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March 21, 2013

hes not married i know that for a flat out fact. never been married. but yeah..i dont eant to even think about cheating

but yeah this is not like him .... its getting so depressing

Sorry, I really am! There is nothing worse than been strung along, not knowing, or watching fickle behaviors make one angry.

All the best,

Am4Real

March 21, 2013

The only thing I regret about breaking up with you is not being able to rip a new one in you.

I was always so acquiescent with you. Practically never gave you sh*t. Never pointed out your faults. I accepted you for who you were and tried to help you with your weaknesses. I NEVER pointed them out and bashed on them like how you did with mine. I regret having that degree of consideration for you.

All those things you've ever said to me-- you said you said them out of honesty. You liar. Don't tell me you don't know the difference between honesty and being plain rude. Putting me down all the time-- who do you think you are? My only redeeming quality are my scores? Sad thing is you don't even have that to redeem yourself. I'm too immature for a relationship? And this is coming from a person who couldn't even properly take care of me? I'm too unworldly wise? I may have been sheltered and you may have been to many more places but I can grow wiser with time. I don't have that same hope for you.

You don't have respect for women; you don't have respect for anyone. You talk sh*t behind everyone's back-- including your closest friends here. You ignored me when we went out together and then told me if I had a problem with it, I should be the one trying to talk to you. You blamed me for our communication problems and told me I should more fluent with our native tongue even though I grew up in America all my life. You said that I should more classy, that I should be more mature. You told me that if I knew you well enough, I should know what you wanted. You never waited for me even though you knew I was slower. You didn't like my sense of fashion. You even hated my laugh.

How dare you blame me for all of YOUR problems? I tried so hard for you. Once you mentioned that you wanted more demonstrations of my caring for you, I did it. I changed. I changed so much for you. You said that a relationship was about two people and their collective efforts and sacrifices for each other. That's funny because you never sacrificed anything for me. You never tried. You never accommodated for me. You never put in any effort. You never cared enough. You took me for granted.

Even when I voiced that I wanted to break up, you were okay with it. You just said okay with barely a blink and told me to get out. And yet when I was gone, you have the audacity to try and text me? Did you think I was kidding? Did my kindness to you addle your brains? Did you think I wouldn't be able to go through with it? I remember you said once that you thought me too weak to break up with you. B*tch, I am stronger than you know. And I'll only continue to get stronger.

You said that you knew me. You don't. At all.

I don't want to hate you because you don't even deserve that out of me. The one thing that I don't regret is being intimate with you. It was a good learning experience for me even though you clearly sucked at giving a girl pleasure. I should've known then: all you do is think of yourself.

I hope you're happy with her. When I confronted you about her, you denied everything. You said it wasn't your problem. And your tendency to blame me for everything showed up again. I know that you liked her attention and you used her to stroke your ego. I don't know if you actually liked her, but now the thought is a little disgusting and also a little funny. You might not be dumb enough go out with her so soon after our break up, but you're dumb enough to stoop to liking something of her quality and show it so openly.

It makes me realize that my standards must have been really shot to pieces if I was willing to date you.

After this rant, I'm truly letting you go. You're not worth these thoughts. You're not worth my time. You're not worth anything of mine.

March 21, 2013

You were once so perfect for me and I never appreciated it. Now you're so different and I can't help but miss who you used to be.

March 21, 2013

Why do i miss u so freaken much when u dumped me for a someone else?!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......

March 21, 2013

Sorry, I really am! There is nothing worse than been strung along, not knowing, or watching fickle behaviors make one angry.

All the best,
Am4Real

thank you am4real. i appreciate your compassion. actually makes me feel better and like i am not crazy. i think i am being strung along. but its LD cant prove it. but hes still being disrespectful to say he will call spend time with me and then doesn't. like standing a person up for a date. i am thinking of un friending him, blocking him and changing my number and never speaking to him again. boy f i pulled this on him he'd have a fit though. but the worst part of it is he doesnt even seem to care at all now. about losing me or nothing. this feeling is so horrible. it feels like a criminal assault. its just a horrible feeling. and i am so mad at him for it too. anyway thank u for your comment. appreciated.

March 21, 2013

yesterday was your birthday. been thinking a lot if i will broke NC just to wish you a happy birthday but i cried the whole day and night and stay NC instead. it's your 1st birthday w/o me. i used to flood your inbox with love you's, ecards, text messages and send you snail mails even if it isn't your special day and did that for 10 long yrs. but you remove me from your life 3 mos ago because of your personal issues in life. i thought you want to marry me and have kids with me. it's supposed to be our wedding year. what happened to us?

i miss u. see you in the next lifetime.

March 21, 2013

Why the **** did you do this to us? To me? My faith and trust has been destroyed and you are responsible, with your lies and false promises. Why, what did I do to you that so terrible that you had to destroy my life - and you did, I lost my son because of you and you knew that and you only know the half of what I endured in the fight to get him back. You should have been there, standing shoulder to shoulder with me after all I sacrificed for you. I hope the fact you weren't is forever on your conscience every waking moment and in your dreams when you sleep - sleep with the bitch you chose because things were 'more calm and settled' with her. Well, I ****ing expect they were, unless she also split her family up for you, you selfish bastard!

March 21, 2013

This time a few months back I was the happiest man alive. You're a beautifully stunning woman with a sharp intellect to match. I worshipped the ground you walked on. We talked of marriage, having a family and living a great life together.

I would've supported you through ANYTHING. The good times and the bad.

But I guess that's not enough. You had to go and bring it all crashing down. You did things behind my back that hurt so much I've forgotten what it's like to be happy these past few months. You've crushed and destroyed a part of my life that I will never get back.

What hurts most is that I still love you despite all that has happened. I know that we are over but I'm only just about to come to terms with my loss. I've never loved or cared for anyone as much as you.

Sometimes I wish that we had never met. From the moment I first set eyes on you, I knew you were the one. And you were the one. It's just such a shame that you can't be my one forever.

Well I wish you all the best but now it is goodbye. Take care my love and maybe one day we will meet again:( x

March 21, 2013

Dear J,

Saw your older brother today. He too left his girlfriend after 6 years and met someone else straight away. I know how much you look up to him.

He didn't smile or anything. I'll try not to read too much into it but it still felt weird.

Still makes me smile when i think of that family outing when we all got so drunk and me and you ended up in bed naked and your older brother came and joined us and we all just snuggled. Was probably the funniest moment waking up that next morning as we all just looked at eachother completley startled. (and stark naked!)

He really is a good looking guy. I remember once when I was sat with him and he asked me to do his hair and I was shaking so much because he was so gorgeous! Tehe. You always got a little jealous when I poked fun at how I used to say how hot he was. But you were always my gorgeous boy and I would never, ever have tried anything because you were all I needed.

Made me feel weird seeing him with someone that wasn't Kate. I don't know how i'd ever react if you were to walk hand in hand with another girl and if I were to witness it.

Makes me feel very sad.

Meh.

Edited March 21, 2013 by Minadee

March 21, 2013

I'm sat here crying. I found an old message in 2010 that you sent to someone. You said..

"I love my Jasmin. She is my girl forever and a day. Perfection exists and I see it in her. There is no one in this whole world as beautiful as her."

And now i'm sobbing, uncontrollably.

What happened to you?

March 22, 2013

so i hear/see you're so much happier with her. you're happier now than you've ever been in the two years I've known you. I really did try my best to make you the happiest man. I can honestly say i did what i could and that i don't regret it for one second. And any one that knew us a couple can testify to that as well. Looking back, all i can think about is how much of you i put before myself. I was so selfless and i wish you could have seen that. I wish you weren't so selfish and immature to notice that at times. But you've made your choice and i'm happy for you.

Its good to see that people can find love, friendship, and a new happy beginnings. I don't care how much you've hurt me in the past i really do forgive you. None of that really matter at this point and if we we're still talking i would tell you thins in person. I wish we were still talking though. i truly miss my bestfriend more than anything. I don't hate you for leaving me for her. People do what they have to do in order to go on with their life and i can see that now. i'm happy that you've found someone to give you so much more than i could have and i pray someday i find that with someone else as well. Hopefully, someday we can come to terms with what happened and put everything aside and at least be good friends though i highly doubt that. That like me walking on water, zero chances to be clear! I may still be dealing with certain things about but i will always have so much respect and love for you!

P.S. There's not a day that goes by that you don't cross my mind.

March 22, 2013

Minadee

don't do this, don't torture yourself. It's just cause more pain.

March 22, 2013

Minadee

don't do this, don't torture yourself. It's just cause more pain.

But she's pregnant and this must be so very difficult for her. She doesn't have the luxury of being able to walk away, to 'move on', not when he's the father. I can't imagine how she's coping.

March 22, 2013

Though i felt like breaking up long time ago, a part of me was afraid. I am a coward, a filthy scum that hides from his fears. I wish i could explain my feelings for you, but for some reason I cant. I am happy that you ended the relationship, but why do i feel like this? I want to forget everything, but mainly i want to forget you.

Look at me now, drinking this bottle to fill my sorrow. These silents nights will be the end of me, I swear. What did you do to me? why do i feel like this... i feel this strange guilt in my stomach and heart.

Funny how I had a VIP pass to your life, but now I can't even talk to you? You were the best thing that happened to me, by far. You filled a void in my life that i was deeply missing, and i am afraid that Ill never feel like that again.

In all, **** relationships, if this is what happens.. then **** it. i dont want apart of it.

March 22, 2013

Things I hate about you:

- how you always bite your nails

- how you pick your nose

- how you always said "what smells -or- it smells in here" in that condescending tone when you smelt something off

- how you always left your crap laying around on the floor

- how you never cooked or cleaned

- how you never did "little" things for me like I ALWAYS did for you, like driving 20 min. round trip to get you some ice cream when you were sick

- how you never paid for groceries

- how I wired you hundreds, into thousands of dollars when you were still in college to help you pay your rent

- how I paid ALL of your rent and bills for the past 7 months we were together

- how you owe me $8,000, yet you somehow find money to go out of state to see your favorite band

- how you lied to me about STUPID things after our break-up, makes me wonder what you lied about when we were together

- how you were always judgemental of people, but then got upset when people judged you

- how you tried to be something you're not

- how your head was so far up in the clouds it made you forget what you had

- how your poor self-image of yourself affected us

- how you bailed on me when times got tough, when I was by your bed caring for you for a MONTH when you were violently ill, a mere 4 months before our break-up.

- how you led me on to believe 2 months before our break-up that we were making this move together, me spending dozens of hours renovating this apartment and now I live in it all alone.

- most of all, I hate how you just gave up without even giving us a chance. Maybe you feel that there wasn't anything worth fighting for, but I know that's not true.

In the end, you come across as being a very disingenuine person who doesn't know what the hell they want in life. Grow the **** up.

March 22, 2013

Hi sweetie! How are you? It's been a while, and I wanted to catch up with you. Is everything ok? How's your family?

First of all, thanks for not contacting me! It really means something to me, especially because you'd tell me daily how much you cared about me! It means a lot to know that you care so much that you haven't bothered to see if I'm ok or not. You know the stress I've been under, too. You always knew exactly how to make me feel special, and that hasn't changed. Love you too, babe!

So, have you considered searching for a job yet? You didn't for the 2 years we were together, not even after your family was so broke they couldn't afford to get groceries. You must be allergic to work, because I can't imagine why else you'd rather starve than seek employment. Oh, did your dad pay for you to get your hair cut and colored yet? I remember how excited you were about that. Hey, you might be malnourished but at least your hair will be perfect!

I think one of the things I admired about you most was how much your family means to you. I didn't understand just how much until you told me you couldn't live without them, but you could learn to live without someone you considered your soulmate. Now that's devotion! Does that mean you're planning on living with them forever? That's impressive, as you're already in your mid 20's. Most of the people I know had plans to establish independence much earlier than that. I guess they don't love their folks as much as you do!

Although I never suggested or asked you to jeopardize your relationship with your family, I can see why you wouldn't want to give a life with me a chance. Yeah, I'd do my best to support us, but you would have to get a job, too. I know that's *super* hard to do when you're used to waking up after 4pm and spending all day on the computer playing those cute little games they make for 9 year old girls! Tee hee hee!

Yeah, it would totally suck to actually have to change out of your pj's, learn how to prepare something other than a PB&J sandwich, and take responsibility for yourself. It's ok, honey, I understand. No harm, no foul.

How's your social life? Still nonexistent? Oh wait, I forgot. You always liked to find young guys online to chat with; well, you did when we were together, at least. I know you said you never cybered with them, and that totally makes sense, now that I think of it. I mean it's totally normal to jokingly imply that random online dudes turn you on, discuss their erections with them, exchange numbers and then call them, all while you're in a committed relationship. My bad for getting upset. I absolutely believe you didn't take it to a sexual level! I'm such a jealous jerk, like you said! Nothing wrong with a little flirting online! I don't know what came over me, so please forgive me for suspecting anything!

Anyways, honey, that's long enough. Thanks for everything, especially these past 2 weeks. Hang in there, keep complaining about how miserable you are while doing nothing to change things, and take care of yourself!

March 22, 2013

Oh hey you piece of S&@?. How does the little homewrecker you walked out on your son and I without warning for treat you? Not that good? Never as good as I did? Well I'll be damned! How is living in the trailer park you moved into the day you walked out on us? A ****hole? Well thats too bad . Oh you guys get to do all the things you want? No wonder, its because she pawns her own child off so she can run the town like the little W$@&? She is. No wonder you are so "happy" now, you have no responsibility, she doesn't expect a damn thing from you. Its really sad that a 32 year old man prefers the company of a 23 year old piece of tailer trash over his family. Oh you say you felt like I couldn't trust you? Apparently with good reason... You wanted to go hangout with your friends more, then why didn't you ask. You wonder why I don't want my son taken to the home of the trash bag you left us for? Maybe its because I know that she won't put the needs and well-being of my son in front of her own. I don't want you playing house with MY child! I HATE YOU, YOU GAVE UP SOMETHING SO GREAT FOR NOTHING!! YOU ARE A COWARD AND I HOPE THAT SOMEDAY YOU FEEL AS DESTROYED, EMPTY AND ALONE AS YOU HAVE MADE ME FEEL. Go to hell!

March 23, 2013

I have nothing left to say. Not a single constructive thought remains in my head tonight. It was you. It was always you.

I don't know where I am anymore. It all hit me today like a wall.

March 23, 2013

These past few days have been so miserable.

All I want is you.

March 23, 2013

The more one thing makes sense, the more questions I have for you. Gotta hold out though.

Have a good day. I'll see you in my dreams again tonight.

March 23, 2013

I am sorry too that I allowed you to hurt me, that I keep somehow allowing it to happen every single day, that I go to bed at 1 with you in mind and wake up without the need of an alarm at 4 with you in mind, with my brain pounding so hard knowing she's with you, replaying every word you said to me, wondering if you think of me and if it must hurt being this cruel. I know you'll come back, and I want you, I want the idea of what we were, the delusion of those brief weeks, but I know too that I will never be able to take you back, I have never felt this repulsion, repulsion for you and the way you lie, feel, conceive the world, even the way you look, but mostly repulsion for myself, I ignored your flirty ways the whole 6 years with were friends, knowing I had to keep you as just a friend and never let you cross the line, I am disappointed that I let you found me at my weakest point, that I let you in, take it all and set it on fire, I can't even believe I was such a fool as to consider someone like you a friend.

I am not upset that you'd try to find someone else in order to get over the nightmare we became by being apart, I tried the same (except I felt nauseous), I'm upset that it's someone that looks like me, that you try to get her to do things like me, that you do with her the things you'd say you do with me if I moved to your city, that you formalized things with her after roughly 2 weeks, that you got yourself a fan, someone that unlike me, doesn't even try to bring you back to earth and appreciate you for who you are but inflates your ego even more by adoring your one-of-a-kind lifestyle. You cannot be so dumb as to believe she didn't find you far more attractive after knowing where you work and the people you'd introduce her to. You're so cheap.. you can put on all these labels to cover up the putrid smell of that soul but you know it's all rotten inside. Trying to replace someone in such a superficial way is cheap, using a girl like that just to satisfy your needs is cheap. I feel dirty just by loving you.

I know you quit your job during your "depression" after our breakup but since I can't see you not being there since you're too used to being a bottom feeder, I actually hope you have the lack of dignity (won't be too hard) to change your decision and stay there for years, being their pet, bullied by the other employees who could pick up on your climber ways faster than I did. I hope you stay with this girl you don't love too. Right now it's my nightmare, guess being this tormented is the price I'll pay for not seeing clearly and falling for you, but better days will come, I know I have the strength to move on and I always did SO MUCH better.. until you, the guys I dated were all somewhat kind, smart and actually good-looking. I cannot wait for what the future has in store for me, the way the days drag on like centuries is torture right now but they'll pick up their pace and I will move on, I will graduate, relocate to that city close to yours, get in the school I wanted for my Master's, surround myself with sincere people, hopefully find love and a genuine relationship, and I hope you find out about it, I hope it haunts you forever your thought of how we could've been so happy together, that you quit us before we even gave this a try, and I hope the limbo where frustration and forgetfulness coexist hurts like little needles, I know it will, and that will probably be my only kind of revenge.

It's not good to have regrets but I regret everything, I regret our friendship, I regret what we became, the two months I wasted on you, how I let you invade my brain and my heart, I regret every tear; I feel like a loser for loving a loser. People say things happen for a reason but unless the only reason here was to realize you were never my friend and I should kick you out of my life, some things seem to happen just keep us aware that life can really suck sometimes, and this was one of them. I can't talk about forgiving you, the only thing that consumes me is never being able to forgive myself. I wish I could erase you from my memory, I wish I had never seen you smile like that and that the memory didn't bring tears to my eyes because I love you but I don't want you anymore, I wish you were a bad actor and all the words you said to me were not tattooed in my head as if you had ever meant it, I wish sex with you had been average, I wish all this tenderness you still trigger on me could disappear and that I didn't feel this humiliating need to protect you, I wish I found peace in someone else's arms and stopped longing for yours. You're full of s*it. You're worth nothing, I want to understand it.

March 24, 2013

I try and let things slide, I let you off the hook again, no matter what you do, I forgive you, you never make any effort to earn that forgiveness and the least I want to do is talk about things and you won't even let me do that, all because you say "it gives me nightmares", I don't know who the hell you think you are, you selfish inconsiderate bitch.

March 24, 2013

I can't sleep and it's 7 am on a Sunday. Usually when I couldn't sleep, I'd check my inbox and you had just sent me a sweet email. I wonder if you think of me, if you feel slightly guilty, if f*king around has worked wonders for you, if the thought of being a liar and a scumbag ever crosses your mind, if like me, the thought of never talking to you again and having lost you for real makes you nauseous. What sucks is that this is exactly what happened.. I'd rather die than take you back or even respond to any of your texts. You're dirty, used like chewed gum. If I saw you near some railways, I'd push you, I would so push you.

March 24, 2013

I try and let things slide, I let you off the hook again, no matter what you do, I forgive you, you never make any effort to earn that forgiveness and the least I want to do is talk about things and you won't even let me do that, all because you say "it gives me nightmares", I don't know who the hell you think you are, you selfish inconsiderate bitch.

omg can i relate to this simon. i must be with her twin brother lol. sheesh. sorry to hear this tho when i didnt see u on here i hoped things improved. this happens to me all the time too. i take him back, and hes never held accountable for ANYTHING...because as you say...i too let him "off the hook"

but boy does he take advantage of that. it like they think they are right all the time, even if you dont let them off the hook, or youre the one who has to eat crow. theres no fair play. its insane

i have responded to other posts of yours too. i know this is a place to vent to them, so i will sign off now, but i wanted to say that your g/f sounds VERY narcissistic like my guy. they are ALL about "themselves"

March 24, 2013

I've just seen a user on here that I'm 95% sure is you. Your style of writing is identical to this user, the way you've asked questions and answered others, you used a name that suits you, the resemblance is horribly uncanny. My gut feeling is telling me its you, my gut feeling 9 times out of 10 is right, but I have been fooled before (thankfully not by you.)

So if it is, you're a damn fool and I told you so. Funny how karma works eh?

Edited March 24, 2013 by Harradin

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