El-Producto Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 I have a friend who is going through relationship troubles right now, and he has been instrumental in helping me through my crap. What's interesting is that he is having trouble practicing what he was preaching. The solutions are so simple and straightforward, but when you are in the thick of it, it's not always easy to do. Once you get out of that mud... life gets so much easier, or at least you can deal with the crap a lot easier.
Author azianpride143 Posted May 8, 2007 Author Posted May 8, 2007 I believe it's the emotional piece that clouds our judgement. The funny thing is she calls me up today to let me know the mac I gave her was stolen by the technician who installed her cable modem. So she's asking me again for help. Is this going to stop? Geez. I am glad I've got extra laptops at home. I know how important her school stuff is so I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt. I told her I'll give her my daughter's laptop. It's like 3 years old so in computer land this thing is ancient. I said I've got an extra printer for her just in case. I said since I promised I'll set it up for her I will make good on it as well. But I made sure to tell her I am done with helping you after this. You are on your own and go call your bf for help. I even told her, I don't understand your bf is too busy to help you. Or he's too special to be bothered? She was starting to get pissed off so I just changed the topic. She told me what I told her was mean last night. I told her she needs to understand that we can be friends later on because of the kids, but right now I need my space. All I have to say is since she's moved out. I have been able to sleep straight. I have been so much more happier. Plus I've got my dad to keep me busy. There are still times you get depressed and down but it just keeps getting better and better everyday. I am more in control and life is good. I am in the best shape of my life. My waist is down 2" and I have lost 18 lbs through this ordeal. I plan on keeping that weight off. Since I've been taking care of me it has helped boost my self confidence a whole lot. I am still struggling to get focus at work. That's my dilemma. I am still not back to my old useful self. My client has been so understanding regarding me taking a lot of time off and getting back in tune. See the funny thing is I'm usually on top of my game at work but not at home. Now it's the other way around hehehehe. I guess I just need more time. To get back in the groove. I'm just inpatient and want results now. My client has offered me a job that I may end up taking. It's too good of an offer for me to refuse. I see they recognize the value of having me here and hopefully it will happen around the time the divorce is almost final. There is so much work to do both on myself and my life but so little time. It's just good to be in control of my life. No one to tell me, you can't do this you can't do that. I am starting to plan my future and man it looks promising. I can't believe I've gone so far in so little time. So there's hope after all. A light at the end of the tunnel. So my saga continues....
Author azianpride143 Posted May 8, 2007 Author Posted May 8, 2007 Let me know when you come down here and we'll hang out. Hey AP sup bro! Man you are definetly the man. Ive been reading your thread and its very inspirational. I am also asian (laotian) and I our culture is also the same about divorce. That word doesnt even exist in our dictionary..lol Anyways, my situation is pretty much the same as yours, but mine started in december of last year. Im also doing okay with this whole seperation and I still have my ups and down. I figure its gonna be like this for a while so Im just gonna take it like a "Man" and continue to move along day by day. Yeah bro, Im gonna have to go up there and visit you with couple dozens of Balut and hmmmm...couple of cases of beer and just shoot the shiet until we get drunk. I always wanted to go to california anways, so when I do "its on bro!" LOL, well keep up the good work and just accept life the way it is. Plus, I heard cali got some good lookn and tan hotties. Good luck bro, Surfer
sumdude Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 I am still struggling to get focus at work. That's my dilemma. I am still not back to my old useful self. My client has been so understanding regarding me taking a lot of time off and getting back in tune. See the funny thing is I'm usually on top of my game at work but not at home. Now it's the other way around hehehehe. I guess I just need more time. To get back in the groove. I'm just inpatient and want results now. .... There is so much work to do both on myself and my life but so little time. It's just good to be in control of my life. No one to tell me, you can't do this you can't do that. I am starting to plan my future and man it looks promising. I can't believe I've gone so far in so little time. So there's hope after all. A light at the end of the tunnel. So my saga continues.... I'm right in that same boat. It's been just over 3 months for me. Still a little struggling with work and focus. A lot of it is wondering what the heck to do with myself for the rest of my life. My current job seems so ... boring now. With no kids or wife I have total freedom. Every priority has shifted. I'm 39 looking at 40 and it's pretty wild to imagine all the possibilities. Had this whole life built out of Legos now the peices are laying around and I have to build a new one. Daunting and exciting at the same time.
surfnbro74 Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 Chrome Barracuda sup bro! I actually live in Houston, Texas. I came here from laos when I was only a baby...1yrs old and Im 33 right now. My stbxw is also the same and shes 29. We both grew up and pretty much lived in houston ever since, so yea we are pretty much americanized. AP yeah bro, I will definetly try to plan to take a trip up there soon since now I have some free time to do things by myself. Also, I know about the losing weight thing. I swear if anyone wants to lose some serious pounds in a freaking fast amount of time just get your heart broken...LOL I also lost 25 pounds but Ive been workn out everyday and eatn right (protein diet) so its fat that im losing and im gaining muscles in return. AP Im also in the computer field. I work for Hewlett-Packard as a computer technician, I test servers. Its an okay job but Im lookn for something better. AP what do you exactly do? Anyways, sometime in the near future you want to stop by houston I will definetly will show you around town bro. I should still be hanging around LS for a while so you can find me here. Just give me a holla. Later bro, surfer
Darth Vader Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Mr. "R" is in town, that's for sure and certain! Whoppppps? There it is! That Louville Slugger up-side your head! Life's a bitch for sure and certain ~ and she don't play! Honey, I'm Hooome! Way to go! Like I said she's trying to string you along, drag this thing out. You ain't lettin her!
Darth Vader Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Hey AP sup bro! Man you are definetly the man. Ive been reading your thread and its very inspirational. I am also asian (laotian) and I our culture is also the same about divorce. That word doesnt even exist in our dictionary..lol Anyways, my situation is pretty much the same as yours, but mine started in december of last year. Im also doing okay with this whole seperation and I still have my ups and down. I figure its gonna be like this for a while so Im just gonna take it like a "Man" and continue to move along day by day. Yeah bro, Im gonna have to go up there and visit you with couple dozens of Balut and hmmmm...couple of cases of beer and just shoot the shiet until we get drunk. I always wanted to go to california anways, so when I do "its on bro!" LOL, well keep up the good work and just accept life the way it is. Plus, I heard cali got some good lookn and tan hotties. Good luck bro, Surfer Remember not all of those tan hotties over there are gender correct, if ya know whadda mean!
mental_traveller Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Actually I don't have to. My daughter and her had a big fight on their way back from the movies. I guess she was all happy talking to her friend and my daughter could not stand it anymore and said that she was a bad influence. Man that made her blew up. She came home all pissed off. So I talked to my daughter and told her she shouldn't be doing what she did. She needs to stop disrespecting her mom and if there's something bothering her she needs to vent to me instead. I will probably have to schedule her some therapy to help her deal with what's happening. I know it's probably tearing her up deep inside. Her mom is so oblivious on how much damage she is causing to this poor kid. Then my STBXW began to get really verbal about the whole thing. She said the only reason why I'm rushing her to move out was because my dad is arriving on May 2. I told her she needs to cool it off with our daughter. That even made her blew up. She said I'm teaming up with my daughter against her. Then she started to ramble on about that I have turned everyone against her and that I look like an angel. She went on with I'm not the only one that caused problems in the last 14 years crap blah blah blah blah. I just smirked and what she just said. Then I mentioned that I'm only paying for one month for her apartment. She told me what was she supposed to do. She said she can't pay for two places. I said that's not really my problem anymore. You decide where you want to live. Go talk to your friends and your bf to help you move back in with your brother. Then I walked away. She was expecting me to keep paying for her new apartment and for her to enjoy the company of other men on my friggin dime. What am I stupid? It felt good. I am now in control. I made my move. Man I'm wide awake. BTW I checked out her cell and she is still in contact with her bf eventhough she said she broke it off. Plus there's a guy who's asking her to have sex with her. Man talked about messed up. I don't even feel anything anymore. Just disgust. A little counter intelligence helps. I need to know what she's up to. I just can't wait for her to walk out the door and leave. Hopefully in the next couple of days. Awesome. I wish more guys on LS would act this firm when their women stray. This post should be linked and posted up whenever another guy comes out with one of those "my wife is cheating, what should I do?" questions. Keep up the good work, kick her sorry ass out and never look back. Oh, and it's cool that your daughter is not impressed by her mother's behaviour. Personally I wouldn't admonish your daughter, when she criticises your mother she is just telling the truth isn't she? Let her speak up and make your soon to be ex-wife feel like cr*p.
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Chrome Barracuda sup bro! I actually live in Houston, Texas. I came here from laos when I was only a baby...1yrs old and Im 33 right now. My stbxw is also the same and shes 29. We both grew up and pretty much lived in houston ever since, so yea we are pretty much americanized. AP yeah bro, I will definetly try to plan to take a trip up there soon since now I have some free time to do things by myself. Also, I know about the losing weight thing. I swear if anyone wants to lose some serious pounds in a freaking fast amount of time just get your heart broken...LOL I also lost 25 pounds but Ive been workn out everyday and eatn right (protein diet) so its fat that im losing and im gaining muscles in return. AP Im also in the computer field. I work for Hewlett-Packard as a computer technician, I test servers. Its an okay job but Im lookn for something better. AP what do you exactly do? Anyways, sometime in the near future you want to stop by houston I will definetly will show you around town bro. I should still be hanging around LS for a while so you can find me here. Just give me a holla. Later bro, surfer H-town!!! lol. I heard there's some fine honey's out there in texas. You better find some thick woman and have a roll in the hay.
Author azianpride143 Posted May 10, 2007 Author Posted May 10, 2007 I don't think my wife cares about what my daughter thinks at all. She is too wrapped up in the affair to care for now. What's importants is that my daughter knows the truth. Awesome. I wish more guys on LS would act this firm when their women stray. This post should be linked and posted up whenever another guy comes out with one of those "my wife is cheating, what should I do?" questions. Keep up the good work, kick her sorry ass out and never look back. Oh, and it's cool that your daughter is not impressed by her mother's behaviour. Personally I wouldn't admonish your daughter, when she criticises your mother she is just telling the truth isn't she? Let her speak up and make your soon to be ex-wife feel like cr*p.
surfnbro74 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Chrome yeah I will do that after we go cow tipping first and then me and her will find a barn and get down and dirty in the hay....LOL
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Dont worry azian you be her mother and her father and show her how to do things right. Surfnbro, *lil jon says: YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!
Gunny376 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Old crusty mind? Balut = Gold? Isn't Balut Thai Gold Jewelry?
Woggle Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 So the techinician stole her Mac and she didn't report it? Something sounds fishy here.
Author azianpride143 Posted May 10, 2007 Author Posted May 10, 2007 Yeah exactly. But then the person that stole the laptop forgot the ac adapter. I really don't want to believe that she gave the laptop away since I know she uses it heavily to do her homework. She is just a "ding bat" when it comes to taking care or securing her stuff. I have always done all these things for her. Yesterday she hits me up for some cash. Asked me to withdraw some money for her. I did it since her ATM card for her account has not arrived and is on it's way. I told her I took the money she withdrew from her checking account. So basically all I did was move the money from her checking to mine and then withdrew it. I dropped this off at her work and she looked at me and asked me what was wrong. I just had this blank look at my face. Gave her money and left. My blood boils at the sight of her. But I just have to be patient and wait. I talked to our baby sitter and she told me that my wife was talking about dropping off my son at her moms an hour after she picks up my son. So I sent a txt to my wife asking to talk to my son and she said, Oh I needed to get some stuff done so I'll have him call you when I pick him up. This was at 8:30PM. She got out of work and picked up my son at 3:30PM. From what I understood, the days she's got my son. My son has always gone to her parents after the babysitter. I know she can do whatever she wants during her turn. But I feel bad for my son. The sitter was telling me he's so confused and his attitude is changing in this last week. She has never seen his behaviour like this. I don't mind her parents but my concern is when they leave at the end of the month. Who she will leave to watch my son when she does her thing. I am glad I get him tonight. He will be spending the weekend with us out of town. I am changing the locks and the garage door code before we leave. This will give me some piece of mind. Plus I've got my 2 kids during the trip. This will be good for all of us. My dad told me I need to get out of town. He is worried about me. I bought my STBX and her mom a card from the kids. This will be the first holiday I have spent less than $5 on gifts. I will have my daughter sign it and mail it.
surfnbro74 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Mr. Gunny....Balut is fertilized duck eggs. Normally popular in the culture of phillipines,chinese,laotion,vietnamese,cambodian and thai.
Darth Vader Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 Is there a reason for his concerns? Does he think you are in danger, or does he just think that you need a break from STBXW?
Author azianpride143 Posted May 11, 2007 Author Posted May 11, 2007 My dad just tends to err in the side of safety. He knows I'm very concerned about my house and he's worried that if I don't secure it. She might just show up while were out of town and take stuff out of the house. He does have a point so I'm having a locksmith change the locks tomorrow. This will prevent any surprises just in case.
Darth Vader Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 I don't know if your father is staying at the house or not, but, if he isn't, then ask the neighbors to just keep an eye on the house while you're away, like if they see anything, or anyone strange including your STBXW around the house to call the police. They may want to know why, well, it would be worth telling them some, but, not all the details of what's going on, but, they will at least know the reason why you would like the assistance. BTW, when you're out of town, do the best you can to forget about STBXW, and just have fun with your family, you deserve some you time! Have fun, and drive safely.
Gunny376 Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 Mr. Gunny....Balut is fertilized duck eggs. Normally popular in the culture of phillipines,chinese,laotion,vietnamese,cambodian and thai. You're right~ I've forgotten ~its been seventeen years! But now I remember. But there's a word in the Indonesian language that's similar for gold jewelry. Bakut or Bakuit?
Author azianpride143 Posted May 17, 2007 Author Posted May 17, 2007 My weekend went great without a hitch. I just have been noticing some weird behaviour with my STBX. She has been checking up on me a lot more than lately. Wanting to know how I'm doing, etc. But when she realizes she is no longer in control and her manipulation does not yield the desired results. She lashes out. Verbally abusing me and trying to provoke some reaction from me. I simply tell her this conversation is not getting anywhere and hang up the phone. She just seems so desperate since none of her games are working on me anymore. I don't like the idea that she is using the kids to get to me. Before we left for our trip, my daughter gave her a card and a plant for her apartment as a mother's day present. Man today when she blew up she said what kind of gift was that. She said there was no thought to the give. I was in shock since it was the thought that counted and not the kind of gift. She just kept going on and on so I hung up. That seems to work in controlling her game. Just hang up. She'll calm down and call back ehhehehe. Since she always seems to want something from me. Tomorrow I'm signing the papers and they promised me that it will be filed as soon as I sign. The marriage agreement is still in the works but at least the ball is finally rolling. I am starting to get a lot more in control and in the driver seat. It now feels more like a chess game where I'm sacrificing pieces to spring a check mate. She seems to be too pre-occupied with the "short term" factor and has no perception of the end game. Well I know what I need to do and have given this whole marriage thing a fair shake. I am done. I am starting to gain that self confidence and trust in myself. I have always been a survivor and all I need is me to make it through. I know I will.
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 17, 2007 Posted May 17, 2007 That's right take control!!! I think she lost her mind because she control you and thus she cant control herself. Her need for control is like a drug for her. I think you noticed that. It's sad the way she flipped out about her daughter. That is a horrible thing to say about a child that gives you a gift for mother's day. I think she really needs help, now you clearly see the demons that lie inside her head. Where's the remorse for her actions? Does she even know what the hell she is doing?
mum2three Posted May 17, 2007 Posted May 17, 2007 My mother's day gift was token flowers bought by my MIL and whatever the kids made at kindergarten and daycare. My S5 told me grandma got them at the supermarket. The flowers were not in good condition. They wilted the next day. I looove flowers, but, at this point...who cares about that?? The M is over and the last thing I care about is a crappy gesture that has no meaning. All in all, my H thought he was doing me a favor by taking them to see me. That's it! That same wkend, my kids went to visit his best friend's parents who have known me thru the yrs. She helped each of my kids make a potted plant for me for Mother's Day. I thought that was really sweet. So I know even non-relatives can be more thoughtful. You, at least helped your dtr personally get something. She is the WAH and she has the nerve to critique her gift. I have to give you alot of credit. She's really testing your patience. I know it sounds like you are a strong guy and moved on quickly but all this has got to take some emotional toll on you. Are you doing IC or have some good friends or family to lean on?
mammax3 Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 Ya AP, it sure sounds like you're in a calm cool place! I'm going to think of you next time I'm beginning to lose it with my WS! Thanks!
Author azianpride143 Posted May 18, 2007 Author Posted May 18, 2007 Yes it does take an emotional toll on me. I take the time to grieve when I'm alone. But I try not to dwell in it too much. I noticed that there are times when I feel depressed and I think of her. As soon as I start slipping into this mode I think of something else. I take a deep breath and move on. I have been getting better at this. This kinda helps me get through my day. I know I'm not 100% there but the acceptance that this relationship is over and the positive future I know I have. Helps me get through it all. I have been sleeping, exercising, and eating well. I keep getting stronger everyday. Plus the support of the folks here helps as well. I am in therapy every week. All the things I need to do to help me move on is in place. Sometimes my STBX tries to mess with my head with her mind games. I try not to dwell in it since the manipulation starts getting old after a while. She's frustrated now since none of these work anymore. She's resorting to verbal abuse and name calling. It only shows me the lack of respect she has for me and for me to realize the type of person I married. I filtered all these flaws in the past and now see it clearly. This is not the person I would want to spend the rest of my life with.
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