Falling for a Narcissist...or whatever he is...

April 22, 2007

Oh!!!! You've got it bad! What you've got, dear, is a player. Yes, like most women, you're attracted to jerks, players, narcissists ..... "dominant" males. You're getting played and you're like a fish on the hook. Women are often very skilled at this same game you described, do the same and get the guys hooked and chasing them.

I was one of these for a long, long, time.

And how do the women get the guys hooked and chasing them?

And why can't I play him?

Because you have already made the deadly mistake of letting him see you were emotional and jealous. He knows you are hooked.

And although you told him you've "detached" -- he knows this isn't true.

He KNOWS women. He knows you better than you know yourself. Your words and how you use them betray your feelings.

And he knows once you are that wrapped -- that you reacted the way you did before -- you can't go back the other way so quickly.

The fact that you said you had detached, saw him anyway, and then were aware of his being with other women and put up with it -- NOW he has NO respect for you. He had very little to begin with but now he doesn't have any.

April 22, 2007

The reason that I did that was because I made sure that I looked damned GOOD! Get the picture? lol

What you don't understand is it is not the prettiest girl that will get his attention. I'm sure all of the women he dates are attractive.

It is your actions that make you one of the many -- not one of the few.

He hooked you and he is playing you. To the Nth degree now - because he can see whoever he wants and in order to remain in contact you HAVE To put up with it.

Your actions in response to his put you where you are now. He already categorized you in his mind and you won't be able to change it.

Guess I couldn't be one then.

You don't have it in you.

Ok, BUT he does care about attention. It used to bother him when I wouldn't respond. Problem is, then I became to predictable and responded right away all the time.

That was when he was hooking you -- trying to get you to take the bait.

How you responded let him know you were a possibility of one that would get played. So he kept it up -- it didn't take very long, did it?

You say he's not good FOR ME. Does he treat the other women differently then?

Most women get the same treatment. He may have at some point met one or two that got treated differently. Because their response to him would be night and day from yours. They are the ones that know his game and play it BETTER than he does.

I was one of those. None of my friends are or ever were. They are nice girls like you. --- You need to stay away from this type of man.

You do not need to get jaded or constantly frustrated and hurt. It won't do you any good. And you can't suddenly manifest the qualities needed to play a Player. They have to be there somewhat in the first place and you don't have any of them. If you did you wouldn't be posting any of the questions you have.

Please move on to the nicer side -- don't get caught up with this type of guy. They'll get you every time.

April 22, 2007

You don't need us to tell you - you've already answered that question.

Yes, he treats all women this way.

Yes, but he actually DID spend his time with these other women while he was here so I guess that's why I'm thinking he treats them better.

I guess they didn't call him on his behavior like I did.

Are they just gullible or do they just not care? Are they users too?

April 22, 2007

The fact that you said you had detached, saw him anyway, and then were aware of his being with other women and put up with it -- NOW he has NO respect for you. He had very little to begin with but now he doesn't have any.

Have to disagree with you here. I saw him as if getting together with a friend---nothing else. It was very light and casual. And actually, it showed my confidence...that I couldn't care less what he was doing and with whom. I did NOT act like I was in a relationship with him but yet didn't care whom he saw---which is what it sounds like you're seeing it as.

April 22, 2007

Are they just gullible or do they just not care? Are they users too?

They may be just as gullible as you are.

They may not care that he is playing them - there are those girls out there as well.

They may be on the way out the door and not even know it yet.

If there is one that is playing at his level or above - he could be seeing her for a different reason. To conquer The Unconquerable chase.

What does this all matter? Did you read what I said before?

I told you on your last thread that you had showed all of your cards when you flipped out on him. I told you then that you had blown it.

Why do you persist with this?

You aren't going to be one of those girls who can get involved with this kind of man and NOT GET HURT.

You just don't have it in you.

You are a nicer girl who is sensitive and caring -- go after one of those guys.

Leave the Player types alone. You're playing with fire, as another poster said, and you WILL get burned - to what degree is unknown.

This guy has you so warped your still chasing...trying...getting deeper and deeper. Let it -- and him -- go already and find someone new.

April 22, 2007

1. Have you even kissed this guy? Doesn't sound like it.

2. He planned a trip with you and now is going on said trip with another woman. Does this sound like a guy who is really into you or her? Sounds like her.

April 22, 2007

What you don't understand is it is not the prettiest girl that will get his attention. I'm sure all of the women he dates are attractive.

Yes, looks DO matter. And while the other women can be attractive, it helps when you look younger than you are. You're young so this isn't a factor with you yet. But I have an edge in that I look good for my age. Yes, this does get a middle-aged guys attention.

Your actions in response to his put you where you are now. He already categorized you in his mind and you won't be able to change it.

Have to disagree with you here, IG. This thinking is a little too black and white. Yes people can change their minds and this guys' mind changes like the wind. And I've changed peoples minds before.

[You don't have it in you. ]

And I'm definately proud of the fact that I do not have it in me to hurt someone deliberately or to act selfishly and use people.

Most women get the same treatment. He may have at some point met one or two that got treated differently. Because their response to him would be night and day from yours. They are the ones that know his game and play it BETTER than he does.

I was one of those. None of my friends are or ever were. They are nice girls like you. --- You need to stay away from this type of man.

You do not need to get jaded or constantly frustrated and hurt. It won't do you any good. And you can't suddenly manifest the qualities needed to play a Player. They have to be there somewhat in the first place and you don't have any of them. If you did you wouldn't be posting any of the questions you have.

Please move on to the nicer side -- don't get caught up with this type of guy. They'll get you every time.

What gets me is that he has only been single for a short time and the number of women he's "dated" has been many. What I want to know is....where did he learn this? How did he suddenly know how to be a player once single? I have a hard time believing that someone who was (supposedly) a faithful married man could suddenly turn into how he is now. Something seems wrong with that picture.

April 22, 2007

Have to disagree with you here. I saw him as if getting together with a friend---nothing else. It was very light and casual. And actually, it showed my confidence...that I couldn't care less what he was doing and with whom. I did NOT act like I was in a relationship with him but yet didn't care whom he saw---which is what it sounds like you're seeing it as.

Sorry -- I know him better than you do. This is my type of man.

And I have witnessed the actions of girls like you pretending to play it cool.

I can even tell when this isn't the case and they are acting -- their words their actions -- tell a different tale.

He surely knew it especially after the way you freaked out and said the things you did about other women. Those statements alone let him know you were off the deep end.

Now he has you right where he wants you (if indeed he does still want you). Usually once they have you at freak out level things cool down quite a bit as far as their interest level.

If he wants you - he knows that you are pretending and only to make sure he is still communicating with you. He can now see who he wants as much as he wants and may even discuss OTHER WOMEN with you because you have "detached" and you therefore should be completely cool with that. He may go that far to push your buttons just to see how really "sprung" you are. Or he may hold you on the sidelines, stringing you along, if he still wants to sleep with you.

But he will NEVER be "Your Man".

I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm sorry you are confused.

I, like everyone else here, am trying to help you see that it is something you can not combat.

It is a battle you will not win.

It is a lost cause.

And you should move on to a relationship that has the possibility of making you happy.

This one will not.

April 22, 2007

1. Have you even kissed this guy? Doesn't sound like it.
2. He planned a trip with you and now is going on said trip with another woman. Does this sound like a guy who is really into you or her? Sounds like her.

TJ, I see your game and I'm not playing, k?

April 22, 2007

Sorry -- I know him better than you do. This is my type of man.

And I have witnessed the actions of girls like you pretending to play it cool.

I can even tell when this isn't the case and they are acting -- their words their actions -- tell a different tale.

He surely knew it especially after the way you freaked out and said the things you did about other women. Those statements alone let him know you were off the deep end.

Now he has you right where he wants you (if indeed he does still want you). Usually once they have you at freak out level things cool down quite a bit as far as their interest level.

If he wants you - he knows that you are pretending and only to make sure he is still communicating with you. He can now see who he wants as much as he wants and may even discuss OTHER WOMEN with you because you have "detached" and you therefore should be completely cool with that. He may go that far to push your buttons just to see how really "sprung" you are. Or he may hold you on the sidelines, stringing you along, if he still wants to sleep with you.

But he will NEVER be "Your Man".

I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm sorry you are confused.

I, like everyone else here, am trying to help you see that it is something you can not combat.
It is a battle you will not win.
It is a lost cause.
And you should move on to a relationship that has the possibility of making you happy.
This one will not.

Of course you are totally right, IG and I am totally wrong. You are so clever and strong and I am so foolish and weak. Now I can see the light. Thank you for opening up my eyes.

Oh and btw, I don't want him to be my man...lol.

April 22, 2007

First of all -- feel free to disagree with me all you want. I know what I am talking about. Whether you think so or not doesn't matter to me. I am trying to give you the benefit of my knowledge and my experience. If you don't want to listen, that's okay. I advised you before - you didn't take my advice then - and here you are back again wrapped up in the same guy I told you to move on from before. If you want to keep going back for more don't let me stop you.

[You don't have it in you. ]

And I'm definately proud of the fact that I do not have it in me to hurt someone deliberately or to act selfishly and use people.

Another poster said that. I disagree that those are the characteristics of a woman who has the ability to actually date or even marry a Player - those are not the ones I speak of.

Although I am also glad you don't have it in you to hurt someone deliberately or to act selfishly and use people.

What gets me is that he has only been single for a short time and the number of women he's "dated" has been many. What I want to know is....where did he learn this? How did he suddenly know how to be a player once single? I have a hard time believing that someone who was (supposedly) a faithful married man could suddenly turn into how he is now. Something seems wrong with that picture.

He was more than likely a bit of a Player before and now that he is free to date again he is looking to make up for lost time. The ending of the marriage and being single just gave him a push and a renewed mind to stay single.

My husband was a major Player before I met and married him.

He is faithful to me. But I could very much verify that if something happened between us he'd be back to his old ways in no time. And probably more so (if that's possible) out of reaction to the loss of me and the marriage. But then again -- it is a probability that so would I.

April 22, 2007

Of course you are totally right, IG and I am totally wrong. You are so clever and strong and I am so foolish and weak. Now I can see the light. Thank you for opening up my eyes.

Oh and btw, I don't want him to be my man...lol.

Then why do you care? Why are you posting questions -- still?

You want something -- you want his interest - you want to "figure it all out" -- whatever it is, you are wasting your time with thinking about him, etc.

There are PLENTY of men out there who could make you happy. Focus on the many many many of those.

April 22, 2007

I do not have it in me to hurt someone deliberately.

I did say that you didn't have it in you -- I didn't mean this as I stated above.

Of course you are totally right, IG and I am totally wrong. You are so clever and strong and I am so foolish and weak. Now I can see the light. Thank you for opening up my eyes.

Ouch.

I guess you do have it in you to hurt people deliberately.

And here I was trying to help you understand the situation and show you there are so many others why waste your time with this one -- my mistake.

April 22, 2007

First of all -- feel free to disagree with me all you want. I know what I am talking about. Whether you think so or not doesn't matter to me. I am trying to give you the benefit of my knowledge and my experience. If you don't want to listen, that's okay. I advised you before - you didn't take my advice then - and here you are back again wrapped up in the same guy I told you to move on from before. If you want to keep going back for more don't let me stop you.

Another poster said that. I disagree that those are the characteristics of a woman who has the ability to actually date or even marry a Player - those are not the ones I speak of.

Although I am also glad you don't have it in you to hurt someone deliberately or to act selfishly and use people.

He was more than likely a bit of a Player before and now that he is free to date again he is looking to make up for lost time. The ending of the marriage and being single just gave him a push and a renewed mind to stay single.

My husband was a major Player before I met and married him.
He is faithful to me. But I could very much verify that if something happened between us he'd be back to his old ways in no time. And probably more so (if that's possible) out of reaction to the loss of me and the marriage. But then again -- it is a probability that so would I.

Well, I appreciate your knowledge and experience but I don't necessarily take it as fact. I take it as opinion. I've been around a lot longer than you and I'e seen a lot more, so I take that into account as well. I've seen and experienced countless situations and I've heard every story in the book of things that happened to people in their relationships...things that would make a daytime talk show never run out of material.

What I was getting at about this guy and his marriage was whether or not he was truly faithful in his marriage. I'm having a hard time believing it. The fact that you didn't question that part, tells me that you have not experienced as much as I have (yet)....and I'm glad that you haven't. When I was younger, I wouldn't have thought about people cheating in their marriage. Now.....I've seen it happen enough and been propositioned enough that my tentacles are raised for it.

And I'd be careful with your ex player that you married. I'm guessing that your marriage is fairly new. Once years go by and kids come along, those used-to-be players sometimes start to wonder if they still "have it". And they don't always wait for a divorce to find out.

Trust me, I wish I could go back to believing that idealized version of it all, but most I meet are divorced...some many times. Some that I've known who are married have hit on me....and they seemed like really decent family men too.

Enjoy the fantasy while you can...but also don't get lost in it.

My point of saying this is that I would like you to know that I'm not some naive', imprintable novice who doesn't know what she's doing while you're presenting yourself as a pro. It's a bit insulting when you do that. I've seen a lot. I've experienced a lot. And I've seen what happens to half of those marriages that started out so very happily.

This doesn't mean I don't need advice at times, however. And that's why I've posted. I only ask that you try to look at me from a different perspective than you have been.

April 22, 2007

I did say that you didn't have it in you -- I didn't mean this as I stated above.

Ouch.

I guess you do have it in you to hurt people deliberately.

And here I was trying to help you understand the situation and show you there are so many others why waste your time with this one -- my mistake.

My other post will explain my reason for this remark. The attitude that I was sensing from you was that you are always right and that you have all the answers. I should have said it in a better way.

April 22, 2007

1. Have you even kissed this guy? Doesn't sound like it.

Ok, I'm sorry....I was going to ignore TJ, but this part keeps making me snicker......

WTF does kissing have to do with it????? That sounds like such an immature question.

Thanks for the laugh though.

April 22, 2007

Ok, I'm sorry....I was going to ignore TJ, but this part keeps making me snicker......

WTF does kissing have to do with it????? That sounds like such an immature question.

Thanks for the laugh though.

Well, you're talking about wanting this guy so much.....there isn't even a TRACE of a dating relationship there, no sign at all from him that he even is attracted to you. To top it off, he met you in person, yet he still took another woman on a trip that he had talked about taking you on. Sorry, I'm not really seeing how he is even into you at ALL.

April 22, 2007

Be honest ss, what do you want from this man? To me, it sounds like he's got you intrigued and panting for more.

April 22, 2007

Well, I appreciate your knowledge and experience but I don't necessarily take it as fact. I take it as opinion. I've been around a lot longer than you and I'e seen a lot more, so I take that into account as well. I've seen and experienced countless situations and I've heard every story in the book of things that happened to people in their relationships...things that would make a daytime talk show never run out of material.

Then why are you here asking questions?

What I was getting at about this guy and his marriage was whether or not he was truly faithful in his marriage. I'm having a hard time believing it.

He has been absolutely up front and honest with you about his intentions and other women. Generally not the pattern of a cheater.

But go ahead and keep telling yourself that this is why you are still asking questions about his behavior with you and other women and wanting the answers you get to be different.

Or you could become his new best friend and get him to disclose what happened in his marriage. IF that is really what you are after.

The title of this thread says different.

The fact that you didn't question that part, tells me that you have not experienced as much as I have (yet)...

You do not know my history.

And one does not necessarily have to experience something to learn the same lesson. I do not only have my experiences to draw from but also those of my family and very close friends.

When I was younger, I wouldn't have thought about people cheating in their marriage. Now.....I've seen it happen enough and been propositioned enough that my tentacles are raised for it.

I wish I had been that lucky to be so naive. I grew up without a father in any way shape or form because my father cheated on my mother with her best friend. It broke up two marriages and left 3 children in each with broken homes -- and he moved with her cross country so I have only met him once. I've talked to him twice.

I grew up knowing men can be very insensitive and selfish but I also had examples, in uncles and friends fathers, of how wonderful they can be as well.

And I'd be careful with your ex player that you married. I'm guessing that your marriage is fairly new. Once years go by and kids come along, those used-to-be players sometimes start to wonder if they still "have it". And they don't always wait for a divorce to find out.

You'd have to be careful if it were you that was married to him.

While my marriage is new - you are right about that - I know my husband very well. We have been through extreme difficulties that would have broken up 99.9 percent of the couples out there. Yet her we are still going strong for over 6 years.

In his culture it is almost unheard of for a man to turn away from his marriage once there are children. It is just not done. The men take on full responsibility for the children - they are never seen as the wife's responsibility - and the husbands are instrumental in their upbringing. Although a poor country, they have a very, VERY, family based culture.

And having been the one that has never been on the "played" side of the fence I think I know what I'm doing when it comes to this...but I'll file your comments away...somewhere.

My husband always laughs and says he's never met someone like me - that I keep him on his toes. I know he is telling the truth. With me he has never been his "player persona". From the very beginning I was the challenge - not him. I found about his player behavior from relatives who would constantly remark at how different he is with me and name situations they had seen before but did not see with me.

That was one of the things that was different with him than with the others. I was always aware of their reputations beforehand. With my husband I didn't know anything about how he'd been with anyone else.

To be honest, I thought when I saw him, that he'd be fun for a couple of weeks but he'd be fired pretty quickly. I found out later, he thought the same thing when he saw me. Little did we know we'd get stuck and it'd be permanent.

Trust me, I wish I could go back to believing that idealized version of it all, but most I meet are divorced...some many times. Some that I've known who are married have hit on me....and they seemed like really decent family men too.

I do not have an "idealized version of it all".

My first marriage was based on security - not love. I thought myself incapable of real love (the kind that everyone seemed to talk about and feel) until that point and as much as I could "love" - I did love him. I knew I was wrong very early on and made the move for divorce. As always for me, it was VERY difficult getting rid of him - more difficult this time because we had married and he had thought he captured me for good.

After that I made up my mind never to marry again. I devised very clear perimeters so I would keep the men I dated at bay. When lines were crossed they were gone -- no chance of them loving me or getting hurt.

And then I met my husband over 6 years ago. He had just about the same history - it was almost uncanny actually - but it took a lot of time to find out ALL of the similarities in our families even though he comes from another country 5,000 miles away with a culture that does not embrace divorce as a simple option when times are hard.

Enjoy the fantasy while you can...but also don't get lost in it.

Oh would that it was an easy fantasy. In truth love - committed love - is a lot of very hard work.

Believe me I am not lost -- in anything.

My point of saying this is that I would like you to know that I'm not some naive', imprintable novice who doesn't know what she's doing while you're presenting yourself as a pro. It's a bit insulting when you do that. I've seen a lot. I've experienced a lot. And I've seen what happens to half of those marriages that started out so very happily.

You are not alone in what you have witnessed. I, too, have witnessed trials and hardships in relationships at all different stages including marriages that have ended up in a split for various reasons.

However, it seems I am the one with the experience when it comes to the type of man you speak of now (having dated so many and been proposed to by several of those). For if you were experienced and knew this type of man - you wouldn't be asking the questions.

This doesn't mean I don't need advice at times, however. And that's why I've posted. I only ask that you try to look at me from a different perspective than you have been.

You have flipped around a lot in the course of these posts.

Your thread title is you are "Falling for a Narcissist...or whatever he is..."

Now you have changed it up quite a bit and state you are not interested in him anymore. You are really just wondering about his faithfulness in his marriage.

You asked for answers and when people tell you what they think - and it has been fairly consistent - you shut down or turn away from their answers - including (obviously) mine.

Now you presume to call me naive and "living in a fantasy". You also assume, wrongly, that I am not enlightened about problems in relationships such as cheating.

Your words have taken on a gentler tone, however, they are just as insulting.

I have tried to give you the benefit of my experience which, from what I have read, is quite different from yours. I have tried to point out that MOST women are quite taken by these men. And that MOST women do in fact get played by this type of man. You are not alone. I have seen it a million times if not more. Players hang out with players -- you'd be shocked at what I have witnessed in this regard.

You have stated that you are attracted to men like this all the time but it doesn't sound to me as if you've ever been successful with one. So it is up to you to make different choices for your happiness. As I have said plenty of times, there are other guys out there. Go get one of them and you'll be a lot happier.

Good Luck.

IG

April 22, 2007

Then why are you here asking questions?

I think I explained that in my previous post.

He has been absolutely up front and honest with you about his intentions and other women. Generally not the pattern of a cheater.

Not true at all. Meet the deceiver. I've met someone before who was upfront about it from the start....so it seemed. Things didn't seem right though. After it was over, I ran into his ex-wife. I found out a lot about him and yes, she had lots of evidence that he had cheated on her during their marriage although she never could prove it. I also found out that during the time I was with him, he was deceiving me. They're honest IN A WAY. Their lies are by omission and through carefully worded statements.

I'm not saying the current guy is like this but being "honest" from the start in no way guarantees anything to me.

I wish I had been that lucky to be so naive. I grew up without a father in any way shape or form because my father cheated on my mother with her best friend. It broke up two marriages and left 3 children in each with broken homes -- and he moved with her cross country so I have only met him once. I've talked to him twice.

I grew up knowing men can be very insensitive and selfish but I also had examples, in uncles and friends fathers, of how wonderful they can be as well.

Well then you need to be extra careful I guess because the divorce statistics for someone coming from a divorced home and having multiple marriages is high.

You'd have to be careful if it were you that was married to him.

IG, you talked about insults to you but I've yet to see a post come from you that doesn't have insults in a supposedly "nice way". No offense but you're always making yourself sound better than people as if you are from an elite group that can "get" any man. The fact that you mention that all the time is actually a sign of insecurity so I try to ignore it. You don't need to prove to us on LS that you can get every man. It sounds like you need to prove it to yourself.

In his culture it is almost unheard of for a man to turn away from his marriage once there are children. It is just not done. The men take on full responsibility for the children - they are never seen as the wife's responsibility - and the husbands are instrumental in their upbringing. Although a poor country, they have a very, VERY, family based culture.

I've known men from ALL cultures who have gotten divorced....yes, even those from cultures where divorce is rare.

And having been the one that has never been on the "played" side of the fence I think I know what I'm doing when it comes to this...but I'll file your comments away...somewhere.

another of those remarks

My husband always laughs and says he's never met someone like me - that I keep him on his toes. I know he is telling the truth. With me he has never been his "player persona". From the very beginning I was the challenge - not him. I found about his player behavior from relatives who would constantly remark at how different he is with me and name situations they had seen before but did not see with me.

another of those remarks

To be honest, I thought when I saw him, that he'd be fun for a couple of weeks but he'd be fired pretty quickly.

another

As always for me, it was VERY difficult getting rid of him - more difficult this time because we had married and he had thought he captured me for good.

another

However, it seems I am the one with the experience when it comes to the type of man you speak of now (having dated so many and been proposed to by several of those).

another

You have flipped around a lot in the course of these posts.

Your thread title is you are "Falling for a Narcissist...or whatever he is..."

Now you have changed it up quite a bit and state you are not interested in him anymore. You are really just wondering about his faithfulness in his marriage.

Please don't mix up my words. I said I didn't want him to "be my man". Yes, I fell for him but that doesnt mean I'd want him to be my man.

You asked for answers and when people tell you what they think - and it has been fairly consistent - you shut down or turn away from their answers - including (obviously) mine.

No actually some people have been very helpful.

April 22, 2007

Well, you're talking about wanting this guy so much.....there isn't even a TRACE of a dating relationship there, no sign at all from him that he even is attracted to you. To top it off, he met you in person, yet he still took another woman on a trip that he had talked about taking you on. Sorry, I'm not really seeing how he is even into you at ALL.

Well of course I'm not going to post all the details on here, silly. Plus you need to reread the post. There's no proof he's taking anyone on any trip. And I'm sorry you're so bitter, TJ

April 23, 2007

I'm not bitter. You're the one carrying on about a guy who just isn't into you and has not demonstrated any romantic interest in you at all. Then people on here are posting that, and you are arguing back that it's not true. Why did you post that you felt that he was taking another woman on a trip he had planned with you? You did post that. Also you posted that he spent time with those other women in that city, doing activities with them that he had talked about doing with you...so...I am not seeing this as a guy who is interested in you.

Has he called you today? Yesterday? Because guys who are interested in you, call you, Hon. It's not complicated. Calling is just step one of interest of a guy.

April 23, 2007

I'm not bitter. You're the one carrying on about a guy who just isn't into you and has not demonstrated any romantic interest in you at all. Then people on here are posting that, and you are arguing back that it's not true. Why did you post that you felt that he was taking another woman on a trip he had planned with you? You did post that. Also you posted that he spent time with those other women in that city, doing activities with them that he had talked about doing with you...so...I am not seeing this as a guy who is interested in you.
Has he called you today? Yesterday? Because guys who are interested in you, call you, Hon. It's not complicated. Calling is just step one of interest of a guy.

Matter if fact, yes he's done a lot of that. In fact, so are several other men showing interest too. In fact, I've been telling several of them I'm busy. And these are intelligent professionals too. Sorry to disappoint you....lol.

TJ, I really hope you start to be a happier person. You sound like a very bitter woman.

April 23, 2007

I've posted some of my story before so pardon if some of this is repetitive......

I met someone online a few months ago and was supposed to meet him this month when he came to my city for a week for an event. We clicked so well. He said that if I would meet him, he wouldn't contact anyone else in my city to meet. I wasn't sure about him because of he was recently divorced and some other things, but I never gave him the impression that I wouldn' t meet him and we talked everyday (he called or emailed me).

He told me he dated others but his words were so endearing when he spoke to me. He talked about our "relationship". He talked about if we clicked how we'd become exclusive, how we could get together after that by meeting in other cities or visiting each other and about how I could eventually meet his child. He wanted to plan a trip with me already and was getting specific about it. He talked about other future things.

Then he suddenly became distant and I became insecure. I got frustrated and needy and showed it. This made things worse. But I was already hooked, like he was some friggin' drug.

It got to a point where he no longer wants to talk anymore. Then we start emailing again. I told him let's start over and we acted friendly and everything was fine. Then he tells me that he is meeting three other women (from online) when he comes to visit here. I don't give him the reaction that he expects this time. I act perfectly ok with it. He had been corresponding with some all along, plus some new ones after he stopped talking to me.

He told me that he didn't know why I would have ever thought that he would be meeting just me. He said how honest he had been from the start by telling me that he dated other people. He wasn't sorry....he's never sorry. He wasn't wrong...he's never wrong. It was all me. I didn't argue it because I knew it was pointless to. I remained pleasant.

I wanted to meet him and I did. It went well although he spent most of his time here with the other women doing the things that he and I had planned on doing. I have no doubt that he slept with--or tried to sleep with--all of them. He didn't try to with me and I guess that's as a good thing. I told him that I have detached and he seemed to like that. He wants women who are detached I think. We planned on keeping in touch and maybe getting together. I believe that he is taking one of these other women on the trip that he and I had planned on taking next month.

I've been trying to talk to and meet others to forget him and it's not working. I read their emails and they don't compare to the ones that I had with him. I force myself to talk to and meet them anyway but something attracts me to the type of style he had and I keep thinking back to it. He emails were so from the heart and like he was pining for me and how he'd wait forever for me (when I was unsure about him).

I've been told more than once that I seem attracted to narcissists. I've read a lot on it and it seems to fit. I'm not sure how to NOT be attracted to them though.

Right now, I'd love to have him pursue me again so that I could brush him off. Some will say to just move on but I wouldn't be here if that was the case.

Seems to me dating a Narcissist is like dating an average attractive Woman:D

So,

He is a victim of his hormone ridden brain. His emotions, feelings and preferences are changing on hour basis.

April 23, 2007

Matter if fact, yes he's done a lot of that. In fact, so are several other men showing interest too. In fact, I've been telling several of them I'm busy. And these are intelligent professionals too. Sorry to disappoint you....lol.

TJ, I really hope you start to be a happier person. You sound like a very bitter woman.

Yes. There is the problem. He was showing interest...debating future plans and you havent reacted. You missed the train.

He is honest with you...he has three other girls.....the first one who says yes to his future plans is his next match.

Why were you tellng the other men you are busy? B/c you are not that interested right? But you could tell them you have other man in sights, right? And why is he so bad having his options open as you do the same?

All you are wondering is 'Why doesnt he want me?' B/c he is smart my dear. He doesnt want you, b/c you dont want him. Make a step forward and you will see the truth. But its scary init?

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Falling for a Narcissist...or whatever he is...

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