Complicated relationship, are these signs that its over or is it really just me?

[CrazyC8s]

Okay so I've recently started dating this guy, and I've known him since my sophmore year of highschool, but all through high school he really wanted to be more than friends and I never would date him because I'm not really physically attracted to him. But he's a really nice guy so I thought I would give it a chance recently. We haven't been going out for that long, and I told him in the beginning I didn't want anything serious right away but it seems like its already getting serious. Also, it bothers me when he says little things like "You're cute" or "I miss you" (it had only been a day since I last saw him). I just feel like he's way more into me than I am into him and I dont know if I'm comfortable with that. Are these signs that its not going to work out, or am I just over-analyzing? Oh, and even though some PC people would say it doesn't matter, the sex isn't that good at all, and I think sex is a big part of a relationship. But I really need some advice, sorry its sort of long, I tried to make it as short at possible, thanks!

[CrazyC8s]

Oh yea, and the other big thing is I don't know if I end early (now) if I can save our friendship, or if no matter what I do I've basically lost him as a friend by jumping into this, because that would really suck.

[oppath]

Hmmm....

 

you aren't really attracted to him, but decided to give it a shot.

 

You don't really enjoy the sex (could it be because you aren't really attracted to him?).

 

You don't enjoy his vocal expressions of affection (could it be because you aren't really attracted to him?).

 

It seems to me you are just settling out of loneliness. I'm sure he is a great guy which is why you gave him a shot, but honestly, he will be a fantastic BF for another woman! Just not you. It's not about him not being good enough, it's about the two of you not being right for each other.

 

And the friendship thing...the longer you see him, the less chance you have of restoring the friendship.

[CrazyC8s]

Well, if thats the case, then how do I go about breaking up with someone I've known for years, but have only been dating for a short while? I mean its not like I can just be like "Oh its not working out sorry, but you want to go out with me and the boys this weekend?" You know, I feel like I'll need an explanation, but I cant bring myself to tell him its because I'm not attracted to him physically.

[oppath]

Tell him "it's not you, it's me, I don't know who I am and need to find myself."

 

Do you really want to break up with him? That is for you to decide, not me. It sounds like you do, which is why you posted this thread, but you don't want to hurt his feelings.

 

I'd say "It's difficult for me to say this, but I don't feel we are the right people for each other, and I want you to find the person who is right for you, and I really value the friendship we had, so I have to be honest with you and can't lead you on any further."

 

You aren't lying. You are telling him the truth in an honest yet tactful way. If he presses for a greater reason, such as saying "why would you get involved with me at all? We were friends!" Say "I understand why you feel that way and that I've hurt you. We had some good chemistry together as friends, and I wanted to explore it further, but my feelings deep inside is that we are just better as friends, and I need to break it off now because I'd like to return to that, because I care and value our friendship."

 

No easy way to do it.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Your friendship as you knew it is over. Your guy reached the goal of making you his girlfriend, and he is not going to be able to magically change his feelings back to 'just friends' - especially not since he was never interested in "just friends" anyway. Sure, you can propose that you stay friends after you break up and he may accept that to your face because he doesn't want to lose you and if friends is all he can get, that is what he will take. Understand that his feelings will still be in 'boyfriend' mode, and every second he spends with you as your "friend" will break his heart that much further. Not to mention how he will handle you dating someone else, or trying to talk to him as a "friend" about some guy you want to date.

 

I guess it depends on how much you genuinely care for him. If you truly care for him, then don't try to be his "friend". Cut it off as gently and honestly as you can, and do not leave the door open for "friends". He won't be interested in genuine friendship right now anyway. All he will be focusing on is how to win you back as his girlfriend. Give him a chance to grieve the end of the relationship. He can't do that and move on as long as he is trapped in the false hope of "friends".

[CrazyC8s]

Yea... but I'm not sure that I really do want to break up with him, I'm just trying to decide now if all this stuff is just me because I'm not used to this type of attention or if they're signs that it's not going to work out, because I would rather end it early and save the friendship if possible then wait and see and have it not work out and lose an old friend. Because parts of me do want to be with him, I just think I'm not the type of girl that does the whole cute verbal affection things, and I think I'm not ready for a serious relationship right now, but thats what he's really looking for even though in the beginning he agreed that we would keep it casual.

[kepners]

craxy,

straight up not messing about, you dont like him, and your only with him because so your not lonely.

 

YOUVE lost him already. and honestly your the worst kind of woman, because you have gone and done this, and u know deep down its not right but you dont have the stregth of character to tell him or yourself.

YOUR utterly horrible, because your playing with him emotions and feelings because you dont want to be alone. FOR ME, not for one ****ing second do i believe you when you say your making up your mind, your a woman, you know this already!! youve already decided he's to weak. your just a ****ing puss for not admiting it.

i am not sure your not even looking for one of us to blame or abolish you from guilt from doing this.

weak weak weak.

[CrazyC8s]

Well thanks for the advice everyone, I talked to him about an hour ago and broke up with him and he took it surprisingly well. He told me he didn't think things were working either and that if I didn't break up with him soon he was gonna break up with me. And then after everything was settled he started to tell me a funny story about one of our friends, so either he was putting on a really good front or he really was expecting it.

And kepners, you might be right but in my own defense its not like he didn't know what he was getting into, considering he has tried this before and I've always said no. But I respect your opinion.