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March 16, 2013

Good morning.

Not being able to have crumbs sucks, but it's definitely best for the both of us right now... I wish time could be fast forwarded until you have the time..

March 16, 2013

hi SimonSerenade long time. i dont know whats going on..last i knew you and ur wife broke up. is this a new person? sorru to see your sad . i havent been on in a while either and i am going thru some stuff with someone too. and i totally understand the 95/5 thing. can sooo relate to that. i am getting that too. anyway good luck to u

Hey, yeah it's been a long time, what's been going on for you?, this is indeed a new person, been with her for over a year now actually, things have been great with her for the most part but over the last few months she's turned ice cold and her personality has soured, I'm just sick to death of being the only one making the efforts, feels just like it did back then, hoping we get through it but at the moment I haven't got a lot of hope, just got to buff myself up for the inevitable break up

March 16, 2013

It took having someone show me true compassion and understanding to get over you. I will always love you but honestly you're still a child.

March 16, 2013

I love you and I miss you, I want to have faith in you more than anything else in the world, I hope you weren't cheating back then when I found those messages on your old phone and I hope your not cheating now, either way I've always been very respectful of your privacy, even after that, I gave you the benefit of the doubt, that killed me, now it feels like your hiding something again, the very least you could is calm my fears this time round, these problems are easy to fix, you mess up, you do everything to fix it, show me love and affection, don't act embarrassed of me, I'm a good looking guy, you should be proud to be seen with me, let alone kissing me and giving me hugs in public, relationships aren't hard, simple efforts here and there keeps it good and healthy, right now I'm in a dark place, this time of the year Is always hard, I lost my best friend and the love of my life, yeah it's been a long time since all that happened but every year round this time I relive it all and experience every painful and gut sinking feeling I felt back then, I wanted nothing more than for you to be there for me but I can't even depend on you for something as simple as that you just have to make things worse, I can't believe someone as nice as you were could turn out to be so cruel and selfish.

March 16, 2013

hey simon thanks for writing back and the update. wow boy can i relate to some things you said. like how when you are going thru a rough time they arent even there for you. this will be a BIG thing for me to remember about what i dont like about him. thats a huge flaw.

March 16, 2013

hey simon thanks for writing back and the update. wow boy can i relate to some things you said. like how when you are going thru a rough time they arent even there for you. this will be a BIG thing for me to remember about what i dont like about him. thats a huge flaw.

I'm sorry your going through this too, it's horrible, didn't think I'd be going through stuff like this again, I was sure the next women I found would be full of love and compassion, I'll have to bare that in mind in future too, what's been going on for you?, if you don't mind me asking.

March 16, 2013

I really have to start going to other supermarkets, seeing you at work today damn near killed me, you looked right through me, no smiles, no hello's, not even to my kid, you give me nothing, yet the guy behind you on your till was getting all kinds of smiles, I really hope nothing's going on but that's hard to believe considering he's your type, tall, handsome and all that crap, I know full well by now most romances start at the work place, hell all but 1 of ex girlfriends started there cheating that way, everywhere I've worked, employee's were like hamsters, even the old trumps were getting some action on the side, always made me sick to my stomach.

Things aren't great for us at the moment, not even sure you was wearing your engagement ring today, suppose it's easy for you to fall for somebody else under those circumstances but hey, if you are doing that, I'm not going to make excuses for you, if you do that then that's ****ed up, the least you could do is come clean and leave me be, I deserve at least that.

I'm pretty sure I won't be hearing from you again tonight, no call, no messages, nothing, I don't even want to think about where you end up, you've been a good girlfriend for the most part, I just hope whatever you do from now on makes you happy, if I couldn't do that then fair enough, suppose it's best you find somebody else, I know you've been losing feelings for me lately, everything seems so awkward and different, just hope you come out and tell me at some point because I can't take this pain anymore.

All I wanted to do this month was take it easy and just get through the tough times that were ahead, you should of made it easier, from now on I'm just going to focus on that and keep myself to myself and if you can live with yourself then more power to you.

March 16, 2013

Dear James,

Today was bleak.

I worked, and worked and worked. But then something interesting happened. I was putting some stock out in work and you walked past. My heart has never raced so hard, I knew instinctivley that it was you and walked off, I could hear the clicks of my low heels as I almost near-sprinted off into the opposite direction. What the hell were you doing there? I had to calm myself down, my whole body was shaking and my heart was pulsing, I felt sick and wobbly and had to be strict with myself. I told myself to get myself together, so with a quick check in the staff room mirror, I went back. I spent the next 20 minutes or so looking for you, looking out the window at the carpark for any sight of your red car. I eagerly scanned every face around me, waiting to catch any sort of glimpse of your face. Any low male voice made me jump and even my manager retorted that I was severly distracted.

I don't even know what I was trying to accomplish. What would have been said if we had caught eye contact? Would you have said anything? Why the heck was I acting like this? How could anyone make me feel so vulnerable, terrified and excited all in just a quick glance?

But just as quickly as you came, you had gone.

I texted you on my break saying I had seen you and you said "Oh, I forgot you worked there."

What?! That is utter horsesh*t James and you know it! This is where you sent those ludcacrisly overpriced roses to me last valentines day. This was where I got told off for talking to you for too long. How could you forget? Why even bother lying?

It was the first time i'd seen you in a week but it felt a lot longer.

You're going out drinking frequently again I see, I wonder if i'll get a drunk call tonight. I wonder if i'll have the willpower to ignore it. You are like two seperate people when you are drunk, one part of you is intruiging to me, you are loving and gentle, the other part is nasty and sexually frustrated, and I never see or hear any inbetween when you are drunk.

Ho Hum.

I'm not sure if i'll make it into work tomorrow, I am having a lot of issues with my health. I am constantly getting headaches and nausea and am losing weight, which is alarming. I havn't told you because I don't need your sympathy.

Have fun tonight, I'll try not to think about you or dream about you.

xxx

Edited March 16, 2013 by Minadee

March 16, 2013

hey simon a LDR was what was going on with me. feeling more distance. that sort of thing

are you engaged? if so..try tto worry too much. just give her space maybe. tell her you love her and are there for her. maybe go out to dinner. and dont talk serious ..just laugh. seems like u at least got far with her to be engaged. maybe thats a good thing : ) mehopes.

March 16, 2013

hey simon a LDR was what was going on with me. feeling more distance. that sort of thing

are you engaged? if so..try tto worry too much. just give her space maybe. tell her you love her and are there for her. maybe go out to dinner. and dont talk serious ..just laugh. seems like u at least got far with her to be engaged. maybe thats a good thing : ) mehopes.

Long distance relationships are tough, I know how you feel, one of the best relationships I ever had was a long distance one, same country but many miles apart, both on opposite ends of the country, I only saw her a handful of times but they were special times, can't even remember how it ended, just remember feeling crushed, at the time I didn't feel I'd feel anything if we broke up because of the distance but I suppose when you do nothing but talk, talk and talk, you connect with them on a mighty deep level, sorry it's not going well for you .

Yeah were engaged, think one of our main problems is too much space, she never has time for me these days, not even enough time to stop and send me a text, that's what worries me mostly, ever since we got engaged she's been like that and has been pretty distant, on a number of occasions even said things like "maybe were not meant to be together" and stuff like that, I don't bother her with any of this, I let her contact me and give her all the space she wants, I learned my lesson from my last relationship, thank god I've had this website all this time lol.

March 17, 2013

wow how long have you been engaged simon. yeah we did more than talk, we gamed together , rented movies together...supported each other. mostly me being a support to him but i was afraid to open up..for 2 reasons ..1)how i over did that once in a relationship and 2) he didnt give me the comfort i needed. he brushed things off like ahhh dont worry lol. now i even miss that. we had plans to meet and he said he loved me. used to refer to me by his last name. said he wanted to marry me someday. didnt mind the age difference. etc. but he never made a real effort to see me and he said he wished he had...when i didnt talk to him once. then shortly after that he was feeling great one day and we had a goodnight and then the next day i called him and started asking him questions. he said i was blowing his good mood he hadn't felt in days. so i let him be and on the weekend he turned his phone off. then afterwards he wrote to me told me he loved me. like a jerk i wrote him a letter saying i fear he met someone. i sounded very accusing and haven't heard from him since. that was 6 days ago. i since sent him another email saying i dint mean what i said. because in that stupid 1st email i told him if theres someone..pls let me go. but he hates questions like this and could have gotten real mad at me. or thought i am unhappy maybe and feels he cant offer more. but i am happy with him and DONT know what to do anymore. i miss him and hate the silence. . this is truly the longest he hasnt contacted me.

March 17, 2013

Hey A,

Hope your move went well today and yesterday. I wish I could've been there to help.

It would've been nice to see, and enjoy, your new room setup.. I miss you a lot. I still know there isn't that time right now but I certainly hope we stay close enough to have that time come and everything line up.

I hope to hear from you soon.

March 17, 2013

wow how long have you been engaged simon. yeah we did more than talk, we gamed together , rented movies together...supported each other. mostly me being a support to him but i was afraid to open up..for 2 reasons ..1)how i over did that once in a relationship and 2) he didnt give me the comfort i needed. he brushed things off like ahhh dont worry lol. now i even miss that. we had plans to meet and he said he loved me. used to refer to me by his last name. said he wanted to marry me someday. didnt mind the age difference. etc. but he never made a real effort to see me and he said he wished he had...when i didnt talk to him once. then shortly after that he was feeling great one day and we had a goodnight and then the next day i called him and started asking him questions. he said i was blowing his good mood he hadn't felt in days. so i let him be and on the weekend he turned his phone off. then afterwards he wrote to me told me he loved me. like a jerk i wrote him a letter saying i fear he met someone. i sounded very accusing and haven't heard from him since. that was 6 days ago. i since sent him another email saying i dint mean what i said. because in that stupid 1st email i told him if theres someone..pls let me go. but he hates questions like this and could have gotten real mad at me. or thought i am unhappy maybe and feels he cant offer more. but i am happy with him and DONT know what to do anymore. i miss him and hate the silence. . this is truly the longest he hasnt contacted me.

You've had quite a time with this guy, I wish me and my girl had watched more movies together, not really bothered gaming with her though, not since she beat me on fifa, I had all the play and she just scored late goals out of nowhere lol **** that!, I get you on the opening up part, I always feel like I'm going to be a problem and be pushed away when I open up, plus when I tried it with her, she'd say the exact same thing your guy did, kind of makes you feel a little cheap but just like you I'd do anything to hear that now too.

There's something I have been a little worried about, age difference... there's not too much a gap between us but 5 years feels like a lot sometimes because I feel were both at different parts of our lives, I hate it when they do that, feels like your not allowed to feel bad in case you bring them down on a good day, I could never say anything like that to someone, I'd want nothing more than to cheer that person up, should be mutual you'd think.

I'm sorry to hear that your going through all that, 6 days is rough, it's only been about 3 days for me but that's just so weird because like you, it's the longest I've not heard from her and I don't want to send her big messages and bug her, I think what hurts the most is how she can go that long without talking to me, even without sending me messages, I too think there's someone else, haven't told her I thought that and probably won't but damn it's killing me, every time I go in to her work for some shopping, there's always love songs on, melts my heart looking at her and not having her looking back, Had that Ne yo song "let me love you" on today, I usually hate those kind of artists but they don't half give me the loveliest feeling when I get to look at her when there playing in the background.

I suppose all we can do is wait on the side lines and just hope like hell they come back and have something good to say, I love her more than anyone I've ever loved, even the ex that crushed me and brought me on here in the first place, the silence really is a killer, I find myself waiting by the phone or waiting by the Playstation hoping for a message.

March 17, 2013

Goodnight A. I still do love you

March 17, 2013

Its been 6 months exactly since you sent (oh wait, he wrote it for you and you clicked send) that email dumping my ass because you couldn't even see me in person to do it. I can't believe its been half a year since you did that, it still feels like a worst scenario nightmare to me. Its been 5 months since we last spoke, I'm actually surprised. I assumed you would have contacted me in some form by now but it wouldn't have made any difference, I would have ignored it.

I wonder whether you've realised how much of a stupid mistake you made yet. I suppose he'll keep manipulating you until he has enough or finds someone else to manipulate, then you'll realise and maybe you'll feel just as much pain as I did when you threw everything I did (don't forget I was ALWAYS there for you, no matter what) for you back in my face.

If life hadn't got hard for you the week before you dumped my ass, I'm 99% positive you would have realised that he was trying to manipulate you and we would have still been together. It was obvious you still loved me after you dumped me.

I don't know how, but I still love you and I probably always will. I just wish things could have been different.

Edited March 17, 2013 by Harradin

March 17, 2013

Good morning.

Miss me yet? Realize what you let go of?

March 17, 2013

I knew you'd ring me last night.

I ignored the first 3 calls but you kept ringing and ringing so I answered reluctantly. You were off your head. I've only heard you so drunk like that a few times, and you never learn. You really are still such an immature little boy sometimes.

You told me you were trying to get with a girl last night but then you said "I didn't because..." then you hung up. I rung back and you went off topic and I couldn't get you to bring it up again. Why the hell was I even bringing it up? I am such a fool. I guess I love the pain it brings when I think of you with someone else. I mean, I must do, right? Or maybe because I'm trying to act like I don't care when really it is killing me.

You texted me this morning saying sorry, and that you don't remember anything. You always say that.

Feel a little bit disgusted by your childish behavior. You need to do some serious growing up if you're to be a father.

I'm sick off work by the way, not that you've asked how I am. Not that you ever ask if i'm okay.

Slowly getting real tired of this sh*t.

March 17, 2013

You've just left my house.

I feel very strange. I don't ask for help regarding how to question your motives, I don't think I could pay the best phyciatrist there is enough to find out what is going on in your weird little brain.

You came around with some chocolate for me and I let you in. I was in my pyjamas as I had the day off work. I went up to bed and you followed, none of us said much. I fell asleep for a while and I woke up and you were cuddling me. You had your fingers hovering over my hands and our legs were intertwined. You didnt admit it, but I knew you had been watching me sleeping. You brushed my hair away from my face as I fluttered my eyelids, adjusting to the sudden sunlight, you never once took your eyes off of me. We stayed intertwined for a while, and that led to spooning, which then lead to making love. It was passionate and intense and afterwards we stayed curled up, watching topgear or whatever was on in the background.

You fell asleep for a little bit with my arm wrapped around yours. You held it as if you were clinging onto it for dear life. I looked at you as you traced your fingers down my wrist and over my tattoo.

We didnt say much. In the end I told you I had to leave to sort things out with my mother and you got dressed and hugged me before you left.

I don't know what to feel right now. Has it come to this? Has it come to me being your personal c*mdumpster whenever you feel inclined? Or is there more? Or am I just reading too much into it? I don't know. Man this whole situation is ghastly and seriously f*cked up. Not sure how much longer I can keep up with this charade.

Me and mother made up though. She seriously crossed the line big time, but we hadnt spoke since last tueday morning and enough was enough. I apologised for my outburst and she told me she had missed me. My guard is still up but she is still there for me, which is nice I guess. She said she hates your f*cking guts though and that you should not step foot into her place ever again. I rolled my eyes and said nothing, letting her rant away. As if I needed telling you were bad news.

Wish I wasn't so addicted to you.

All my love xxx

March 17, 2013

^^^ Girl you got it bad. You need to stop. Seriously. It's killing you and I know exactly how you feel. Don't be stupid like me. There are wonderful guys out there!!! Gotta play the duck and dive and ignore ignore ignore game with this dude.

March 17, 2013

i know kiwi, i know! every time we go weeks without talking he somehow slithers back, and i'm a fool for letting him!

March 17, 2013

SIMON---- sorry to hear that. i don't understand. did you guys have a fight or something? usually its a good thing for the man to call the woman. did you call her and she ignored it or something? and then you didn't hear form her for 3 days. by the way you sound like a real understanding person. i hope and pray it works out for you guys. my guy called last night. he said he was being a bum for a while and hes sorry he put me thru anything. and said understands perfectly how i would wonder what hes up to and who hes with. said hes not with nor talking to any females and is not looking to get away from me or move towards anyone. he was in a "zone". didnt go to work ( he also smokes pot) ..lol i know sounds like a catch .........and he was playing video games all this time and watching tv. alone. i said dont u miss human interaction. i said maybe your happy with talking to game friends and lets not forget we met on a game. but he denied thats the case. i asked him if he was talking on ventrilo ( its where you can chat live with your fellow gamers) he denied that too. sighs i dont know. then i said its ok. he said its not ok i shouldn't take u for granted. (thats awesome but he always does...sighs) then he said he blew all his tax money and called himself a loser. he said he loved me and i was the best thing that ever happened to him in his life. then he said goodbye. b4 that he shared information about his "game" and how addicting it is. thats the most i think hes talked to me in a month overall. then he asked me why i havent accepted his FB invitation. because b4 all of this i left his FB because he never talked to me there or commented on a post. (i only left 3 ever each one was merry christmas. happy thanks giving) yet i saw he always had time to do a "like" on someone elses post and comment on pictures, etc. he blocks his friends too so u cant see who they are and most are females lol. so ps i figured last month, i would leave by d-friending him. afterall we had no activity, it was a farce. so on his birthday he sendt me a new invite. HA!!! so he could remind me it was his Bday probably. but i already knew that and did accept the invitation. anyway last night he said you stll havent accepted my invitation. we didnt fight. ended it lovingly. oh yeah he said hes been sleeping to 10pm every night. thats not like him. he gets up early everyday and goes to work. but he has been a bum and now goes to bed soooo late that he sleeps to the night. he said he knows hes digging a ditch for himself and that each day that past made it harder for him to call me and expose himself for digging a ditch. the whole thing is sooo frustrating. its 5pm here now i called to say hi. no answer. sick of this merry go round. i would say call her simon. tell her u love and miss her. if there is nothing from stopping u from doing that.

March 18, 2013

what is it going to take to make me realise that you dont deserve me? that i'm the best you're ever going to get? i dont know how many times you have to make me cry before i can stop being so blinded by how much i love you!

i hate this.

March 18, 2013

you just told me you dont feel "that way" towards me anymore.

it's 00:46, i have to be up in 5 hours and i am numb with the pain, i cannot cry anymore.

March 18, 2013

I almost don't need to say it, but goodnight A. Sleep well.

Tomorrow will be hard on us both, being a date that was once worth a great memory. Know that I have more than accepted your decision to do what is best right now. I hope you can keep your mind focused on your studies.

March 18, 2013

SIMON---- sorry to hear that. i don't understand. did you guys have a fight or something? usually its a good thing for the man to call the woman. did you call her and she ignored it or something? and then you didn't hear form her for 3 days. by the way you sound like a real understanding person. i hope and pray it works out for you guys. my guy called last night. he said he was being a bum for a while and hes sorry he put me thru anything. and said understands perfectly how i would wonder what hes up to and who hes with. said hes not with nor talking to any females and is not looking to get away from me or move towards anyone. he was in a "zone". didnt go to work ( he also smokes pot) ..lol i know sounds like a catch .........and he was playing video games all this time and watching tv. alone. i said dont u miss human interaction. i said maybe your happy with talking to game friends and lets not forget we met on a game. but he denied thats the case. i asked him if he was talking on ventrilo ( its where you can chat live with your fellow gamers) he denied that too. sighs i dont know. then i said its ok. he said its not ok i shouldn't take u for granted. (thats awesome but he always does...sighs) then he said he blew all his tax money and called himself a loser. he said he loved me and i was the best thing that ever happened to him in his life. then he said goodbye. b4 that he shared information about his "game" and how addicting it is. thats the most i think hes talked to me in a month overall. then he asked me why i havent accepted his FB invitation. because b4 all of this i left his FB because he never talked to me there or commented on a post. (i only left 3 ever each one was merry christmas. happy thanks giving) yet i saw he always had time to do a "like" on someone elses post and comment on pictures, etc. he blocks his friends too so u cant see who they are and most are females lol. so ps i figured last month, i would leave by d-friending him. afterall we had no activity, it was a farce. so on his birthday he sendt me a new invite. HA!!! so he could remind me it was his Bday probably. but i already knew that and did accept the invitation. anyway last night he said you stll havent accepted my invitation. we didnt fight. ended it lovingly. oh yeah he said hes been sleeping to 10pm every night. thats not like him. he gets up early everyday and goes to work. but he has been a bum and now goes to bed soooo late that he sleeps to the night. he said he knows hes digging a ditch for himself and that each day that past made it harder for him to call me and expose himself for digging a ditch. the whole thing is sooo frustrating. its 5pm here now i called to say hi. no answer. sick of this merry go round. i would say call her simon. tell her u love and miss her. if there is nothing from stopping u from doing that.

I'm glad that he finally got in contact with you, I hope he stays In contact with you this time, there's some addictive games out there though, really addictive games, I don't game as much these days cause I personally love the old generation of gaming and nothing really appeals to me now but man his problem could be pot, I'll be honest, I smoked that stuff when I was a whole lot younger than I am now and I didn't want to do anything at all, sometimes I'd be so green I couldn't talk to anybody, not for the lack of wanting to but mostly for the lack of not being able to, that stuff really messes you up, he should get back into a good routine though sleeping wise, it's hard though when you get in to that routine, it can really mess up your mood and generally you can feel very down in the dumps and anti social, I think lack of sun light can do that to you, I wouldn't take it too personally, that's probably what's been going on, keep an eye on that.

I talked to my girl today, didn't go quite as nice as your conversation did though, now I'm back to square one and don't know what to do, we didn't argue, she just randomly said "we're not going to talk for a while" and before that she blew off seeing me a few times, I tried to put my point across that if she was busy fair enough but she could at least send me a message to know it isn't because of something I did, thinking like that over and over about that sort of stuff messes with your mind continuously, I tried telling her how I've felt the past few days, this time of the month is always hard, 6 years a go the love of my life died and I was there to find her and I can be at my happiest but at this time of the year I always feel down and relive every last moment of it, got frustrated with her not listening and just put the phone down in the end and now I'm just going to leave her to it and just be by myself for a while, I tell her I love her and miss her all the time, problem is she don't do the same, no efforts to say that out of nowhere, nothing at all, she used to every now and then but not anymore, probably what's worrying most, I've seen these signs before and they always led down the same path, the path to "she just dumped my ass!" lol doesn't help how she keeps saying stuff like "maybe it's not going to work out" quite a lot, that's grasping at straws right there.

Facebook is horrible, the amount of problems that come out of that thing is unreal, I don't bother with it, haven't had it for a long time now, made me so insecure looking at hers, she must of had over 300 guy friends on there, same for her twitter, I just stay away from those sort of sites, those sites will screw your head up.

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