Author azianpride143 Posted May 2, 2007 Author Posted May 2, 2007 We just had a little "blowout" this morning. All I asked her was once she was done moving if I could change the locks on the door. She blew up and started accusing me. That I said to her family that she was stalking me. I'm like I never said that. All I want is the right to privacy. She started rambling on and on and cursing at me. I just said were going in circles and this is not going anywhere. So I walked away. I know there is no point in arguing. She just wouldn't stop. So I closed the door to my office so she can cool off. I'll leave her alone for 2 hours and I'll pickup the uhaul and some hired help to load and unload at her apartment. Then I'm leaving her there. I'm done with all this crap. I will no longer apologize for anything. This is my life now and nothing she does or say will make a difference. I'm the one in control. Don't let that door hit you on the way out. Well see what happens later.
Gunny376 Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 A lot of times folks just get caught up in the arguing ~ arguing for the sake of arguing. Sounds as though that may be the case here on her part.
Author azianpride143 Posted May 3, 2007 Author Posted May 3, 2007 Well I am done moving her out the house. My whole body hurts but I'm in good spirits. We couldn't get any labor to help me move about 20 large boxes of clothes and accessories. I just did it myself. It was amazing. I never had this much energy in my life. After everything was done. I told her this is goodbye and she gave me a tight hug and a kiss on the lips thanking me for everything. I told her your life is your life and mine is mine now. Then she told me she wanted to stay and she's only doing this because of me. I told her you finish what you started first before we even talk about us. I know you are not done and this is good for you. I wish you the best of luck and goodbye. In a way I feel both happy and sad as I left. Let's see what's going to happen next. To be continued. :)
annabelle75 Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 YOU DA MAN !!!! Your updates over the past few weeks have been a real inspiration for me. I know it hasn't been easy, but I believe you have handled this so much better than most. You're strength is an example for us all. Keep moving forward. You rock!
Ladyjane14 Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 Well I am done moving her out the house. My whole body hurts but I'm in good spirits. We couldn't get any labor to help me move about 20 large boxes of clothes and accessories. I just did it myself. It was amazing. I never had this much energy in my life. After everything was done. I told her this is goodbye and she gave me a tight hug and a kiss on the lips thanking me for everything. I told her your life is your life and mine is mine now. Then she told me she wanted to stay and she's only doing this because of me. I told her you finish what you started first before we even talk about us. I know you are not done and this is good for you. I wish you the best of luck and goodbye. In a way I feel both happy and sad as I left. Let's see what's going to happen next. To be continued. :) It sounds like you really handled things with ALOT of dignity and class. Kudos to you!!! :) I don't think you ought to be wringing your hands over changing the door locks. The best she can do legally is to call the cops and have them MAKE you let her in the house. But it's going to be harder to do now that she has her OWN separate address. She's in a position where she'll either have to 'make a case of it', or to contact you politely about anything she's left behind.
Author azianpride143 Posted May 3, 2007 Author Posted May 3, 2007 LJ yes I agree with you that I shouldn't rush into doing this. I am going to give her time to organize her stuff in her new place and then let her have time to get the rest of her belongings here. Once that's done I am changing the locks on my own. I have the right to privacy like she does. We agreed that she will ask me permission first out of respect.
Sheba Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 I agree with annabelle - you are an inspiration and an excellent example for everyone who reads this. AP - you will probably be able to tell rather quickly if your wife is going to respect the division of territory. If she comes over while you are out, and especially if she takes something without discussing it with you first, then you can change the locks with good reason. I am not a fan of "keeping the door open", but am a bigger believer in "taking the high road". Sticking to the high road has gotten you this far, so why stop now?
Gunny376 Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 I agre, you've done a most excellent job, keep up the good work. Personally? If it had been me? Her and all her trash would have been sitting along side the curb her sitting there with "that" stunned looked of disbelief on her face that says, "WTF just happened here, one minute we were talking, and then suddenly?!"
Woggle Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 Hearing things like this make me all warm and fuzzy inside. I love it when grow their balls back and refuse to be a doormat to a woman.
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 If you want to change the locks on your place then do so. It's not hers, not anymore. She lost that right when she wanted to move out, when she wanted to party. It's her loss. You dont need to ask for her permission. matter of fact ask for your keys back just in case.
Author azianpride143 Posted May 4, 2007 Author Posted May 4, 2007 Yesterday was a nice quiet day for me. Spent the day just hanging around the house with my dad. Still can't focus on anything like my training class for this week. Had some down moments when my STBX came down to pickup my daughter and pick me up from Uhaul to drop off the rental. Also when I had to pickup my son at her place. I had this feeling that this guy was probably hiding in the closet when I came. Since she was acting weird and closed the blinds as soon as I left. Or my mind could just be playing tricks on me. Next time I decided I will wait in the car for her. I don't need to be reminded of these things. I hate that uneasy feeling. I know it will take some time. I just took a deep breath multiple times and I was ok. Got home went grocery shopping with my dad. Grilled some steaks and had a nice dinner with my family. My wife called me multiple times during the evening and I didn't pickup. I didn't take any calls at all from anybody that night. It was great just to be a family again. I even broke out some 10 year old red wine to celebrate. My relationship between me and my dad hasn't been that great all these years. I think this maybe the reason why I had a hard time "manning up" in my relationship. See I grew up with maids and nannies taking care of me. My parents were always busy with work and never had time for us. When I was a little older my mom started taking care of me. My dad was as usual busy with business. He was never emotionally there and all I had was my mom. At some point, I was considered a mommy's boy since I had a great relationship with my mom. There was also a point, that my dad was unfaithful to my mom. This kept going on for years. My mom kept hoping and stayed on with him. She passed away in a car accident while they were on a trip in Australia a couple of years ago back. This devasted my dad since these were the years that he and my mom finally re-connected. My mom even mentioned to her best friend that these were the happiest moments in her marriage. My dad has been very understanding and has been helping me get through this the last couple of days. He is going to be here for a while and I'm glad I've got him. Hopefully we can get close like I've always wanted since I was small. Reflecting back on my childhood made me realize why I was this way in our relationship. My STBXW has always used "verbal abuse" as a way to get her way. Since even if the argument was not my fault, I would be the one to "woo" her back and try to resolve the issue. I have always been told to try not to go to bed without resolving issues and since she would never initiate anything I did. I never really had a roadmap or guide on what to do in a marriage. But now everything makes sense. Putting my thoughts on paper and in the forums. It helps put a lot in perspective. I now understand how I got here. What I can do to change it. Take my losses and move on. I need to focus on myself, improve it and the rest will follow. Never over-analyze the situation and just take it one day at a time. Sometimes we just get wrapped up in thoughts in our rush to get on with our lives alone. We never realize that all is needed is time and that it will get better everyday. Again my story continues...
Gunny376 Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 Yesterday was a nice quiet day for me. Spent the day just hanging around the house with my dad. Still can't focus on anything like my training class for this week. Had some down moments when my STBX came down to pickup my daughter and pick me up from Uhaul to drop off the rental. Also when I had to pickup my son at her place. I had this feeling that this guy was probably hiding in the closet when I came. Since she was acting weird and closed the blinds as soon as I left. Or my mind could just be playing tricks on me. Next time I decided I will wait in the car for her. I don't need to be reminded of these things. I hate that uneasy feeling. I know it will take some time. I just took a deep breath multiple times and I was ok. Got home went grocery shopping with my dad. Grilled some steaks and had a nice dinner with my family. My wife called me multiple times during the evening and I didn't pickup. I didn't take any calls at all from anybody that night. It was great just to be a family again. I even broke out some 10 year old red wine to celebrate. My relationship between me and my dad hasn't been that great all these years. I think this maybe the reason why I had a hard time "manning up" in my relationship. See I grew up with maids and nannies taking care of me. My parents were always busy with work and never had time for us. When I was a little older my mom started taking care of me. My dad was as usual busy with business. He was never emotionally there and all I had was my mom. At some point, I was considered a mommy's boy since I had a great relationship with my mom. There was also a point, that my dad was unfaithful to my mom. This kept going on for years. My mom kept hoping and stayed on with him. She passed away in a car accident while they were on a trip in Australia a couple of years ago back. This devasted my dad since these were the years that he and my mom finally re-connected. My mom even mentioned to her best friend that these were the happiest moments in her marriage. My dad has been very understanding and has been helping me get through this the last couple of days. He is going to be here for a while and I'm glad I've got him. Hopefully we can get close like I've always wanted since I was small. Reflecting back on my childhood made me realize why I was this way in our relationship. My STBXW has always used "verbal abuse" as a way to get her way. Since even if the argument was not my fault, I would be the one to "woo" her back and try to resolve the issue. I have always been told to try not to go to bed without resolving issues and since she would never initiate anything I did. I never really had a roadmap or guide on what to do in a marriage. But now everything makes sense. Putting my thoughts on paper and in the forums. It helps put a lot in perspective. I now understand how I got here. What I can do to change it. Take my losses and move on. I need to focus on myself, improve it and the rest will follow. Never over-analyze the situation and just take it one day at a time. Sometimes we just get wrapped up in thoughts in our rush to get on with our lives alone. We never realize that all is needed is time and that it will get better everyday. Again my story continues... Once again, your post reflects your intelligence, common sense, and balanced approach to this most difficult of situations! Carry on!
PWSX3 Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 There can be positive things come out of bad situations, maybe this will give you & your dad time to get to know each other, like you said; it might heal or answer some questions of your past....... You are doing a great job, you have manned up to what you can do.....(thumbs up smiley)
Darth Vader Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 I see no problems with you Manning Up! I'm positive that Gunny, and some of the others will argue with you on that point! Anyway, your wife left stuff at the house to drag her feet as it were, you just shut that down, and rightly so. As far as OM being in a closet, no doubt, but, who cares? She got what she wanted, and you got what you wanted, just be sure everything's documented. She showed you affection as a way to try to keep you on the back burner as they say, glad you didn't fall for it. When she started to "tear up", that was reality hitting her hard, or her playing your heart strings, one or the other, take your pick. Remember we're all here for ya.
Gunny376 Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 Now that I've had some time to think on it this evening ~ and since you have the resources and means to do so ~ what I'd do would be to box up the rest of her stuff ~ rent a storage room at a storage facility, change the locks to everything ~ drop off the key and the address to her. Then tell her to have a nice forever the rest of your life without me ~ don't call me, I'll call you! If you need me!
Author azianpride143 Posted May 5, 2007 Author Posted May 5, 2007 Gunny I was thinking of the same thing. But given the situation I will not be able to until she signs the uncontested divorce paperwork. My darn lawyer has been dragging his feet. Hopefully it should be ready by next week. Once she signs all bets are off.
Gunny376 Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 Gunny I was thinking of the same thing. But given the situation I will not be able to until she signs the uncontested divorce paperwork. My darn lawyer has been dragging his feet. Hopefully it should be ready by next week. Once she signs all bets are off. (In Will Smith voice) "YOU MY MAN! AIN'T HE THA' MAN! THAT'S MY MAN!" Put your Raybans on ~ you ain't nothing but Kool! (I can say "ain't" I'm from LA ~ Lower Alabama! LOL!) On a sidenote ~ I realize your a businessman and all ~ but you need to change the Dilbert avatar. I want to see something that reflects that Asian Pride. I lived in Japan for four years and have been all over Asia ~ love Asian people ~ damn good people. I've not been to Okinawa (been elsewhere besides Okinawa BTW) in seventeen years ~ but there's no doubt in my mind I could fly in tomorrow, and the people that I knew there would treat me as though I'd just stepped outside for a minute. Everytime I left, and came back, I was treated like a long lost son that had finally came back from the dead. People here in the States talks about so-called family values? They need to take a clue from Asia.
Darth Vader Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 Gunny I was thinking of the same thing. But given the situation I will not be able to until she signs the uncontested divorce paperwork. My darn lawyer has been dragging his feet. Hopefully it should be ready by next week. Once she signs all bets are off. If he drags his feet any longer I would do a Donald Trump on him and say "YOUR FIRED"! Then get another lawyer!
Author azianpride143 Posted May 5, 2007 Author Posted May 5, 2007 Sorry Gunny. Dilbert reminds me so much of me at the work place. Yes we Asians have family values different from Americans. We are shown that family comes first, respect for elders, fathers are providers, and women must take care of their husbands. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. That's why in my country there is no divorce. I recall one of the arguments with my wife a couple of days ago telling me, I would not have come to this country (US) if it weren't for her. Yes that may be true. I came to this country with our 1 year old daughter with $500 to my pocket. My parents disowned me and did not want me to leave for the US. My mom had tried to delay me as much as she could. I was only allowed to have a one way ticket with my daughter. No pocket money. So my younger brother felt bad and pawned his necklace to give me the $500. I look back at my journey and feel proud of myself. I was 21 when I left. I had to grow up and be a provider. Worked odd jobs and then realized I was good at computers. Then the rest was history. But it took lots of hard work and patience to get where I am today. Yes she did bring me to this country. But it was my perseverance and hard work that defined me as a successful person. All she did was bask in that success. She watched me soar up and never once lifted my spirit. Telling me how proud she was of what I have achieved. She never made me feel appreciated. I wonder why I ever loved this woman so much that it hurts everytime I think of her. Weekends are my low points since I know it will be party time for her. While I'm stuck taking care of my kids. That's ok because at least I know my kids are not alone in the middle of the night while she is out partying. I am the responsible parent. I know that at least when my kids grow up they will remember their dad always being there for them. I know I made the correct decision of making her leave this house. It has been quiet here and it just feels great to be home. No one to tell me what to do. It's just hard because reality kicks in and you start feeling down again. At least it's a lot better now than a week ago. My biggest problem is having to cope up and move on. Also letting go and accepting my reality. I guess it's just the stage I'm at. I know I'm doing the right thing. But deep inside there's that small shred of hope. I know I can never accept what she did. And know that she doesn't deserve to be taken back. I just can't help it sometimes. It's hard but I guess this is normal. Normal for me to break down sometimes. I'm wondering is this part of the withdrawal process. At the end of the divorce. I'll be glad to put my picture up so everyone can see how I look like.
Darth Vader Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 Konichiwa AP. I've been learning a little here and there, it's not an easy language. If you don't mind me asking, are things in Japan still pretty much traditional? Unlike the US. I hope you and your parents are getting along these days. Don't worry, you are doing the right thing, actions like what your wife has done can be a bad example to your children. One day she may wake up, by then it'll be too late.
Author azianpride143 Posted May 5, 2007 Author Posted May 5, 2007 Hey who said I was Japanese. hehehehe
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 Filipino chicks are super hot! was your wife like from the same area as you were?
Author azianpride143 Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 Yes. But she grew up here in the States. We met there through our mutual friends via blind date and then the rest was history.
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