Meaplus3 Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 My Question is for those of you who have had an affair do you now regret it? The reason I am placing this thread here is because most of you know me and for those who don't here's a brief. I am a MW who had an ea/slight pa with MM neighbor. The A went on for about 18 month's. It's been over since this past mid Dec. I have struggled so much with this it's unreal. Therapy is helping and I am working on my marriage. I deeply regret my childish thought's to become involved with someones else's life. Two year's ago all was nice in my neighborhood. Now I feel like I am in prison. I told my H about my A in Nov. He took it quite well at first. I did this becasuse I was afraid of where MM and I could lead. My guilt set. I have gone from "Why did I tell?" to "I'm so glad I Yold him". I have felt hurt, angry ashamed of myself the list goes on and on. I would never do this again. I just wish I never became involved. I was unhappy and weak, and I am so ashamed of myslef that it lead to the arm's of another man. I have to live every day with the thought of my H confronting mm or the W. My H has a temper and I am so afraid that one day, now that the weather is nice he will have word's with MM or W about the A. I hate living like this.Thank's. AP:)
Author Meaplus3 Posted April 21, 2007 Author Posted April 21, 2007 I regret all of it, but learned from it. Thank's Pure! I do Regret it all to, howevr I did learn a lesson, just the hard way! The most difficut way ever. AP:)
puddleofmud Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 Of course it's regretful, sweetie. But more so because you CARE so much about everyone. Try and look at this way: On your proverbial death bed (which I wish for you to be in another at least, several hundred years) what will you feel best about? I think that you will feel peaceful because you and your husband are on the same page and that you had the GUTS to tell him. You won't remember MM at all! Why? Because you are going to have a lot of busy grand babies and great grand babies--there will be so many you won't remember their names. You are going to be a tired old granny... baking birthday cakes, trying to go to all your grand children's school plays, breaking up their silly fights when they visit and wishing someone would hurry their asses up and come and take them off your hands.... yep! you WILL have to change MORE poopy diapers! Trust me, some little male child is going to pee in your face. REGRETS? AS IF.....
YoMomma Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 My Question is for those of you who have had an affair do you now regret it? Absolutely!
Guest Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 I take a different perspective from my experience with having an A with OW. Sure, it would've been "easier" not to have ever met her. Sure, I have guilt. However, I can't say I regret having the affair. I can't look at it that way and relate. The difference may be because I wasn't looking for an affair, I wasn't looking period, but I fell in love. I learned a thing or two about myself in the process and despite the pain it created for me, and unfortunately those I hurt, it had its purpose. I don't think there is a person on this planet that does not have the ability to have an A. I would've laughed at that prior to, but then it happened. The pain has been intense; so was the love and the life lesson.
Freedom Now Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 I regret not seeing the signs that he was married before falling for him. But, this situation has made me stronger. So, from bad came good.
sb129 Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 I regret all of it, but learned from it. Thank's Pure! I do Regret it all to, howevr I did learn a lesson, just the hard way! The most difficut way ever. AP:) I regret not seeing the signs that he was married before falling for him. But, this situation has made me stronger. So, from bad came good. Yes yes and yes. Lesson learned has made me appreciate my new BF much much more than I would have had I not been with exMM. And, like FreedomNow, I am much stronger, have a superstrength BS radar, and have much better self esteem.
Kwo-ne'-she Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 I regret that he fooled me with his lies about being "seperated & divorcing". I regret that I gave my heart, so completely, to someone that couldn't be trusted with it. I regret that a part of me is always going to love him.
Freedom Now Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 I regret that he fooled me with his lies about being "seperated & divorcing". I regret that I gave my heart, so completely, to someone that couldn't be trusted with it. I regret that a part of me is always going to love him. Even though your xMM may have a part of your heart, you will find another, greater love. You absolutely will. Believe it. Your MM is a speck of sand in your life. "One day someone will walk into your life and you will realize why it never worked out with anyone else." (I love that quote....)
sb129 Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 Even though your xMM may have a part of your heart, you will find another, greater love. You absolutely will. Believe it. Your MM is a speck of sand in your life. "One day someone will walk into your life and you will realize why it never worked out with anyone else." (I love that quote....) So do I. Its great huh.
Guest Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 My Question is for those of you who have had an affair do you now regret it? The reason I am placing this thread here is because most of you know me and for those who don't here's a brief. I am a MW who had an ea/slight pa with MM neighbor. The A went on for about 18 month's. It's been over since this past mid Dec. I have struggled so much with this it's unreal. Therapy is helping and I am working on my marriage. I deeply regret my childish thought's to become involved with someones else's life. Two year's ago all was nice in my neighborhood. Now I feel like I am in prison. I told my H about my A in Nov. He took it quite well at first. I did this becasuse I was afraid of where MM and I could lead. My guilt set. I have gone from "Why did I tell?" to "I'm so glad I Yold him". I have felt hurt, angry ashamed of myself the list goes on and on. I would never do this again. I just wish I never became involved. I was unhappy and weak, and I am so ashamed of myslef that it lead to the arm's of another man. I have to live every day with the thought of my H confronting mm or the W. My H has a temper and I am so afraid that one day, now that the weather is nice he will have word's with MM or W about the A. I hate living like this.Thank's. AP:) I regret ever meeting him. Ever letting him in my heart and beliving him when he said I could trust him. Or believing him when he said he wouldn't hurt me and everytime he led me on and I believed him with every bone in my body I believed he loved me and believed he would leave his wife. I hate him more than I have ever hated anyone in my life. I wish I would never have met him. This relationship caused me to doubt myself and gain weight and it's my own fault. I want to hurt him. I want revenge. I don't want him anymore, I want revenge. To see him and his wife so happy together, I want him to feel some of this pain that I STILL FEEL after 6 months of calling it off, telling him to have a nice f***ing life. When will this pain end?!?! Sorry, I guess I needed to vent....
Kwo-ne'-she Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 Even though your xMM may have a part of your heart, you will find another, greater love. You absolutely will. Believe it. Your MM is a speck of sand in your life. "One day someone will walk into your life and you will realize why it never worked out with anyone else." (I love that quote....) I too, love that quote. Sounds very hopeful.
Virgo1982 Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 I regret all of it, but learned from it. I've learned so much from this affair. I do regret being lied to about his status, but I've still learned very much about myself and the warning signs with men like this. The hard part is he treats you like gold, and then you feel like sh*t when he's gone because you know he's with his wife. That is when I regret it the most, but even when I'm with him, I think about what he has to do to maintain this lifestyle and it makes me want to leave. However, he's good with words and actions. So, I flip flop. I think I'm getting there...Yesterday, I cursed him soooo good I heard his voice crack. I lost it. It's getting easier because after a while, you get tired of being second. I don't understand how people carry on like this for years and years.
Author Meaplus3 Posted April 24, 2007 Author Posted April 24, 2007 I've learned so much from this affair. I do regret being lied to about his status, but I've still learned very much about myself and the warning signs with men like this. The hard part is he treats you like gold, and then you feel like sh*t when he's gone because you know he's with his wife. That is when I regret it the most, but even when I'm with him, I think about what he has to do to maintain this lifestyle and it makes me want to leave. However, he's good with words and actions. So, I flip flop. I think I'm getting there...Yesterday, I cursed him soooo good I heard his voice crack. I lost it. It's getting easier because after a while, you get tired of being second. I don't understand how people carry on like this for years and years. How can people carry on living a double life for year's and year's? Gosh I think I would go insane. Year's and year's of lying, hiding, crying and so forth who would even want to carry on that way? AP:)
sb129 Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 Temporary insanity? I honestly don't know, even tho I have been there. I am convinced that my low self esteem had alot to do with it. Maybe I thought by "winning" the MM I could validate myself. Maybe it was the wanting something you can't have. I don't know. Sooooooooooooooo glad I am out of it. Amen to that.
Virgo1982 Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 Temporary insanity? I honestly don't know, even tho I have been there. I am convinced that my low self esteem had alot to do with it. Maybe I thought by "winning" the MM I could validate myself. Maybe it was the wanting something you can't have. I don't know. Sooooooooooooooo glad I am out of it. Amen to that. I think low self esteem is an issue, but I believe that many mm overcompensate and it makes you feel like there's no one else for you. When I say I can't do it anymore, and he starts getting really sloppy, I think about all of the dangers and things that can go wrong. I won't feel glorious about taking another woman's man. Sometimes I feel like he's not even worth having. As I said, I tend to flip flop. Like I want to believe he's telling the truth about how he feels, but there's that little boy who cried wolf...
Author Meaplus3 Posted April 24, 2007 Author Posted April 24, 2007 Temporary insanity? I honestly don't know, even tho I have been there. I am convinced that my low self esteem had alot to do with it. Maybe I thought by "winning" the MM I could validate myself. Maybe it was the wanting something you can't have. I don't know. Sooooooooooooooo glad I am out of it. Amen to that. "I am convinced that my low self esteem had alot to do with it." sb129, I think my low self esteem had alot to do with my A as well, infact my therapist backed me up on that thought. I really believe now that most affair's are not a product of a bad marriage, but more to do with "issues" within the individual's themselves, of course beign in a bad marriage only add's more fuel to wanting the A, IMO. AP:)
sb129 Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 Good post. I would like to point out my self esteem is alot better now. I can't even imagine being in that situation anymore. Live and learn though.
Jinxx Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 My regret is that he was married... Yeah, me too -- we both were, .
lovetoomuch2 Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 I understand what you are going through. I have made the same mistake, although I never said anything at the time to my H. We are no longer together...but knowing what I know now, I would never do it again. I am very much in love with a man who is single and has cheated on me and I will never get over it. I'm not married to him...but it doesn't matter..it's still betrayal when we've had two years invested. So when you or if you ever have the urge again or proceed again with the MM...think about his family...his wife and how she would feel to be betrayed. It is the worse feeling in the world. I hurt everyday and am obsessed with this betrayal and the woman he was messing around with..It's all I think about... I can't work, concentrate...think...etc. I feel bad for you...I really do...and I suggest you don't do this again. To save your sanity and self worth.
Author Meaplus3 Posted April 25, 2007 Author Posted April 25, 2007 I understand what you are going through. I have made the same mistake, although I never said anything at the time to my H. We are no longer together...but knowing what I know now, I would never do it again. I am very much in love with a man who is single and has cheated on me and I will never get over it. I'm not married to him...but it doesn't matter..it's still betrayal when we've had two years invested. So when you or if you ever have the urge again or proceed again with the MM...think about his family...his wife and how she would feel to be betrayed. It is the worse feeling in the world. I hurt everyday and am obsessed with this betrayal and the woman he was messing around with..It's all I think about... I can't work, concentrate...think...etc. I feel bad for you...I really do...and I suggest you don't do this again. To save your sanity and self worth. Thank's for your input. I am sorry for what you had to go through. I never even stopped to think about mm's W in all this. I was so in wrapped one big giant "Fantasy". When I look back now I can see just how Low I sunk. I say to myself just about everyday now "What was I thinking"? "How Stupid". I am so happy to be feeling good these day's and free from all the "addictive" Feeling's of the A. 6 month's of therapy is paying off! AP:)
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