Let's start an NC support thread

[Shandy]

This is day 6 of NC for me. I find myself looking through the coping threads to spot someone who has just started NC so I won't feel like I'm doing this alone. It makes me want to continue with my NC because people online who are suffering just as much as me are continuing with theirs. The first few days are always so hard. It's at the point that it's getting harder for me each day, not easier.

 

I find it really helps to give myself a reward at the end of the day for completing a successful day of no contact. I have amazon prime so every night I would buy something small online (I know... it can really add up, but it's worth it). That way I also have something to look forward to in the mail every day. So far I bought myself a couple of break up books, a calculator and some other stuff. After the first week I better switch to buying something every other day or I'll go broke. You don't have to shop, just whatever reward that makes you happy. At least it really helps for me.

[loveinlife]

Im trying to do NC, count me in. =)

 

The days of NC is for both parties to understand each others feelings and to help us as an individual to find out about who we are. Its not such a bad thing but becomes habitual. Time heals only if we allow ourselves to. Happiness comes from within, treat yourself like you are your own lover.

 

Take Care =)

[sb129]

This is day 6 of NC for me. I find myself looking through the coping threads to spot someone who has just started NC so I won't feel like I'm doing this alone. It makes me want to continue with my NC because people online who are suffering just as much as me are continuing with theirs. The first few days are always so hard. It's at the point that it's getting harder for me each day, not easier.

 

I find it really helps to give myself a reward at the end of the day for completing a successful day of no contact. I have amazon prime so every night I would buy something small online (I know... it can really add up, but it's worth it). That way I also have something to look forward to in the mail every day. So far I bought myself a couple of break up books, a calculator and some other stuff. After the first week I better switch to buying something every other day or I'll go broke. You don't have to shop, just whatever reward that makes you happy. At least it really helps for me.

 

Sounds like you really are doing well!

I think your rewards system is a GREAT idea- rewarding yourself with food or booze etc would be counterproductive.

You won't go broke! This time is temporary- however much you feel like the pain and hurt will never go away- it will.

 

NC really is the best way.

Good luck!

[Icantletgo]

I'm doing nc too!! I love the thought of giving yourself gifts!!!

 

We are rewarding ourselves by not talking to our exes AND by giving ourselves gifts...it's like a double reward system.

 

I'm not going to lie. There are moments during the day where I can't breathe and my eyes well up..but I know it's for the best.

[Island Girl]

To the OP -- I was wondering if they were going to have to open a NC forum! lol

 

To all of you:

 

Good for you -- it is the only way you can start to regain your old self - the self that got discarded somewhere along the way.

 

And time -- much needed time -- for yourself is necessary so when you let the strong confident attractive woman you really are come back out of hiding, you get to know her further so you won't be so quick to shut her down.

 

Your self image and self esteem are so important. Never sacrifice you - your own self worth - for anyone. Especially some man, who is smart enough to get a good girl but stupid enough to walk away.

 

Trust me, there are too many heartless Byatches out there ready to rip them to pieces.

 

I know firsthand - I was one of them. I outgrew my days of teaching these guys their lessons. But there is always the new generation.

 

Be proud of who you are. You are one in a million.

 

I can go outside right now and throw a rock and hit a cheating, lying, or thoughtless loser. They are truly a dime a dozen.

 

I told my now husband once the reason I am with you -- what separates you from the rest -- is the way you treat me and how you make me feel.

 

I can find a million guys that would make an attempt at treating me like crap. Be that way and you aren't special to me anymore. It'll be "Next!" for you and you'll never find better than me!

 

You go girls - and guys (the same goes for you)!

[sb129]

And time -- much needed time -- for yourself is necessary so when you let the strong confident attractive woman you really are come back out of hiding, you get to know her further so you won't be so quick to shut her down.

 

Your self image and self esteem are so important. Never sacrifice you - your own self worth - for anyone. Especially some man, who is smart enough to get a good girl but stupid enough to walk away.Be proud of who you are. You are one in a million.

I can go outside right now and throw a rock and hit a cheating, lying, or thoughtless loser. They are truly a dime a dozen.

I can find a million guys that would make an attempt at treating me like crap. Be that way and you aren't special to me anymore. It'll be "Next!" for you and you'll never find better than me!

Fantastic post Island Girl- I really do enjoy your posts!

 

I second that ladies. I have been thru the hell that its NC too, and been at rock bottom, but thanks to time, NC, and support from many sources I am the strongest I have ever been.

 

And IG is right. YOU and your self esteem are the most important thing.

 

Time will heal you and make you stronger.

 

Now that I have been thru such such tough times, I really can sniff a rat a mile away. And learning my self worth, and avoiding the type of people who will hurt me has been great.

IG and I are two people on LS who are lucky enough to have met wonderful men who treat us well. IMO I wouldn't have appreciated my guy now if I hadn't been thru all the crap before.

 

Good luck you guys, stay strong, and keep posting.

[Shandy]

It gets harder and harder every day. At least in the beginning of NC I don't expect him to call because it hasn't been very long yet. Nowadays I find myself checking the phone constantly. Mostly because I think, it's been so many days, why hasn't he called? Then the realization slowly sinks in that he just doesn't care enough to. Oh when will it get better so I can at least function normally? Not get over him, but just enough so I can do things without bursting into tears every hour. Perhaps another week? I hope so.. time seems to pass soooooooo slow.

[sb129]

Shandy stay strong, it does get better I promise.

You are going thru a really tough phase right now, and I know it feels like it will never end.

 

But it will.

 

How long will it take? I can't answer that. But one day, you will wake up one day and realise you haven't thought about your ex in a while. And you will feel great for that.

 

Give it time, keep nurturing yourself.

 

He is not worthy of you.

[Calibabe2007]

2 months NC here, and it still sucks. It does seem easier the more time passes, but sometimes it all catches up to me and renders me barely able to function. I really do miss him and am still in love with him and I wonder if he feels the same. I'll never know though, as I've vowed not to contact him. Secretly though, I wish he would call me or text me or email me. Can you tell I'm feeling kind of down right now, as we speak???

[Shandy]

Today is ... day 10 for me now. I can't believe I lasted this long. He called me today, but I didn't pick up. I have a crazy urge to call him back, and have to constantly remind myself that if I go back to him it's not going to work. I can't waste these ten days of effort!!!

 

I've taken up knitting to pass away time. I have never tried it before but found that it's quite meditative. It calms my emotions down so that's good.

[Shandy]

Calibabe you will be fine!! I wish I have two months of NC under my belt!! Keep it up.

[Island Girl]

Today is ... day 10 for me now. I can't believe I lasted this long. He called me today, but I didn't pick up. I have a crazy urge to call him back, and have to constantly remind myself that if I go back to him it's not going to work. I can't waste these ten days of effort!!!

 

I've taken up knitting to pass away time. I have never tried it before but found that it's quite meditative. It calms my emotions down so that's good.

 

Way to go Shandy.

 

How wonderful that you are getting the emotion out of the decision making.

 

You are really doing what is best for YOU and putting yourself FIRST.

 

*applause and cheers*

[AriaIncognito]

.....15 for me now. Wow, I've made it half a month. No contact. Sure, I think about him daily. Sometimes hourly. However, I am slowly detaching and I actually feel it happening. Maybe it's because I'm surrounding myself with friends. Maybe it's because I grew a pair. Who knows. I just hope my healing, and all of our healing, continues.

 

Good job on not answering that call today!

[SweetOlive]

Reading all of these NC threads are so helpful to me. And I hope I can keep NC as long as everyone here has.

Its day 3 for me again. I had been doing nc for a week before that and he blew up my cell with txts and gave in.

It seems easier for me to keep nc when I'm not surrounded by so many people or when I'm alone. When I'm alone I get on LS.

This is awful. I know someday he will find a way to worm his way back into my life. I don't want him thought, as much as I love him he's not good for me.

The support his is great though.

[Trialbyfire]

Y'all are doing great!! Keep it up. You know you're strong enough and during those moments of weakness, just remember how poorly some of these people have treated you. Respect yourselves. You deserve it.

[Guest]

To anyone thinking of calling or texting or msn-ing....

 

GRIT YOUR TEETH and do something else.

 

I know it's not easy. First time I managed 3 days, next time a week, then a month. This time I'm at day 75. Yes it still hurts, but the pain is duller and some bits of my life are enjoyable again.

 

NC works - but don't think of it as a way to get him/her back. It's your protective coat which gets a little thicker every NC day.

[District]

this thread made me chuckle... it sounded like an AA or NA support group. its like contacting our exs are like drugs to a druggie or alcohol to an alcoholic.

 

dont get me wrong though... i think its great that there is a "n/c support" group here in LS. i'm going to start my n/c soon too... after i get my playstation2 back.

[directx]

Count me in, even though I never had a A (could never take that step), I miss the friendship. Today was usually the contact day and its week with no email/phone.

DISTRICT, you might want him to keep the PS2, because almost all my video games have happy relationship endings which doesnt help. (I need some depressing ending games so others can wallow in my misery)

[Shandy]

After today it'll be two weeks for me. My ex still has my stuff, but I don't care. I'm not going to break nc just to get that stuff back. I decided today that I will focus on myself. Who cares if he calls or not? Who cares if they miss us? Ultimately it's how you get through this that determines your character. Instead of wallowing all day, we should pick ourselves up and improve ourselves, not for the ex but for us.

 

Actually I'm starting to think that those who still think they are in love with their ex's after a year of nc might just be missing love in general. It's not the ex they miss, but the love and companionship of having someone so close to you. Once you find someone else, you will completely forget about the ex and move on. This is just my opinion, since I've only been doing nc for 2 weeks. But I've been thinking about these posts a lot. I hope that after one year I won't still be pining for him.

[District]

Count me in, even though I never had a A (could never take that step), I miss the friendship. Today was usually the contact day and its week with no email/phone.

DISTRICT, you might want him to keep the PS2, because almost all my video games have happy relationship endings which doesnt help. (I need some depressing ending games so others can wallow in my misery)

 

 

but i love my ps2!!! he has my guitar hero guitar wireless guitar too! i'm thinking about sneeking in to his place during his work hour to take back all my junk and leave the keys behind. then i dont have to see/speak to him.

[directx]

but i love my ps2!!! he has my guitar hero guitar wireless guitar too! i'm thinking about sneeking in to his place during his work hour to take back all my junk and leave the keys behind. then i dont have to see/speak to him.

I totally relate! I could never dump by video games either!

But PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!

 

Make sure you get your stuff FIRST before you even REMOTELY hint at leaving. I had to help a friend get their stuff back by calling the cops because the other party locked the door and refused them to let them have their stuff. It was really ugly. And it all could have been avoided if they just waited till that person left for work!

Let it be a surprise to them and MAKE SURE YOU GET EVERYTHING!

(ps: I could kick your butt in Guitar Hero)

[4peace]

Shandy, directx and ALL the others-you are right on!

 

It's been day 67 for me and believe me it does get better. NC is not only about keeping our character intact but our dignity, especially when they were rude or didn't treat us right. My ex has an attention problem, so, I'm sure she is feeling the little twinges inbetween her day just a little more than me. I dumped her so it is definitely not a good thing to make any contact even though I think about the good times, what might have been...blah. Reading has helped too, here and the quick 'getting over your ex' books, I've managed to peruse about twelve, the funny one's and the kiss off ones. I spent a lot of the empty moments collecting the one's I liked best, and learned a lot too about what not to do the next time. Pick the shorter ones,from a used book store.

 

I can't tell you how many letters I've written for each emotion/feeling that comes up. Anger, loved you but, good luck and the infamous take a hike, letters...and when I wait at least three days before 'thinking' I should send it, it goes in the trash and I've gotten more of the yuck out of me.

 

NC is hard because it is the unknown and not a usual place I personally tread. It's like wading in merky water, a moggy bogg and the end is no where to be seen, then the clouds begin to clear, and it stops raining. the next day you see the sun peeping out and your spirit begins to lift.(the healing) I first noticed a change when I found myself whistling just naturally. I know that's silly but it was a sign my good nature was returning. Surviving skills come in handy in a moggy bogg.

 

And last but not least. The advice i've read here from all of you helps tremendously. A few additional things that are working for me-

 

1) paying attention to myself and only me and looking good doing it. I got dressed up for a change, put on my favorite funky shirt, got a new dew that I liked. (what a change and how refeshing, I only consulted ME) Some say jump back out there and quick. But keep it ever so light, never rebound into another relationship, that is not fair to anyone(this is really best if they broke off with you, cus it's our ego's that could use a little petting) I actually had someone younger flirt with me the other day and it felt so good. The better I look and feel about myself, the better others notice.

 

2)take care of yourself, everything you didn't do, neglected to do, sacraficed before the relationship-Get back into it, whole heartidly!! You just might meet someone who actually likes doing the same thing and they would make a better fit with you anyway, than what's their name.

 

BTW- Never send 'the letter', NEVER. Because chances are the ex is not a changed person and do we really want to give more to someone who isn't willing to give to us? Nah, I didn't think so. My biggest RATIONAL on this was, and I say WAS, because my friends can tell you how I've fought this within myself. It was realizing, my own value was not measured by my ex. enough said there.

 

Okay one last tip from the trenches-stop listening to sad music, put on the empowering stuff that is upbeat!!! Do not get stuck listening to the same old songs, get into music you useto listen to that what's their name didn't care for. I love the 80's, blues and classic jazz, at the very least it will take your memories to another time entirely! My ex was stuck on one sound and I never cared for it and she refused to even for a second listen to my taste. I love all kinds of music and I love to dance, and I'm starting to get me back-----It Does Get Better, I sware!

[District]

I totally relate! I could never dump by video games either!

But PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!

 

Make sure you get your stuff FIRST before you even REMOTELY hint at leaving. I had to help a friend get their stuff back by calling the cops because the other party locked the door and refused them to let them have their stuff. It was really ugly. And it all could have been avoided if they just waited till that person left for work!

Let it be a surprise to them and MAKE SURE YOU GET EVERYTHING!

(ps: I could kick your butt in Guitar Hero)

 

oh no... you didnt.... you didnt just bring on the guitar hero. bring it. i'm down for a battle.

[agnf666]

Well, I was on day 3 today until my retarded ass had to txt him last night. Now, I have to start all over agian. I have not called him at all since we broke up I have only sent him 2 to 3 txt messages. I'm the one that broke it off.

 

He wants to be friends and continue to stay in contact because he wants to get back together... and with the amount of emotional baggage this boy has I can't handle that crap... So, Let the NC start agian.

[Journey1220]

Hi everyone, I am on 45 minutes of no contact, my choice of course and I feel myself numb, losing strength and crawling out of my skin. I really do not know what to do at all.