Lonestar23 Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 Ok, long story sort of short. My close friend did his girlfriend and me wrong, they broke up. We started catching feelings for each other because of the situation he put us under. Alright, we start feeling each other a lot. But her ex-boyfriend(not my close friend, this dude before him) is also in the picture. So she is seeing the both of us because none of us are official yet. We talked about this and I told her its ok and take her time. I just want to enjoy this for the moment. Anyway we've been seeing each other for a month and in between she is sort of seeing him also. I'm ok with the fact they are hanging out or what not with him because they were previously together for 2years. And she still wants to be friends with him. On the other hand, he is pushing her to pick between the both of us. While I am willing to give her time. Every time she sees him, she becomes upset because he is always making her choose between us. He threatens her that if she picks me he will leave her life forever. Wtf kind of **** is that? Well, last night I've decided it was time I break the news to my close friend(who she was dating) and my other close buddies. Because sooner or later people are going to start catching us. And I don't want rumor's flying around. So I decided to take all my courage and be the bigger man and tell them. I was hoping they would understand and support me, which btw that did happen -- including my close friend who she was previously seeing -- So I'm all worked up and excited and decided to call her and tell her around 9pm. I was pretty sure he was spending the night at her place because: 1. She always pick up my phone calls and if she didn't she would call back. 2. She always responds to my txt msgs esp. if its urgent. 3. She got back to me about few hours later (3am) telling me not to wait up for her. 4. She responds again at 5am stating she was sorry and happy anniversary(our 1st month) and she'll talk to me tmr. (who the hell is awake at 5am on a thurs nite) Do I have a right to get mad ? I mean it was pretty important event because the first txt msg I sent her informed her about me telling my friends. And she did not respond until later on at night. And all this was happening at one time and the person who matter to me the most wasn't even there to discuss this with. I mean, you guys should know my friend was pretty pissed off at first but I manage to sort of convince him that its ok. And in the end he did agree and said he fully supported me. And my other friends supports the idea of me and her is going out too. I don't know what to do? Is she stepping all over me? Am I being a wuss by giving her more time instead of pushing her to become my gf? What should I do? I feel like I've risked it all and she hasn't risked anything because her friends agree that its ok for us to be together but they think I'm the one who likes her more then she likes me. We mutually like each other. Thanks for reading and ANY input would be greatly appreciated.
norajane Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 So she is seeing the both of us because none of us are official yet. We talked about this and I told her its ok and take her time. ... Do I have a right to get mad ?No, you don't have that right. You gave up that right when you told her it was ok with you that she see both of you and that she should take her time. So whatever she's doing with him, you have to accept it because you told her it was ok. Anyway we've been seeing each other for a month and in between she is sort of seeing him also. I'm ok with the fact they are hanging out or what not with him because they were previously together for 2years. And she still wants to be friends with him. Well, it sounds like she's more than friends with him. They're dating. On the other hand, he is pushing her to pick between the both of us. While I am willing to give her time. Every time she sees him, she becomes upset because he is always making her choose between us. He threatens her that if she picks me he will leave her life forever. Wtf kind of **** is that?It's not sh*t for him to express how he feels. He is being honest with her. Apparently, he is NOT ok with her dating both of you and he wants her to make a decision. Apparently, he can't be her friend if she decides to date you, because he has feelings for her and it would probably be painful for him to try to be 'friends' while hearing all about your relationshp. Ex friendships are very difficult on the person who still wants to date the ex. It's his right to choose to stay friends or not, it's his right not to be happy with her dating both of you while she makes up her mind.
Author Lonestar23 Posted April 20, 2007 Author Posted April 20, 2007 Honestly, am I even doing the right thing? I don't even know. I know I told her I'd give her time and all that and I don't mind her chilling with him really. But the fact was when I needed her there she wasn't. I was deeply hurt for the fact that she said she would be there for me when I needed and when he was there I didn't exist. I think she could of at least return my call at a appropriate manner. Since it was something very important to me and to her too. Sometimes I don't even know how to feel.
norajane Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 Honestly, am I even doing the right thing? I don't even know. I know I told her I'd give her time and all that and I don't mind her chilling with him really. But the fact was when I needed her there she wasn't. I was deeply hurt for the fact that she said she would be there for me when I needed and when he was there I didn't exist. I think she could of at least return my call at a appropriate manner. Since it was something very important to me and to her too. Sometimes I don't even know how to feel. I know you're hurt. So this is a good opportunity for you to be honest with her about how you feel. Tell her what her other boyfriend told her - that you aren't happy with the situation, that you realize now it doesn't work for you, that you need her to make a decision to be with you or not. Take control. Tell her you're going to back off until she gets her head clear on what she wants. It sounds like she jumped into a relationship with you right after she broke off with your friend...rebound...and she was still hanging around with her ex...she may not be ready for a relationship, not a real, honest one that she can give her whole self to.
Author Lonestar23 Posted April 20, 2007 Author Posted April 20, 2007 So, I guess its a loose, loose situation for me. I knew what I was getting into but I guess I'm in too deep over my head.
Davis Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 Hey Lonestar. I'm in a very similar situation and I'm 40! You can read my thread on here, "IM, text and phone games" in this section. I made a choice to deal with it bc I like the sex with her, she's fun and I haven't found another I really like yet. So, we're basically fck partners and she doesn't respond half the time. It can be very frustrating. Yes, you're being a wuss by telling her to take her time. Pushing her to be your gf is not going to work. Your only real choice is to bail or deal with it. You gal, like mine, wants her cake and eat it too. Your gal wants to date both of you cuz she can't or won't make a decision. Of course she doesn't respect you, cuz you're letting her treat you like a doormat. I think the majority advice on here would be to tell her bye. If you decide to do that, I would use this exact line: "I'm not going to play 2nd to any guy. This isn't working for me. See your around". That's what I would recommend you do. There are a lot of fish out there for a young guy like you. Enjoy while you can cuz when you're my age, there aren't that many fish!! BUT if you're not going to tell her goodbye, then no you can't be mad and expect that you will experience a lot of frustration. You HAVE to be dating other girls if you keep seeing her. I think you like her more than she likes you and you're going to have a lot of heartache with this one. By the way, a good player would never take her calls or texts after say, 10pm at all! Never take them on weekend evenings. She is NOT your gf and has not earned that right. You're treating her like a gf when you guys are dating others.
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