Trimmer Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 um I guess most people here don't think it's okay then I don't think that's the case. I think the lesson here is that whether it is OK depends on the individual, and you have to "read the situation" in a bookstore or music shop just like you would any other social setting. If they have a turned away body, or are head down with an iPod in their ears not making eye contact, or if you do make eye contact, but you get a neutral look or they look away immediately, then those are non-verbal cues that they don't want any further interaction - respect that and you'll be OK. On the other hand, if you manage to get eye contact and you get a little smile or something, then take a very small step forward with the "Good book?" type of comment, and see where that goes. It's all about being sensitive to both the verbal and non-verbal communications that happen between people. In that sense, it's no different than any other social setting. I hear about all these "hook ups" in public places but I never see any.... I used to hang out in bookstores a lot and never saw one hook up. Maybe bookstore "hookups" tend to develop differently (and not as obviously) than bar/club hookups. I don't imagine a bookstore meeting would evolve into pelvis-grinding on the dancefloor within 20 minutes, or stealing off to the restroom for a toilet-stall quickie. So what would you expect to "see" to know whether a bookstore hookup had been successful? I work in a large bookstore, and get approached from time to time. Most of us that work there do. We all compare notes, too - but no worries, we generally go easy on people... Seriously though, the best thing to do is walk up and say 'hi'. We are very, very used to that - it comes with the job. Strike up a conversation about a book or author you like. That is some safe common ground to start with, since most of the people working in a bookstore are working there because they like to read, or are writers, or something along those lines. Part of the job includes looking up your title, and walking you to the section - so use that time to chit-chat. Understand that a good deal of our customers do that, so we are comfortable with that. When you feel like the time is right, say something like "hey, I was wondering if I could get your number to give you a call so we can hang out some time and talk more/get coffee/etc". That is when we know that its a 'date' interest, and not just an enthusiastic book fan. Interesting you say this - I met a great sales associate at a large chain bookstore when I was Christmas shopping this year - she heard me ask a different worker for a particular (somewhat obscure) author, and came over and basically took me over, did the "walk to the aisle with chit-chat" thing you mention, then lingered for a minute talking about our common interest in the author. Then about 5 minutes later, she came and found me again in the store to tell me about another thing she found that she thought I might be interested in... Now, in deference to Reckless, I'm not Brad Pitt - I have come to accept this - chances are decent that there was no more going on here than just a really good salesperson doing her job enthusiastically, but something about it was a little extra "sparky," personality-wise. Unfortunately, at the time, I was not in a place where I was ready to persue it, but now I sure would. Take it a step at a time and see what response you get. Like I said: as with any social situation, it's about being sensitive and aware of the responses you get to the first steps. They will tell you either go ahead or go away, and if your first steps are small and courteous (but project confidence,) you may be turned down, but you will probably not get shot down in flames.
Author christian6 Posted April 23, 2007 Author Posted April 23, 2007 yeah I know that, but I was just wondering if it's odd? or weird?
Trimmer Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 yeah I know that, but I was just wondering if it's odd? or weird? I don't think the idea itself is inherently wierd or odd... If one woman looks at you and says "You're odd", or "bugger off", or something like that, then it's odd, to her. If another woman smiles and says "Yes, I'm thinking of getting this book, have you read it?", then it's not odd, to her. The only thing is, if you are there for the express purpose of meeting women and getting numbers, then you may throw off that "hunting" kind of vibe and you may get some more uncomfortable responses. Don't be 'the creepy guy' who hangs around the bookstore hitting on all the women. Maybe that's the dividing line here.... Are you asking, "if I happen to see a woman that looks interesting, is it ok to talk to her?" or are you saying "How do I go and meet lots of women in a bookstore?"
alphamale Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 So what would you expect to "see" to know whether a bookstore hookup had been successful?. well TRIMMER....I would expect to see a single woman sitting at a table in the cafe section (by herself) being approached by a man who's a total stranger. I would expect to see him start talking with her and chatting her up and then her asking him to have a seat at her table. Then I would expect them to talk for a bit and maybe they will order some lattes and then flirt and laugh and smile. She would have had to put down her reading materials for all this to happen. Then I would expect him to maybe ask her out or something and then she writes down her cell # and hands it to him. Then I would expect for her to giggle a bit and he would get up and go home. Thats what i would expect.
Author christian6 Posted April 23, 2007 Author Posted April 23, 2007 Are you asking, "if I happen to see a woman that looks interesting, is it ok to talk to her?" or are you saying "How do I go and meet lots of women in a bookstore?" hell no, I don't go around 'hunting' for ladies!! Last week, I was in a situation like that, that is why I was asking. I mean, I'm asking "if I happen to see a woman that looks interesting, is it okay to talk to her?'
VirtualInsanity Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 hell no, I don't go around 'hunting' for ladies!! Last week, I was in a situation like that, that is why I was asking. I mean, I'm asking "if I happen to see a woman that looks interesting, is it okay to talk to her?' Yes it's okay to talk to her.
Trimmer Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 well TRIMMER....I would expect to see a single woman sitting at a table in the cafe section (by herself) being approached by a man who's a total stranger. I would expect to see him start talking with her and chatting her up and then her asking him to have a seat at her table. Then I would expect them to talk for a bit and maybe they will order some lattes and then flirt and laugh and smile. She would have had to put down her reading materials for all this to happen. Then I would expect him to maybe ask her out or something and then she writes down her cell # and hands it to him. Then I would expect for her to giggle a bit and he would get up and go home. Thats what i would expect. Well, fair enough... No bathroom quickies at Borders after all then... So you don't think this happens?
Author christian6 Posted April 27, 2007 Author Posted April 27, 2007 Well, fair enough... No bathroom quickies at Borders after all then... So you don't think this happens? even I want to know, alpha
alphamale Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 So you don't think this happens? even I want to know, alpha It probably does happen on occasion but I personally haven't seen this myself. Most couples meet in college or thru friends/family. I would think that random meetings in public places are a small percentage.
Author christian6 Posted April 27, 2007 Author Posted April 27, 2007 It probably does happen on occasion but I personally haven't seen this myself. Most couples meet in college or thru friends/family. I would think that random meetings in public places are a small percentage. friends, mostly. most people i know seem to have a problem with their siblings dating their friends.
alphamale Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 friends, mostly. most people i know seem to have a problem with their siblings dating their friends. I know some couple that met thru their cousins....I also know a couple that were introducted by their parents. The parents worked together and thought their kids would be a good match. They were!
Author christian6 Posted April 27, 2007 Author Posted April 27, 2007 I know some couple that met thru their cousins....I also know a couple that were introducted by their parents. The parents worked together and thought their kids would be a good match. They were! i guess some people are okay about cousins, i'm talking about siblings.. (the parents thing is v unusual but cool in a way lol)
Author christian6 Posted May 1, 2007 Author Posted May 1, 2007 btw i never pointed out, that i meant approaching a woman while she is looking at books, not when she is sitting and reading
katiebour Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 I am a huge book nerd- I have loved to read for as long as I remember. I think a bookstore is a great place to meet someone- it at least implies that they know what books are and where to find them, as opposed to those members of society who absorb all their entertainment through the boob tube. Generally when I have been single and attractive men have taken the initiative to chat me up, it has always been flattering. A bookstore is as good a place as anywhere else. As to how? If she's in the sci-fi section and you're into sci-fi, then ask her for a recommendation. Ask her which books/authors she enjoys, and either look for some common ground or show interest in books/authors that you haven't read before. One of the biggest turn-ons for me is a guy who asks questions and displays interest in what I have to say rather than jumping in and talking about himself for 10 minutes. If she recommends a book that you like, get it! Say something to the effect of "I'll definitely have to pick this up, you make it sound so interesting," and then segue to asking her to have coffee. Rather than saying "I'd like to have coffee with you- I think you're really hot/beautiful/attractive," say something like "I've really enjoyed talking to you. Can I buy you a coffee?" If she says yes, have coffee and ask for a number at the conclusion. If she says no, you can either assume a) she doesn't have time or b) she's not interested. Use your best judgement and if it seems to be a, rather than b, ask for a number. My two cents.
pricillia Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 Is it okay to approach a woman at a bookshop/musicshop? yes but only if your dressed up like Spider Man
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