that despite swearing by casual relationships and running from commitment for most of my 20s, I've reached a stage where I do want to fall in love, I want the routine, the intimacy, the full involvement. Just not with you. I'll consider this the lesson of this sad episode and will try to channel all these feelings for you into gratitude.

 

We're old enough for our choices, everything that's left now is living with them and not look back.

 

Bye.

Posted

Its sad u left. We could have been fine as always I wish you well and I hope you find the kind of man you so much crave. U know me. No matter what happens after a day or two am just fine. Take care of urself

Posted

i hate you so much.

Posted

do you think of me half as much as i think of you?

Posted

I still dont understand that why people are not given a second chance. Everybody has to given an opportunity to realise and change and not just making them realize.

 

I miss all those days we spent in Manchester, though we were in an LDR for very long as we both were trying to pursue our goals. It was really amazing for me. I miss you way to much and I know I can simply message or text you, but I got to try to hold myself.

 

I don't know if I will find anybody like you as you were THE ONE for me and it is miserable that your not in my life. Im happy that you found a guy so soon whom you feel is THE ONE for you. I don't know understand how as you know him since only 3 months but I'm happy for you. That's all i can do.

 

I wish you we could be back and did stupid things earlier and you know that I was in the worst situation in my life. My princess, sunshine, cupcake, love, bebo....i miss you and treasure you dearly

Posted

You text at one in the morning? What is the point in that? You have all day to text if you really need something. Don't bother me when I am finally trying to sleep by sending my mind whirling!

You are pathetic piece of crap. You told me we were different I should have never believed your lies. You would have never left if you weren't talking to rob because beth was right all that time ago, you are dependant on a man. You use them to get some attention, a few compliments before dropping them like a novelty. You can't stand that unlike everyone else you have used I stand up for myself so you turn it around, make me look like a bad guy. Well it's you. YOu're the one that goes from failed relationship to failed relationship because you're the one that doesn't make an effort in them. You use men as stepping stones through life. I am sure it won't be long before you are telling the same lies to someone.

F*ck off. I don't want my stuff, I'll give yours to one of your friends.

Posted (edited)

How can you change so fast?! You were hugging and kissing me a week before our break up. But now you act almost like a stranger. I though you said I was your best friend and we can still best friend? I wanted to hate you but I can't.....because I love you so much. Your change scared me........ I really want you to give us a second chance. I believe our problem could be fixed (At least my problem). I know I should have shown you more love, I know I should hv pay more attention to you when you said I was being "cold". I should hv pay more attention to those signs. But you have to understand because I wasn't being affection enough doesn't mean that I don't love you. I have always love you......... ALWAYS. It's been two months now and I still think of you every day and every minutes. I tried to fight it, I try to forget about you and us but I can't. So is it love? or am I being stupid. 4years and it came down to this................

 

I really want you to grand me a second chance, to show you how much you mean to me. If there is a next time, I will carry the weight of our relationship, I will make it better for both of us. You are so beautiful. I LOVE YOU.

 

:bunny: I like this bouncy bunny.

Edited by jjjman
Posted (edited)

Please GOD!!!!! Help me stay strong. I want him out my life as soon as possible. Let me cry in peace. Let me grieve in peace. Let me hate myself and him in peace. I want what is best for him but I want him to regret it. I want him to see that all he said and thought was wrong. Maybe he won't because maybe he was telling me the truth about everything all along. But still, there is a chance that he will. And I so hope he will. I really degraded myself and put it all out there and he didn't give me anything in return. Leave me be! I want to be left alone. Go sit in a corner and cry over your ex. I know you want to. Just let me go away for good. Everytime I think I am doing ok I get sucked right back in. Because I need you to go. Do what you want to do. Just don't do in my presence. I don't deserve to be present to all this crap. You could have giving me something but you only made everything worse. I hope I will post here more often because I sure as hell don't ever want to make you see how this is hurting me. I don't want you to see me have pain over you. You have seen enough of my struggle. You don't even deserve it. That is the worst part. It was nothing to you so how could I be in such pain. You're an ass sometimes. You think you are the ruler over the quality of emotions. What we had was nothing compared to what you had with your ex. I hope you will see that what you had with your ex was puppy love and it is all in your head..just like what we had was only in mine. I am waiting for the day for me to hear that you were a naive idiot. Chasing something that never excisted. Just so I will know that it was never me. You made me feel like crap and I hope one day you'll see that the one who stuck by you is the one you treated the worst. Jerk.

Edited by CaliforniaGirl80
Posted

This is my favorite place to reach out to you. I don't know if you will ever look in to my life. I think your arrogance and pride aren't going to let you take a peek at the guy you said "never changed". You would be surprised if you weren't so stubborn.

 

I love you still. I think about you still. The pain of those things diminishes every day and I am beginning to find strength in admitting the truth to myself. The truth behind who you are and you might be for the rest of your life.

 

I know I used to be a real low-life. Luckily, I found something that was more important to me than myself. You. I thought "these things about me suck and admitting that and changing will be for the better and I'll be able to keep this girl in my life". It worked for a while and I thought it might have been permanent. But it wasn't. The faults I had were gone. I know you would say that change doesn't happen over night, but the change has to start by STOPPING yourself from doing the things you want to change.

 

It takes time to get used to the changes and to erase them from habit, but change happens instantly, every time you decide AGAINST the bad parts about yourself. I did that for myself, yes, but BECAUSE of you. My pride and my ego and my selfishness and my arrogance and my need to be right were cast out so that I could make you happy.

 

Why couldn't you do that for me? Why was it that even after everything I did - You won't find another guy who will do the things I did, I guarantee it. Not one you can keep anyway - you still couldn't just let me be right? I didn't even want to BE right. I never liked that whole idea of "who's right, who's wrong". It was far too competitive and I never wanted that for us. I admitted when I was at fault and I would try to fix it because it made you unhappy. You never did that for me, because you don't think there is anything wrong with you.

 

You are beautiful and you are strong, and smart, and sexy, and funny, and loyal, and honest, and faithful, and my favorite thing about you is that I admire you. I am around you and I aim to raise myself so that I can be worthy of you...

 

Even after I told you that... Even after I gave you everything I could... It still wasn't good enough.

 

That isn't my fault, though. I want to be with someone to make them happy. Why do you want to be with someone? So they can wait on you, or give to you constantly? You were wonderful to me a lot of the time but you have an extreme potential to be unfair and demanding which makes it impossible for someone to achieve any sense of self or any independence at all.

 

I pray that you'll see this. I pray that you'll listen. I pray that you miss me and that you will come back. Please do not let your arrogance blind you and keep you from being with someone that will love you completely for the rest of your life. I only ask for fairness in return.

 

I love you _______. I hope you still love me too.

Posted

I think I would like to just go right up to my ext and hit him in the face with one of those cream pies like you see on TV, it would have to be a much crowed place because he hates to be embarrassed.

Posted

You have got to let me move on. These past few days have been excruciatingly painful. I came here with the intention of writing a big long post to get everything off my chest about what's happened, but now I'm sort of deflated and can't bring myself to write it anymore. Just, please never communicate with me in any form at all anymore until you understand what love means, even if that takes 100 years or several lifetimes, and even then, I won't guarantee I'll respond to you.

 

Re-starting NC.

 

LS, please give me strength.

  • Like 2
Posted

:o I am a mess and I don’t want to feel this way any longer

I have no one to talk to everybody thinks I am stupid for talking to you for even feeling the way that I do, but I miss you so much it hurts so bad . I thought moving across country to get away from you would help but the it’s been a 101 days of despair the last 41 days have been unbearable and for the last 3 days I have wanted to LITERLLY kill myself , I feel foreign in my own body.

I don’t know what else to do.

When I got divocced 5 years ago I don’t think I was this devastated. I usually am not this sappy I’m normally am not so emotional I struggle to get out of bed every day, when I look at myself I see a looser. I cry myself to sleep more often than not then I wake in the middle of the night I can’t go to sleep thinking of you and I all the wonderful things we did all the times we made love the sound of your voice when you call my name . I wish I would have never put OUR relationship on face book that is the ONLY THING I REGREAT IN MY 42 YEARS OF LIVING ……but I was so happy so proud so elated you picked ME!!!! GOD had answered my prayers for us.

. I cry and am depressed every single day. Today a guy at the gas station tried to talk to me and I just burst in to tears … that’s not normal? I am not going to be able to heal if I don’t let you go.

  • Like 1
Posted

Why is my gut feeling telling me you still love me, if you still loved me you'd be here with me... and now since we're virtually strangers as we haven't spoken to each other since October, what help is it gonna do? Its getting ridiculous now, I want to live a simple life and not worry about life.

 

Was I blind or did you so easily trick me? I just don't get what happened between us. It was nothing I have ever experienced before, maybe I realized how special it was, that's why I fought so hard to keep it, but it takes two to tango. Was it all one sided? Do you regret losing me out of your life? I loved and cared for you more then anyone could have.

 

Maybe when I find a new girl, will all of these questions and feelings will go away? I'm not so sure. I have never felt such a strong connection to anyone before, it was so surreal.

Posted (edited)

Dear James.

 

I don't even know where to begin. I feel completely and utterly numb with pain and shock, and from the cold.

 

Tonight started off fine. It was my friend Carla's birthday and I agreed (reluctantly) to go to the pub. I was feeling very beautiful for once, my long hair was straight, I was wearing a beautiful velvet top and felt utterly content. Of course the pub ended up in going to a club and I agreed to go for a little while, but not for too long as I have work tomorrow and it was a special milestone birthday. I'm pretty petite and quite short so I did look a little curvy, but you wouldn't know if I was pregnant or not.

 

Carla ended up being so ill that, being the only sober one there, I had to deal with it. I called the bouncer and called her ex boyfriend to pick her up which he did. She was crying and howling and I felt so bad I nearly went with her. My best friend dragged me back and we danced. I felt utterly out of place with the ton of beautiful slim girls in their bodycon dresses grinding but I managed to have a lot of fun and enjoy myself, even when stone cold sober.

 

Then, a famous celebrity walked in. I'll call him Tom. We all got into the vip and danced. It was so much fun. It was the second time I had partied with Tom and it was such a memorable experience. My friend looks about 19 despite being older than me, (Shes 5ft1 and a uk 4-6) but, I had to nip to the looe. I told My best friend and she walked out of the ropes with me. A guy came up to me, probably no older than 21 and said "what are you doing in here?" and I said "My best friends are in here and ive met Tom before." to which he replied "nah your best friends are over there getting a drink." I looked around and my friends were all next to him. I knew then that he was trying to get rid of me because I didn't fit in with the thin and beautiful crowd. Insulted, humiliated and tearful I rushed to the toilets and sobbed for a while. I kept ringing my best friend, waiting for her to come and find me but she didn't.

 

An hour passed. I checked my purse and realized I had no money and there was no cash point. Reluctantly, and with no texts back or anything from my so called friends, I assumed they had gone back to Toms house again, like last time. So I left.

 

With no money for a taxi I started walking home at around 3am. I didn't know what to do. I rung you. Crying, begging, startled, humiliated and terrified. You ignored all my calls. You told me it was late. I begged you to come find me and you said you were in bed. I told you I was walking home and all you said was "Ok, get home safe." I live about 3 f*cking hour walk away. I was an absolute emotional wreck at this point. A few men stopped and asked if I was okay, but even with all my makeup down my face and without wanting to cause a fuss I smiled and thanked them for asking.

 

I was so hurt. So unbelievably hurt. You would let the mother of your unborn child walk home from town alone at 3am.

 

I dont even know what i'm supposed to say or do. I thought about walking into traffic. Alone, cold and shivering with no one left I rung my brother and burst into tears. He came and got me straight away but I was completely numb.

 

I still am.

 

I have no one. The person I loved and cherished, the person who swore that no one would ever hurt me. Left me to walk home on my own.

 

Words can not describe how i'm feeling right now.

Edited by Minadee
Posted

Cowfunyale le Scott.

Posted

I still miss you and I try to fight it. I want to tell myself that I don't love you anymore but I don't think it is working. I wonder do you ever think about me and missing me as your lover ? I want to be happy again, but I want to be happy with you. How can you caused me so much pain? Oh my dear BB............ That word......... How I wish I can turn back time. I want to go to sleep so I could forget, I hate my life right now. I hate myself that I didn't treat you better. I went to this chinese bazi master in richmond a few ago. He told me that you and I is god made match. I was so happy when I hear about it. I felt like my world is fill with joy again. I got my appetite back afterward because the hope of us getting back together fill me up with joy and power. But afterward, when the reality set back in, when I start connect the dots again. I don't know how it will happen? I feel sad and confuse and lost again. I want to marry you............. we will still need a song......................... don't know will you remember it............

 

oh bouncy bunny, can you help me out here? :bunny:

Posted (edited)

So I've just found out you're still with that backstabbing son of a bitch, I didn't go and find it out, unfortunately I didn't get any notice. That's six months of NC and cold turkey down the pan.

 

And majority of my mutual friends that I made before you are all being buddy buddy with you and him, they were telling me how they were on 'my side' when this first happened and how they wanted to stay in touch with me when I was forced to leave because of the pair of you. Its ****ing disgusting, if I was in their shoes, I would have dropped the pair of you in an instant.

 

I just don't get it, half a year with this backstabbing manipulative fat lowlife scum, that's nearly double our relationship?! I am so much better then him, I'm more intelligent, stronger, kinder, more loyal, I loved you instead of pretending to like he does! Even the mutual friends that told me they "couldn't understand" why you destroyed our relationship to start one with him, telling me how I "deserved better" and how I was "perfect" to you. They could have told me from the f*cking start that they were going to side with you and him, but how?! I did nothing wrong and you did!

 

And what's worse? You're parents wouldn't let you spend the night at mine? But I hear they let you bugger off to Brighton with the sh*t only a month into the new relationship?! And now you're allowed to go spend nights with him at his?! Why was I so bad?! I didn't abuse you like this f*cker will, I didn't manipulate you like this f*cker is/will, I cared for you and loved you, treated you right, I gave so much to you but that wasn't enough was it?!

 

Oh and you're so called sacred virginity that you wanted to wait till marriage to do and I was okay with?! I bet you lost it on that day you told me "nothing happened" with him when I was away for the weekend. Don't forget I never pressured you into anything, we never made it past first base because you "weren't ready." My so called loving girlfriend and my so called friend running off and all you get from mutual friends who know what happened is "oh yay congratulations, you screwed over Harradin but we don't care, even though we knew him before, he was nothing but nice to us, gave up his time to organize events and be a good friend to us, we'll just feed him a load of crap about how we're on his side!" Oh and I forgot, did you also tell my mutual friends that you and him did nothing wrong like you told me?! I bet they lapped it up even though they told me it was so "utterly ****ing wrong" of them.

 

I hate you, I hate him, I hate you for having a go at me because "I couldn't trust you" when you told me that you were seeing him when I was away during the weekend, when you told me "nothing was going to happen" I hate you both for screwing me over, for making my start to university hell, for then leading me on a month later when you knew my favorite cat died, I was having family issues and how much you hurt me, for being one of the main causes of my nervous breakdown because I couldn't handle the stress, for causing me to go to counselling, and now? To somehow still be together when everyone said you wouldn't last more then a month and to think of the guy who really loved you and cared for you as some f*cking *sshole who tried to do the right thing by giving you love, and who still f*cking loves you now somehow and took the unnatural connection that you had with him like some sort of joke.

 

Oh and I forgot, you were supposedly so "upset" about your parents damn divorce, I was there for you the whole time, I held you when you cried, I kissed you and tried to reassure you that everything was okay, I bought you expensive flowers, I tried to take you out somewhere you'd enjoy to try get it off your mind temporarily. And wait, you told me how grateful you were, thanked me and told me how much you loved me for it. But 2 days later you had jumped into bed with that f*cker who had been manipulating you the whole f*cking time.

 

Why is it I get screwed over and stuck with this betrayal where you/him did so much worse and are dancing and f*cking around with all my old friends in a circle around you holding hands cheering you on.

 

This is a long rant, it sounds like something out of a nightmare for me but its true and if I could go back and change it, I would, in a heartbeat. I don't know what to feel, all my work of working on myself right now feels wasted. What did I do wrong to deserve this Amy?! Why/how can you even live with yourself?! I love you and I really don't know why. This is my second weak moment I've had in a few months now...

 

You know what? I'm gonna keep working on myself. I'm going to make myself so much better that when I think of you, I'll realize that you pushed me onto an alternative path to achieve everything and more and for that I will thank you when I get there. You know I never give up so I won't be satisfied until I get there. I'll find a girl who is so much better then you who realizes how much of a catch I am and treats me just as well as I will treat her. I may even marry her, and have kids with her, who will all be better then you. And when I'm with her, I'll think about you, and realize how insignificant you were and wonder how I fell in love with you.

Edited by Harradin
Posted

jessica,

you have to leave me alone. i still love you more than anything but it just hurts too much. i need to love myself and realize how good i actually have it.

everyone says you are making a terrible mistake and i know you are too. he is just a rebound and he will never be as good as me. i know you say he is just a friend but if you continue to let him be your only friend it will turn into something else.

you broke my heart but i understand, you are young and you couldnt take the worlds **** anymore.

i forgive you.

Posted

So here I am. Wow it's been awhile since I've even been on here to message you. Not exactly to bitch, or even mention any issues I have with you. I mean yea I still do think of you from time to time. Right now I am just too busy to exactly care. After my move out to my dream state I really had time and space to heal from all of my issues. When I recently came back home I made amends with myself concerning my old bff.

Looking back after...um I think it might be 1 year and 3 months since I ended things a lot has cleared up for me. The past has started to fade. I can't remember your b-day for the life of me.

That's all not really important, but I think I am starting to learn the lessons behind all of my hurt. I became a lot stronger and capable to be alone, I learned that not everyone can be trustworthy, standing up for yourself is a must, forgiveness is also a must, love your enemies. My last lesson is important because to forgive and love the ones that hurt you seems to only set you free.

Things are fantastic for me. I am very happy and peaceful! =)

Hope you're doing fine yourself.

Posted

Dear T

That is really messed up, breaking up with me - not because you doubt your love but because you're not ready. My love was given to you - do you think it will still be available when you're ready? Possibly, but possibly not.

 

But you want to take that chance. Love may have come around the corner for you this time, but mainly because I'd been thinking of you in between other relationships several times over the past 6 years. After you betraying my trust in you (oh just be yourself says you), you think I want to be friends? Bunny that. We're older and I'm not going to sit by and pine away while one of us watches the other move on.

 

I am a really forgiving person and self-aware for the most part in spite of the damage I sustained in my last relationship before you. It was ****e asking me to forgive you, and you didn't say "forgive me as just a friend" and I thought there was hope for us. But I'm not going to hang around and wait for it. It's my life too and it's selfish to expect me to wait until you're ready.

 

Personally I think you just pushed me away because you can't face yourself. Well I can't make you do what's right, so I will just leave you with your problems and your fearful pride.

 

So critical of others, but you never look in the mirror. Not the least bit of humility and you lost two friends besides me in the last two weeks simply because you pushed them away. I know you didn't value them much either - but Me? Soul-mate, other half, sweetness, etc. Guess you didn't mean a word of it.

 

Somebody somewhere is willing to take the love I give; I'm sure of it. Because each time I go forward, it gets even better than the last as far as my ability to show affection and love. You'll miss out on good massage, surprises, care and devotion and someone to listen when you "talk too much". You were a rarity; I will say that. But a gem that disintegrates under pressure is not worth very much. Can't make a ring out of it, so I'll be moving on.

 

Good luck with that attitude:rolleyes:

Posted

I am talking to you as I write this. This is so ridiculous. I am talking to you RIGHT NOW! But you are talking out of your ass again. Being totally inconsiderate. Saying things that are just words for you but knives for me. You're so indifferent towards me and it's killing me and you have no idea. Everytime I go crazy and start a shouting match with you, you start to realize what this has done to me but as soon as that is over you go right back to talking out of your ass and acting like what we had is not even worth the mention. Every single girl is worth the mention. Even your one night stands. I on the other hand, totally not on your radar. You make me feel like I'm not even a woman. Let alone a woman you used to sleep with. I am still talking to you but not showing you how much you hurt me. Hope I never will. You truly don't deserve it as you really have no clue. Glad you are not hearing this from me right now. I am going to act like I'm perfectly fine.

  • Like 1
Posted

Today (sunday, april 7) I feel terrible. Terrible.

 

It's about my ex. **** everyone, I'm so pissed off right now. Why? Why??

It's been a while since the last time I felt this bad. It's almost like being back at the start of the break up.

Let me explain in order.

 

Today I was playing drums at home, as usual. Sometimes I make little pauses to rest, I check facebook from my phone, stuff like that. Well, today destiny wanted to **** with me. I opened facebook and the first post I saw was from a guy who I didn't even remember to have in my friends. He was a friend of the best female friend of my ex. He is a pretty ugly guy, so it's not about sleeping with him.

 

The post was about saturday evening and it was full of pictures: this group of people went to a super fancy night club at the seaside (my ex was also there, in the pictures, with her female best friend etc). My ex looked almost pissed off in the pictures, trying to look cool by showing the middle finger and so on.

 

You know what pissed me off terribly? The fact that my ex has no personality whatsoever and she's so stupid it makes my head explode. When she was with me, I remember that she used to talk about that nightclub as 'stupid, full of ****ty people, a place where I never had fun'. Now she went there!!

 

I don't think she is dating the rock douche, but again: when she was dating, she went to all the concerts, playing the rock girl, number 1 fan. Now? Not a single glimpse of that remained!! This is so stupid. She basically morphes her personality to the people around here, so that she can please everyone. I hate this.

 

I was so angry that I literally threw the drum sticks 50 feet away, all across the big room. I then started to kick chairs and throw things around. I've never been this mad about such a thing.

 

Then, depression settled in. I felt miserable, and even hopes of her coming back to me. Worst afternoon ever.

 

Now I check facebook (because I'm a masochyst, of course) and she commented on those pictures, with her horrible taste, things like 'ahah I was always with my middle finger that night' 'to the wedding of my friend we'll sing folkloristic stuff while raising the middle fingers'.

 

...

 

She moved on completely while I didn't. That's why I hate myself. That's why I'd kill myself to escape this terrible situation. It's almost 4 months after the break up, man. 4 months. And I still think, talk and dream about her. Everyday. I'm desperate.

Posted

You contact me again after I've filtered you in every way I could, after I felt alive for the first time in months last night with this person that's sweet and caring and just everything you're not. It's like you have a radar that alerts you when I'm getting out of this mess so you can drag me back in again.

 

I ended up reading our emails... how sweet you used to be, all these promises, the plans we had for each other, how we had the most intimate conversations, things I never said to anyone, that you never wanted to talk about... we opened up, then you got scared and went on a trip burning it all down... now there's no way back, and I can see how terrible you feel and I wish I could help you, because I know that no one knows your story and how you feel better than I do, I understood why you did it... but I am everything I have, I can't let you hurt me time after time just because I understand your feelings.

 

It's all ruined. I hope we can start forgetting about each other soon. I wish he would call me so I didn't have this free time to let you hijack my mind again.

  • Like 2
Posted

One month ago today I got home from work to find a note on the doorstep. "I let this turn me into something I'm not, I'm ending this relationship."

 

It's been very hard for me. You haven't met with me, or had a conversation with me about the breakup at all. I've cried every single day since you left.

 

I don't know what went wrong, maybe I never will. That hurts more than you leaving. I feel so disrespected, like I wasn't even worth talking to, not worth seeing or acknowledging.

 

When you said you loved me, that I was the one, that you were mine for as long as I wanted; I believed every word. You played the game well. You seemed so happy, you couldn't get enough of me. Now everything is cast in doubt.

 

We never even had a fight.

 

I want to scream, I want to text you: I miss you, I love you, why can't we just try, tell me what's wrong. As much as I want to say those things, I won't because it's not my place, you should be saying those things to me.

 

One day these tears will stop. One day I will not hurt. I like to tell myself I will get to talk to you one day, I will get the conversation I was denied; but I may never get it.

 

I can be sure of this: I wasn't to blame. I have no blood on my hands. I couldn't have loved you more.

 

I'm kind, smart, attractive, loving and good.

I'm one of the good ones and we don't come around that often. I get to walk away knowing I am the stronger person, I didn't run, I tried, I fought for us.

 

I'm one month, one day, one minute closer to being ok

Posted

You pathetic little tart. One minute you can't cope without me the next you're a cold heartless bitch. More interested in looking forward to the day you can sit on that f*cking australians cock that work on making us better. f*ck you. Everyone is right about you. Just a tart. Your family is right to think what they do about you going to australia. Running away from your problems, he won't make anything better. You'll just bring it all with you. F*ck you, you damned slut.

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