Bruxelles Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 I've explained my problem in "Love must be tough in my situation". Only the important points: - very short relationship(4 months) - she says that she doesn't feel in love with me( even if she behaved different 4 weeks ago) - has a lot of relationship fears( had a bitter 3 year relationship which finished last year in june) + problems with selfesteem - I've let her cross a lot of my boundaries - she is pregnant from me I've finished everything this morning as described in "Love is tough". I held myself relaxed but emotional. Told her that our relationship is finished but that I don't cut her out of my heart. That if she would realize in the next weeks that she feels for me and wants to stay with me a new possibility could open. That I'm not bitter towards her( what is not totally right). Now I feel miserable but I think I've won respect. What is a strategy for the next weeks to maximise my opportunities to win her back? Problems are: - We have contact because of the baby(she is in 8th week) - she would never write - even if she feels so - that she wants me back And considering that our relationship was so short probably a low contact strategy would be best?
Davis Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 Hey Brux. I'm gonna be tough here, but don't take it personally. Ok. You said what you had to say. I'm not sure why guys cannot keep their emotions in check and have conversations like yours, but, that's what many do. I don't know why you felt compelled to tell her all that, but no point beating yourself up cause it's done. You're still the typical guy wanting his girl back saying the typical things that do not work: "I will do anything, I will wait for you, I love you so much, I will leave the door open, I can't live without you, you're the love of my life" etc. It's the totally wrong approach as I've been trying to explain to you in "love must be tough". 1. You don't tell a woman that you're done, but you don't want to cut them out of your life. That makes no sense at all! That still makes you appear weak and women are repelled by weak men. 2. You don't leave it in a woman's court to let you know "if she wants you". Again, this doesn't put you in the "alpha male" position. You're the man. Take charge. Sorry bro, I know telling her made you feel somewhat empowered, but I don't think you've earned any respect from her bc you've basically told her "I'm a doormat and I will wait to see if you want me and want to work it out". The strategy, as you and I have talked about, is for you to do a 180 in your behavior. That obviously hasn't happend yet. No offense, but you're still not getting "it" and the program. Have you done anymore online reading about getting your lover back and so on? You're gonna have to change and act like a man if you want any chance of getting her back. Told you I was going to be tough. Hang in there.
Author Bruxelles Posted April 21, 2007 Author Posted April 21, 2007 Thanks Davis. I don't think I support the idea of alpha male. Perhaps you are right that "Babe...it's all over.... no bad feelings" better is but I don't think that my version is so wrong: "I like you but I don't know what the future will bring. Perhaps we get together..but probably not" Btw in the last hours I've realized how angry I am. How much disrepect I've accepted. Also I've very rarely felt being a high priority. For example: last sunday I've driven to her with my bike knowing that the battery is probably empty and I have to call the service. That happend and I went up to her flat to call the service. She was leaving for breakfast with some girl-friends and I explained the problem: I have to wait some time for the service but the battery is probably damaged and I better bring the bike to the dealer that he can fix it on monday. I've seen in her face that she felt responsible but this lead on to: Well you can return from the dealer with a cab. The breakfast was more important than helping me.
Davis Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 I don't mean to be so tough on you Brux, but I've been there and I hate to see another guy get raked over the coals! You know: bros before hoes! It sounded like you presented it to her in a much more passive way. Now, you've changed the way it sounds. Anyway, it's said now. You don't have to agree with me, you can go online and read about being a dominant or alpha male ... that might help you change your mindset. Oh, you might check out askmen.com if I didn't already suggest it. Anger is a good thing sometimes. People here may disagree, but I think anger sure changes your attitude and your resolve to not be a wuss. It helped me get over my ex gf. I used to tell myself about 20 times a day "I hate that fckn, cheatin ho!!" Remember bro: when a woman dumps you, all you have left is your pride and your dignity. Don't be a wuss and give them that too! See? Looks like she was pitying you! That sucks! Do not show them that you're hurt, you miss them or that it bothers you. Save that for your Mom and your therapist!
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