thinking of leaving

[overwhelmedmomof2]

I been married for almost 6 years. We have a 1 year old daughter and a 4 year old son.

 

When I met my husband he was addicted to marijuana. I had recently gotten out of a bad relationship. I thought I could help him become a better person. He was also very loving toward me. Within a month of us dating he stopped getting high after getting arrested for possession. He never went to counseling; he just stopped cold turkey. We had some problems because he couldn't control his anger or anxieties without the marijuana. It was difficult, but I stayed in the relationship and we got married. My family was unsupportive. I later learned from my sister that they didn't think he was the right person for me.

 

I started law school not long after we got married. We had a lot of problems with my husband's insecurities (he never went to college). He often said in arguments that I thought I was smarter then him. A few months into school my husband started begging me to have a baby. I didn't want to because I thought school was hard enough, but I agreed. Serious problems started after I had the baby. I was stressed out with school and the baby and my husband would say in arguments that he was only with me because of the baby. That really hurt. He always apologized but would say it again in the next argument.

 

I hated school and wanted to drop out. He thought I should stay to help our family--it was going to help our family in the long run and we needed to loan money. I stayed but hated my last two years. He pressured me to take a job at a law firm and I took it even though I knew I wouldn't like it. Things got even worse once I started working. We enjoyed the money but not the long hourse I had to work. He started smoking marijuana agains because he said he was stresed out by my job and having to take care of our son my himself in the evenings. I eventually left the job when I was pregnant with my daughter. The transition to stay at home mom was hard especially since he refused to stop smoking even though I told him I was against it.

 

He finally stopped after I threatened to move to my mother's house. He stopped about 6 weeks ago, but our problems have not stopped. We fight constantly about everything and especially about my family. He blames my mother getting involved in our marriage. He has not gone to counseling and I'm afraid that he will start smoking again when things get stressful. And I am angry and have a lot of resentment issues about everything that has happened in our marriage. I think we have both had a hand at making our marriage toxic and unfortunately our children are in the middle. We usually don't talk about our problems and when we do it turns into a fight.

 

Ever day I think about leaving him especially now that I'm scheduled to start a teaching fellowship in June. But I'm scared about starting on my own. I talked to him last night about how I feel and he said that I can't forgive him, then I should just let him go...that he is wasting years of his life. Things are very tense now.

 

So any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

[Not_That_Innocent]

Sounds like you want to leave. If you have the means to do so, then LEAVE. With getting ready to start your fellowship you don't need his negativity and the possibility of him getting back on drugs. If you don't want to leave right now, at least go to counseling. You have to do something, though 'cause it doesn't sound like the situation is going to get better just by the two of you talking it out.

[umbo]

I usually favor staying in marriage.

 

However after reading your post Your husband is an addict and needs to get himself some help fast. His addiction is negatively affecting every success you have and creating anxieties and fears and stress for which you don't need and detoriates your health and your childrens health. You can make it own your own easy you have a good head on your shoulders and your family will be by your side. You are smarter than he is your are healthier than he is you are wealthier than he is just the facts. Get out of that mess fast. good luck

[overwhelmedmomof2]

Thanks for the advice.

 

I was in counseling last year after I had my daughter. He wasn't very supportive because he said it was far and we couldn't afford the co-pays. When my counselor went on maternity leave, I never went back. In the fall I started going to a free counselor. I would go with the baby while my son was in school. I even did some phone sessions, but the counselor missed our first phone session in January and never returned any of my calls. So I haven't been in counseling since.

 

I have suggested couples counseling in the past, but he was always against it. He said that he was afraid that the counselor would say that everything was his fault. I've suggested he go to individual but he says he is afraid.

 

I actally am not wealthier then him. All the money I saved while I was working is long gone. I don't work so I don't have any of my own money. I won't start working until June and will be making less money then him initially because I am changing careers.

 

I have wanted to leave for a year...once I had my daughter and realized that he wasn't going to stop getting high. In the beginning, I blamed him for all my problems and bad decisions. But now I realize that I have serious self-esteem and confidence issues that have plagued me my whole life. I seriously trying to rebuild my life. I spent so much time trying to take care of him that I wasn't taking care of myself.

[cranium]

However after reading your post Your husband is an addict and needs to get himself some help fast. His addiction is negatively affecting every success you have and creating anxieties and fears and stress for which you don't need and detoriates your health and your childrens health.

 

She said he smoked marijuana; well, she said addicted, but I say smoked. I didn't see where the OP stated that her husband was shooting up, or smoking crack, or involved with meth...these are addictions I would be concerned about. Alcohol consumption and cigarette smoking are both more addictive than pot and both have long term health consequences far worse than pot. So, no I wouldn't say he's an addict that needs to get help fast.

 

Marijuana is not that big of a deal. It's illegal because we're stupid in this country and we've got to have a 'war' on something.

 

Does your husband help out around the house? Help with the kids? Is he high all the time and emotionally, physically unavailable to you as a partner? Does his pot smoking interfere to the extent that he is a stoned zombie more than a partner? Or does he like an occasional smoke in the evening?

 

You said that pot seemed to help him with his anger and anxieties; it's got medicinal characteristics. I read of other countries utlizing pot with soldiers returning from battle to help with PTSD. I'd rather my loved one smoke pot than pop Zoloft or whatever the prescription candy of the day is. Check out mpp.org.

 

I would agree that counseling would be beneficial to help you communicate more effectively and deal with resentments. Good luck.

[ilmw]

 

Marijuana is not that big of a deal. It's illegal because we're stupid in this country and we've got to have a 'war' on something.

 

 

I would disagree with you:

 

Marijuana Addiction

******************

 

 

Marijuana is the most commonly used illicit drug in the United States. Marijuana is addictive. While not everyone who uses marijuana becomes addicted, when a user begins to seek out and take the drug compulsively, that person is said to be dependent on the drug or addicted to it. In 2002, over 280,000 people entering drug treatment programs reported marijuana as their primary drug of abuse, showing they needed help to stop using. According to one study, marijuana use by teenagers who have prior serious antisocial problems can quickly lead to dependence on the drug. That study also found that, for troubled teenagers using tobacco, alcohol, and marijuana, progression from their first use of marijuana to regular use was about as rapid as their progression to regular tobacco use, and more rapid than the progression to regular use of alcohol.

In 2003, over 14 million Americans age 12 and older used marijuana at least once in the month prior to being surveyed, and 12.2 percent of past year marijuana users used marijuana on 300 or more days in the past 12 months. This translates into 3.1 million people using marijuana on a daily or almost daily basis over a 12-month period. In 2003, marijuana was the third most commonly abused drug mentioned in drug-related hospital emergency department visits in the United States.

A dry, shredded green/brown mix of flowers, stems, seeds, and leaves of the hemp plant, cannabis sativa. It usually is smoked as a cigarette or in a pipe. It also is smoked in blunts, which are cigars that have been emptied of tobacco and refilled with marijuana, often in combination with another drug. Use also might include mixing marijuana in food or brewing it as a tea. As a more concentrated, resinous form it is called hashish and, as a sticky black liquid and hash oil. Marijuana smoke has a pungent and distinctive, usually sweet-and-sour odor. There are countless street terms for marijuana including pot, herb, weed, grass, widow, ganja, and hash. The main active chemical in marijuana is THC, tetrahydrocannabinol. The membranes of certain nerve cells in the brain contain protein receptors that bind to THC. Once securely in place, THC kicks off a series of cellular reactions that ultimately lead to the high that users experience when they smoke marijuana. Long-term marijuana use leads to an addiction. They end up using the drug compulsively even though it interferes with family, school, work, and recreational activities. Drug craving and withdrawal symptoms can make it hard for long-term marijuana smokers to stop using the drug.

The short-term effects of marijuana addiction can include problems with memory and learning; distorted perception; difficulty in thinking and problem solving; loss of coordination; and increased heart rate. Research findings for long-term marijuana use indicate some changes in the brain similar to those seen after long-term use of other major drugs of abuse. One study has indicated that a user’s risk of heart attack more than quadruples in the first hour after smoking marijuana. The researchers suggest that such an effect might occur from marijuana’s effects on blood pressure and heart rate and reduced oxygen-carrying capacity of the blood. Smoking marijuana increases the likelihood of developing cancer of the head or neck, and the more marijuana smoked the greater the increase. A study comparing 173 cancer patients and 176 healthy individuals produced strong evidence that marijuana smoking doubled or tripled the risk of these cancers. Marijuana use also has the potential to promote cancer of the lungs and other parts of the respiratory tract because it contains irritants and carcinogens. In fact, marijuana smoke contains 50 to 70 percent more carcinogenic hydrocarbons than does tobacco smoke. It also produces high levels of an enzyme that converts certain hydrocarbons into their carcinogenic form levels that may accelerate the changes that ultimately produce malignant cells. Marijuana users usually inhale more deeply and hold their breath longer than tobacco smokers do, which increases the lungs’ exposure to carcinogenic smoke.

Depression, anxiety, and personality disturbances have been associated with marijuana addiction. Research clearly demonstrates that marijuana has potential to cause problems in daily life or make a person’s existing problems worse. Because marijuana compromises the ability to learn and remember information, the more a person uses marijuana the more he or she is likely to fall behind in accumulating intellectual, job, or social skills. Moreover, research has shown that marijuana’s adverse impact on memory and learning can last for days or weeks after the acute effects of the drug wear off. Students who smoke marijuana get lower grades and are less likely to graduate from high school, compared with their non-smoking peers. A study of 129 college students found that, for heavy users of marijuana (those who smoked the drug at least 27 of the preceding 30 days), critical skills related to attention, memory, and learning were significantly impaired even after they had not used the drug for at least 24 hours. The heavy marijuana users in the study had more trouble sustaining and shifting their attention and in registering, organizing, and using information than did the study participants who had used marijuana no more than 3 of the previous 30 days. As a result, someone who has a marijuana addiction may be functioning at a reduced intellectual level all of the time. More recently, the same researchers showed that the ability of a group of long-term heavy marijuana users to recall words from a list remained impaired for a week after quitting, but returned to normal within 4 weeks. Several studies associate workers’ marijuana smoking with increased absences, tardiness, accidents, workers’ compensation claims, and job turnover. A study of municipal workers found that those who used marijuana on or off the job reported more withdrawal behaviors such as leaving work without permission, daydreaming, spending work time on personal matters, and shirking tasks that adversely affect productivity and morale. In another study, marijuana users reported that use of the drug impaired several important measures of life achievement including cognitive abilities, career status, social life, and physical and mental health.

Some frequent, long-term marijuana users show signs of a lack of motivation (a motivational syndrome). Their problems include not caring about what happens in their lives, no desire to work regularly, fatigue, and a lack of concern about how they look. As a result of these symptoms, some users tend to perform poorly in school or at work. Scientists are still studying these problems.

 

Although MJ is not as harmful.. as lets say.. Meth or crack or some of the classic "heavy drugs" it still stupid to use..

[Gunny376]

She said he smoked marijuana; well, she said addicted, but I say smoked. I didn't see where the OP stated that her husband was shooting up, or smoking crack, or involved with meth...these are addictions I would be concerned about. Alcohol consumption and cigarette smoking are both more addictive than pot and both have long term health consequences far worse than pot. So, no I wouldn't say he's an addict that needs to get help fast.

 

Marijuana is not that big of a deal. It's illegal because we're stupid in this country and we've got to have a 'war' on something.

 

Does your husband help out around the house? Help with the kids? Is he high all the time and emotionally, physically unavailable to you as a partner? Does his pot smoking interfere to the extent that he is a stoned zombie more than a partner? Or does he like an occasional smoke in the evening?

 

You said that pot seemed to help him with his anger and anxieties; it's got medicinal characteristics. I read of other countries utlizing pot with soldiers returning from battle to help with PTSD. I'd rather my loved one smoke pot than pop Zoloft or whatever the prescription candy of the day is. Check out mpp.org.

 

I would agree that counseling would be beneficial to help you communicate more effectively and deal with resentments. Good luck.

 

I was thinking the same thing, I don't think you can get addicted to pot ~ although I do believe it can lead to expermination with other more addictive drugs seeking the ever elusive "high" for some people.

 

The problem with smoking "pot" is that for many people (not all) its the first step over the edge, and you start slidding down the slippery slope. That, and once you've dance with the devil, you don't change him ~ he changes you.

 

Alcohol, cigarettes, pot, crack, crank, whatever ~ the best reason to never try any of it ~ is because you might like it. And, from what I've witnessed ~ you probally will. A lot!

 

I agree we're a little too bit anal when it comes to just pot as a society. For instance here in Alabama they just sentenced an 19 year old kid to 28 years in prison for selling pot. (He was within a mile of a school when busted) I mean come on!

 

And, for the record ~ no I don't use drugs, although I did use to smoke some pot back in the Seventies in HS ~ but the Corps said no pot smoking ~ and I said OK!

[overwhelmedmomof2]

I agree marijuana is not addictive for everyone, but it is addictive for some. I believe my husband is addicted. He would even admit that. He smoked 2 times a day on a daily basis and 3 times a day on weekends. He would have anxiety when he knew his stash was low and craved it. He told me that he has tried other drugs but this was his drug of choice.

 

Does your husband help out around the house? He does help out some, but I mostly do everything.

 

Help with the kids? He wasn't that helpful with the kids. He often times was aggressive toward my son. He is better at dealing with him now that he is not using.

 

Is he high all the time and emotionally, physically unavailable to you as a partner? Not anymore.

 

Does his pot smoking interfere to the extent that he is a stoned zombie more than a partner? Or does he like an occasional smoke in the evening? I answered this above. Once the kids went to bed, he would smoke. So basically, my time with him every evening. Pretty annoying trying to talk to someone when they're high. He would smoke before we went to his parents, my parents house etc. (He said he needed that to be able to deal with them.)

 

I think he doesn't feel angry or anxieties only when he is actually high. Once it wears off, he is back to his old ways.

 

Honestly, I realize that our issues are beyond his drug use. Poor communication, issues of resentment, insecurities on both sides etc are more of the things that have been plaguing us.

[Gunny376]

I agree marijuana is not addictive for everyone, but it is addictive for some. I believe my husband is addicted.

 

This is true. Some people just have addictive personalities ~ Hell some people could be addicted to baking soda. I was watching the "Dog Whisper" and they had a dog that was hooked on and had a thing for rocks?

 

Honestly, I realize that our issues are beyond his drug use. Poor communication, issues of resentment, insecurities on both sides etc are more of the things that have been plaguing us.

 

Hello!

 

To ilmw ~ I defer you expertize, knowledge, and experience. Like I said, I smoked a little in HS ~ thirty years ago. So, I'm not up to speed on the subject.

[Moose]

Honestly, I realize that our issues are beyond his drug use. Poor communication, issues of resentment, insecurities on both sides etc are more of the things that have been plaguing us.

May I be so bod as to point out where this went wrong, as to help you avoid this in the future?? It's right here:

I thought I could help him become a better person.

This will never work, with anyone.....

[ilmw]

 

Like I said, I smoked a little in HS ~ thirty years ago. So, I'm not up to speed on the subject.

 

:lmao::lmao:..I wonder if you mentioned that to your recruiter........

[overwhelmedmomof2]

I now realize that you can't change anyone. I believe my husband has a very addictive personality. He will admit that himself. He has many former and current drug users in his family and his parents are alcoholics. Whenever he would try to quit, he would tell me that he couldn't stop thinking about it. And he would start by saying that he would only smoke on the weekends and before long he was smoking on a daily basis. But he hasn't smoked in 6 weeks although he is still struggling with it.

 

The biggest issue is that we just don't get along. We constantly fight, there is no passion in our relationship. It is hard to deal with his anxieties and anger. Last night we had a fight about the McDonalds we bought. He asked me to check that everything was in the bag. I thought it was, but when I got home I realized that they had forgotten the fries. He was really upset and said, "Didn't I tell you to check." I said, "I didn't notice. I made sure to check all the burgers were there. I don't know how I missed the fries." He replies, "I drove there and paid for and it was your job to make sure everything was in there." Mind you this is in front of our kids and he is raising his voice. I then start raising my voice and saying how I'm tired of this and how he treats me.

 

I have a ton of issues too. I play the passive agressive game really well and really have to work on my self-esteem. I don't communicate my feelings with him often for fear of his reaction so things just build up. I feel a lot of guilt about constantly thinking of leaving but staying is terrible too. Not sure what to do next.

[Gunny376]

 

:lmao::lmao:..I wonder if you mentioned that to your recruiter........

 

 

As a matter of fact I did ~ He just asked me if I had ever smoked pot, and I told him yea. Then he asked me if I were currently using ~ and I told him the truth ~ no.

 

But, you got to understand? This was back in 75' ~ the only drug test they had back then was to hold a Twinkie over your head to see if you had the "munchiies" :lmao: :lmao:

[ilmw]

 

 

As a matter of fact I did ~ He just asked me if I had ever smoked pot, and I told him yea. Then he asked me if I were currently using ~ and I told him the truth ~ no.

 

But, you got to understand? This was back in 75' ~ the only drug test they had back then was to hold a Twinkie over your head to see if you had the "munchiies" :lmao: :lmao:

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao:....good one...

[Ladyjane14]

He has not gone to counseling and I'm afraid that he will start smoking again when things get stressful. And I am angry and have a lot of resentment issues about everything that has happened in our marriage.

 

When it gets so bad that you're thinking divorce is the answer... you have NOTHING to lose by putting out the ultimatum. Ultimatums are a 50/50 proposition, so you have to be prepared for either outcome... but, when you don't have anything to lose, you're not risking anything.

 

Now, you have two little ones together and this time in life when the family is just starting to grow is already stressful enough. These problems with communications and drug use HAVE to be handled.

 

There are alot of opinions on marijuana but mine is this.... if it risks your family's financial future, as defending against drug charges most certainly would, then it's detrimental to your family. Right or wrong... it's illegal. End of story, no discussion necessary. Put the family first.

 

As far as "communications" is concerned, you two need to LEARN how to talk to one another. When you've gone 6 years and you still can't get it done on your own... that means marriage counseling.

 

My advice to you, since you're at the end of your rope anyway.... Give him his options. "Either marriage counseling for us and drug counseling for you... or we see an attorney and just junk this thing right now."

 

What do you have to lose that you're not already willing to part with?

[cranium]

Crainum you Can't handle the truth. Ms. Overwhelmed stated her husband is addicted to marijuana Is the first sentence of her post. Reread it please!!! Are you fan of using marijuana? I never inhaled or touched the substance in college or out.

 

Who are you, Jack Nicholson? I can't handle the truth; maybe my truth just doesn't match your truth.

 

I'm saying he smokes marijuana. I know lots of people who smoke marijuana. I don't agree that marijuana is physically addictive, despite the info ilmw provided from the National Institute on Drug Abuse.

 

For instance, I believe in 2002, the over 280,000 people entering drug treatment programs reporting marijuana as their primary drug of abuse, entered drug treatment to avoid going to jail for petty possession. Not because they needed help to stop using. This also helps the numbers look good for the ongoing 'war on people'.

 

So basically, my time with him every evening. Pretty annoying trying to talk to someone when they're high....Honestly, I realize that our issues are beyond his drug use. Poor communication, issues of resentment, insecurities on both sides etc are more of the things that have been plaguing us.... The biggest issue is that we just don't get along. We constantly fight, there is no passion in our relationship. It is hard to deal with his anxieties and anger. I have a ton of issues too. I play the passive agressive game really well and really have to work on my self-esteem. I don't communicate my feelings with him often for fear of his reaction so things just build up. I feel a lot of guilt about constantly thinking of leaving but staying is terrible too. Not sure what to do next.

 

You're right, it is pretty annoying trying to talk to someone when they're high. He's aware of the poor communication, issues of resentment; smoking pot helps him avoid these issues. I don't have a problem with occasional use, but it sounds like he's checked out of your relationship by staying stoned.

 

You guys need to take another look at counseling.

[RecordProducer]

Your husband doesn't sound like a bad person. You too seem very strong; you've endured all the troubles. And now when the overwhelming factors are almost gone (you finished school, will get a job, he quit smoking pot), you're too tired to go on.

 

If he doesn't want to go to counseling, just try to not be so obsessed with your marriage, your life, and the "us" thing. Be more cheerful and happy to experience new changes. Working, going to school, and having two little kids is much harder than you prescribe to it. It seems like you thought all that should be easy. I think you've both done a good job. Your husband doesn't seem jealous of your degree or irrational in any sense. He advised you well at the right moments.

 

It doesn't matter if your family thinks he is not the right guy for you. What do you think?

[Gunny376]

As I see it, a lot of the problem here is just trying to live life too much too fast.

I mean come on ~

 

First you married the guy thinking that you could better him and his life. Always a hopeless crusade. For the most part change and self improvement must come from within ~ in short you've got to want it.

 

Then you go to law school. The relationship failure rate for law school grads is better than fifty percent. Then you have one child right after the other.

 

I mean I admire your ambition, effort and such ~ but why are you trying to pack so much living in such a short period of time.

 

The truth of the matter is that marriage isn't "natural" When you get right down to it, putting modern precepts of morality aside ~ the natural thing to do is to go out and have sex with as many attractive people that you come across that want to have sex with you.

 

Add in thousands of years of religious, societal, and cultural concepts about what it means to be a man, a husband, a woman, a wife and you've got a mess on your hands.

 

You end up with the way things are ~ and the way things are suppose to be.

 

Along with the issue of trying too do to much too soon, and trying to cram a lifetime of living in a short span, I see a pretty intellectual divide. You're not the same person that you were before you went to law school and had babies ~ you're just not. You've done all this learning, growing, and self examination, and he's pretty much the guy that you meet and married. You've grown and he's not. That's a pretty large gap to bridge ~ not that I'm saying it can't be done, but lets get real here.

 

Forget about being from Mars and Venus ~ you're not even in the same solar system anymore? "Me ~ Pothead, You Lawyer"

 

And if you're arguing over meals from McDonalds ~ you've got serious communication problems.

 

The story about McDonald’s, tells the tale ~ in part. He's in part intimidated by you in that he's the man and you’re the woman, but yet (again through all the myths and fallacies ~ about gender roles etc)

 

That's just the tip of the iceberg. There are way too many issues her for I as a layman to go into.

 

And, I'm not saying throw in the towel, but I am saying that you and he have a lot of work to do. Both IC and MC, for both of you. IC for you to learn how to handle his crap and his BS,..................if you want to save the marriage.

 

As far as the pot goes ~ and again I smoked some way back in the day in HS. Whether its addicting or not is a moot point. Like others have said,

 

1. Its against the law

 

2. It"s a threat to you and your family (Sidebar ~ Here in Alabama? First offense, any amount ~ even a "roach" up to 10 years in prison ~ $50,000 fine! They just sent a 19 year old to prison for 28 years in Birmingham for selling pot!) Second offense? Any amount ~ even a "roach" up to 50 years in prison and a $250,000 fine! Prison time in Alabama is "hard time"

 

3. You've got children. Sooner or later? They're going to know that Dad smokes pot. Children aren't stupid. There's a such thing as "leadership by example" There's a such thing as being a role model.

 

4. Stress? Your husband hasn't a clue as to what stress is. Going through college, and law school you've experienced more stress than he ever thought of. He's got to get freaking stoned to go to your parents house? WTF? What are they doing, hiding on the side of the freaking house with Louisville Sluggers waiting for you to drive up in the drive way? Give me a freaking break.

 

Bottom line here? He seriously needs to "man-tha-f**K-up" and be part of the solution instead of part of the problem. He needs to be part of the answers ~ instead of part of the questions. He needs to get off his azz, and be a part of the parenting partnership, and part of the team. News flash ~ parenting doesn't end at conception.

 

As far as the housework goes? Guess what, who's going to do the wash, ironing, vacuum, clean the toilet, scrub the tub, do the dishes once the wife walks out on your sorry azz? That would be you Pal!

[overwhelmedmomof2]

Wow...I don't even know where to start. Well, Friday my husband calls and says that he is going to a club with friends after work. He gets home that night at about 11pm. I'm thinking that I want to try to make the marriage work. The next day, I tell him how I feel and I say that I'm having major problems forgiving a lot of the bad things that have happened in our relationship. He says, "If you know something then just say it." I am confused by this statement because I'm referring to his past behavior of getting high, being nasty to me etc.

 

So later, I see him taking everything out of his wallet. He is looking for his wedding ring. Apparently he took it off Friday morning after he left for work and lost it. I didn't notice that he didn't have it on. Well, he says that I told him I didn't love him the night before (which isn't true) and that he was frustrated. Well he says that he wants us to recommit to our relationship and let go of the past.

 

Well, today I receive the cell phone bill. His previous comment bothered me so I decided to review the cell phone bill. There are over 75 text messages to one number that I don't recognize and that is suspicious because we don't know anyone in that area. There were also some calls to this number but very short. I check last months bill and there are about 20 text messages to this number and a few calls.

 

So now I'm really suspicious. I call the number and I get the answering machine of a woman. I am pissed now. He probably knew that the bill would be higher because he told me he was text messaging back and forth with his sister. None of the text messages to her--they are all to this other woman.

 

So what do I do know? I've never been in a situation like this.

[quiet1one1]

not sure if you know this already (or if you even want the details) but you you can easily do a cell number reverse lookup on the web - just search it. one number costs about $15 and you'll get a name and address/city.

[quiet1one1]

not sure if you know this already (or if you even want the details) but you you can easily do a cell number reverse lookup on the web - just search it. one number costs about $15 and you'll get a name and address/city.

[quiet1one1]

sorry for the double post

[debilou]

My personal opinion is that pot is one of the first steps at self medicating, along with alcohol. He's medicating his problems. He hasn't developed coping skills. He needs help. He needs to work on himself. You can't do it for him.

 

Does he see the pot as a problem? I KNOW pot is an expensive habit. That should be at least one reason to see it for what it is.

 

I understand your grief........you tried to save him but you feel he's taking you down with him. Correct me if I'm wrong.

 

You're young. You have a full life ahead of you. You HAVE to get into individual counseling. He should get into IC. That's his choice. Take care of you. You are the best thing your kids have going for them. You alreay know this.

 

You are smart. Way ahead of the game. You may have some self worth issues. You certainly seem to have married beneath you. Problem is.......you have two wonderful children with this man. He will be in your life for a long time.

 

I feel your anger at your situation. Anger can be motivating. Try to breathe, refocus. Rome wasn't built in a day. This is going to be a long process of changing your life. You can do it.

 

We're here for you. Whatever you decide.

[sumdude]

My personal opinion is that pot is one of the first steps at self medicating, along with alcohol. He's medicating his problems. He hasn't developed coping skills. He needs help. He needs to work on himself. You can't do it for him.

 

 

From my personal experience with depression, anxiety, drugs and alcohol..

 

It's a chicken and egg scenario. Which came first the drug/drink or the depression? If you don't get rid of the drugs/drink you'll never find out because alcohol is a depressant and pot... well it robs you of motivation in general.

 

For me quitting everything and getting into a daily exercise regimen has done wonders. I've also gone for IC and that is helpful but by itself isn't enough. You have to do your own 'self work'.

 

I've read articles where they compared people suffering from depression taking anti depressants against those getting a lot of exercise. Both groups showed about the same impovement in mood. However those on the exercise program only had good side effects vs. some of the bad side effects of the pills.

 

It's like this old joke;

 

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

 

Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.