Post here instead of contacting your ex!

January 6, 2013

Despite everything you did, I'd still give you one chance if you came back. It was out of character the way you broke up with me, I want to think that it was your parent's divorce that made you think the wrong way. As I have friends who's family issues messed them up for a bit and they're okay now, I would understand if that is the case. But I haven't heard from you in nearly 3 months now, I need to stop hoping that you will come back. I need to get on with my own life, I've had enough of moping and being depressed, its not doing me any good.

January 6, 2013

I wish that I meant more to you. I wish you told me what "we needed to talk about". I wish you would go out of your way to contact me and tell me that you messed up. I wish you would apologize and give us another chance. I wasn't trying to insult you when I blocked your number, I did it for my own sake. You probably won't think of it that way. You'll probably say to yourself "He never loved me!" and go about your business. It's not true at all though. I loved you. I still love you. In a weird way where I don't wish you the best, but still care. I pray that one day I'll find someone better than you. To make me forget you. That feels so far from now that I'll continuously have to live with the thought of you. I feel so freaking lonely without you and I miss you like crazy. Why do I miss you? You cheated on me. I should want nothing to do with you. You shouldn't deserve any part of my day and yet you clog up my thoughts throughout the entire day.

Bleh These feelings suck

January 7, 2013

Man, I feel so crappy. I really need to pull it together. I feel like I'm taking all the steps backwards when I should step forward. I saw a picture on facebook where he surprised her with flowers at her work place... man what a bunch of crap. I didn't get zip for our anniversary, let alone flowers, no matter how many times I brought it up... I'm just tired, I hate getting worked up over this again and again and again. People are moving on, and I"m sure he's not thinking about me like I am about him. Man seriously, there are so many things I wish I could rewind and take back. It's the first time I've cried about him in a really really long time. Seeing them together didn't even make me cry... I'm really stupid. really really now. He's not hurting, and why am I?

Obviously hes moved on, so why haven't I?

I hate that....... these things I don't even have words for. I don't even know where to begin. If he is a better boyfriend to her, then all the best....

I'm stupid for checking it.

January 7, 2013

I am dedicating today to myself, J. After last night's performance I need to prove to myself that I don't have to rely on you. As much as I want you back, I have to remember all the hurt you put me through. Would I take you back now? I honestly don't know. You haven't even mentioned the prospect of us being together again. Have you just thrown it out of the window? I have to keep going forward, better myself. I wouldn't want some tantrum-throwing, stubborn and needy person, so I don't blame you for not wanting to be with me right now, as i'm in such a dark place.

I'll see you on Wednesday. I've got another blood test and you promised you'd take me and hold my hand. I'll try not to fall apart anymore, show you how strong and independent I can be. (although, not the biggest fan of needles, might shed a tear or two! such a big baby.)

All my love. xxx

January 7, 2013

Only thoughts, frustration for you can keep me up this late at night. My heart hurts, because I did love you, and somewhere surprisingly (not) within me, I still care and have feelings. I really need to leave facebook alone for awhile. Seeing all the support she has, seeing her have fun with all the friends she has, it only really further feels to me like I'm being beat down. That having all of that and those big dreams of hers, is a lot more attractive than the quiet, shy me, who didn't have very many, and who liked being simple. Man its just.... seeing her get flowers from you, that wasn't last minute, but a surprise... if you even did half of that for me....

Not even once, besides the time you were trying to get me back... not even once did you try to make me feel special on any day regular or otherwise. Why did you come back into my life? Why did I let you in? You wanted to try your best, but man your best wasn't very far from any of the other two times you tried.

I allowed myself for it to continue. I picked up the slack you left off, I did your jobs as a boyfriend for so long.

Thank god none of these feelings are me wanting to get back together with you. Maybe I'm just feeling bitter and angry because I'm trying to accept and move on. First loves are tough, better to have experienced it in the end, at least my mistakes next time won't so blantently stare at me in the face.... and more importantly I'll gracefully bow out before so much of me is invested, and the other party never had intentions of fully reciprocating.

Yes it hurts seeing it. Because its not me. but even deeper, it feels kind of embarrassing and betrayed because I couldn't satisfy him. Even if its not me, I just couldn't help our relationship, I couldn't fix anything, yet he can go out of his way to do something for her, who he barely knows.... but couldn't ever go out of his way to do something nice for me who he was supposedly loved.

I'm glad you're happy. Be happy.

Too many questions of whys and what ifs. Too many self-doubts. Too many disbeliefs and reallys. She just looks too amazing. And I just feel like I can't measure up. Its too late in the night, but I just want to move around, get moving, get doing, go somewhere amazing.

January 7, 2013

I suppose by the number of posts you see from me on this, I'm taking it kind of badly. After this week's rage, I've moved to the next stage, right before acceptance, and to tell the truth, it really kind of sucks actually. I keep on forgetting that things like this can make me feel depressed. There's no way I want to go though that again with this person that's caused me so much pain. I don't think theres ever going back... because I don't think there's anything left of our relationship to salvage. I'm just tired.

Hopefully I'll feel better by the end of the week.

(I know this place is where you're supposed to talk to your ex, but most of the time I'm talking to myself, and writing my thoughts out...)

January 8, 2013

After giving myself a couple of days to quit thinking about the situation, I feel good! I've come to accept that there is someone new, nothing can be done or should be done on my part, and I don't want to care about something so unnecessary for me as a whole. And I of course don't want a relationship where I'm neglected and unfulfilled, so...... Today I feel great

January 9, 2013

Well its your birthday... Happy Birthday I guess. The money i would have used to buy you your presents with is going on a nice pair of headphones for me and you won't be receiving a Happy Birthday from me, remember you made that choice. I'm disappointed that I can't be there to make you feel special like you did with me on my birthday to be honest.

Bet the controlling piece of scum throws money at you, and you being so blind will think thats him showing his love for you when really he's using you until he gets what he wants and then finds someone else to control. I actually feel pity for you because when he backstabs you and it blows up in your face, you'll wonder why you got rid of me for him. I would not want to feel what you would feel after something like that, it'll be far worse then what I felt when you dumped me, and judging by how fragile you are emotionally, its not going to end well. Anyway, Happy Birthday.

January 9, 2013

I thought I grown stronger over the past week...but I just broke down into tears for two hours when I turned off my light to go to sleep.

Am I ever going to hear your voice again?

Am I ever going to see you smile again?

Am I ever going to hear you laugh again?

Am I ever going to be able to say "nya" again followed by your "squeak"?

Am I being missed by you at all?

Am I not important to you anymore, did our friendship mean anything?

Why did you have to fall out of love with me?

Why didn't you fight for my heart?

Why didn't you tell me how you felt, we could've make it work?

Will you ever going to miss me?

Will you ever going to recover your feelings for me?

Will you ever think back on what we had?

Will you ever going to regret?

I would do anything to give us a second chance.

I want you to love me again like you used to do.

I know your feelings are still there, my heart is telling me.

I know something made you fall out of love with me, you never told me.

I know I will never forget you.

I cannot see a future without you, my heart still say's we are meant to be.

Please give us another chance...

January 9, 2013

I want you back baby. I'll do anything to get you back. I don't mind where we live, I don't mind if we live together, just tell me what you want and it's OK with me. I will litteraly do anything for you, just please think about it. Please consider getting back with me. I love you so much, you are the love of my life. My heart beats only for you sweetheart.

January 9, 2013

Why do I still love you and care about you. You played with my heart too many times and in too many ways. You're 30, not 15 anymore. Games, that's all you know are games. Marry you?? I think not. You can't commit and refuse to envelop yourself in me after 3 long ****in years. Yea my ex-wife had the American dream...a house, 2 new cars, 2 dogs and 2 1/2 kids...I didn't love her like I Love You. You and I were supposed to be soulmates and work things out no matter what. Or was that a lie too?

What else did you lie about K? Everytime we broke up and got back together you hid everything. Can't tell me who you text, who you facebook, nothing...and then you never want to have sex? WTF is wrong with me for coming back so many damn times! You used me to get all your Christmas ****-decorations, the tree, and gifts...stupid ass me, I bought them all with no expectations of receiving anything, and you know what?? I got absolutely nothing out of it so at least you didn't let my expectations down. I'll give you that.

You can't keep doing that to people. Use them and then get rid of them when you're done with them. Like a damn bag of garbage. Well, one day maybe you'll realize what I was worth to you. I'm the one that has a great job! I'm the one that bailed your sorry ass out when the power got shut off. I'm the one that watched your 2 kids when your step father died! I'm the one that treated you like a goddamn queen. I'm the one that went out of my way to do whatever it was to make you happy so that I didn't have to feel like I was walking on eggshells when I got home.

You shut down on me all the time, and then wondered why I asked questions about everything. It's YOU that needs some help!! If you gave it up every once in awhile without me begging like a damn dog, I would've let you do your thing and not acted insecure. What did you think I would do? Just sit back and let you spend my hard earned money without you having to do anything in return?? Well that ship has sailed, and like the song says, "Time for me to Fly!!!" Go **** yourself and don't ever bother calling or texting me again!!

Sincerely, Your EX

January 9, 2013

I've been doing pretty well lately, but every time I even rang about you I feel a little down later on. Because no matter how bad of a boyfriend you were, we did have fun sometimes, and you were my best buddy for so long. And in reality I don't mean anything bad when I talk about you. I respect you but I'm just always surprised at how much I put up with everything. I truly really loved you whole heartedly. I hope you knew. I'm sure you did. I wish you well with the new girl... I hope you know what you're doing.

January 10, 2013

I've been feeling like I'm never going to find someone better than you. I'm going to die alone if you don't come back to me, and I know that you won't. I miss you so much right now. You probably think I've moved on because I haven't seen or spoken to you in almost a month and when you emailed and texted me last week I told you to leave me alone and that we're no longer going to be part of each other's lives ever again so there's no reason for you to insist in telling me how you feel. You told me you never meant to hurt me and that our breakup was "for a time." Do you still mean that? Do you mean that one day you're coming back to me? Does that mean I should sit and wait for you? I wish I could. I guess I still am, but know that if you do, no matter how much I want to I can't take you back. You cheated on me and I'm never going to trust you again. I know this logically but my heart doesn't seem to understand and still wants you back.

And here I am sitting alone thinking about you and writing to you things that I'm never going to send. It shouldn't be long now til I'm done loving and missing you. So if you're planning on coming back please hurry before it's too late.

January 10, 2013

You fell in love with me five months before we got together.

I rejected you at first because I was involved with someone at that time, but you sticked through and tried to supress your feelings for me. However you could not hold it out anylonger and you confessed again, but that time I created feelings for you aswell and hinted you how I felt.

For four months everything was going super, but then you were growing distance...I figured you were getting comfortable or started getting busy with Uni since the exam were coming around. I kept talking nonstop about our first meeting upcoming December, then two weeks before you broke up with me.

You never told me you were falling out of love with me, that it gradually was happening... We could've made it work, I know we could've.

Honey, please... come back too me, I miss you soooooo much.

I want to see, hear you again. I can't stand being without you.

I miss talking with you, i miss my best friend!

WHY DID YOU FALL OUT OF LOVE WITH ME!?

Did I neglect you, did you become bored? Did the distance hurt you too much? You know I would relocate for you... love is more important then distance...

It's been a month (tomorrow) since you broke up with me, I want your heart back in my hands. Please give us another chance, I know we are meant to be... My heart, my mind, my dreams tell me.

I can't picture you with someone else in the future, you meeting someone else would kill me so much. Rikard please...I love you so much. Remove all the bad feelings you have inside your heart, and think back to how we met, what we said/did, please... I want you back.

Rikard...your little cat wants you back...

January 10, 2013

You fell in love with me five months before we got together.
I rejected you at first because I was involved with someone at that time, but you sticked through and tried to supress your feelings for me. However you could not hold it out anylonger and you confessed again, but that time I created feelings for you aswell and hinted you how I felt.

For four months everything was going super, but then you were growing distance...I figured you were getting comfortable or started getting busy with Uni since the exam were coming around. I kept talking nonstop about our first meeting upcoming December, then two weeks before you broke up with me.

You never told me you were falling out of love with me, that it gradually was happening... We could've made it work, I know we could've.

Honey, please... come back too me, I miss you soooooo much.
I want to see, hear you again. I can't stand being without you.
I miss talking with you, i miss my best friend!

WHY DID YOU FALL OUT OF LOVE WITH ME!?
Did I neglect you, did you become bored? Did the distance hurt you too much? You know I would relocate for you... love is more important then distance...

It's been a month (tomorrow) since you broke up with me, I want your heart back in my hands. Please give us another chance, I know we are meant to be... My heart, my mind, my dreams tell me.

I can't picture you with someone else in the future, you meeting someone else would kill me so much. Rikard please...I love you so much. Remove all the bad feelings you have inside your heart, and think back to how we met, what we said/did, please... I want you back.

Rikard...your little cat wants you back...

My God, so much of this is my story, but instead of 6 months it was almost 3 years! And yet still he left me. And a year and a half later I still think of him every single day. Sending you luck, I hope you won't be heartbroken for as long as me as I would not wish that on anyone.

January 10, 2013

My God, so much of this is my story, but instead of 6 months it was almost 3 years! And yet still he left me. And a year and a half later I still think of him every single day. Sending you luck, I hope you won't be heartbroken for as long as me as I would not wish that on anyone.

I can't possibly think in year and half how I'll be feeling or how my life would be... I just don't understand why he never told me, I was his best friend... Only that his feelings were slipping away over course of two months and that he realised he was happier when I wasn't around... Something must've made him unhappy, and that changed his feelings for me.

I started a new hobby in october, so had less time to chat with him in evenings (since in afternoon he is off uni and studying), for four evenings in week. I somehow feel I am responsible for it, but he never ever tells me how he feels.

Part of me hopes he was boiling down all negatives in his heart that supressed his love for me and hopes over time it'll come back. During our friendship or relationship he never was angry/moody or spoke about his feelings/doubts (except that he loved me)

still did a flirt game in november "I love you" "I love you more" "I love you most" "Not possible" "Is possible" "Ok, equall + inch" before we went to bed. He went nc right away...after break up... one text saying "be brave and strong and you'll get through this ordeal I promise" prob to ease his guilt... It's been two weeks nc now, tomorrow one month passed. I got sick at newyears, because 27th he would've come to me to spend two weeks with me.

I want my little rat back... (petname)

I miss his voice, his laugh, his smile...

I thought after the lenght of his crush and my deep feelings it would last longer then the six months we were together.

January 11, 2013

Why text me after an hour on the phone telling me everything is gonna be alright?? And now not hear from you for almost 2 weeks...why am I putting myself through this torture yet again? You tell me you need help and I told you go get it, I will be standing here waiting for you. Then you tell me not to wait.. I guess I will never understand you. The grass looks greener apparently. Go find someone that will treat you better than me. There isn't anyone. I love you with all of your flaws, lack of a job or ambition. I was here in your corner trying to support you in everything and you could give a flying rat's ass about me. Sad that your kids liked me and I tried to treat them like my own. I was good enough for all the money I had right? Good enough to spend time before christmas and all the other holidays, yet now I see I was nothing more than someone to pass the time with until you found someone else, of that I am pretty sure. You need to be involved with someone that treats you like crap and that you can't trust before you ever look at me again. I never betrayed you, lied to you or cheated on you in 3 years...EVER!! Move on and let some other sap pay your way. That's what you're good at isn't it? Just looking to be taken care of without having to reciprocate. Let the state pay your bills and buy you food because it won't be me anymore helping you. Why do I still care? I feel like a salmon on a pole...run a little then you reel me back in for a short time, then let me go again until you set that hook once again. I have to avoid your bait, which happens to be between your legs, and take someone else's bait that will catch me and not release me.

January 12, 2013

I'm having a really hard time right now. I miss you. I love you. I just watched the movie that we watched together -- One Day. It made me cry. I hope you will come back to me years down the line, like Dexter came back to Em in that movie. I love you. I'm sorry for not being good enough for you. It's been 3 weeks since we last texted, and even more since I last heard your voice, and 2 months since I last saw you on Skype video, and even longer than that, since I last saw you in person. I remember hugging you one last time, at the airport, and crying, and you told me you were gonna go now, because you would start crying otherwise. It was so hard to let go, but you promised we'd see each other. You promised me. I had a bad feeling, though -- I felt like that would be the last time I'd see you and hug you. But I trusted you. You let me down.

I can't love anyone else, and don't want to love anyone else.

Edited January 12, 2013 by NoMoreJerks

January 12, 2013

No more jerks: sounds like me I last saw her at the airport 6 months ago. U was crying so much when I had to go. We were supposed to see each other again, this exact weekend actually. She was supposed to be here. I somehow knew, like you, that I wouldn't see her again.

If you need someone to talk to off the forum, a break up buddy, maybe we can help each other.

January 12, 2013

Okay, so I think I'm over you tolerably well now. I'm never a softie that will pain over somebody forever. I am in a relationship with myself since the day I was born and will be until the day I die, so I will never mistreat myself because somebody mistreated me. I won't punish myself for your actions. Call me heartless, I don't give a damn.

January 12, 2013

I'm feeling a little insecure right now. Self doubt. Because it's been so long since I've socialized with people since I was in the relationship. I'm worried that I'm not very good at it, or that I come off too strong, or people don't like me as much as I would like them too. I worry I don't know how to be closer to people, or how to get to be better friends, because I never had to worry about that. I may say I'm an open book to alot of people. But maybe I'm not so much. After all, the only really personal thing I tell people I don't know too well is about you and our breakup. And then there's that other side of my personal life and me that I don't reveal until I know them well enough I suppose.

I just have to have faith and believe in myself like I used to. Have confidence and love myself for who I am. Being okay that I'm trying something new that doesn't seem like me. After all I'm a fluid being, and there is no reason to say that I am way one or the other. I am just me.

I have to fully love me for being me, and I believe then my insecurities will vanish, because when I love and appreciate myself, there is no reason others won't too.

January 12, 2013

well.. it feels good to post here and get the tension out

better edit my post away now

January 12, 2013

No more jerks: sounds like me I last saw her at the airport 6 months ago. U was crying so much when I had to go. We were supposed to see each other again, this exact weekend actually. She was supposed to be here. I somehow knew, like you, that I wouldn't see her again.

If you need someone to talk to off the forum, a break up buddy, maybe we can help each other.

Sure thing, MyAngel. I can't private mssg you yet, but I think in a few days' time you will be able to access the private mssging feature. Send me a private mssg then!

January 12, 2013

I'm having a really hard time right now. I miss you. I love you. I just watched the movie that we watched together -- One Day. It made me cry. I hope you will come back to me years down the line, like Dexter came back to Em in that movie. I love you. I'm sorry for not being good enough for you. It's been 3 weeks since we last texted, and even more since I last heard your voice, and 2 months since I last saw you on Skype video, and even longer than that, since I last saw you in person. I remember hugging you one last time, at the airport, and crying, and you told me you were gonna go now, because you would start crying otherwise. It was so hard to let go, but you promised we'd see each other. You promised me. I had a bad feeling, though -- I felt like that would be the last time I'd see you and hug you. But I trusted you. You let me down.

I can't love anyone else, and don't want to love anyone else.

Hope you don't mind me stealing these words, they're the same ones in my head too.

January 12, 2013

I must be crazy as I just looked on your instagram, and you have a picture of the diamond heart necklace I gave you for Christmas. Why put a picture of that up there with the xoxoxoxo after your description?? It's been 2 weeks of NC and now you throw that pic up there. You're the one that said you needed time and space to "fix" yourself and to let all the pain go away. You drive me insane and I don't know whether to move on or not!! You told me not to wait for you, but WTF is with these mind games?? I sit here now wondering why you can't just PICK ME and allow your emotions out. I will not chase after you anymore. That is done. But why torture me? You need help.

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