Sent the EX a text

[MikeC]

Don't know. Something inside me told me to do it haha. Nah, its been 8 days since NC with her. But, why should I go NC with someone I wanna talk to. Rather do LC. So, I figured I would send a friendly text for the hell of it. I'm not bothered if I don't get a response either. I'm expecting nothing. This is what I sent.

 

'Hey. Wanted to say hi. Have a good day.'

 

Not bad huh. She hasn't responded yet, which I knew would happen. Just kinda funny how she totally ignores me, yet she is the one that dumped me lol. Oh well, can't win at everything.

 

Regarding LC, what set rules they got on that. I mean, don't know if there are rules. Advice would be nice. Later

[Trialbyfire]

If she's asked for space, leave her to it.

 

The idea behind LC is to keep the lines of communication open but not necessarily being the one to make contact. It depends on the maturity level of the individuals involved and how the last point of communication was left.

[shockandawed]

Hi Mike,

 

Don't know the details of your breakup but I would strongly advise against any contact. You said she is the one that broke up with you. She should be the one then that initiates contact.

 

I understand all too well the intentions of LC. I did that for awhile with my ex fiance as well. But every bit of contact sent me reeling. I spent three years with her and couldn't just remove her from my life. But she was moving on and although I thought I was, it wasn't until I completely removed her from any contact did I start to truly move along.

 

It's tough but there is no place for LC. She won't forget you, give her some time to miss you. She knows where you are.

[2ndIINone]

she dumped YOU? and you're surprised she isn't responding to you? Why?

 

'Hey. Wanted to say hi. Have a good day.'

Hate to break the news to you... but this text doesn't say Hi, have a good day in her eyes....

 

In her eyes it translates to = "Hi, I tried to be tough and not contact you, but I can't... I'm weak... and apparently I can't live without you. I think about you everyday, but it took 1,2,3,4,5,6,7... 8 days for me to try and leave you alone and give you the space you asked. But I couldn't help myself. I'm saying have a nice day to show you I'ma nice guy... haven't you noticed? Have you forgotten about me already? Well, here's a reminder text"

 

 

NC rules = No contact. Pretty self explanatory.

 

she dumped you... no sense in wishing her a good day.... in fact you shouldn't give her the satifaction of knowing you're even thinking about her.

[Trialbyfire]

she dumped YOU? and you're surprised she isn't responding to you? Why?

 

 

 

Hate to break the news to you... but this text doesn't say Hi, have a good day in her eyes....

 

In her eyes it translates to = "Hi, I tried to be tough and not contact you, but I can't... I'm weak... and apparently I can't live without you. I think about you everyday, but it took 1,2,3,4,5,6,7... 8 days for me to try and leave you alone and give you the space you asked. But I couldn't help myself. I'm saying have a nice day to show you I'ma nice guy... haven't you noticed? Have you forgotten about me already? Well, here's a reminder text"

 

 

NC rules = No contact. Pretty self explanatory.

So you believe that NC is to get her back?

[2ndIINone]

So you believe that NC is to get her back?

Everybody has opinions and variations of NC... some to heal.... get over... some to allow the ex to miss em... some use it to show strength.

 

I believe it should be used to show the ex that you're are NOT a wuss.

That you CAN live without them (if you're a dumpee) No matter how hard it seems... "Never let em' see you sweat..." or else, you'll just justify the dumpers reasons for dumping you in the first place. Dumpers are never in the right mindset to feel sympathy for the ones they dump. But you better believe, when they come back months later and can't get the one they dumped to acknowledge them... they TOO will want some sympathy.

 

NC = move on... alone... gain strength and confidence back... soul search... what you will and will NOT put up with from an SO.

Dumpees are very weak initially after a break up... they tend to do all the things they 'think' are right, but have never been more wrong.

NC = for a few months prepares you to handle the ex if and when they decide to return.... usually right around the time the dumpee is OVER their ex and happy with someone else. Dumpers have that sixth sense.

 

oops, after writing this I realized he asked about LC and you asked about NC....

 

LC is crap.... UNLESS they don't have a choice.... workplace... neighbors...family ..ewe... Pets... ugh!... Kids.... no choice.

but then it's all about the attitude. LC is possible with the right attitude...

[Icantletgo]

NOOOOOO.

 

Trust me. I am weak too. That's why I tried to be friends with my ex for 3 months. But by doing things like that it'll only show her that SHE has the power and she has control over your emotions.

 

DON'T FALL INTO IT. if she wants space give it to her.

 

I had an ex that I dumped who I didn't wnat to talk to anymore. whenever he contacted me and I told him not to, i just got annoyed. i didn't miss him.

[Guest Y]

I agree with the others Mike although I know that's not what you want to hear. I would wager most of us tried LC for awhile. It just doesn't work in most cases.

 

If she ended it then she needs to be the one who intiates contact. Otherwise its like banging your head against a wall and then wondering why you have a headache.

[Trialbyfire]

Everybody has opinions and variations of NC... some to heal.... get over... some to allow the ex to miss em... some use it to show strength.

 

NC is not a tool to play pride games with. You use it to move on and retrain yourself as an individual.

 

A mature relationship is not a game. It's about two people finding compatible love and working together to maintain and improve their relationship.

[2ndIINone]

It's about two people finding compatible love and working together to maintain and improve their relationship.

didn't I say that??? some use it to heal? I think I did.

 

you asked me why HE was using it.... how do I know why he is using it... well, trying to use it.

 

 

You say.... to move on and retrain yourself as an individual...

and I said...

 

move on... alone... gain strength and confidence back... soul search... what you will and will NOT put up with from an SO.

 

I don't see much of a difference... do you?

 

 

ps....

NC is not a tool to play pride games with.

 

games? no... you're right. But NC has EVERYTHING to do with pride. It's whole existance and purpose is about pride for ones selfrespect and self asteem.

[Trialbyfire]

games? no... you're right. But NC has EVERYTHING to do with pride. It's whole existance and purpose is about pride for ones selfrespect and self asteem.

 

Here's the difference between pride and self-respect/self-esteem:

 

1. Hi, My name's Joe Schmuck III and I have massive trust fund.

(This is pride, illustrating how much better one person is compared to others.)

 

2. Hi, nice to meet you, my name's Joe Schmuck.

(This is someone who has self-respect/self-esteem, who's confident enough to make the self-introduction.)

[2ndIINone]

1. Hi, My name's Joe Schmuck III and I have massive trust fund.

ummm... naaaah..... Joe Schmuck III just sounds like a d-head who has to stand on his wallet to appear a little taller in order to get a date. I honestly don't see anything that has to do with pride in this analagy. Ego maybe... but not pride.

 

btw... some girls will still go for Joe... regardless of his bad ego attitude. So are these girls lacking in pride or self respect?

 

2. Hi, nice to meet you, my name's Joe Schmuck.

(This is someone who has self-respect/self-esteem, who's confident enough to make the self-introduction.)

Right on Joe Schmuck...

Now, what does plain Joe Schmuck who is confident enough to introduce himself to a stranger have to do with no contact?

 

hey, I'm not arguing with you about NC and reasons for it. I agree completely... use it to move on. I said that.... 3 times now. But you can't help but know.... that sooner or later... the dumper's do some thinking... some missing and pick up the phone to call call the dumpee.

 

Now it all depends on the situation. If A has cheated on B.... B needs to go no contact and move on forever without A.

Now... if A is a creep or just plain hard to deal with for B... then B needs to take two steps back after the breakup (NC) and regroup.... figure out what he/she wants.... and hopefully the space given will give A some time to recognise their own faults as well.

[Trialbyfire]

ummm... naaaah..... Joe Schmuck III just sounds like a d-head who has to stand on his wallet to appear a little taller in order to get a date. I honestly don't see anything that has to do with pride in this analagy. Ego maybe... but not pride.

 

btw... some girls will still go for Joe... regardless of his bad ego attitude. So are these girls lacking in pride or self respect?

Yes. Money has power over you.

 

Right on Joe Schmuck...

Now, what does plain Joe Schmuck who is confident enough to introduce himself to a stranger have to do with no contact?

Joe Schmuck has sufficient self-esteem and self-respect to have confidence in himself.

 

Pride has negative connotations to it. It is self-love with no self-esteem or self-respect. If pride gives you confidence at all, it's false confidence based on illusional or material self-inflation.

 

NC is about redeeming your self-esteem/self-respect. Don't use it to self-inflate your pride by holding out until she begs and grovels. More than likely, if she knows this is the type of person you are, she will walk away.

 

LC can include periods of non-contact where, like in this situation, his ex has requested space. You give them as much space as they need, until they contact you. When they contact you, you reply with confidence and politeness. It provides the opportunity for trust to slowly be rebuilt. If there's no way that the relationship can be resumed, it can also be a less painful method of weaning yourself off the other.

 

NC is about breaking an addiction. It's perfect for toxic or parasitic relationships. The sooner you shut it down, the less damage you do to yourself by continuing exposure.

[MikeC]

I didn't send the text message to say I'm a wuss. Besides, she checks my MySpace I'm sure of that. I have nothing whatsoever of her on there. I got a bunch of other girls on the top friends list. She can see I've moved on.

 

The relationship wasn't bad. Just didn't work out I guess. She said she wanted space. If I go NC and never contact her again, I would be defeating the purpose of what I'm after. Which is to keep communication open and not kick her out of my life lol.

 

I've been going NC simply because when I was contacting her, she just ignored me. I figured I would do the same, but she can hold out longer than I can because of her greater experience than myself with relationships.

 

I don't know. Its like I did something bad to her for her to ignore me. Its backwards, but I can't change it, so oh well.

[Trialbyfire]

but I can't change it, so oh well.

Ba...da...bing MikeC. No one has control over a relationship. Sometimes we have control over a situation because the other person empowers us with the responsibility, but it's mutable control.

 

Take it one step at a time, the way that makes sense to you as an individual. In this situation, you come first. Rebuild yourself...you have the technology and the strength inside you.

[2ndIINone]

LC can include periods of non-contact where, like in this situation, his ex has requested space. You give them as much space as they need, until they contact you.

 

ummm... this is called NC, isn't it? Not LC. (Periods of NC until the dumper contacts you) Cause if it was LC.... then it would've gotten thrown back in his face by being ignored... like it did for him.

Which, in the end... brings us back to NC. Back to my very first post to him... regarding your first question to me. (using NC to get or person back or to heal...)

 

hmmmm.... different variations and uses of NC vary from person to person.

LC = pointless and get's NO desired results if the dumpee is making ALL the contact after the break up.

 

NC = move on with your own life, on your own, without anybody. Period.

[2ndIINone]

I didn't send the text message to say I'm a wuss.

 

Of course not... but that's how she interpreted it.

 

 

Imagine my girlfriend cheated on me.... and left me for the new guy. After she left me... I turned and called her... text her... sent her cards.... begged her to come back to me... wouldn't you think I was a wuss? Of course you would. That's why ANY contact you make to your ex, would make you come off as a person who.... can't live without your SO..... or should I say... needy.

 

She asked for space... it is YOUR job to give her what she asked for. And therefore HER job to come back to you.... if she wants. Teasing her or giving her any extra attention will only push her away further if she isn't emotionally ready for it.

 

You CAN control the situation.... you can walk away.

[Sal Paradise]

I didn't send the text message to say I'm a wuss. Besides, she checks my MySpace I'm sure of that. I have nothing whatsoever of her on there. I got a bunch of other girls on the top friends list. She can see I've moved on.

 

Why because you rearranged a few friends on your myspace list? If you're sending her messages every couple of weeks that says one thing and one thing only...

 

"I'm not over you and I want you back"

 

 

The relationship wasn't bad. Just didn't work out I guess. She said she wanted space. If I go NC and never contact her again, I would be defeating the purpose of what I'm after. Which is to keep communication open and not kick her out of my life lol.

 

So is the goal to get her back or to just stay friends? It sounds like you want her back. If thats the goal then you need to realize you're making yourself less appealing and attractive to her everytime you contact her. Women are not attracted to needy weak men. Thats the message you're sending her everytime you contact her.

 

I've been going NC simply because when I was contacting her, she just ignored me. I figured I would do the same, but she can hold out longer than I can because of her greater experience than myself with relationships.

 

I don't know. Its like I did something bad to her for her to ignore me. Its backwards, but I can't change it, so oh well.

 

She's ignoring you because she's moving on with her life and she doesn't see you as a part of that life. When most people break up they don't keep their exes around as friends. Some do (its usually only because one of them still has feelings for the other) but most people make a clean break. Most guys aren't going to want to date a girl who has a needy ex waiting around who wants her back.

 

Her ignoring you is her way of telling you to leave her alone and to move on.

 

 

It's possible (though unlikely) that if you actually went no contact for an extended period she might actually miss you long enough reevaluate her feelings for you. In most cases both people move on to someone else.

 

I know you don't want to go nc but I don't see what you really have to lose. She has moved on and you're letting her know you haven't. She isn't talking to you and is ignoring your communication. The only thing that would change by going no contact is you wouldn't look as pathetic as you do now by messaging her every week.

 

If you go no contact one of two things will happen.

 

1) You will move on and meet someone else. This is the most likely to happen.

 

2) Once she see's you've moved on she miss you and contact you. Perhaps you will get back together. This is the least likely.

 

The only thing that will happen by you texting her every few days is she will continue to ignore you and you will be stuck in limbo pining for a girl who wants nothing to do with you.

[MikeC]

Its funny. When we first going out, she would text me until my phone blew up and it was OK. Now I send her 1 text and I'm shafted lol.

 

Look. I don't want her back. To my disbelief, I actually met someone else and don't want her but only as a friend. She wants space, thats fine. But being a bitch and ignoring me like I'm the one that broke it with her is ****ed up. I could care less if she contacts me right now. She is being immature about it.

 

And no. I didn't shuffle my top friends on MySpace. I have been more active in meeting people on there, and alot of people have added me as a friend. I have found it to be much much easier to move on when socializing with other women. Now that I met someone else interested in myself, I can actually see how unhappy I really was in the relationship. There was just alot of emotion tied into it.

 

I just want her to wakeup and stop being so close-minded about it, like she is the only one affected. I can't control her, but sometimes it is like people are flat out stupid. I'm not the villian here.