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Post here instead of contacting your ex!


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Posted (edited)

I happened to be on my Twitter account just now, and I didn't realise there was a direct messages thing where I found a message from you telling me 'I love you' back in August. For the first time since January I got urges to check your Twitter but I'm far beyond that now and I'm not prepared to break 5 and a half months NC. I have to reactivate Facebook to sort out uni stuff so I'm dreading seeing pictures of you on Facebook now considering my heart leapt into my mouth just seeing that message.

 

I also found out today that my family hated you, thought you were rude, immature and disrespectful. That goes with what our mutual friends told me about you and how I was better off without you. But I don't understand why I haven't seen what my family and friends have seen in you. I hate this, I'm usually the one who can smell rats like this, not be the one not knowing. I'm not like this, you changed my life in an infinite amount of ways, I love and hate you at the same time for it.

Edited by Harradin
Posted

not coping very well.

Posted

Hey B.

 

I just got back from a week in Thailand. Yeah that's the place where the bachelor show was filmed and yes it is as nice as the TV showed. I only thought of you once while there. It was when I met a woman who was as high maintenance as your punk ass. The good part is that I kicked her to the curb shortly after meeting her because she was exactly like you....a huge pain in my ass. I don't miss you at all. In fact, the only thing I do miss is baby A. But hey, you will ruin her like you ruined yourself. I will admit that I miss having someone in my life who cares about me. I thought you did but I was wrong. You're a selfish whore. Too bad you couldn't go to Thailand or Florida this summer. Oh damn...that's right...I don't have enough money for you! bhahahahahaahah. Bitch.

Posted (edited)

You know one of the last events we went to as a couple, I passed the place we all met up at today. When we were supposed to be following everyone else, you went the wrong way, me and a friend had to come rescue you and we were 10 minutes later then everyone else! An identical car to yours did the exact same way you did when I passed that place, it really spooked me. Was that bad luck on my part? Its weird how history repeats itself..

 

Also, I'm starting to think I was being emotionally abused by you because a sane person doesn't do what you did to me.

Edited by Harradin
Posted

Even to this day.... But just sometimes

Posted

I survived another weekend...barely. I wonder if you'll ever understand how horribly you've hurt and betrayed me. I wonder if you'll ever know what it feels like to fight so hard and make a conscious effort to hold it together even minute by minute through every day. I wonder if you even care beyond a general feeling of guilt.

 

I think about when you leave to go be with her soon, permanently, in the way that we had dreamed of and planned on. Every time I push myself to let go, that pops into my mind. I want to stop thinking about it. I want to stop caring. I want to move on with my life. I want to stop hurting over not just the present, but even more so the past and the future that will never take place.

 

But I can't find the off switch.

  • Like 1
Posted

I have truly hit a wall. Thought you should know.

Posted

I saw a picture of you. You looked beautiful... and so sad. The confidence of the first day I saw you, the naughty eyes, the cocky smile... it was all gone, replaced by hopelessness, you seemed lost in your thoughts and like you had cried hours before. I hate that you won't let me be there for you, that it is more important her physical presence than what we feel for each other. The moment we decided to give ourselves a chance and sacrifice our friendship, I knew we were giving it all up, there was no way back, and I hate it so much, because truly, the affection that I've felt for you all these years is intact, I'm still your friend, I still care about you like someone that's been there for me through thick and thin for years without ever imagining we'd fall for each other... and now I'm not even allowed to be that.

 

I wish you'd change your ways and let me love you. You said I was the only person that knew exactly how to touch you and I can see in your eyes that you miss me, that you need my hands and my arms and my kisses. You're so scared it's ridiculous, I want to hate you but it only makes me want to cry.

 

Anyway, see you in the Fall. If you're still with her, guess what, see you in the Fall. I won't care.

Posted

It's hard not to actually text this to you today:

 

"Insert the 50 million things I wish I could say to you. If only you has a clear head to really understand."

Posted

I miss you so much. I miss the chatting we do. Even though it's just been a few hours, it's weird to not talk to you like we always did every day. I hope you will be happy in life even if it will be without me.

 

cowfunyale.

Posted

Fine then, don't reply straight away, screw you like I care. Having a normal chat with you after not talking all day is really tough for me! Yes, I do like the walking dead now.

Posted

I can cry on cue because of you. Now that's just awful. -.-

 

It's crazy, hurting this much has shown me a lot. Not that you're some incredible girl, no. It's shown me just how much I loved you compared to past girls. It's shown me how vast my loving capacity is. It's shown me that you could actually turn down more of me than anyone else has.

 

I feel sorry for you tonight, not for me.

 

Goodnight </3

Posted

I hope your new girlfriend treats you half as well as I did, because even that's more than you deserve.

Posted

I watched our show tonight. Were you watching it too?

 

I came down with a cold this weekend and I'm feeling sick and depressed and miserable. I can't sleep. I'm doing everything I can to avoid checking my email to see if maybe you wrote me. I am trying so so hard to be strong and let you come to me, if that's what your heart decides.

 

Miss you making me laugh and relax and wishing me sweet dreams every night before bed.

Posted

I hurt very badly today.

Posted

I miss you so much. It's only been a few days, evertime I check my whatsapp to see if you may have texted me, saying you love me. Everytime I see you checked it right after I did, are you doing the same thing or you just txting with someone else :(. I've never seen you check your phone so often. I'm trying to be strong to not even say a simple hi, because I love you.

Posted

I thought you would be motivated to contact me. I should have known better, I see you're getting on fine with things. So much for whinging that you have no friends, you were my only friend and now that's all you want me to be? One friend of many?

You don't just suddenly start to be friends with the person you once said you'd marry..

  • Like 1
Posted

I just got results from the HIV testing. I'm negative. That's it for us - you have no more control over me, I'm done with you for ever, I'm done being hurt, scared, insecure, lonely, self-conscious, ... , because of you.

 

You've cheated on me, lied to me, betrayed me, humiliated me, potentially exposed me to STDs, manipulated me, and never ever changed.

 

It's fuc--ing scary waiting to get results, not knowing if the person you've loved and trusted more than anyone in the world has given you a death sentence because you trusted her. I was shaking, nervous, couldn't sleep, and now I'm free. That was the last straw, the last thing you had on me.

 

We're done forever. I wish I had stopped all contact with you the minute when you told me that you cheated on me & "forgot" to tell me everything. Lesson learnt. I'm breaking out of this cage.

 

You were a lying, cheating, manipulating, betraying, hurtful, reckless, ignorant, humiliating, ... , beach, and I'm glad I'm saved from you, without getting anything from you, without any kids involved or more years wasted.

 

Bye forever

Posted

^^You are born again. good luck with your life!

Posted

Ouch! ^^^

 

Talk man, spill out your heart. People are here to help :)

Posted (edited)

Dear R. Do you remember the first time we met? Nov 2009. And now it's April 2013. I experienced all the emotions any lover could go through, It was a worthwhile process, And I mean it.

 

I want to tell you that I'm at fault. I shouldn't have clung to hope, I should have let you go since the first time we separated. if I let you go, we wouldn't have reached this point, I have made it difficult for both of us, I was clinging like a stubborn child when I shouldn't. Please, forgive me for being the reason of your pain.

 

If You believe that you know me well, then you should have understood that I wasn't trying to ruin your life, I will never be the other woman in anybody's life even if that one is you. I was just hopeless, I wanted my friend back, my best friend. It's been a year since you left me, it all happened so sudden, we didn't get to say goodbye And this fact is holding me back. So in a moment of weakness, I tried to reach you to clear things up. There's a lot to be said for someone who truly cares for you.

 

When you left. you took everything with you. The absence was killing me. It's like a huge hole has been punched through my chest. I was on top of the world when we were together and there's just nothing now. But, I've benefited a lot from you, I didn't have much of a life by many standards before I know you. You touched my life, and left your magical effect on it!

 

Now I realize this isn't the life ( pain and grief )I would've chosen, for myself. And in my case, I can't hurt my parents anymore. They don't deserve to be hurt, they had enough.

 

I know, I Carry around excess baggage and you did what is best for you, And I promise you, it will never happen again. It took me so bloody much time to accept that the door has been closed. Yes I'm giving up My sweet love..

 

Be at peace..

Edited by nada2013
Posted

You're so stupid at communicating that I completely misinterpreted your silence and tried to hurt you by finally sending you straight to hell with an email that I didn't send just because you SORT OF explained that you're near death in an email that arrived at that same minute. I hate you. I hate this. I hate that I can't be there for you and that she's there instead. F-ck you. I want to take care of you. You want me to take care of you. How long is it going to take before you open your eyes and quit being so dumb and let me love you?. You're a coward.

  • Like 1
Posted

Hey _______. I hope you're doing well. I know who the guy is that you're seeing and pardon me for sounding bitter but... Swell downgrade, sweetheart. I'm still in love with you and I'm sorry for all of the terrible things I put you through, but the man who gave his world to you for the last five months...ME... is NOT the same man that hurt you before. I had hoped you would see that, and as much as it pains me still to have left you, I had to. I am growing. I am learning. I am seeing my life in a new, beautiful and vibrant light. You were wonderful and all, but you made me feel bad for wanting to live like the new man that I am. Thank you for the inspiration. Thank you for showing me just how much I'm willing to give for the woman I love. Good luck finding a guy that sings to you at night, calls you beautiful every day, tells you he loves you enough to the point that it seems unnecessary, buys you gas, weed, booze, dresses, whatever you wanted JUST BECAUSE, or gifts for no reason other than to let you know you were on his mind. Let's hope that Mr. New will introduce you as his "beautiful and amazing girlfriend" to rooms full of people (especially around women), even when they knew darn well who you were. Will he make love the way I did? Doubt it (seriously). Will he appreciate your adorable nerdiness and every little tiny cute thing about you? Your hands, your lisp, the way your feet rub together as you fall asleep. Will he call you adorable pet names and tell you how impressed he is with you, or will he let you know when even the smallest actions make him swoon over you as if you first met? Will he encourage counseling for the two of you to repair your broken relationship and then help you to face down your demons and the pain of your past? Will he make you laugh any time that he could? Will he make sure you have date nights every other week, and more if finances permit? Will he humiliate and humble himself just so that you can feel power over him if he ever strips it away? Will he cry in front of you, or share his passwords and secrets so that you can see right through him? Will he write songs about you FOR you? Is he creative, polite, outgoing, positive, understanding, patient, assertive but not controlling, fair, and ambitious? Do you think that when he makes it big, he will only think of you as the woman to share it with?

 

I know he hasn't hurt you the way that the old me did. But I assure you, that was the old me. The new me loves you and wants to grow with you. I want only the best for you and will do as much as I can to ensure that you get it. I am human and I made mistakes, yes. I live with depression or manic-depression or whatever, but the best people are crazy.

 

I am happy for you and again, I do not mean to sound bitter. I hope that you see these things missing in him and realize that I might have been a piece of **** stuck to a dirty shoe, but now... now I'm the man. Now I'm as impressive as I've ever been and motivated beyond belief to achieve my dreams and goals. I'll happily share them with you, should you return. But I won't wait. I won't wait for someone that kept me a secret from her family. I won't wait for someone that wouldn't lend some understanding for my emotional condition.

 

I love you, and I probably always will. I know who I am and I know that I am worth a lot. Thank you for inspiring these changes in me _______. Hopefully someone will be able to measure up, but I can guarantee that no one worth anything will let you control them the way you like to.

 

Remember me fondly, and look at the truth of the new me. The phantoms you created are now yours to fight and yours alone. Hopefully you'll see through them one day and the path that is laid before you leads you back to me. Until then, I truly wish you the best and if I could kiss you one last time, I would. Goodbye Bantu... you have been a real inspiration.

Posted

Remember how you used to call me 'boy' and I took up to calling you 'girl', just like that. It baffled some people but it was us.

 

It's 2 AM and two months have gone by since you broke up with me. this is the 7 th week I haven't contacted you and you've blocked me on Facebook, Skype everyone. I thought I was doing fine, but lately I've been going crazy, itching to drive by your place and talk to you or call you. I have this feeling you're missing me too. That somehow I can repair it,get it all back...the cuddling, the cute cheek biting...hell, even the annoying smoking.

 

But I can't. I have to keep strong and remind myself that the last time I broke down and called you, 7 weeks ago, you did not pick up. I wouldn't even know what to say to you. The reason you left remains immutable - you don't want to be with me. All I want is to kiss you one last time.

 

It's 2AM and for the first time in 2 months I allowed myself to look at pictures of you and us together. I thought I was strong enough finally. But now I will have to face a long day at work tomorrow with now sleep, because I know I'm about to face a long long night of thoughts and regrets.

 

I miss you. I still love you. I treasure those 4 years and hope I'm lucky enough to find someone else who's better than you, who will not walk away. I hope I will eventually realise that the fact you left is indeed for the better. But I hope you're missing me and hurting as much as I am.

 

But most of all I hope you come back to me.

  • Like 1
Posted

Happy April. I have been wondering for years now what it would take to set me over the edge. I must admit only 5 minutes ago I considered telling you off once last time, and really meaning it, having my last final say.

 

But as usual, the rage quickly dissolves, and it hit me...no answer is actually way worse than anything I could ever say. Keep it up, keep it up, I dare you. That was the one area that you always beat me in, the fact that I always still cared. At almost 2 years, you're dead to me.

 

This is apparently the untitled year of last hoorahs, and with a goal and direction in sight, the game is over. Like I said, I always wondered what it would take, for the book to finally to shut, for me to be ready to entirely throw away any lingering care for you. You went too far this time. This was the final straw, and being that I gave you endless opportunities to right your wrongs, you messed up big time. Game over.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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