My story

[notspiritual]

Never ever forget what she did to you. She must suffer for it. She must learn her lesson. If you take her back now, it is going to be the same again sooner than later.

 

If you want to take her back, make her work like crazy to win you back. She must feel that every minute you devote to her is like a huge privilege. A few tears are nothing. She must do something really special to repair the damage.

 

I now believe that women can be trained like dogs to be affectionate and kind. By not taking her back now, you are doing the right thing, because she has not showed anything yet to deserve a reward. You rightfully punish her for her affair. Punish/Reward according to her behavior. In a few months she will eat in your hands.

[Trimmer]

AP, I've been reading along here without giving a lot of input. I think you have shown a lot of strength right from the start, which took me a long time to acquire in a similar situation.

 

You are getting a lot of well-deserved slaps on the back, and I know I take a risk going against that celebratory grain here, but I'm a big advocate for kids interests, and I want to slow things down a little bit for just a minute. Since you talked about deciding custody, I'm assuming that the kids involved are yours together; if I misunderstood, forgive me...

 

I told her to go to VA. She said she will give me full custody of the kids. It would be good for her and me. We'll still plan out the yearly vacation trips as a family. I just can't have her this close to me.

 

The divorce will happen and we will go our separate ways. I don't know if our paths will cross in the future. But if it does it does. For now I know what I want and this is how its going to be.

You have decided that your relationship as spouses is over. However, when you have kids together, there is no "go your separate ways," at least as far as the kids are concerned. You are both still linked forever as the parents of your kids. Will your paths cross in the future? I hope for the sake of the kids that your paths as parents do cross, otherwise your kids will not only have the loss of the family unit to deal with, they will also have the effective loss of a parent to deal with.

 

Now, it sounds like she may be giving up, planning to move away and "leave the kids." If that's the case, I can't put it on your shoulders. However, it would benefit your kids if you can separate your anger over your marital relationship from the inescapable fact that you will continue to be parents of these children from this point forward, and realize that the best of the bad options for your kids is that you both continue to be involved in their lives as loving caretakers.

 

It doesn't mean that you have to be loving spouses, or even good friends any more. You can move past the spousal relationship and still create a cooperative, supportive parental relationship, without having to give away your manhood, your pride, your ego - whatever it is that makes us want to cut and run. But the fact is that although spouses can discard a marital relationship at any time, once we take on the responsibility of bringing children into the world, we cannot discard our parental relationship.

 

And lest you think I am talking only in theory here, I speak from direct, personal experience. My wife - the mother of our children - left me for another man who she started seeing while we were married. But for all the anger I have about that, I kept my eye on the prize... The marital relationship is over - like you, there is NO going back. But it is important to me (because it is important to my kids' development) that we both continue to both be involved in their lives, and so we are cooperative and support each other as parents - and do a decent job, frankly - because that's a responsibility we owe to our kids. It is an obligation marked on your soul once you have kids.

 

I used to think it took a lot of strength to get over what I suffered when my wife left. And it certainly took even more in your case, as the decision within your marriage was not made unilaterally by her, as it was in my case. But even with all of that, you and I are sort of running to a position of safety and finding our strength, partially by taking the moral high-ground; we know we're "in the right," and we can get strength from that, even if it means being alone, etc.

 

The thing I found took even more strength than that, though, was finding a way, in spite of the anger and betrayal, to continue to be a parent, and to continue to do what is right by my kids (who didn't deserve to suffer the effects of any punishment, isolation, anger, etc. that I might want to heap upon my wife) by supporting their mother as a parent, in spite of any feelings I might have about her as a wife.

 

I admire your progress so far; please don't take this as criticism. Your story here deals mostly with your journey thus far as a spouse; this is just a view of some possibile considerations for your journey forward as a father, and for the relationship that you will eventually establish with your kids' mother. Apply some of your admirable strength on that journey, do your best for your kids, and I'll be the first one to slap you on the back.

 

Marriage is not a game. You can't just call a timeout and then continue on as if nothing happened.

Parenthood is not just a game either, or like being high-school boyfriend/girlfriend. Kids can't lose a parent and continue on as if nothing happened. Be prepared, your need for strength is not over, by far - especially if your kids' mom is about to disappear from their lives.

[Darth Vader]

We'll she came over to pickup our son and I told her we need to sit down and talk about the divorce paperwork. So we went out to lunch and sat down. I gave her instructions and explained every aspect of the marriage agreement so she understands it. We talked for a while and then she broke down.

 

The "bottom line" was that she misses the home and her family. She said she realized she made a "mistake" and that she wants to come back. She mentioned that she might end up giving me the kids and that if I don't take her back she might be moving back to VA. I know she is hurting financially and have no one to turn to. I told her, all of this was her choice. It was her decision to give her heart to someone else and where we are right now is the result of that. She kept insisting that she only left our home because I asked her to. I told all the choices she made was hers to. She could have stayed if she wanted to. But she wanted to leave as well. I guess she no longer likes her reality. Her finances are going down the tube. Her man may have booked.

 

I told her how I felt. How she broke my heart. I told her how late in the game this is. How I needed to hear this back before we got separated. I said I gave you 14 years of my life. I thought you were the one and that we would grow old together. I gave you my heart and my soul. I loved her so much that I gave her everything that I could ever give. I waited all these years for that love to be returned back. But instead she gave her heart away to a person she's only known for weeks.

 

I told her to go to VA. She said she will give me full custody of the kids. It would be good for her and me. We'll still plan out the yearly vacation trips as a family. I just can't have her this close to me. It was hard enough to get over the death of my marriage. And now this unexpected revelation. I am confused with what to feel. Part of me feels glad she wants me back. She was sincere with her emotions. It's just too bad it took her a long time to realize what she has given up. I loved her and will always do. I still feel that love, but it's not enough to change what happened. I would love to just wake up and wish that this was all a bad dream. But this is real and this is my life. We cannot just pickup where we left off. The damage has been done.

 

I don't know what the future holds. Only time will tell. For now I know I want. A divorce, my kids, my life however dysfunctional is mine and mine alone. That's how the story goes.

 

 

It's official! Mr. Reality has walked in the door! Hi Hooney, I'm Hoome!!!!

 

By the way, don't fall for any Bullcrap she's throwing your way right now, emotions etc, I know it sounds harsh, but hey, not nearly as harsh what she's done to you.

[azianpride143]

Never ever forget what she did to you. She must suffer for it. She must learn her lesson. If you take her back now, it is going to be the same again sooner than later.

 

If you want to take her back, make her work like crazy to win you back. She must feel that every minute you devote to her is like a huge privilege. A few tears are nothing. She must do something really special to repair the damage.

 

I now believe that women can be trained like dogs to be affectionate and kind. By not taking her back now, you are doing the right thing, because she has not showed anything yet to deserve a reward. You rightfully punish her for her affair. Punish/Reward according to her behavior. In a few months she will eat in your hands.

 

NS I will never forget what she has put me through. I have managed to turn in a new leaf on my own. I don't need her help or guidance in my journey in life.

 

I will not want her back. She does not deserve it. She has yet to prove herself worthy of my love and respect. If we get back together again it will be back to the same "crappy marriage" all over again. She has refused to accept blame for her mistakes. She has not changed. She realized she needs me because I provide that financial security and that emotional support. It will be a one sided relationship all over again. She is the taker and I will be the provider. Unfortunately that's not going to happen again.

 

I do not feel that women are like dogs. I think it's a bit harsh to think that way. I treat people the way I want to be treated. I know I need to take a lot more aggressive stand when it comes to my ex. I should view women differently now that I have been hurt and walked all over. I just realized that men and women are so different and that view makes us unique and complementary of one another. We just have to find that right combination and make it fit.

 

You have decided that your relationship as spouses is over. However, when you have kids together, there is no "go your separate ways," at least as far as the kids are concerned. You are both still linked forever as the parents of your kids. Will your paths cross in the future? I hope for the sake of the kids that your paths as parents do cross, otherwise your kids will not only have the loss of the family unit to deal with, they will also have the effective loss of a parent to deal with.

 

Now, it sounds like she may be giving up, planning to move away and "leave the kids." If that's the case, I can't put it on your shoulders. However, it would benefit your kids if you can separate your anger over your marital relationship from the inescapable fact that you will continue to be parents of these children from this point forward, and realize that the best of the bad options for your kids is that you both continue to be involved in their lives as loving caretakers.

 

It doesn't mean that you have to be loving spouses, or even good friends any more. You can move past the spousal relationship and still create a cooperative, supportive parental relationship, without having to give away your manhood, your pride, your ego - whatever it is that makes us want to cut and run. But the fact is that although spouses can discard a marital relationship at any time, once we take on the responsibility of bringing children into the world, we cannot discard our parental relationship.

 

And lest you think I am talking only in theory here, I speak from direct, personal experience. My wife - the mother of our children - left me for another man who she started seeing while we were married. But for all the anger I have about that, I kept my eye on the prize... The marital relationship is over - like you, there is NO going back. But it is important to me (because it is important to my kids' development) that we both continue to both be involved in their lives, and so we are cooperative and support each other as parents - and do a decent job, frankly - because that's a responsibility we owe to our kids. It is an obligation marked on your soul once you have kids.

 

I used to think it took a lot of strength to get over what I suffered when my wife left. And it certainly took even more in your case, as the decision within your marriage was not made unilaterally by her, as it was in my case. But even with all of that, you and I are sort of running to a position of safety and finding our strength, partially by taking the moral high-ground; we know we're "in the right," and we can get strength from that, even if it means being alone, etc.

 

The thing I found took even more strength than that, though, was finding a way, in spite of the anger and betrayal, to continue to be a parent, and to continue to do what is right by my kids (who didn't deserve to suffer the effects of any punishment, isolation, anger, etc. that I might want to heap upon my wife) by supporting their mother as a parent, in spite of any feelings I might have about her as a wife.

 

I admire your progress so far; please don't take this as criticism. Your story here deals mostly with your journey thus far as a spouse; this is just a view of some possibile considerations for your journey forward as a father, and for the relationship that you will eventually establish with your kids' mother. Apply some of your admirable strength on that journey, do your best for your kids, and I'll be the first one to slap you on the back.

 

Yes my marriage may be dead/over but my ex is still the mother of my kids. I can never take that away from her. Whatever her decision is I just have to take it for what it's worth. She has indicated a move back to VA. I even offered to fly her back here or fly the kids out there to visit her. I still want my children to get to know their mother. I think that's important. She has her reasons to leave but that choice is hers. If she decides to stay then even better since she can help me raise the kids. That's if she wants to get involved with them. I love my children and their the ones that keep me going everyday. They are the source of my inspiration and will always be #1 in my life. They are all I have. Without them I might as well be dead. I may sound selfish at times and not talk about how much my little ones matter. But they do. They are a part of my life that I am so proud of.

 

 

It's official! Mr. Reality has walked in the door! Hi Hooney, I'm Hoome!!!!

 

By the way, don't fall for any Bullcrap she's throwing your way right now, emotions etc, I know it sounds harsh, but hey, not nearly as harsh what she's done to you.

 

Thanks Darth. You and the folks here at LS has helped me get this far.

[azianpride143]

She's back to her old bitchy self again. She dropped off my son today since it is officially the start of my week. I gave her mail and she was pissed since it was open. I have always opened the mail to make sure the bills I pay for get paid and the ones she does she gets. I told her if she doesn't want me to open

her mail, have it sent to her apartment. The funny thing is she told me if this happened to you and I open your mail how would you feel. I told her I wouldn't care since I've got nothing to hide. She didn't say anything after that.

 

It continually reminds me that she does not deserve a place in my life. The snide remarks and stupid excuses is not going to work anymore. I like my uncomplicated life. It's simple and I'm happy. I can survive alone.

[azianpride143]

She dropped the bomb on me today and tried one last time to ask me if I still want to give it one more shot. It felt more like a threat. Either you get back together with me or be prepared to end it with a bang?

 

I have taken the high road on everything and wanted this divorce to be as civil as possible. I guess since she's desperate and hurting financially which is all her doing. She is trying to drag me down with her. I shouldn't let this affect me, but it does deeply. It hurts to see everything turn ugly. All I want is out. Why is it so hard for her to understand that? I have put everything she wanted into the marriage agreement and since now she's got her own lawyer, all she is seeing is dollars. Alimony/child support, etc. etc.

 

I did not want this to turn bitter because it will affect my kids. Our relationship as co-parents.

 

She mentioned to me how emotionally she is suffering right now. She's taking anti-deppresants. She can't eat or sleep. I guess that tells me her relationship with the OM is over. Now she wants to come back and expect me to work it out? Just like that. Just because she's hurting I'm the knight in shining armor that will make it all go away. I'm the darn fallback guy. I'm not stupid. She left the relationship and gave away her heart to someone else. Where is the justice to all of this? Why I'm I suffering when I'm not the one that had an affair? I don't deserve this. Life is dang unfair. I have been down on the curb. Finally got to pick myself up. Now I'm getting kicked back down again.

 

"I thought I was out, but they kept pulling me back in"

 

It feels like I'm married to the mob. Once your in you can't get out. Only way out is buried in some unmarked grave.

 

You can't get any more miles out of this car who's got all four cylinders shot. She said she wanted her independence. To experience life again on her own and what she missed out on when we got married. Well she got it all. Oh btw I incurred all these expenses while I was out testing the waters and I want you to pay for it. Dagnabbit.

 

I'm just po'ed and just need to vent. Only way left is to fight. Fight it with no emotions attached. I know at some point I have to compromise in order to get out. So be it.

[Darth Vader]

There's the 180! These women will do a 180 on ya when you least expect it. I suggest that you contact your Lawyer about what she's doing, and Fight her HARD! Do you have everything documented? You're gonna need it! Remember, go for sole custody! She left, you didn't!

[notspiritual]

Your wife is really a nightmare! Your story reminds me of why I wanted to get rid of my wife. A threat is a good reason enough to get rid of a wife.

 

Most women hate their husbands they only stay for the money and when they leave, they try to leave with their husband’s money. 90% of divorce are initiated by women, when there is a house or children to steal from the man.

 

Be extremely careful. Your wife is dangerous. Never meet her alone in person or you might be accused of violence. I am serious. You never know what these women are capable of.

 

I know you don’t like the idea of women being like dogs but your wife is behaving like a pit bull now. It is time to treat her like she deserves to be treated.

[Ladyjane14]

....She dropped the bomb on me today and tried one last time to ask me if I still want to give it one more shot. It felt more like a threat. Either you get back together with me or be prepared to end it with a bang?

 

....She mentioned to me how emotionally she is suffering right now. She's taking anti-deppresants. She can't eat or sleep.

 

Good grief! Why in the world would she think you'd CARE if she's "suffering" or not? It's sometimes unbelievable to me how completely self-absorbed some people can be.

 

And... I honestly don't know WHY people bother to get married at all in "No Fault" states. Unless you've got an airtight pre-nup, your partner can do whatever they want to you and still walk away with half your assets.

 

 

Anyway, I would certainly work closely with my attorney on all this if I were you.

 

I kind of only see two choices here in respect to your outward demeanor:

 

1. You can continue to "be a nice guy", string her along until the deal is done by allowing her to believe that a "let's be friends" dynamic will be forthcoming. You might even go as far as to allude to the possibility of reconciliation somewhere down the pike.

 

2. You can cut off all contact, leaving her an email addy for the discussion of parenting issues only. She'd have to deal with your attorney on any divorce-related questions.

 

 

I've got to be honest, it would piss me off BEYOND ALL REASON to hear a bunch of legal threats and narcissistic whining at this point. But.... I think I'd probably be able to hold my nose a little longer if it suited my purposes to do so.

 

Play smart, not hard, right?

 

Talk it over with your attorney. If there's nothing to be gained by the outward appearance of cooperation, feel free to boot her out of your personal life. That way, you're no longer forced to be a captive audience to all of her "emotional suffering".

[kobegirl]

AP43 ... my god ! your ex is such an idiot (sorry) , from what i have read in your posts you sound like a very kind , all giving man . I mean it sounds like you gave your marriage your all for a long time . I just dont understand woman who have that and just want to throw it away like that.

She just sounds bitter about not getting the last laugh , i have to say I am utterly amazed by your patience , your stamina and drive to move forward even though you are clearly heartborken . I know you said you have your moments and that is normal of course.

 

your soon to be ex sounds extremely manipulative. I know you know that. she knows what makes your heart bleed for her. your doing the right things. she broke up with her boyfriend because she knew inside, she probobly could tell in your eyes that enough was enough . in panic she broke it off with her OM so she wouldnt lose her lifeline and now she is really out for blood because she isnt getting her way like she always has. I can almost bet she tried to rekindle things with the OM but he probobly denied her after she broke it off. that is all just my opinion and thoughts of course.

you hang in there. hats off to your strength in this very hard situation .

[Melovator]

Talk it over with your attorney. If there's nothing to be gained by the outward appearance of cooperation, feel free to boot her out of your personal life. That way, you're no longer forced to be a captive audience to all of her "emotional suffering".

 

LJ's right AP, bugger her. You've done more than enough for her. Her choices, her decisions, her consequences to live with.

[azianpride143]

Thanks for the replies. I have been acting weird the last couple of days since she tried again to convince me to get back together again. I have told her what I want and that's how its going to go. I explained to her that if she's willing to make the ultimate sacrifice it would be to allow me my freedom. I don't understand why she's so bent on staying together even if we're separated. She said she's willing to wait until I'm ready. But she want's us to stay married.

 

I told her look the marriage is dead. This is the only path. We get divorced and then you get your chance to prove yourself to me. Deep inside I doubt if she'll ever do this. She wants to stay together bec. of financial reasons. It's so obvious.

 

Part of me wants to see if this person can change and see what she is commited to do. It's wishful thinking. I know it's never going to happen. It's not her personality. It's that last shred of hope I have deep inside for reconciliation.

 

I've never felt this confused. All this time I knew where I was going. All of a sudden I lost my bearings. It's like I lost the momentum to finish what I started. I know I may have some loose screw somewhere for thinking or hoping that we'll ever get back together again. It sure got me all confused. I'm not as strong as I thought I was.

 

In the end I know the decision is mine and mine alone. I know what I have to do. This marriage has run its course. It needs to be put to rest. I have a chance to live on my own. Live by my own rules, my own choices. I'm almost there. So we'll see what happens.

[Melovator]

I've never felt this confused. All this time I knew where I was going. All of a sudden I lost my bearings. It's like I lost the momentum to finish what I started. I know I may have some loose screw somewhere for thinking or hoping that we'll ever get back together again. It sure got me all confused. I'm not as strong as I thought I was.

 

In the end I know the decision is mine and mine alone. I know what I have to do. This marriage has run its course. It needs to be put to rest. I have a chance to live on my own. Live by my own rules, my own choices. I'm almost there. So we'll see what happens.

 

You are strong AP. I've worked with and know a lot of f**ked up weak people and they never have any doubts because they only pick the easy way through life. Strong people doubt but do what's really right rather than what's easy.

 

You know what's right for you at this point in time, and its not to be your STBXW, who, from all you've written, is a woman who always tries to take the easy/ weak way through life rather than taking the right/ strong way. The easy/ weak thing to do would be to get back with her. The hard /strong thing ( that reads dirtier than I mean it) is to do what you're doing now.

 

So many people pick the easy routes through life and end up miserable for most of it, its the hard road where real happiness lies. You're on the hard road and an occassional 'wtf?' moment is to be expected. Don't beat yourself up for it. Think how far you've already travelled and be proud.

[notspiritual]

There is no way I could remain married to a wife who has threatened to hurt me financially. The taste of freedom and the feeling of being the only master of my own destiny are better than marriage imprisonment. I promised to myself that no woman will ever have an impact on me financially and emotionally.

 

The perfect woman would not care about my financial situation and she would encourage me in my path to achieve my goals in life. Unfortunately, most women are only attracted to money and only care about their stupid goals: a baby at 30, an expensive marriage party paid by her husband, an expensive honeymoon paid by her husband, wasting her husband’s time and not letting him work.

[notspiritual]

There is nothing to gain staying married.

 

The longer you stay married to bigger the money prize when she finally gets rid of you. You will not be allowed to meet a new woman and if you do, your wife will file for divorce with the reason that you cheated on her. Cheating and threatening to ruin you financially has disqualified her to be your wife.

 

You were probably confused because you want to believe her. But if her feelings are true, signing divorce papers should not change a thing. Protect yourself first by protecting your finance and your freedom.

 

I see absolutely no reason for a man to get married in our current times, a woman wins when the marriage works, she also wins when it does not.

[Darth Vader]

We're here for you to vent to, Take the divorce to the WALL!!!! She's trying to use you again to save her butt, she wants you to pay for her affair, and all her expenses that went along with it! Bank on it! Don't fall for it! By the way, how long til the Divoce becomes Final!?

[azianpride143]

Don't know yet. Typical divorce in cali is given 6 months at a minimum. I have been told on average it's 15 months. At this point, I'll take my time and not expect things to go smoothly. I'm in this in the long run. I just haven't been in the mood to do anything this week.

 

I've just turned down a job which I should have taken. My mind is just a mess this last couple of days. I realized I can't be taking responsibilities since my head is still screwed on backwards. I have another one lined up in September and don't know if I should take that one as well. I just haven't been thinking normal at all. This "defining moment" in my life has truly taken me on a wild roller coaster ride. I was always the guy who runs things and now have taken a back seat. I feel inadequate and unable to cope with the demands of my job. I am fortunate the folks I work for understand why I'm this way. I know I can't keep this charade up too long.

 

I need a sit down with my lawyer and plan the next move. Since I have no idea what to do next. All I know is I still want a divorce.

 

I was in therapy a couple of days ago and we talked about this mood. I told her that my mind tells me to get out, while my heart tells me something else. I guess I have never really gotten any closure deep down inside. Her wanting to go back has caused some of those feelings I have for her to come right back out. I know what I need to do and know what needs to happen. It's just weird since there's conflict brewing in my body. I've never felt like this before.

[Darth Vader]

She's trying to bog you down, tug at your last heart strings, because she knows you that well, she knows what she has to do to convince you to change your mind and take her back. The first word in convince is con, remember that!

[azianpride143]

Darth you made me laugh with that last comment. You are right to think that this is all a big sham. I know it is. It's just hard to break off that addiction. It feels like I just got a relapse....

 

Without a doubt this is what I have to do. Sometimes finding the courage to take the plunge knowing the water is icy cold is difficult. There's always these what if's going in the back of your mind. Just the mere thought of jumping back in gives you the chills.

[Ladyjane14]

There's always these what if's going in the back of your mind. Just the mere thought of jumping back in gives you the chills.

 

If it helps you any, it works both ways. As I was posting to PWSX3 the other day... Reconciliation is also a situation in which "Buyer's Remorse" comes with the territory. There's just no such thing as a certain course, AP. You just choose as best as you can.

[Darth Vader]

Darth you made me laugh with that last comment. You are right to think that this is all a big sham. I know it is. It's just hard to break off that addiction. It feels like I just got a relapse....

 

Without a doubt this is what I have to do. Sometimes finding the courage to take the plunge knowing the water is icy cold is difficult. There's always these what if's going in the back of your mind. Just the mere thought of jumping back in gives you the chills.

 

 

Just think, if you did take her back, she would stab you right in your back, then make off with everything, children, house, you paying child support, alimony, the whole nine. Don't give up your advantage, Strike while the Iron is Hot!

[azianpride143]

Hi. It's been a while since I last posted so I wanted to give an update. I spoke with my lawyer about 2 weeks ago and he advised me not to do anything. It's in my best interest to wait for her to retain legal counsel since she has already consulted with a lawyer. He told me that if she has retained them they would have filed an acknowledgement in court to get the ball rolling. Which means I have to start paying alimony/child support. He asked me just to chill and wait it out for now.

 

My relationship with her has remained friendly and I have decided that we will just remain as co-parents. No more no less. For a while, I had this small shred of hope with reconciliation after she had indicated a desire to make it work. It was indeed a ploy and she is back to her old self and I would assume the OM is back in business. Darth was right and continue to be accurate with regards to what she is prepared to do. Sometimes I am strong but cannot help think about the "what if's". For a while I had that in the back of my mind eventhough I knew there was no way. The marriage has been damaged beyond repair. There is no other option but out. She is all about herself and I should do the same.

 

I met an old friend and we've been talking a lot about life in general. We're starting to get close and I never expected to feel something for someone this soon. It's good that she live's in another state (although it's only a 3.5 hour drive away). Or else things would be accelerating a lot faster. I do want to slow things down a bit since all I've got is time. She seems ready but I still got some loose ends I need to tie down on my end. If she's in for the long haul and understands what I have to go through and is willing to be supportive. Then she's a keeper. Otherwise time to move on.

[Melovator]

Hey AP! Glad to hear you're doing well! Hope it keeps all going that way. Take care.

[ls707]

Hi. It's been a while since I last posted so I wanted to give an update. I spoke with my lawyer about 2 weeks ago and he advised me not to do anything. It's in my best interest to wait for her to retain legal counsel since she has already consulted with a lawyer. He told me that if she has retained them they would have filed an acknowledgement in court to get the ball rolling. Which means I have to start paying alimony/child support. He asked me just to chill and wait it out for now.

 

My relationship with her has remained friendly and I have decided that we will just remain as co-parents. No more no less. For a while, I had this small shred of hope with reconciliation after she had indicated a desire to make it work. It was indeed a ploy and she is back to her old self and I would assume the OM is back in business. Darth was right and continue to be accurate with regards to what she is prepared to do. Sometimes I am strong but cannot help think about the "what if's". For a while I had that in the back of my mind eventhough I knew there was no way. The marriage has been damaged beyond repair. There is no other option but out. She is all about herself and I should do the same.

 

I met an old friend and we've been talking a lot about life in general. We're starting to get close and I never expected to feel something for someone this soon. It's good that she live's in another state (although it's only a 3.5 hour drive away). Or else things would be accelerating a lot faster. I do want to slow things down a bit since all I've got is time. She seems ready but I still got some loose ends I need to tie down on my end. If she's in for the long haul and understands what I have to go through and is willing to be supportive. Then she's a keeper. Otherwise time to move on.

 

your thread caught my attention, You have been strong, so far and so focused on getting your life back on the rails, after the massive derailment it suffered.

 

Don't let her get to you now. Her sad sob stories of getting back with is you is cuz of what you said before. she needs a "sugar-daddy". She has obviously show herself to be financially co-dependent on you. And you deserve better. Shes using you for your money and for the financial fruits it had to offer, obviously the OM is not very reliable as you. She emotionally abused you and hurt you many times over in the course of the relationship. Not worth it at all in my eyes

 

Pursue things with this new girl, and take that job in September; show her that she is no longer a factor in dictating the course of your life and where it takes you.

 

On a different note: men should develop a code to not pick up women who are married or involved with other guys. I know a lot of men out there dont have this code, but me and my friends have this code and we stick to it.

[justfine]

AP...

 

 

 

I just finished reading your entire thread and I must say that you're an inspiration to all who have been betrayed. You have shown tremendous courage and class. I sincerely hope you stick to your guns and do not reconcile.

 

You are also fortunate to have a female friend who is interested in you and is stable. I would venture to say that she deserves a closer look once your divorce is final. Reading your thread has helped me to gather more strentgh to take on the challenges that lay ahead in my own journey to rebuild my life.

 

Like you, I'm starting all over again. I've lost so much, yet, people on this forum continue to give me strength to fight the good fight. When you have a chance, please give us an update.