Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[nada2013]

I want you here

[SimonSerenade]

I'm probably worrying about nothing here but just got a horrible niggling feeling that you've lost interest in me and this relationship now, can't help but feel there's somebody else on the side, I don't want to think that about you, I honestly wouldn't ever believe it but this feeling has rarely been wrong before, just seems I'm putting in such a crazy effort here and really laying my feelings down on the line and getting nothing back, feels like your avoiding me and even tonight, saying you got to work from 7pm-12am, a shift I've never even heard of you doing before in all our time together, I just don't know what's wrong with you at the moment, I hope I'm wrong about all of this because I love you and I want this to last forever but I daren't even ask you about any of this, at the moment your scary as hell!.

[SimonSerenade]

Your not even contacting me after work now for our before bed time chat, I miss those nightly chats, I geuss I'm just fading out, my own fault though for taking it all for granted, just hope that's not time spent on someone else, I love you, I really hope I'm still the only one.

[HipProfessor]

OK, it seems a few of us have had a rough time with the darned NC. I had fantasies today of unloading all this anger, longing, and "WTF" onto my ex. I am creating this thread as a place for all of us in pain to post instead of contacting Ms/Mr ex. It could actually be kind of fun, at least a release.

 

I had a friend with a terrier dog who used to look out the window and whenever he saw another dog or squirrel or whatever dogs want to kill he would grab the nearest object and shake it furiously, all the while glaring at the object of his hatred, and barking/growling with his mouth full. It was hilarious and poignant, and I have to say, I relate to that pup!

 

What would you like to tell him or her? Even if it's been building up for years, post it here! Rage-fest! Longing-fest! DO NOT CONTACT that frigging ex, put it all here!!

 

My StBXW left 6 weeks ago. I have been begging and crying until this morning. She filed for divorce. We have no children together so I decided to go NC. Feel good about it. We have a court hearing next week. Planning to keep NC till then.

[Minadee]

i really thought i was doing okay.

 

talking to my counceller yesterday i was so so SO positive! i hadn't thought about you in days. but today, i had a blazing row with my mother and my first instinct was to come to yours. i hopped on a bus and before i knew what i was doing i got out at your house. but then sense came in and i went to town to finish off some work. i then figured i didnt have enough to get home and very weakly phoned you. you told me you were going to the gym.

 

the gym was more important than picking up your pregnant ex girlfriend, while she stood in the freezing cold.

 

i know you dont owe me anything, and i get mad at myself for expecting you to just drop everything, its not healthy.

 

i'm trying really hard

 

i cant help but think about what you said on saturday.

 

"i love you, you love me, we both just love eachother."

 

i know you were drunk, and i know this was before the nastiest row i had ever had with you, but what does that mean? talk about a head f*ck.

 

wont spend too long analyzing it, im far too busy. got a lot of lecture work to catch up on and i'm taking on some extra shifts as i need the money big time.

 

i'm sorry i ruined your night out james, i really am.

i still love you and dream about you sometimes.

but only sometimes.

[SimonSerenade]

We had a great day together yesterday, really passionate stuff, then today it's back to avoiding me again, always bothered me how concerned you were with affection in public places, you seemed more interested in the guy behind the check out counter today than you did with me, just feels like I'm losing you sometimes, I can't shake the feeling your hiding something from me, I hope that isn't so but it's a hell of a heavy feeling, just wish I could get certain images out of my head, it's really affecting my health.

[Minadee]

I miss your laugh. Sometimes it was sexy, then other times it was infectious.

 

Makes my heart beat just thinking about it...

 

Miss you a lot right now, i'm hoping it will pass.

[SimonSerenade]

No matter what you tell me, nothing adds up, I still see these images in my mind, all the time, they just don't go away, I just can't understand those messages you sent to that guy, I just can't accept that nothing happened after the way you were talking to him, I feel there's so much I don't know about you, stuff that would probably kill me to find out, you lied to me about the guys you claimed you slept with and the stories always changed through out our relationship and now you claim you slept with nobody, I can't say anything though, I was embarrassed about my past sex life or should I say lack of sex life so I lied to you too, It's killing me to think you might be lying to me and if you are I just wish you'd tell me, I'd still stay with you, just so long as your telling me the truth, I wish I'd told you the truth as soon as we got together but there was so much messed up stuff involved I just couldn't bring myself to find the words to tell you, I couldn't imagine what you'd think of me and what you'd do after you knew the truth, I don't know if you'd of walked out or not but at that time you were the best thing to walk in to my life and I just couldn't stand the thought of you walking out of it, I just hope what you've told me is the truth and not some messed up lie to make me happy cause we had sex after what you told me, a lot of times!, this is killing me and I hope I just get over it and forget about it some time soon, I need to get my head around the stories you've told me and accept it but if your lying, I just hope like hell you come clean cause I got to accept some truth either way and that's just the way it is, I love you and I would love more than anything for what you've told me to be true, being the only guy for you is the perfect dream for me, I'd love to live the rest of my life knowing that, please don't let me live a lie.

[na49]

Hi I hope your concert went well tonight.

 

Just kidding! I hope you tripped on your choir robe and fell off the stage.

Edited March 14, 2013 by na49

[PhillyGuy86]

You said there was nothing left to say, you deleted me off facebook, and now you're on OKCupid, presumably talking to other guys. I know we had our problems, but it sucks you had no trouble moving on while I struggle with it. But I will move on and I will find someone that makes me happy.

[SimonSerenade]

Yet another day I miss out on seeing you cause of some ****ed up bull****, man I hate cats, hate the fact you have to get your ass down to the vets with your time off and pay out for this cat, hate the fact that this cat is such a dumbass it rips it's bandages off and you got to go back and pay out even more money to fix it, it's not even your cat, it's your mum's, she bought the damn thing for you, you wanted a playstation, now you got to pay out hundreds of pounds on this little ****, that's messed up, if we ever live together you better believe I won't put up with this bull****, that's a red flag right there, were not going to have that kind of money to pay out for stuff like that, it won't be our problem, I'd leave your ass if you started paying out for that sort of ****, you pay your mum rent and a lot of it, buy your own food and they gobble it the **** up, no wonder your broke so often, they have you doing all kinds of crap, they just take advantage of you all the time, if that was my mum I'd tell her to get stuffed, I know when I'm being taken for a ride and your mum's having a hell of a ride but whatever, I'll just keep my mouth shut, god forbid I say anything bad about your mum, nobody has any common sense anymore.

[Minadee]

you just messaged me saying you had seen my pof profile? my work friends set it up for me and i've hardly been on it at all. why would you message me saying that? are you bothered? do you really care? then when i didnt respond you said "i'll book one blowjob for later please!" and i told you to stop being so cheeky and you said "cheeky is good i was just kidding anyway!"

 

you are the most confusing person on this planet!!

 

i feel very unwell today. wish i could come around, it's so sunny. we used to sit in your garden on the big bean bags and cuddle and wrestle. but nope, i see you're planning to go zoo with amy. you KNOW how much i despise that girl!!!

 

[hockeyfan99]

i just want to let you know that the pain that i'm in right now is the worst i have ever had in my 41 years of existence. i hope you are making the right decision with this BU b/c my heart is broken into about a million pieces and i don't it being out back together anytime soon. i hope you're happy with your decision b/c i'm not. i wake up every morning thinking about you and just how much i miss you and love you. there are no words to describe just how hard all this is for me. i have mun out of tears. every time a text comes thru i hope its you. when my cell rings i hope its you. when i look at my email i hope there is a message. the part that hurts the most is that i have no idea how you feel about me anymore. do you still love me? do you even care about me anymore? do you even think about me anymore? am i just a distant memory for you? who are you with? who are you talking to? who are you interested in anyone else. i mean i know none of this matters now b/c it would change anything, but my hurting is slowly killing me. for me, I DON'T WANT ANYONE ELSE. you are all i want and ever want. i just miss you more than anything in the universe and i never want to let go of your heart. i wish you would just forgive me and come back. you. are. my. world...........

[shatteredworld]

Not sending this to him was so difficult..

 

I've finally come to the point where I realize you were and still are terrible to me. I did everything for you, and I never asked for much in return. I never deserved to be treated that way, you made me feel the worst I've ever felt, I never felt so worthless and unimportant. You lied to me and made me think you still loved me and would do anything for me. I have been wanting answers for the longest time but you did end up answering them when I found out how I meant so little that you wouldn't give me the time of day after everything you did to me. You don't deserve to have someone stand by you when you're in the navy, when you can't even give someone that lived for you any respect. You've deleted and blocked me from your life, which was beyond rude, insulting, and immature. I don't know how I ever loved you and put you on a pedestal when clearly I meant nothing. I tried so hard to make you happy and gave you everything. I regret ever letting you into my heart, you didn't deserve it.

[SimonSerenade]

I don't know why I always feel so uneasy when you don't talk to me after work, for so long it was a regular every night thing, you used to want to talk to me after a hard days work, now it seems you couldn't care less if you went days on end without talking to me, I don't know why your so hard up In the feelings department, it's so incredibly difficult getting emotion out of you, I've through a hell of a lot of heart ache in my time but I've never hid my feelings from you and I've always opened up, maybe not as much as I've wanted to in this relationship because I feel I'd be doing it and getting nothing back and that just feels terrible, I only ever wanted to feel like something special to somebody, I don't think I'll ever know how that feels, it's the simplest thing in the world yet it's just so hard to obtain, my head is all over the place right now and I feel like a bag of asses, I don't think you'll ever truly understand what you've done and how it affects me so much even now, maybe it's because you haven't tried to put things right or maybe I'm just exhausted at trying to put things right for you, I wish just once you'd make a solid effort and be there for me, I deserve at least that, maybe that's just wishful thinking.

[SimonSerenade]

I really despise you sometimes, feels like I'm always on your terms, you never make any time for me, I've felt so heart broken these last few days and all I've wanted it to hear your voice and feel comforted, I see you today and you tell me you can't talk to me now for another couple of days, really puts how important my feelings are in to perspective, you won't even kiss me in public in case people see, why have you got to make the simplest things so hard?, stuff like that never seemed so hard when you was with other guys, maybe these guys looked better than me, maybe your just ashamed to be seen with me, I don't even know anymore, I just give up on ever meaning anything to you, losing you would kill me yet you can just move on like nothing even happened, I couldn't bare to ever see you in pain, there would be nothing I wouldn't say or do to fix it for you, I'm the only one making efforts here and that's the way it's always been, I just love you more than you ever loved me and it's a horrible feeling to know that.

 

You take me for granted and I hate that because it means you have absolutely no respect for me what so ever, it's all your fault I'm feeling like this, all of this is your fault, you do stupid **** and do nothing to fix what you've done, you won't even be open and honest with me about your past, I did my best to be the best boyfriend possible and I get no appreciation for that, I treated you well and loved you and damn I showed it, I thought that would mean something to you but it doesn't, nothing I do does, all guys before me ever did was take advantage of you and **** you over, I did my very best by you and it was never enough.

 

It's my fault anyway, for some reason I always have faith in the wrong people and I always end up with selfish messed up people who are too insensitive to even say they need you In there life, you'd think I was asking for the world when all I ever really asked for was some love, compassion and appreciation, something I shouldn't ever have to ask for, goes without saying in a LOVING relationship but hey, you can do whatever the **** you want to do!.

[Debbie2508]

I feel so lost and alone. I know I have to let go of you to move on, but I simply don't know how to face up to admitting that the best thing that ever happened to me is over. I think I'm still in shock, 10 weeks after we broke up. I just can't believe after all we've been through, all we said to each other, all we were to each other..... that it"s just "over". I miss you so much and don't know how to get through this.

[shatteredworld]

How could you be so okay with what you've done to me. I never did anything to hurt you, I gave you everything yet I'm the one unhappy about all of this when you completely destroyed everything I believed in. You told me you loved me then you were gone within an instant like I never mattered.

[Minadee]

I really need to stop replying to your messages, it is like a game of cat and mouse. You say something like "hello mrs meerkat" (pet name) and i reply, and then we chat for a while, then you go to being ignorant, not responding at all or talking about how happy you are. The thing you forget is, I can read you like a book, I KNOW when you are unhappy or moody, but you're trying to portray that you're having an amazing time in your life right now, when I know that you are not.

 

I miss you terribly today. Once again, i'm very sick. Have not spoken to my mother in 3 days now. Feel very lonely. I just want to sleep around your flat and never leave and just be so warm and feel so loved, like I used to.

 

I'm welling up now. I hate how you do this to me.

I miss you so much it physically hurts.

[SimonSerenade]

I really do love this thread, I can vent so much anger and hurt and get it out to the world, just knowing it's out there helps so much, better that I let it out on here than have to hurt your feelings and take it back later, I say a lot things I don't mean, I just can't help it but some people are like that, some people just can't bottle there emotions up, it's unhealthy.

[AwptiK]

Hey M,

 

Well... I had a lot to say until this moment came, but now i'm at a loss.

 

I really hope your move went well today. I'd have loved to see the new place and your own room/bathroom set up.

 

I'm not going to lie, I miss you, but I want you to know that I understand and respect why we had to breakup. I even understand now that if we hadn't done it now, the stress would've continued to pile up until we resulted in a bad ending.

 

I also want to address the only thing that's constantly bothered me from our last talk. I totally accept Z being around for L's sake. Not once did I ever not. To be honest about that, I could feel the stress that you were going through as soon as that second term of classes started, and it affected me in a bad way, that led to my insecure comment and the "whatever".

 

Same as everything else i've told you from the beginning, not once did I ever get into something I wasn't okay with. He was another factor I thought about and another factor I fully accepted as part of being with you.

 

I wish you knew this. I know it wouldn't change things or make you come back because school is still the main factor, but I want to tell you this when I get the chance.

Edited March 16, 2013 by AwptiK

[SimonSerenade]

Yet another night you don't call or even message me a sweet goodnight, don't know how many more of these late nights at work of yours I can take, lately you just seem so distant and ignorant towards me, your really selfish sometimes, never there when I need you the most, I'm just supposed to wait around for you to talk to me, it's incredibly unfair.

 

The biggest part of my heart doesn't want to think this but I've seen these red flags before, every girl I've ever been with has cheated all over my ass, they always said they wouldn't but they went ahead and did it anyway, even when I thought they were never capable of doing that.

 

I pray to the good lord above with all my heart my instincts are way off but damn it I've been here before and it all started the exact same way.

 

Maybe I just need to clear my mind of all this bull crap and deprioritise you in my life cause I'm not exactly at the top of your priorities right now, it's painful to know that but I got used to it, that's the way it's always been, I'm just going to take a step back and stop hurting myself, I deserve to be loved and have it known day in day out, something you've never done.

 

I love you, I hope I'm wrong about all of this.

[AwptiK]

Goodnight.. I love you.

 

I so wish I could tell you how I really feel about Z and what I've realized in our time apart.

[SimonSerenade]

This distance your putting between us is really breaking my heart right now, even just seeing you today and have you acting so weird with me again, you nearly walked passed me like an *******, you acted this way when I saw you in work the other day, you were supposed to see me on your dinner break and just avoided the hell out of me, felt just as gut sinking as it did when we first got together, I knew you were embarrassed by me back then and I know that the same is true now, any time were around your work friends you pull away from me and act like I'm not there, holding hands and a few little kisses here and there are simple things in public, it doesn't bother me so I don't know why the hell it bothers you so much, you really make me feel terrible, I hope you know that, it's breaking me in half but you won't change, you never will, I don't even know why I stand for it.

 

The way I see it, you know full well I'm a sensitive person and hell I've told you time after time what you mean to me, you know you have me 100% and your taking full advantage of it, you don't have to be there for me, you don't even have to phone me or see me anymore, you just assume I'm going to be there whenever you want me to, that's messed up but that's how it is, it's an insult to my intelligence to think I don't know that, one day I won't be there and things will change one way or another, I just hope your conscience catches up with you before then.

 

Relationships are 50/50, right now it feels more like 95/5, you should be ashamed of yourself but I know your not, so long as you have everything your way then it doesn't really matter how anyone else feels.

 

Goodnight my love, despite all of this I still stay by your side and love you regardless, maybe one day I'll know better.

[IfiKnewThen]

hi SimonSerenade long time. i dont know whats going on..last i knew you and ur wife broke up. is this a new person? sorru to see your sad . i havent been on in a while either and i am going thru some stuff with someone too. and i totally understand the 95/5 thing. can sooo relate to that. i am getting that too. anyway good luck to u