Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 23, 2007 Author Posted April 23, 2007 On the other hand, even the most right guy for you in the world might be thrown off by premature requests for DTR ("define the relationship") talks. This was my way of thinking and it gets me into trouble and feeling bummed so I will accept that it was inevitable. I need to take some 'slow' lessons and learn how to have self-control and not act on my own horniness
Star Gazer Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 Hey LifeBegins, You really need to read Mars and Venus on a date. That's a GREAT book! I read it every single time I enter a new relationship - really helps me keep things in perspective and sloooooooooow down.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 23, 2007 Author Posted April 23, 2007 Hey LifeBegins, You really need to read Mars and Venus on a date. http://www.marsvenus.com/forums/ Pushing a man (that yu barely know) is a no no and a sure way to ruin what may have been a great relationship. He probably saw you as needy and overhwhelming.....no offense. Please read the link I put up. It will answer a lot! NOW GO READ THAT LINK! any thread in particular? Thanks for that.
Lezbean Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 Here is the main page. TONS of great info http://www.marsvenus.com/ Mars and Venus on a Date http://www.marsvenus.com/xcart/home.php?cat=4 I highly recommend spending the $16 to join the site (forums are free). There are some excellent articles that I think would help you immensley! The forums are great too.
Adick Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 Bummer. But, for the future, just let whatever happens evolve. He told you he needed time/space. I agree that you pushed him. I do not think it was a cop out. I imagine he was thinking it through and wondering if there was a relationship---and then all of a sudden you came barging in with the "it's black or white, yes or no" ultimatum. At that point, it was a no brainer! Sorry, now get back on the horse and wrangle up a new hunny!
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 23, 2007 Author Posted April 23, 2007 I suppose. I do realize the advice from my friend was bad. He is a needy person and I should have passed his advice here first LOL. I should have taken what I knew about this guy and trusted him and given him "time" as I said I would. I know it's likely too late, very slim chance he is the type to give second chances, but if I do get to talking with him, I will explain the bad advice...or just wrangle up a new hunny! I just got a call for some contract work and was told to charge $65/hr so I have something to do with my evenings now! yippee
Adick Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 To be honest, at this stage in the game, it is not worth my effort to afford a second chance. Second chances are for established relationships. I think this one has flown the coop and you ought to just move on! $65/hour--that's cheap!
stace79 Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 And the last thing I will do is lower my expectations of the guy I want to be in a relationship with. I have a history of lowering my expectations and settling for the wrong guys, well I've come a long way and it's just not going to happen this time around. I think what someone meant about lowering expectations is not to expect a relationship out of every guy you meet. I do that, too, and then I get all caught up in the "whats ifs" and "what's he doing now" and "who else is he talking to." Meet people with the intention of getting to know them, maybe making a friend. And my best advice with dating is to let them come to you. Don't ever get your heart set on a guy who hasn't shown you any substantial effort. You will be far better off single, dating around and being around good friends who care about you unconditionally than pining away because you fell too soon for some loser. And stay out of the bedroom for at least a month!!!
stace79 Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 After reading all the posts, particularly your direct account of what happened that first night you had sex, I think everyone here except AlphaMale is being extremely too nice. That guy was a dog...he was looking for a booty call because he was drunk, and unfortunately you fell for it. Just some harsh opinions here, but you remind me a lot of myself two or three years ago....giving it up right away because you think that's what a guy wants, you want to appear "cool" and okay with casual sex. Giving it up even just because you want "closeness" with a man. It doesn't work. Seriously, if your account is accurate, the guy's a dog, and I doubt he was ever interested in going out with you at all after that. If you hadn't had sex, he probably would have gone out with you two or three more times until you did, and still left you high and dry. Move on....he sounds like scum. Don't project good qualities on someone when they aren't really there....it's just what you want to see.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 24, 2007 Author Posted April 24, 2007 We'll never know. But I look back now and my god I did turn into a crazy-woman LOL. After I told him I'd give him time, and take a step back, then I jumped all over him. I am so stupid/was so stupid. I need to take a break, have fun getting to know people. If I feel myself getting too caught up in anything again, ever, you good people here will be the first I come to! thanks again so much. He's a big suck...so he got his widdle heart bwoken before...awww poor baby! grow up and be a man and take a risk once in a while...if not, then don't be so quick to jump in the sack because to alot of women that means RELATIONSHIP! sorry had to vent
Teddy and Jane Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 Not trying to be snarky her...really am not, but your opinion is only one half of the equation. One man's trash is another man's treasure and all that. Maybe YOU felt the sex was great, but maybe not so much for him. Maybe the last thing he will do is lower his expectations of the girl he wants to be in a relationship with. Just a thought. But I thinks upsetnhurt proabably has the best advice. Take him at his word till he proves otherwise. But comeing from a guy point of view, I might not be willing to offer sex EVERY time. We do like th chase! That is stupid to think that a guy will dump a girl over one night of "bad" sex. Usually the first time is often not the best anyway. A quality guy is not going to stop seeing a woman over the first time of having sex. A nonquality guy who is just after sex might, though.
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