Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[sharsh]

Patrick.

 

I'm feeling pathetic. I wish you would text me, even though all of your other texts to me were about how you just wanted to roll around in the sheets with me, that's putting it nicely.

 

I would kill for one of those texts right now. Just because I'd know you were still thinking of me. Did you stop because I wasn't replying? Because I'm taking this NC thing seriously?

 

Monday will mark a week since you last texted me, asking to hook up.

 

I'm stupid. I just want to know I'm on your mind, that you still want me.

 

Did you forget about me?...

[msfreebyme]

Love is just a tool and a joke to you

And now I'm scare to ever make a commitment like that again without running into another one like you. Its not like I really need to worry about that since I don't need to for now. It's hard knowing that I might have meant nothing in your eyes.

My fight for you was for nothing...you're worthless.

[Romantic_Lefty]

What demon hath wrought upon me?

To throw me into limbo,

only left with such melancholy?

 

I never asked for any of this,

to be put on this journey,

where my mind and heart are shattered

throughout the ethers of this wasteland

that is supposed to be my life.

I see the path that i must walk,

stricken with exigency and tribulations,

yet,

Hark! i can still see the luminous end

as dim as it may seem at this current,

continuance...that is my life.

[Gaby]

Sup bitch

you good? prob not anyway lemme tell you something you did not know about me..where to start ow yeah!!

 

So you cheated on my thats okay,,i did 2 in fact i cheated with some girls you even have on FB yes its true! well i did not tell you this cause i wanted to save you the pain, and ow yeah, you went to check on yourself after ***ing with no condoom on...thats disgusting garl..really is..just after we broke up..damn i wonder what you friends think of you.. ow wait THEY"RE SLUTS TOO.

know what you are?

a slut not even a whore. see a whore is getting paid to get her job done..you just do it for free no morals and not even dignity..

well if you still think you're a decent garl with a good morral.take a look ar yourself..you disgust me you turned into something yo you said you hated to hang out with..a slut but HEY if you're happy at looking at your life a see yourself

[Pinky777]

So I'm now at 9 days NC and it feels like an eternity. Since we met I haven't gone 2 days without knowing what's going on in his life. He shared everything with me and now he's not even there. I miss our conversations, getting to know him, listening to how his day was, how his kids are doing, his daily interactions, and telling him all of my stupid stories. He was my best friend and I miss that aspect so much. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with me though, and I need to let him go and let him live his life. I don't want to the clingy hanger-on ex who can't let go. Or at least I can't let him see that. For now I need to give him his space.

 

Worst part is, we agreed to be "friends" and so far, it's gone OK, very limited contact and sweet but friendly, nonromantic interactions. Every time I hear his voice my heart soars. Thing is I know that if I call or text him today, he'll probably talk to me, but it'll put me right back into the habit of needing him all the time. I need to get him out of my system, get by without him. I'll get my heart broken all over again and I need to get used to not having him in my life.

 

Haven't wrapped my head around that one complettely, and I know I may by here in a month's time when I get my heart crushed again when he moves on with someone else. But it's what I got for now. It's how I'm dealing, and I need to know he still cares as a friend, if nothing else.

 

We need our time away from one another but I dont know if I can close that chapter completely yet.

[big bear]

Hi Dear,

 

I hope you are doing good. I still miss you but I am never going to contact you. I hope you come back and tell me all the rumours are untrue. I am not going to go searching for the truth.

 

Look inside and come back. Pls. come back. Everything will be OK then. We will start a beautiful time together. COME BACK

 

I did everything you wanted me to. I have totally changed. Just come and look at me once. ONCE thats all I ask.

[radishes]

Its that time of the night again. I'm doing better, you're still in my thoughts sometimes, but I don't feel that overwhelming urge to contact you as much anymore. This means that the NC is kicking in for me again. I hope I can pull through with this all through winter break, that way I can focus on myself and keep moving forward. I'm glad you're doing so well, but sometimes I think back to the things that came out of your mouth, and I'm left here wondering how messed up your justifications, reasons, and thoughts are about us.

 

Your justification for us continuing to have sex was that it was better than us going at it alone. That you haven't had sex with anyone else yet. (I don't understand why this matters since we're not in a relationship anymore)

I don't understand when you say its because you're a guy, yes well, I'm a girl.

You said you didn't want to end up using me when we were breaking up. So what are you wanting with me now?

Man, sometimes I forget what an ******* you can be. I do regret having sex with you that one time because I was under the influence of something, but its too bad I don't have the hurt to say that to you, so I told you it was okay, that you didn't have to feel bad. Man I take a lot of your responsibilities don't I?

 

You pour your heart to me and it sounded so genuine that night, but in the morning, your words are back to the way it was. That noncommittal, easy way of doing things. And you're going to ask me if I know any easy girls? Seriously? And the sad thing is you know you say all these things, you know the things you do, yet you keep doing them anyways. You say you're grateful that I'm even willing to be your friend, yet you do nothing that show you're grateful. Maybe I'm just expecting too much out of you.

 

Man. I remember everything you said, and it just serves as a reminder to how you really are, and how you treat me. Even though you have said what sounded genuine, those feelings are fleeting, and doesn't carry half the weight of everything else you say. Because those unbelievable things you said, are backed up by your actions, while all the warm words, are backed with nothing but air.

 

I don't think I can ever forget this last time we were together. And it'll always serve a reminder to all the reasons why we shouldn't be with each other. You just can't handle me, you can't handle a relationship, you can't handle a girlfriend. Maybe its just I'm slowly falling out of love with you, slowly letting go of my feelings, slowly, slowly letting these past memories lie. So that this coming year, I can start again.

 

I always snicker to myself, because even as I'm letting go, a small part of me knows that I'm still wondering what you're up to, missing you, and feeling the leftover sentiments I still have for you, the love that's disappearing, and the part of me that still loves to be held by you. But I'm sure one day, these thoughts will lay dormant, will fade away, will be nothing but air and past memories of what we once were.

 

Sadly, I don't know if we ever were healthy together.

[radishes]

hey i just saw a picture of you with a girl. It doesn't matter what your relationship with her is, but man I just felt a twinge mixture of slight jealousy with a lot of hurt. I guess its reconfirmation that I'm just not ready to be friends with you, anytime soon. and man i don't even think you deserve me feeling this way, since I don't think the same goes for you.

[radishes]

I dreamed about you today. Made some excuse for you in the dream that it wasn't that you didn't have feelings for me, it was that you could control them better. Why in the world is my unconscious making excuses? I think you hurt me a lot more than I'm sometimes willing to admit, that losing you actually hurts, and that I don't feel as bitter as I sound, that seeing my first love fade away might be an unpleasant sort of feeling... Maybe thats all there is to it, that I feel sad, that I seem to hurt more from the end of us than you. That maybe you don't seem much bothered at all other than simply "missing" me. Oh well, we live, we learn right?

[bitterruin]

I thought of you last night. And this morning again when I woke. Not a day goes by without at least a passing thought. They are getting less frequent and less painful though. I still miss you like hell and wonder what you're up to and I still have to fight with myself not to call you because the minute I do is back to day one.

I saw your friends today. All three of them, the ones you hang out with most, maybe they were waiting for you. I don't know what you're up to or where you were at that moment but I hope it's not with that guy.

I just wanted to say that I hope you haven't forgotten about me, and that it's still not too late to come back. Text me an "I love you" or "I miss you" sometime soon before I fully move on. I'm getting tired of waiting.

[miss_u_crazy]

A,

 

It has taken me all I have got to not contact you today. It has been just over 2 months since the fight. I want you to know that this isn't easy for me...I am hurt just like you. I thought by now my heart would have caught up with my mind. My mind has been saying, that relationship was unhealthy, don't look back! The constant break ups. The verbal and emotional abuse.. I realise these things were triggered by your unfortunate past. You had shown me you were willing to change, and I was really starting to believe it. That was until the fight. That fight reminded me of all the "one last chances" I gave you. Of course I never told you it was the last chance because I didn't want your behavior to become unnatural and desparate. Maybe that was a mistake.

 

I asked for time to reflect on the relationship and make sure walking away was the right thing. Talking and texting wasn't going to let me do that. I know it drove you crazy and probably made you say/do things you normally wouldn't have, but it also made me keep seeing the crazy side of you. You went on a date a couple weeks later. You said all you could do was think about me. I tried to keep moving on and a few weeks after that started to date someone as well. The excitement of new relationships covered the pain I was going through. I kept walking away and persuing new opportunities because it seems like the smart thing to do.

 

Regardless of how I felt before, the only thing that has sounded good over the last 24 hours was to see you. I still have to call friends and have them remind me why I can't call you. No matter how well this new person fits my personality, I still miss you. I miss your devious smile. I miss your surprising sense of humor. I still want to see yellow mountain. I hate the idea that I may never see you again, or miss out on your life. You don't know any of this because I don't want you to hurt. I have to give this new relationship a chance. As much as I know that's a good idea, I also want that old love back too. Just be glad you do not have to question your decisions anymore.

 

I will make a list to remind myself why I have to keep walking away:

 

-probably don't want kids

-extreme insecurities

-extreme negative reactions

[radishes]

Why in the world would you text me something so random that you should handle yourself? I'm not supposed to be there to hear you complain, and in the end, I probably sent the last text. Man it seems like every time I do reply it seems like an ego stroke for you, while I forget to think twice and text you back because its the nice thing to do.

[Minadee]

You rung me up this morning asking how I made your favourite pastabake. WHAT THE F$*%?! Why are you doing this to me? It had been 4 days NC and I was doing so well. Wish I had ignored the call but you know I worry too much!

 

Why is your friend STILL flirting with me? Telling me he wants to give me cuddles and texting me CONSTANTLY. I told him I was cold once and he said "Shame i'm not there to keep you warm ;)" what? WHAT? He is supposed to be your best friend. Is this some sort of test or something?

 

I went on a date friday night with Carl. We kissed. It was nice, but I don't think there is much of a spark. Perhaps i'm not ready. I've made it very clear I am not over you yet and he is still very keen. It is nice to feel attractive and wanted.

 

Still miss you though. Maybe it's the whole Christmas atmosphere. Miss drinking hot chocolate with you by the fire and holding your hand when wading through the people in town. They put the ferris wheel up. Remember going on that and kissing at the top? I walked passed it today and felt so bittersweet.

 

All my love. xxx

[not-a-drive-by]

I haven't cried for a while, but going through your FB photos today, I realised that maybe we just weren't meant to be. You want to be a free soul, have fun and not be tied down. You are slowly becoming a stranger, but, someone whom I still miss so much. I still love you, but loving you probably means setting you free . I miss you H, just wished you knew how much you still mean to me.

[Harradin]

There isn't a day that goes past where I don't think about you. Since I tend to overthink and analyse everything, I'm positive that you went through GIGS. We only went ut for 2 and a half months but we were each others "first loves", and the breakup was completely out of the blue, you tried to keep me in your life, you kept telling mutual friends that you were confused about me and until I tried to get you back you kept finding every excuse to text me.

 

I wonder whether finding out about your parents divorce a week before you left me was what caused the GIGS. My so called friend had already gotten his friend to send you messages to confuse you about us before you found out about the divorce, but you got angry at me when I asked whether you were confused, and you told me how much you loved me and that you wanted to stay with me for a long time. The fact that my so called friend started making the moves on you when yu just found out about your parents divorce is sickening, you were confused and he suddenly was there. But I was with you most nights that week and you seemed to be very lovey dovey to me.

 

But it still doesn't make an excuse for the way you treated me, meeting up with my so called friend that weekend when I was away, "nothing happened" but seemed pretty quick to be loving me before the weekend and then suddenly breaking up with me for him. You even went public the day after!

 

I wonder when you realise you made a terrible mistake, you know how much of a manipulating backstabbing idiot he is, you're just going to get hurt as all he wants is to parade you around and throw money at you instead of loving you like I did. Hell I'm infinitely better then him, theres so many things I don't understand. I wonder when you do realise your mistake, whether you try getting back into my life or whether you have too much pride. Either way I'm still moving on with my life.

 

As NC continues, I keep loving you but I can deal with it. I wonder why I still love you as much as I do.

[Droplet]

I wish you could read this, but you don't really deserve to see my true colors anymore. I wish I could hate you, I wish I could focus on what's bad about you but, as much as it pains me to say this, after six months, I'm still struggling to find something I don't like about you that is not related directly to our breakup.

 

It feels like I've been dating this amazing woman for all these years and, suddenly, someone I don't know entered our life and destroyed everything we had in a matter of days. I don't know that person. I still think of you like the amazingly supportive and loving girl you were just hours before.

 

You were my everything, and now I'm only left with my own empty shell.

It will be years before I'm whole again but I still believe that there is gold at the end of the road.

 

With love.

[Minadee]

Oh my dear J.

 

I am a mess today. I had to have an internal ultrasound and you were not with me as you had a 16 hour shift. You picked me up though, i wish you hadnt. I was cool as a cucumber in the car, we sang and joked like we always did. Then when you dropped me home I ran in and gave you your birthday present. It's been sitting in my room for 3 months now (damn my organisation.) and I made the on the spot decision there and then to give it to you. Inside was a box of lucky charms (your fave!) a packet of percy pigs and a scrapbook with a letter. I put it in the back seat of your car and you hugged me tightly as I left. I kissed your lips really gently and you pulled away. Ouch, the humilation. Not sure what I expected. I grabbed your chin and kissed you again, a little harder and then turned away without looking back. You shouted out the window "See you soon, okay? I'll see you soon." You beeped your horn as you drove off and I waved without turning my head, I couldn't face you as I had tears rolling down my face. Big fat heavy tears. I couldn't let you see me crumple like that. I feel so ridiculous, what the hell was I thinking, trying to kiss you?! I am the world's biggest idiot.

 

I am trying so hard J, please baby, please come home to me, I can't pretend i'm okay without you much longer.

 

I'm being dragged on a double date tomorrow, with Carl and Johnny and my best friend. I don't want to go. I am going to be a terrible date. I hate my best friend for setting this up!

 

I will be thinking of you the entire time as tomorrow it is your birthday. Did I do the right thing regarding giving you the gift? Will you respond at all? Or just pretend it didnt happen? I guess time will tell.

 

I love you.

xxx

[bitterruin]

I saw you today and didn't even care. I know you saw me too but pretended to be looking down at your phone. I don't know what you were thinking but I find myself caring less and less.

[radishes]

I saw you again today so I could pay you back. Some old feelings resurfaced, I wonder if its the same for you. My heart feels funny, I wish I didn't. well that's that, nothing would change anyways irregardless of how you and I felt.

[Minadee]

Happy birthday my little meerkat.

 

I am sobbing right now, big stupid heaves. I will stop soon, I will get over this pain. You responded last night saying. "You shouldn't have got me anything sweetie -_- x" to which I said "Don't be silly, you've been working hard recently and deserve a treat. Proud of you x" and you replied saying "Hmm cute!! but you still shouldn't have! x" and I ignored it till morning and I sent you "Well, I did, so shh. Have a great birthay J, don't work too hard, thinking of youx" and you replied saying "Thankyou for the presents i'll try x" and I did reply and you havn't replied back. I mean the absolute worse you could have done was not respond at all, but that letter I wrote you, I poured every bit of me into that and you have nothing to say about it at all? The best that could have happened was that you drove to my door, spun me around and told me you made the biggest mistake letting me go. Of course, I don't live in a fantasy land but that doesnt stop me pining.

 

My mother mentioned my birthday today, which is on New Years Eve. She said we were going casino the day before. Great. That is just fabulous. I sure do love gambling! /sarcasm. To even suggest that they organised it for me is ridiculous because they know I hate wasting money. She told me my brother's gf was coming and I flipped. Told her they can all go and have a brilliant time without me. I'm guessing i'm just bitter and jealous that I will be on my own whilst everyone coo's over my sibling's PERFECT relationship. I will be sat on my own in the smoking shelter crying again, I just know it.

 

Happy f*cking new year to me.

 

Why can't you just come back to me? Do you really want her that badly that you can't see that I would give you the world if you asked?

 

I am just a fool. A big, fat, stupid fool.

 

Miss you more than words can say.

xxx

[bitterruin]

I'm drunk right now and I didn't go to Pancake Madness because I didn't want to see you there. Also, I'm not taking Hapkido next semester because of you. Thanks for ruining my senior year.

Btw, stop logging in to my facebook.

[heartshapedrocks]

Congratulations on graduating from your SBA course tonight.

I know it meant a lot to you.

It's probably a special night & all your friends will be there.

I am so proud of you!

I still think of you and want the best for you always.

Even when I am mad at you or feel abandoned or miss you or hate you,

deep down my hope is for life to be good for both of us.

In the end that is all that matters. Please believe that.

***************************************************************

 

I post this here for there is no reason to send it to the person for who it is intended.

She has moved on & I loved her very much.

In the end it is most likely a blessing for both of us.

Some days I actually believe that.

[bitterruin]

I've had such a long day today. Maybe I'm still sensitive because I was drinking yesterday but today I miss you so much. I saw a picture of you on Alexa's page and you look really good. I miss you more than ever. I wish we could put it all behind and you'd come hug me right now.

[sharsh]

Patrick.

 

Everytime you text me you say "I wish..." followed by some clever words, leading to you just wanting a booty-call. It's been a week since you've texted me, you usually text me once per week, so I'm expecting one soon.. But you know what I wish?

 

I wish that after three years of being together, claiming you loved me, I meant something more to you now than just a booty-call.

I wish that you had been capable of loving me, instead of lying.

I wish you had never cheated on me, deny it all you want, I'm not stupid..

I wish you had been content being a one woman man.

I wish that everytime another girl showed you attention, you didn't leap into their arms, craving it.

I wish you were really who you painted yourself to be.

I wish you could've seen how much I really loved you.

I wish you would've realized what you had with me, you had the world.

I wish I hadn't taken you back everytime you had left me for another girl.

I wish I would've left you when I saw you on hook-up sites and craigslist.

I wish I would've left you when you were STILL calling sex hotlines, even after you told me you'd stopped.

I wish I wouldn't of let you wrap me so tightly around your finger.

I wish your brain wasn't located in your dick.

I wish you weren't so obsessed with sex, that you leave me everytime another girl is willing to spread her legs.

I wish you really had loved me..

I wish you hadn't pushed me away, I was the only one standing by your side after all this time, after all the bull sh*t.

I wish you would text me telling me how much you missed me, and that you're ready to change all of this, that you'd be happy with just me, and me only.

I wish you would've changed, and we could've gotten married like you said...you said you loved me.

But most of all, what hurts the most, is my wishing that I meant more to you after three years, than just another hole to stick your dick in when you're lonely, my wishing that you could see making me feel like this is all I am to you is pushing me further and further away.

 

These are all just wishes. You just have one. To screw me again. Why is my list longer than yours? Why is this all I am to you? If you text me tonight, or sometime soon, and like clockwork, you should, I'm so angry with you. I'm probably going to break NC just to tell you what a f*cking prick you are.

 

I still love you, I wish I didn't, I'm in love with a lie, an imaginary person you built up for me in my mind. You'll never be real...but oh, why can't you be?

 

A heavy heart.

Sarah.

[Minadee]