My story

[mum2three]

Glad to hear that you are coping and pretty well considering all factors with WAW. You are really getting your sh*t together. I don't get your W... why is she lashing out at you and calling you names? Does she blame you for making her cheat? Does she want this divorce (not that she has any choice )?

[azianpride143]

I don't know if she's trying to rationalize the cheating by lashing out. Or she does it out of frustration. Back in the days she used to just start fights out of little things to get what she wants. She would start it and I would go up to her and try to patch things up. Eventhough I never started it or it was not my fault in the first place. I have always been taught not to go to bed without resolving a fight. I guess this frustrates her since I no longer apologize nowadays. Or try to patch things up with her. She's just this spoiled kid that always got what she wants. She continues to act this way up to now. I have never seen her apologize or say sorry like she meant it. She has too much pride and she has her head high.

 

I don't feel anything for her anymore when I saw her yesterday. I had to give her some money from her account since the checkcard pin didn't work. She had this huge gash on the side of her suv. Mind you I just got that same side fixed about 3-4 months ago. I asked her and she told me she had an accident while parking the car at her apartment. She said she was going to pay for it. I left it at that.

 

She seems to try to insert herself in my life using the only way possible which is through my kids. She was supposed to have both kids stay with her this weekend. I guess she changed her mind and just got the youngest only. Her reasoning is that she wants my oldest to ask her to stay with her. She said she was sick of trying. I asked my daughter if her mom even bothered to call her regarding her staying there and she told me she didn't. All her actions are for show. But when she realizes that since my daughter is older she cannot have company over. She can't do her weekend activities. The way I see it she will be dumping my son at her parents so she can go out. This is only good at the end of the month. Her parents are going out of the country for a long time. So the game will change next month. She will no longer have a weekend babysitter. But then it's not my problem. All I see is more time with my kids.

 

I don't think she wants the divorce since this will cut her off. She wanted separation. She wanted access to my health insurance, finances, credit card, etc. Basically her original idea was for me to support her while she was out having fun on my dime. I'm the one pushing for divorce. It's in my best interest. I just feel that my only purpose in her life is for her to get out

as much as she can. That's the reason why all of a sudden she's nice to me calling me and asking me for favors. Then when she doesn't get what she wants lashes out at me. I am no longer pliant like a bamboo moving with the wind. Bending over at her every whim. I simply keep it civil for the sake of the kids. I see what she's doing and don't like it. She needs to understand that her dependency days on me are over. Maybe she's also suffering from withdrawals since she's so used to me having her back all the time.

[Gunny376]

I don't know if she's trying to rationalize the cheating by lashing out. Or she does it out of frustration. Back in the days she used to just start fights out of little things to get what she wants. She would start it and I would go up to her and try to patch things up. Eventhough I never started it or it was not my fault in the first place. I have always been taught not to go to bed without resolving a fight. I guess this frustrates her since I no longer apologize nowadays. Or try to patch things up with her. She's just this spoiled kid that always got what she wants. She continues to act this way up to now. I have never seen her apologize or say sorry like she meant it. She has too much pride and she has her head high.

 

I don't feel anything for her anymore when I saw her yesterday. I had to give her some money from her account since the checkcard pin didn't work. She had this huge gash on the side of her suv. Mind you I just got that same side fixed about 3-4 months ago. I asked her and she told me she had an accident while parking the car at her apartment. She said she was going to pay for it. I left it at that.

 

She seems to try to insert herself in my life using the only way possible which is through my kids. She was supposed to have both kids stay with her this weekend. I guess she changed her mind and just got the youngest only. Her reasoning is that she wants my oldest to ask her to stay with her. She said she was sick of trying. I asked my daughter if her mom even bothered to call her regarding her staying there and she told me she didn't. All her actions are for show. But when she realizes that since my daughter is older she cannot have company over. She can't do her weekend activities. The way I see it she will be dumping my son at her parents so she can go out. This is only good at the end of the month. Her parents are going out of the country for a long time. So the game will change next month. She will no longer have a weekend babysitter. But then it's not my problem. All I see is more time with my kids.

 

I don't think she wants the divorce since this will cut her off. She wanted separation. She wanted access to my health insurance, finances, credit card, etc. Basically her original idea was for me to support her while she was out having fun on my dime. I'm the one pushing for divorce. It's in my best interest. I just feel that my only purpose in her life is for her to get out

as much as she can. That's the reason why all of a sudden she's nice to me calling me and asking me for favors. Then when she doesn't get what she wants lashes out at me. I am no longer pliant like a bamboo moving with the wind. Bending over at her every whim. I simply keep it civil for the sake of the kids. I see what she's doing and don't like it. She needs to understand that her dependency days on me are over. Maybe she's also suffering from withdrawals since she's so used to me having her back all the time.

 

Outstanding, simply outstanding! I'm proud of you AP, they should make your thread a sticky!

[azianpride143]

Well today I came home late and I asked her to pick up my son from the babysitter's house since there was some problems at work. I stopped by her place to pick up my son and we ended up talking for a while. I mentioned to her that her mom is asking me for some money. I told her she needs to explain to them that I don't have very much left since I'm all by myself now and have to pay childcare, the home, and the rest of the expenses. I made it seem like I'm struggling eventhough I wasn't. We talked for a little while and I noticed she was staring at me from top to bottom. I guess she noticed how much my body has changed. She got to a point where she asked me if I want my son to stay there and she'll drop him off at the babysitter tomorrow. I told her sure and kissed my son goodbye. She gave me a friendly hug and a kiss. I did not feel anything at all. I felt numb. I do miss her in a way and did enjoy the company. I know I shouldn't have stayed longer to chat. But I did notice her expression and how sad she was. She was kinda teary eyed to a point where it seemed like she wanted to say something. But kept holding back.

 

I just didn't feel the same way anymore. I do still love this person but feel that I can move on and that were simply better together as friends for the kids. I was proud of myself for having so much control. I came and got what I wanted from her and then bailed. One was to get away with not having to give her parents so much money and two to know I can control my emotions and be in control of the situation. I know I have gotten better and better everyday. I know I can move on. It's just a matter of time before I can put this all behind me. She wanted me to see how strong she was and how well she is taking this. I see deep sorrow and loneliness in her eyes. I don't even have any anger at all. I felt pity. This is a choice she has made and it's not going to get better in the next couple of months. But then that's not really my problem. I am glad I don't have to be her protector any more.

 

Well I saw the old side of her that I felt comfortable with. In a way it was a calm evening and it was great if it was like this all the time. But I know this is one of those rare days where her true selfish self is not showing it's ugly head. Well see what happens in the next couple of days. Her mom and dad are finally leaving this Sunday and won't be back for a long time.

[Ladyjane14]

But I did notice her expression and how sad she was. She was kinda teary eyed to a point where it seemed like she wanted to say something. But kept holding back.

 

Sorry to be a cynic... but this part of the story reminds me of a scene from Shrek II, where the ogre meets Puss in Boots.

 

The poor little kitty giving him big, watery, doe-eyes, all the while Donkey's flipping out on the sidelines in disbelief that anybody could be 'buying' it.

 

(Type into your IMAGE browser, "puss in boots, poster". )

[Chrome Barracuda]

Wow she kissed you and you felt nothing. That's great I mean it kinda sucks and all to have fallen out of love with your stbx beyond any fault of yours. I mean she was the one that did you dirty. And that numbness is what is the sad part. She honestly has no clue that when she wakes up from her bull**** you aint gonna be there.

 

That happened to me. This girl treated me like garbage and when she finally started throwing signals my way I ended the friendship and til this day I know what I did was right but I feel guilty about it because she was hurt by what I did.

 

Strange I know...

[Woggle]

It warms my heart to read stories like this where men grow some balls and kick her to the curb instead of handng over their balls to her.

[Gunny376]

Ooooooraaaahhhhaaa! Word! Way to Man-up!

[azianpride143]

LJ I agree. Anything she does at this point should be construed as a ploy. I really don't know what her intentions were. She may be laughing in the sidelines thinking I am tapped out, about to lose my job, and on my way down. Trying to justify how she got out at the right time.

 

I did my own kitty impression to throw her off and since this is the last week her parents are here. To give them some money we supposedly owe them. I sent them a text this morning letting them know I only have this much to give you and I don't have anymore.

 

If they insist on getting more money from me. I will put them in their place and let them know I think their side of the family has done enough damage. My ex wife for fooling around and putting me in this predicament. And their son for ruining my ex wife's credit by taking too much equity out of the investment home they purchased together. Whatever money we lost in that home is half mine as well. I think I deserve a break from their messed up excuse of a family. And not to contact me ever again.

 

Man this really pisses me off. As far as I'm concerned I don't owe them crap. We took in her family when they first came to this country. They lived with us. We took care of her younger sister from the time she was in middle school until she hit college. Rent free. Her parents whenever they stayed on their one year hiatus every other year. We took them in. I did not ask them for one cent to help out in the house. They made me feel alienated in my own home. They did not respect me like the way my wife did. They are all the same they took advantage of me because I was so nice to them. This boils down to this. I don't owe you crap. I am done with them. I am done with the years of abuse. I treated them better than I treated my own family. That's why I just smile. I no longer have to deal with this burden anymore.

 

So as you can see it's not just my wife that took advantage of me. Her whole family as well. And in the end I'm the bad person. The husband that dumped his wife. The husband who still owed them money, etc. etc. The bad son in law. All I have to say is "sayonara" and hopefully the door does not hit you on the way out. Oh by the way, once your out you can't get back in coz I changed the locks already.:p:p:p:p

 

Sorry to be a cynic... but this part of the story reminds me of a scene from Shrek II, where the ogre meets Puss in Boots.

 

The poor little kitty giving him big, watery, doe-eyes, all the while Donkey's flipping out on the sidelines in disbelief that anybody could be 'buying' it.

 

(Type into your IMAGE browser, "puss in boots, poster". )

[azianpride143]

Unfortunately this is not the case. She left on her own with some help from me. I did what I can and until the divorce gets final. I will do what is right and proper. Once that becomes final the gloves will come off. Patience is not one of my stronger virtues but it's the only way to win a chess game. I have a strong support system my dad and his family and of course LS. So I know in the end it will be good.

 

It warms my heart to read stories like this where men grow some balls and kick her to the curb instead of handng over their balls to her.

[azianpride143]

Well the last 2 days have been great. My stbxw has been normal and we have been talking civil and friendly. I try not to be available, make excuses that I'm busy since she still appears way too needy. That's what she seems to me. She has been good to my two kids and that's what matters. She appears to be back to her normal self.

 

If our relationship remains like this it would be ideal. It just feels like there's no more pressure between us (I could be wrong) . The animosity is somewhat gone. I'm still skeptical since she's been acting weird the last few weeks. I still can't trust her since I don't know if she's got some ulterior motive. Or she's given up. It still won't hurt me to keep my guard up a bit. After all she's put me through hell and back.

 

I talked to my lawyer's assistant and was told my paperwork has been filed last Thursday. They will get back to me on how they want to serve her. That would be the only way for the 6 month countdown to get started. I am bracing myself since I don't know how she's going to take the news. I have a feeling she thinks I'm not going through the divorce.

 

Work is great. I'm finally getting back to my old self. I was kinda getting worried that the old hardworking me was gone. I guess it just took a while to dig it up since it got buried in so much debris.

 

I have booked my flight and hotel to Chicago for next week. I will be spending the week in training. I am excited since this will give me a break from all of this. A chance to get out of Cali. I have made arrangements for my ex to take care of my son. My dad will watch over my daughter.

 

Again we'll see what happens next.

[azianpride143]

So far I have been doing great these past few weeks. Me and my STBXW have been friendly with regards to our kids and life can't be better. There has been moments where we would argue but have managed to get past these issues.

 

Yesterday she asked me if I could take a week off in mid July since she's having her back surgery. I know things have been calm between us. But I'm not sure if it's a good idea for me to take care of her. I would understand I need to be there for her during the day of the surgery. Just in case there's some life threatening decisions that need to be made since technically were still married. But other than that I don't know. My daughter and my sister in law can watch over her that whole week, while she's recovering. So any suggestions/ideas/advice would help?

[Sheba]

I think she is feeling needy and vulnerable and is (consciously or not) trying to suck you back into the husband role. Of course you are concerned about her well being, as she is the mother of your children, but the intimacy of caring for her while she is recuperating is too much.

 

I suggest you don't do it.

 

She has other people who can care for her - luckily. You don't have the obligation. She might be able to do a "living will" or similar document to appoint a decision maker for herself, since it is really no longer appropriate that you make any decisions about her health care.

[sumdude]

So far I have been doing great these past few weeks. Me and my STBXW have been friendly with regards to our kids and life can't be better. There has been moments where we would argue but have managed to get past these issues.

 

Yesterday she asked me if I could take a week off in mid July since she's having her back surgery. I know things have been calm between us. But I'm not sure if it's a good idea for me to take care of her. I would understand I need to be there for her during the day of the surgery. Just in case there's some life threatening decisions that need to be made since technically were still married. But other than that I don't know. My daughter and my sister in law can watch over her that whole week, while she's recovering. So any suggestions/ideas/advice would help?

 

 

What exactly are her expectations? If it's to take care of her a lot of the time I would be willing to be 'on call' for an emergency and around during the actual surgery but not be there that much at all. If there's family that has time for her let them be her nursemaids. In the end it's all about how you feel about it that counts. Use your gut, mind and heart to judge for yourself. If you see her now truly as a freind then do what a freind would do.

 

I would also consult with your lawyer. As long as you are still legally married you should know your obligations and any ramifications.

[notspiritual]

Do not take care of her. You are not her husband anymore. You are not her nurse. You don’t have to fulfill her emotional needs anymore. Because she cheated on you and wanted the divorce, she has lost the privilege of having you in her life. She has to feel the pain of loss so she can start to value what she had with you. She has never been a grateful woman – there is no reason that this has changed.

 

Also, she is not a friend, she is just a co-parent. Don’t treat her like a friend. She does not deserve to be your friend. Don’t be nice, she will never appreciate it anyway. She has to live with the consequences of her actions. Let her miss you. Let her see what she has destroyed.

 

Have No Mercy.

[Darth Vader]

I think she is feeling needy and vulnerable and is (consciously or not) trying to suck you back into the husband role. Of course you are concerned about her well being, as she is the mother of your children, but the intimacy of caring for her while she is recuperating is too much.

 

I suggest you don't do it.

 

She has other people who can care for her - luckily. You don't have the obligation. She might be able to do a "living will" or similar document to appoint a decision maker for herself, since it is really no longer appropriate that you make any decisions about her health care.

 

 

I must agree, this is the "OLD" suck you back into the marriage because she had her fill and it didn't work out scam, sounds like that's from an old Get Smart show, I wouldn't fall for it! MOVE ON!

[azianpride143]

Thanks for the reality check. I needed that. My compassionate nature would have gotten the best of me.

[Darth Vader]

She may try again and even harder. Watch your back!

[njbeachlover]

Just joined this site today, made my first post, then read your initial posting. Shockingly similar.

 

This is easy for me to say since I'm at the begining of the battle, but DON'T BE HER NURSE! You've hung tough and stuck to your guns. Don't open the door a crack, she'll try to suck you back in. She doesn't deserve your help.

 

Keep up the good fight. You're a good example of a non-cheater having to make a and carry out a hard decision.

[azianpride143]

Here's an update. I have been doing well these past 2 weeks. I have been holding the fort and any advances on her part have been deflected. Including the constant requests for monetary help. Today she called to speak to my son and after that we talked for a while. She wanted to know how I was doing. I said I'm doing great (thanks to you). I said financially I'm still a mess but surviving. She started talking about how bad her situation is with her other home. She is now behind by 2 months and may be in the process of re-possesion. She doesn't know what to do. Her credit is shot. She can no longer get new credit. Her world is starting to crumble down on her. I guess reality is starting to settle in. She mentioned she may have to file for bankruptcy and then leave the country for a while. She said she wants to go back to her parents for a while. I mentioned that this was all her doing and that it was her choices that led to this. Man the phone conversation went south really fast. She did not want to hear that. I'm just giving the lively conversation a dose of the truth. She decided she had to go end the call. I was glad she did. As usual she will runaway from her problems and not face the music. I am happy I am no longer with this person. It made me realize how lucky I am still despite the pain and suffering I had to go through. I might end up with both kids, a good job, a happy life. I'll survive through this.

 

I came to this country with $500 in my pocket in 94. A one year old kid in tow. And I started from nothing. I am not afraid to do it all over again. I have sacrificed a lot to get to where I am. I have proven myself a good provider, husband, father, and friend. I can do it all over again if I have to. Bring it on....

[Sheba]

I came to this country with $500 in my pocket in 94. A one year old kid in tow. And I started from nothing. I am not afraid to do it all over again. I have sacrificed a lot to get to where I am. I have proven myself a good provider, husband, father, and friend. I can do it all over again if I have to. Bring it on....

 

You have also proven yourself a good citizen, undoubtedly. You should be proud, AP. You have earned the right.

 

I congratulation you also on your cold honesty to your ex-wife. She may learn something yet, since you are not rushing over to prop her up. Her expectations of you are rather stunning - if I were unfaithful to my husband I would not expect his mercy, sympathy or support.

 

Onwards and upwards, AP!

[Melovator]

As usual she will runaway from her problems and not face the music. I am happy I am no longer with this person. It made me realize how lucky I am still despite the pain and suffering I had to go through. I might end up with both kids, a good job, a happy life. I'll survive through this.

 

I came to this country with $500 in my pocket in 94. A one year old kid in tow. And I started from nothing. I am not afraid to do it all over again. I have sacrificed a lot to get to where I am. I have proven myself a good provider, husband, father, and friend. I can do it all over again if I have to. Bring it on....

 

Sometimes Karma comes through in this life, we reap what we sow. You're a gutsy bloke- bloody good on ya mate. You deserve your Azianpride!

[Darth Vader]

Here's an update. I have been doing well these past 2 weeks. I have been holding the fort and any advances on her part have been deflected. Including the constant requests for monetary help. Today she called to speak to my son and after that we talked for a while. She wanted to know how I was doing. I said I'm doing great (thanks to you). I said financially I'm still a mess but surviving. She started talking about how bad her situation is with her other home. She is now behind by 2 months and may be in the process of re-possesion. She doesn't know what to do. Her credit is shot. She can no longer get new credit. Her world is starting to crumble down on her. I guess reality is starting to settle in. She mentioned she may have to file for bankruptcy and then leave the country for a while. She said she wants to go back to her parents for a while. I mentioned that this was all her doing and that it was her choices that led to this. Man the phone conversation went south really fast. She did not want to hear that. I'm just giving the lively conversation a dose of the truth. She decided she had to go end the call. I was glad she did. As usual she will runaway from her problems and not face the music. I am happy I am no longer with this person. It made me realize how lucky I am still despite the pain and suffering I had to go through. I might end up with both kids, a good job, a happy life. I'll survive through this.

 

I came to this country with $500 in my pocket in 94. A one year old kid in tow. And I started from nothing. I am not afraid to do it all over again. I have sacrificed a lot to get to where I am. I have proven myself a good provider, husband, father, and friend. I can do it all over again if I have to. Bring it on....

 

 

Just keep Movin on! Yeah, they hate it when Mr. Reality walks in, I'm Hereee!

[azianpride143]

Well tomorrow is our 15th year wedding anniversary. Feels weird since we've been separated for 2 months now. Divorce process underway. I don't feel depressed but just empty inside. Part of me still hopes that this is all a dream and I'm going to wake up from my nightmare soon.

 

I look back at my relationship with my STBXW. The years of emotional abuse. The years of manipulation and isolation from my friends and family. My whole world was her. I allowed her to be the alpha and to subject me to her mind games and in the end, dumped like a piece of old clothing. I put her on the pedestal and she took me to the cleaners. I was in denial. I allowed it to happen because I gave her my heart. For a while I felt like I was broken, helpless, useless, and my self esteem was in an all time low. That's all behind me now. I've realized that after all the crap I've been through. That there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You can fall, pick your self up, and go on with your life. Better and much more smarter.

 

I'm heading out to Vegas tomorrow to meet up with an old female friend. We'll be hanging out and partying. I'm excited to go but afraid since I don't know what to expect. I know she's attracted to me. I just don't know if I can return the feelings back. All I know is that I just want to go out and have fun for a change. I want to break my monotonous routine of work, exercise, and sleep.

[polywog]

Well, have fun on your trip, AP. I really admire you.... you're an inspiration for us all! I mean, I know it ain't easy, but you have a terrific attitude. Happy anniversary:cool: