Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[CopingGal]

L,

 

I value my decision to kick you out of my life.

 

Go Me!

[PYTpisces]

Dear D,

 

Why did you tell me that you love me, send me a song about how you want to love me, and then disappear without saying goodbye, and without reason? I want to hate you, but instead I'll thank you for removing yourself from my life completely if you knew that you were only going to hurt me somehow. I only wish you were brave enough to tell me instead of deeping my fear of abandonment. You knew that abandonment was my biggest fear, and you chose to take that route. Now I can never trust you again. I know how stubborn you are. So I don't really expect to ever hear from you again. If I do, I will be cordial, because unlike you I'm not cruel. I don't ignore anyone with no explaination, because I know how badly it hurts to be ignored. It cuts you to the core of your being. Sometimes, I'd rather someone yell or cuss at me than be ignored. At least then my existence is acknowledged. I hope you find happiness, and in hoping so, I hope that it reflects good karma on to me so that I may find happiness to. I can't wait for the sting to fade away... the sting of disappointment that we can't find happiness together. Maybe next lifetime :-/

[not-a-drive-by]

I had a really strange dream of you last night. I haven't had dreams of you for a good few weeks. You sent me a very weird text. It was as if you were trying to reach out and laughing at the NC between us. In my dream, I didn't know how to respond. Was it breadcrumbs that you were feeding me or did you want to reconcile? I sat on the text and didn't respond til the day after with something really simple. But a dream is a dream, and that text will probably never come.

 

One of your best mates have come back from the US after one year. How different it was a year ago. We were giving him a farewell together, and a year later, he comes back and we are no longer together. I know you will meet up with him sooner or latter and he will probably ask about us. Will you be telling him how great you feel to be single? Or will you tell him that you miss me and unsure of your decision? Will he try to knock some sense into you and try to make us work again? I highly doubt it, but, I do wish that he does .

 

I miss you, H. A high school friend is getting married next month. It would've been great if you were able to have attended it with me as my partner. It could've have been us sending wedding invites in the future too, but clearly, you are not ready. Oh how I wish we were still together. Do you still think of me H? Do you miss me?

[CopingGal]

You are the cruelest, meanest, most ridiculous, and most disgusting person I have ever known. I wish I could take a magic shower that would make it so that you never touched me. I hate you. I wish only bad things for you.

[PYTpisces]

Nighttime is the hardest:(I hate u for making me sleep alone and taking my comfort away.

[CopingGal]

I was doing so well. I was feeling so much better. Then I saw you and all the healing just ripped open. I struggle now, every day to get back to where I was before I saw you again. I hurt all the time. I ache all the time.

 

Every time I heal, the scars rip open. First, my roommate saw you and told me about it. The scars ripped open. Then I saw you and her and the scars ripped open.

 

The couple's therapist said it takes a long time to heal from emotional manipulation. She's been so great. She saved my life. I left you because of her, because the therapy she gave us made me realize my self-esteem had dropped to the floor and you were the one who pushed it down there.

 

You didn't fool her. All those lies you told in therapy....she knew you were lying. You had finally met your match and you lost. You see, SHE dated a sociopath. Yes, she knew all about the lies, the tricks, the deceit, the pain that you and others like you inflict. She went through it and she was able to help me see it. She knows who you are. She knows you're not just a sociopathic man. She knows you're a sociopathic-narcissitic man. You couldn't fool her. You fooled me, but not her...she had your number.

 

There's no getting over your mental illness, you poor bastard. I want you gone. You came back to MY city and inflict even more pain on me after you psychologically abused me for months? You walk around town like you're the greatest thing since cookies and cream ice cream. You get people to think that you are this magnificent treasure, when in reality you are a piece of junk on a burning trash heap.

 

My roommate and I always shift money back and forth between us. We take care of each other. Plenty of women ask for clothes and jewelry from their bfs. When you were my bf, what did I ask you for? Money for toilet paper and you acted like I was asking you to give blood, yet you had so much money you squandered it all the time. Fifty-dollars just for CDs alone, you stupid jackass.

[CopingGal]

Feeling better. As long as you stay away from me, I'll be okay.

[NoMoreJerks]

almost drunk-dialed you, at the bar while having a drink with a guy i just met . glad i didn't. glad i have enough self-control even while drunk, to stop me from calling you. i have found someone else, and we hit it off pretty well. even if it doesn't work out, at least it gave me confidence that i can meet other guys. you acted like i was a hopeless case, made it look like i would never meet any guy , that you were the only choice i had.

[PYTpisces]

I woke up in the middle of the night again to that hollow feeling in my stomach. It's been over 2 weeks since you told me u loved me then disappeared without a trace and ignored all my attempts to reach you. The only thing keeping me from trying again is the realization that youre capable of hurting the people you profess to care about so easily like this. I won't let your poor character affect my self esteem any more than it already has. I'm getting stronger everyday. You may think it was immature of me to delete you from my Facebook, but truth is, you knew that your flirty wall posts hurt me for a while. I'm glad that I can't keep tabs on you anymore. It puts me one step closer to regaining my control over how to ensure my happiness and security. Anyways, glad I didn't text you tonight.

[radishes]

Man I felt like I was doing so well too... And I was trying to work on some of my own problems, that maybe I needed to improve on and others I just needed to accept. But I felt like I took a couple of steps back when I looked at your profile and the jokes and articles we liked to share with each other. Man it brought back sweet but bitter memories... memories that at least right now I shouldn't think about at all. Right now, I really just want to return to normal, to my homeostasis. Honestly, I'm so tired of being anxious and scared because I'm not used to these feelings, but I know I have to suck it up and just do things. And I will make myself better and stronger, not for you or anyone else. But because I can do these things for myself

[CopingGal]

Yesterday I cried for a long time. Then I got strong. Today I feel strong. I'm doing incredible things with my life. The world is opening up to me and I'm finding it to be a fascinating place.

 

You have two ambitions in life: screwing others and controlling others

 

But my ambition is to change the world. I have been working on this since before I met you. I continue to work on it. My life is worth a lot. I've done great things and I'm still doing them. I've helped wild animals, domestic animals, people in developing countries and others here in the US. I continue to dedicate my life to helping the world and I'm so proud of myself. I'm proud.

 

If you hadn't cheated on me, tricked me one million times, and harasses me, it still wouldn't have worked. My life was going in a different direction that yours. My life goes outward, out into the world. Your selfishness keeps your efforts focused on you.

 

When I asked if we could take the money you were going to use to take me to a nice restaurant and donate it to charity and instead get a fast-food meal, you thought I was joking.

 

When some man cut off a woman's nose in Asia, and I tried to reach her to offer emotional support, you thought that was strange because I didn't know her.

 

You and I will never see the world the same because you have no true desire to make it better. How many times did you tell me "If it doesn't affect me, why should I care?"

 

I fly high. I do amazing things. You continue to focus on how you can take advantage of others without them knowing.

 

We were doomed from the start. It never would have worked. Your heart is too small for me and you were simply never good enough for me.

[h-e-l-p]

I really would love for us to work but you didnt want to try for us anymore and the day you gave up is the day I became lost , because I never thought you would give up on us, i thought we would be together forever I still do think that but time will tell, You have ripped my heart out and stole it and I want it back , I feel a mixed amount of emotions towards you atm and I dont know what to do with myself sometimes. I cant wait for the day this mess is over & what ever way the river decides to flow I will go with it.

[AngrySmile]

You always relate yourself to a rose. It's your name. Its an identifying marker.

 

Everyone knows thorns grow on roses to protect the plant. Everyone knows that the color red is symbolic for love. And yes, maybe I let that color blind me. I failed in so many regards, so I understand why you dumped me. You fell out of love with me. You found me unattractive. You found me unable to change my bad habits. You felt me small and weak. You felt me incompatible with you spiritually. You didn't want to see me die from my chemical dependance. But: you...gave up...on me. When I never gave up on your for all the **** you did to me.

 

You saw all these things about me and felt we weren't compatible anymore because of my actions over the past 7 and a half years. As you put it "We had a good run, but I have to be alone now to fulfill myself and I don't want you around anymore. You can't provide anything for me. You don't make me happy anymore. But I don't think we ended bad. I think we just ended."

 

Roses bloom, and everyone loves their smell. It takes alot of work to help a rose bloom in all seasons though, and you do exemplify that. But...all roses fade. All roses reach a point where they wilt and the petals become dark and crinkled and the rose itself dies. And maybe that's what happened to our love.

 

But I realized something. I never took the time to see what plant I was. It took weeks of research, but I figured it out.

 

Sempervirens. Living forever. In this respect, I'm an evergreen tree.

 

I grew up in cold climates, but I hate the cold. I always bitch about it, but I'm still in cold climates, through and through, still pushing through it all. I still survive any winter thrown at me. I still fight through all the hardships I put myself through, whether its by you or me or life in general. I do it, all, and I still love you, and I tried, I really did try to be there for you as much as I could. But you wanted and deserved more. This I know. And I couldn't give that to you. Still can't. But -like a sempervirens, I'm just growing on. Despite the harsh realities I'm tossed into, I'm still surviving. I'm still coming up green. Despite you thinking I'm a failure, I'm still standing. and I'm past what you thought about me. I never give up.

 

And if you haven't learned that by now, then I guess, like a rose, you never will. You'll just bloom and fade and bloom and fade, never grasping the bigger picture. and ultimately becoming a thorn bush at the end, while I'll still be that same evergreen tree, just taller than you remember and stronger because I took the time to understand it all, rather than just hate the moment of weakness I exhibited.

[ladyabstrused]

Just reading some of the posts in this thread. The pain, anger and sadness...

 

Big hugs to all of you. Let's all keep strong and keep moving forward.

[radishes]

I don't know whats wrong with me lately. I don't know if its because I'm not coping as well as I should be, or if I'm just feeling like I'm dangling by a feather in mid air that can be plucked any second now. Maybe its the fact that I'm so used to having someone there to guide me, or for me to focus on, that its hard for me to make my own decisions without questioning them first. Why do I care that this jerk is telling me we're just friends? Why do I care if this guy likes me or not when I don't even want to date? Why do I cling on to these things when I need to let my past relationship go first? How do I just let go again? I think its getting to the point where I haven't seen you for so long, that the image of your face flashes strongly in my mind whenever I see a picture. I think I had my up, maybe now I'm having my down. Man Its funny because its only been a little bit more than a week but its felt so much longer. I feel like its been months since then, and maybe I'm expecting the results of months past. How do I just let go? Let go of you? Let go of these invasive thoughts? Let go of my expectations? Let go of wanting to fill that space? Its driving me crazy. I just want to return to where I was before. At peace with myself, and letting go of the things that mattered less than anything. I want to just let it go, to be okay with where I'm at, and to accept that there's not much to be done right now except do what I can for myself. Maybe at this point in time, I'm just feeling a little lost.

 

What do I do when I'm feeling lost? Do you know?

[PYTpisces]

@ radishes, Im sorry you feel this way. You and I are in the same boat. I call this state of being survival mode. very little feels good and your source of life has been more or less ripped from under you against your will. Try to accept that such injustice has been done to you, and remember that you did your part. Your SO is the one who dropped the ball. If the both of you made mistakes, remember that the relationship is broken, not you. It's ok to feel broken for as long as you need to. You're human. Making it thru another day is survival, and that's a victory in itself in my eyes. *hugs* be blessed and protect your heart. Someone out there wants to treasure it.

[Perpetually Learning]

You annoy me. I'm kinda glad we're not talking anymore.

 

It's funny 'cause these are things about you that always annoyed me, but I tried to block them out at the time and tell myself that they're just differences we have and that I should just accept these things and look past them. I did accept them and I did try my damned hardest to look past them and I succeeded for the time being but now that it's over... nope. It's just annoying. Your dogma is annoying. The fact that you think you know some truth that nobody else knows and that you have some higher understanding of life and people that only other "gifted" people like you have is really, really, really annoying. You're not going to get anywhere by looking down on people like that. And the funniest part is you don't even realize you look down on people. You convince yourself that you're a sage that's going to use her wisdom to guide others' to reach their true potential but then you lose your patience when people don't think exactly like you or cope with their problems the way you do, or have the same exact perspective as you. You don't respect people or see them in high esteem when they don't believe the things you do and think like you. And on top of all that, you don't see that you're flawed and make mistakes just like the rest of us.

 

How narcissistic. Yuck.

 

Go f*ck yourself.

[CopingGal]

Just reading some of the posts in this thread. The pain, anger and sadness...

 

Big hugs to all of you. Let's all keep strong and keep moving forward.

 

Big hug to you too. Thanks.

[brokendreamz]

Missing you lots recently.

Was kinda doing ok for a while back there but now I'm single again, my heart has been reminding me of you.

 

This sucks!

 

Hope you're well.

 

Love

[PYTpisces]

Feel really alone and lost tonight. I've tried everything to distract myself and keep busy, but then nighttime comes and I'm reminded of how lonely I feel. It's not fair how you get to move on and live your life as though we never meant anything. I have to keep reminding myself that I'd rather be alone than picking up the breadcrumbs you tossed me. Or the cold shoulder you would turn to me whenever I needed you the most. The sad part of that is, I was always there for for you when you needed someone.

[CopingGal]

I'm starting to appreciate some of the horrible things you did to me because I am wiser now. I know I have to be firm and not let so many things slide by. I want to be respected and treated well. No excuses. There are just no excuses for bad behavior.

 

I'll be smarter in my next relationship because of you. You don't learn from you mistakes, but I do.

[radishes]

I wonder if I was as attached to you as I thought I was. I figure that even if its only been two weeks, for me to have made this much progress, maybe I didn't let you in as much as I could have. I'm learning to fill the gaps that you've left behind. I'm learning to live with just me. Of course, sometimes when I write here, I feel like I'm actually secretly writing to you. But as each day pass, the hurt lessens a bit more. Its comforting to know a lot of the times, the things that I feel, many others have felt too, or might feel sooner or later. You're not at all what makes up me as a person, and I hope I can take my steps forward without the memories of you holding me back. Falling in love with you and being with you was wonderful while it lasted, no matter how much of a bad boyfriend you were. You were one of those things that made me happy and could make me laugh whenever and about whatever, but its okay that you changed. Its okay that you want to do something different. Its just what I want and what you want are too different.

 

"Some people are meant to fall in love with each other, but not meant to be together"

 

And one day I'll know that it'll play out like this:

“I woke up one morning and I just knew.

Knew what?

What I was never sure of with you.”

 

I'm letting you do what you would like to do, and I'm letting myself move on, let go, and be at peace, because after all, there's still so much life left ahead of me to live. Its been awhile since I've felt this kind of happy and relief. The memories of you still hurts, but I'm okay. I think I've hit the final stage

[ladyabstrused]

I wonder if I was as attached to you as I thought I was. I figure that even if its only been two weeks, for me to have made this much progress, maybe I didn't let you in as much as I could have. I'm learning to fill the gaps that you've left behind. I'm learning to live with just me. Of course, sometimes when I write here, I feel like I'm actually secretly writing to you. But as each day pass, the hurt lessens a bit more. Its comforting to know a lot of the times, the things that I feel, many others have felt too, or might feel sooner or later. You're not at all what makes up me as a person, and I hope I can take my steps forward without the memories of you holding me back. Falling in love with you and being with you was wonderful while it lasted, no matter how much of a bad boyfriend you were. You were one of those things that made me happy and could make me laugh whenever and about whatever, but its okay that you changed. Its okay that you want to do something different. Its just what I want and what you want are too different.

 

"Some people are meant to fall in love with each other, but not meant to be together"

 

And one day I'll know that it'll play out like this:

“I woke up one morning and I just knew.

Knew what?

What I was never sure of with you.”

 

I'm letting you do what you would like to do, and I'm letting myself move on, let go, and be at peace, because after all, there's still so much life left ahead of me to live. Its been awhile since I've felt this kind of happy and relief. The memories of you still hurts, but I'm okay. I think I've hit the final stage

 

Wow you write this as though you're describing me too.

 

*hugs*

I'm glad you're pulling through this strong. Let's keep going.

[PYTpisces]

After no contact for almost a month now, and sticking to my guns about not viewing your profiles, I find that I've overcome the initial anger for what you did. Now I'm just nostalgic. I have accepted the reality of the situation, but there's still a huge question mark lingering over my memory of you. Why couldn't you have been brave enough to tell me that it was over. Would it have made a difference? Probably not. I guess the real question is, why wasn't I brave enough to opt out of my friendship with you when I knew early on that I wasnt getting what I wanted in the first place? Why did our "adventures" and nicknames and everything together have to seem so right. I know now that it was counterfit. Now I'm closer to being ready for the real thing. I just wish it didn't have to hurt. I didn't want you to be another lesson in my "story." I wanted you to be the real thing. I wanted you to want me as much as I wanted you.

[billythefish]

saw you at work for the first time in a long time & you had a face like a slapped arse....you looked unhappy & miserable....nothing new there then.