overwhelmedmomof2 Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 I've been married for 6 years. We have a 1 year old daughter and 4 year old son. We've have a lot of problems in our marriage. There is a lot of pain, resentment and disappointment. When I met my husband he was addicted to marijuana, he lived with his parents and was separated from his first wife. I had recently gotten out of bad relationship. I thought that I could help him. I focused all my effort on trying to make his life better. Within a month of us dating, he stopped getting high after being arrested for possession. We had some difficult times because he had trouble controlling his anger and anxiety without the marijuana. We went to the caribbean to get married because he thought it was a waste of money to throw a wedding and my family was unsupportive. I later found out they didn't think he was the right person for me. A few months after we got married, I started law school. My husband has a high school diploma but never went to college. We often had problems about him feeling insecure, feeling like I thought I was smarter then him etc. A few months into law school, my husband started begging me to have a baby. I was against this because I thought school was hard enough without adding a child to the mix. But after awhile, I agreed. Now I was a first year law school student, 25 years old and pregnant. The resentment started. After I had my son, the serious problems started. I was stressed out about school and during arguments he would say that he was only with me because of our son. I wanted to drop out of law school. I hated it, but my husband insisted that I stay with it because of the family and we needed my loan money to pay bills. I stayed, but hated my last 2 years. I also took a job at a law firm at the insistance of my husband even though I knew I wasn't going to like it. I let him make a lot of the decisions. I realize now that I was afraid to make decisions and had a lot of self-esteem issues. When I started to work at the law firm, we enjoyed the money, but I also had to work long hours. Many times I worked 7 days a week and late into the night. He started smoking marijuana again. He said he was stressed out by my job and having to take care of our son in the evenings by himself. Well, a year and a half ago, I left the firm when I was 6 months pregnant with my daughter. I have been a stay at home mom ever since. The transition has been extremely difficult. He continued to smoke marijuana in the house after the children went to bed even though I told him how much I was against it. I told him no more smoking in the house so he started smoking at a friends house after work. Finally threatened to move to my mother's if he didn't stop. He did stop, but we continue to fight constantly. He is very irritable and I'm very resentful and have serious trust issues. He has not gone to counseling and I'm afraid he'll go back to smoking when things get stressful. We have not done anything to heal. I feel an emptiness in my life. Every day I think of leaving him. He is an extremely difficult man to deal with...very angry. And I'm depressed and have self-esteem issues that I'm trying to deal with. I don't know how to deal with the anger I feel toward him. Last night I told him how I feel and he told me if I'm not going to forgive him for the things that he has done then I need to let him go. I'm scheduled to start working in June and have thought of asking him to leave. I'm mostly scared of starting on my own especially because of my two kids. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks
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