kburgess Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 I am 35 years old. My wife is 36. We have been together exclusively for 13 years, married 9 of those years. We have two children, ages 4 and 7. I am a self employed business owner who works about 60 hours a week to support my family so that she can stay at home to raise our kids. In the past year, my business failed, which put an undue hardship on us financially. Her parents were also partners in the deal and impacted them to some degree. She was 110% supportive of me during that time. However, during the past year, I have caught her 3 separate times being unfaithful. Nothing too major, just making out with mutual friends. Still, it is what it is. We have been undergoing cousneling for about 2 years and it has been discovered that she is unhappy. She tells me I am the perfect husband and father, however, she cant control her feelings. I cook, clean, and watch the kids 95% of the time when I am at home. She go and comes as she pleases and I support her no matter what. She would be the first to tell you she has it made. Now she and the counselor think a trial seperation is in order. I love her so much and dont want to lose her. She wants us to maintain our home and split the time there so that the impact on the children will be minimal. Her parents have an apartment at their house that we could share, when not at the house. Basically we would be together at all times with the kids until they went to bed. One or other would go to the apartment. Should I split the time with her? Or since this is about her, make her stay there and not leave my house or kids. I want to do whatever it takes to save my marriage. I am just not sure what that is. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
El-Producto Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 Sorry that you are here, but you are in good company. Your situation sounds very similar to mine http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t114972/ . Do you think that your wife is having an affair now? 99 percent of the time when ONE spouse wants a separation there is someone else involved, I found this out the hard way as you can read in my story. Our counselor also suggested a separation, that isn't something they should do unless there is abuse. I would dump that counselor and get one that is pro-marriage. If your wife doesn't agree, then she doesn't really want to work on things. I would find out if she is having an affair, because all a trial separation is going to do is give her more of a chance to continue it. If you truly want to work on things you need to google marriagebuilders and read up on what you need to do. This means exposure of the affair among other things. If someone really wants to work on things, then they don't need to be apart to do it, they need to be living in the same house and working on it TOGETHER, not apart. Do some work now, and be prepared for some of the worst times of your life. Keep posting, and asking questions there is LOTS of good advice here.
sumdude Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 Well for one thing making out with three different mutal friends IS MAJOR!!! These people are not your freinds for one thing or they wouldn't do that. She is not acting like a wife. Sounds to me like maybe you've allowed the business failure and other things to bring you down. Maybe you've lost your edge, your confidence. Now it seems your wife is walking all over you. Don't stand for it and say so! No need to be nasty but be absolutely firm and clear. That s**t will not be cool at all! Do not yell judge etc just matter of factly let her know that it's time to straighten things out. Look, I and other guys here learned the hard way. Once your woman percieves you as weak or a pushover things start to fall apart. The myth of the women wanting a sensitive guy is making problems. You need to be able to listen to thier problems but otherwise take some command if the situation. Get your balls back. Make sure that your boudaries needs etc are respected. Tell her it's all or nothing man.. Either you two work together on this or separate toatlly. Look, if she wants to fool around on you remember how many women out there would like you too. Don't act on that but let her know in some way that she is replaceable too!
ilmw Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 Well for one thing making out with three different mutal friends IS MAJOR!!! These people are not your freinds for one thing or they wouldn't do that. She is not acting like a wife. Sounds to me like maybe you've allowed the business failure and other things to bring you down. Maybe you've lost your edge, your confidence. Now it seems your wife is walking all over you. Don't stand for it and say so! No need to be nasty but be absolutely firm and clear. That s**t will not be cool at all! Do not yell judge etc just matter of factly let her know that it's time to straighten things out. Look, I and other guys here learned the hard way. Once your woman percieves you as weak or a pushover things start to fall apart. The myth of the women wanting a sensitive guy is making problems. You need to be able to listen to thier problems but otherwise take some command if the situation. Get your balls back. Make sure that your boudaries needs etc are respected. Tell her it's all or nothing man.. Either you two work together on this or separate toatlly. Look, if she wants to fool around on you remember how many women out there would like you too. Don't act on that but let her know in some way that she is replaceable too! Sd... good post. Its true... once your w sees you as weak... You lose your luster... You are not a man in her eyes.. Not the man she feel for. You need to Alpha up... and get your balls back.. You can be nice... but you have to be a man.. Being a man does not mean you have to be an arse... but it does mean.. you know who you are.. and what you will and won't tolerate. It may not save your marriage.. but it will save you. Keep posting..;) ilmw
Not_That_Innocent Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 If I were you, I would do things YOUR way, not the way that she wants it. She's the one who asked for the separation, so she needs to do the work as far as moving out, etc. Take this from a woman who recently separated from her husband. It was my idea, so I didn't want to put the pressure on my husband. He didn't want or ask for the separation, so it was up to me to find a new place to live. Also, I second what El- Producto said. She is probably having an affair. Again, take it from me in that one of the reasons I wanted to separate was to have my "freedom", basically, I wanted more freedom to see the OM. Sad, but true.
umbo Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 Kburgess wear your wife out. JUst because you have had a failed business venture does in no way means you are a failure or a bad person. YOur wife wants spice back in her marriage she wants the rough and lustful powerful Kburgess back. Your wife wants the risk taker back. Hey take your wife to a hotel just you and her and wear that azz out. Give her triple quadruple orgasims and more, Take her to the club or bar seen buy her drinks date her pay her money to have sex with you. R_emember when you were dating some of the edgier things you did. I am just trying to get you to break your routine. Think out of the box and enjoy your marriage. Hey good luck
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