Author james123 Posted April 23, 2007 Author Posted April 23, 2007 Maybe. But being English might be enough for them to score chicks over there..... being foreign can mean you are instantly attractive to some people. Oh, well i am sorry james. Guess she is the one that got away huh. No regrets. Sneak your mobile into your pocket next time and put it on silent. be a rebel. lol let's see. (I wonder what people did when most people didn't have mobiles!!)
Trimmer Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 Actually i will tell you one reason why. I don't think many american guys would worry about being seen as desperate. Am I right alpha? I think you're right, to a degree, but you put it a little differently in a later post: it's confidence. I find it attractive in women, and I believe they find it attractive in men. (Until it spills over into arrogance, an important balance to remember...) If I feel a "spark" with a woman, and I trust my instinct, then I am confident that putting some effort into continuing that connection won't be seen as desperate, but rather, as you pointed out SB, that she might actually be a little impressed by it. Come to think of it, I actually did this once. She was a close friend of the bride (who was a friend of mine), so once they were back from the honeymoon, I asked for a contact number. I'm sure my friend the new bride cleared it with her first, but I got the number. We lived hundreds of miles away, but once when she came through town we had a very nice lunch date together. I had forgotten about that... I'd do that again without hesitation. I'm just as concerned as anyone about coming off as desperate, I just don't think I would look that way in this scenario. I am quite assertive any way and would probably eat someone like james for breakfast. Can I have the thighs? You can have his thighs - I'll have hers, please. lol let's see. (I wonder what people did when most people didn't have mobiles!!) They borrowed pens!!!!!! James - you are sweet, and I don't mean this in any negative way at all, but like sb129 I'm curious how old you are?
Author james123 Posted April 23, 2007 Author Posted April 23, 2007 what does age have to do with any of this?
sb129 Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 Alot. Experience and maturity dictate how we behave in certain scenarios. self assurance can increase with age, and therefore the likelihood of "putting yourself out there"
melodymatters Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 To me it would not seem innapropriate, I would find it charming and romantic ! if I were she ( and i showed my willingness to give you my number in the first place as she did) I would be captivated by a phone call saying. "hello, this is James form the Symthe/jones wedding....... guess what, I found a pen:cool: " and yeah dude, I totally dated an average looking geologist PHD student cuz he was from Liverpool and sounded like the Beatles ! Don't sell yourself short !
alphamale Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 Turned 22 a couple of months ago yea that explains much
Author james123 Posted April 25, 2007 Author Posted April 25, 2007 yea that explains much well it isn't that young really!
Trimmer Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 It's not really your age, exactly. How long have you been dating and interacting romantically with women in adult relationships? For me, for example, it's been about 26 years. This isn't a knock against you; it's just like sb129 said above, your confidence will probably increase as you get older.
Author james123 Posted April 25, 2007 Author Posted April 25, 2007 not as many as you of course, but its been quite a few years. btw another reason i didn't go to the bar was that there was a huge queue and I didn't want to stand in line just for a pen, so nothing to do with age
Trimmer Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 Well, to sum it up, I think that these exact things you fear will be seen as desperate (going in search of a pen to borrow, calling a mutual friend or relative to find a number after the wedding) are the exact things that I think have a good chance of being perceived as charming or impressive, a perception directly confirmed by several women on here (and not contradicted by anyone, I think...) In the end, though, you can only do what you are comfortable with, and I understand that... My concern for you, though, is that I think the message you end up sending is "I'm not that interested, so you aren't worth the effort."
Trialbyfire Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 I wouldn't listen to the no mobiles request. I would take my phone and turn it off. Some phones like PDAs have the ability to turn off the phone portion but continue using them offline. This way, you can use the note or memo features. Every single wedding I've been to, have had a pen or pens at the guest book sign-in, previous to walking into the reception. If she agreed to give you her phone number, I would show I didn't have a pen, grab a napkin, take her lightly by the hand or elbow (with her consent) and walk over to the registry together. If you keep up the patter and make her laugh with snappy comments, I can't see a girl having any problems with a guy showing interest and being charming at the same time.
Author james123 Posted April 25, 2007 Author Posted April 25, 2007 well, is it okay to date your good mate's cousin? i mean some people mind it if you're interested in their sister? they grew up together so must be close? otherwise i would want to ask him for her number when he returns from his honeymoon
sb129 Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 I can't speak for your good mate, but I don't see why not. You already have something in common. Go for it James123!!!
DanielMadr Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 Always Be Prepared! As a last resort you can bite off your finger and write down the number on your white shirt with your own blood. Might scare her shytless though.
Author james123 Posted April 26, 2007 Author Posted April 26, 2007 Always Be Prepared! As a last resort you can bite off your finger and write down the number on your white shirt with your own blood. Might scare her shytless though. wish you'd give some decent suggestion or something
Trimmer Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 wish you'd give some decent suggestion or something After a few hundred posts here on LS, you'll find that a lot of times humor is mixed in with the more serious posts, sometimes it gets sarcastic and personal, sometimes, like DM's comment above, it's just funny... (And sometimes it's just funny to me. ) My opinion is that as long as we stay mostly on topic and respectful (which admittedly can be a subjective thing...) it keeps the atmosphere a little more loose and informal and helps to blow off a little of the tension that we all build up discussing some of these difficult situations. Maybe you don't prefer that, and it is certainly your prerogative, but if you can recognize it for what it is and go with the flow a little bit, that may help you to let it bounce off a little easier. Your choice, though. Incidentally, there's nothing inherently wrong with dating your good mate's cousin. If one of the three of you has a problem with it, then yes, it's a problem, and if you end up leaving the relationship in a smoking hole in the ground at the end then yeah, it might be uncomfortable, but those are the only scenarios I can see that would recommend against it. Again, you'll have to make a choice. ... and I gotta say, DM - while your suggestion certainly makes points for "effort", I think it lacks a certain charm that may be important in attracting the ladies...
Author james123 Posted April 26, 2007 Author Posted April 26, 2007 yeah i agree with what you say but I guess you would work harder on your relationship and be more careful in a relationship like that? would that be a good thing? tell me, what would YOU do in a situation like this? would you date your mate's cousin?
Author james123 Posted April 26, 2007 Author Posted April 26, 2007 and keeping that in mind, should i let it go or still try to get her number? a big risk, is it? why do you think he'll have a problem with it?? if i had asked her out there?
DanielMadr Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 hello?! I think the main problem is your cofusion. You have to decide if you want to date your mate's cousin or dont and stick to it. If you like her, give it a try. If you are in serious doubt, bin it. I think there are plenty of pens or lipstick all around or at least matches (you can write with the charcoal). Happy now?
Trimmer Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 yeah i agree with what you say but I guess you would work harder on your relationship and be more careful in a relationship like that? would that be a good thing? I would try to be "more careful" in any relationship I started. Every one deserves all your effort, all your ethics, all your honor. tell me, what would YOU do in a situation like this? would you date your mate's cousin? I'm with Daniel, and not just because of his manly beard and rugged good looks... Maybe here is where age and experience come in - I'm not that old, but I've got enough miles on me not to worry about a lot of the little gremlins that can stymie younger folks. (And I can't believe I'm talking like this... "younger folks" sheesh. Hey! you kids! Get off my lawn!) If I'm interested in her, then I'm going to go approach her, one adult to another. If I make a connection, it's about her and me; we're all adults, including my mate. But the question isn't what I would do in your situation, the question is what you will do. Decide, and act.
DanielMadr Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 I would try to be "more careful" in any relationship I started. Every one deserves all your effort, all your ethics, all your honor. Very well said. Hey! you kids! Get off my lawn!) :D
Author james123 Posted April 27, 2007 Author Posted April 27, 2007 I would try to be "more careful" in any relationship I started. Every one deserves all your effort, all your ethics, all your honor. yeah i know that, you have to be careful in any relationship, but more so in something like this, perhaps. If I'm interested in her, then I'm going to go approach her, one adult to another. If I make a connection, it's about her and me; we're all adults, including my mate. i don't think it's that easy
Teddy and Jane Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 come on, who takes PENS to weddings? would you? I usually carry a pen, even in a cute little purse.
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