Sand&Water Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 I had a falling out with a guy awhile back [Long and Complex Situation]. He requested that it would be best for he and I to have some space and not contact each other, even though he said: This is not what I [and my heart] want to do to you. I accepted. I needed the space anyways. I was, at the time, very emotionally distant. The time apart has really helped me out. Right before he left, he said that he wouldn't mind if I e-mail him. I accepted that as well. I haven't contacted him in over 1 month -I could have contacted him many months later from now, no problem for me, but I decided to contact him: 2 days ago. I sent him a "Hey, How are you doing?" e-mail. I haven't received a response thus far. 3 days now. Could he really be that busy?! I am exceptionally tempted to send him a second e-mail asking what happened to him or why he hasn't responded. Wouldn't I come off as clingy, rude, and desperate? I want to get him back, to establish a solid connection -to get him to talk to me again- and for him to at least tell me up front if he never ever wants to talk to me. I would leave him alone, and move on. What Should I Do? Sand&Water
2ndIINone Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 I am exceptionally tempted to send him a second e-mail asking what happened to him or why he hasn't responded. Wouldn't I come off as clingy, rude, and desperate? Let the games begin!!! 3 days.... nahhhh not too busy. NOBODY is ever too busy to say hello. 3 days, 24 hours a day, 72 hours, 4,320 minutes... He can't find 2 minutes to reply???? Rude or shy??? Ruuuuuuuuuuuude. At least that's how I feel. You'll get a response... eventually. Give it time and DON'T follow up with another... because yes, it would look a little needy.
Author Sand&Water Posted April 20, 2007 Author Posted April 20, 2007 RE: Let the games begin!!! Yes! BUT I am in no mood to play games with him. I want to directly tackle a few of the issues between he and I and attempt to resolve the differences. I just sense that he is ignoring me for obvious reasons. I must make it clear that: He and I aren't dating. I haven't had a single date with him. Is he really ignoring me -and letting me go -because I am not romantically interested? Throughout time, he had asked me out. He wanted more. But I declined, and gave him my reasons. My reasons were valid -and he understood. I made it clear to him, I think, that I was/am off the Dating Market... that it is not about him... it is me and rather I have declined and am declining all other guys. The problem arose when I wanted to slowly get to know him, establish a good friendship -and he wanted a different-paced-friendship/romantic relationship/crush/interest. He thought and still thinks I am not "Opening Up" enough and making an effort to treat him like a reliable heart-worthy friend. He thinks I don't care about him... when in reality, I do. I think it is rude, as well. I feel trapped that he hasn't responded -and he is somehow punishing me by ignoring my attempts to talk. How am I supposed to talk to him, if I can't send a second e-mail. I don't want to drive him away. Seriously, men are confusing. I want to talk to him... and set the record straight. Perhaps this is a hopeless case. Sand&Water
serial muse Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 Hi S&W...I think I'm not entirely clear about whether or not you want a romantic relationship with this man? Or do you just want a platonic friendship? I gather though, from what you've said, that basically he wants a romantic relationship and you really don't. And that, at last understanding that, he backed away and took time for himself to move on from those stronger feelings for you - but he also left the door open for you to contact him. However, you waited a full month, which is an awfully long time. That you waited so long may have hurt his feelings and simply reinforced the idea that you're not very invested in him. Comparatively, taking three days - or a week, even - is nothing, wouldn't you say? I truly doubt it's that he never ever wants to talk to you; it sounds like he cares for you very much. But he's probably hurting, and it's confusing to have someone you want a romantic relationship with push and pull for his attention the way that it seems you have been. I wouldn't know what to make of it myself. It makes it hard for him to move on, because it feels like you're holding out hope, then saying that there isn't any, but then again asking him to be intimate with you (emotionally, not physically). I realize that I don't know anything of the whole story here, so I'm sorry if I'm way off base, but based on what you've written now and in the past, I would say that of the two of you, you're the one who's being more confusing. He's been clear about what he wants. I think you need to accept that it's okay for him to "let you go" if it means he can have time to heal and get over his feelings for you. And you have to give him that space to do that. He's not playing games or punishing you. He's taking care of himself. He wanted more, you didn't. It's a shame that you're not on the same wavelength about what your relationship should be, but that's life - sometimes, people just don't connect precisely. And, as the person whose feelings are more wounded, he's entitled to mourn that and deal with it as best he can. I'm sorry, I know you must feel like you lost your friend. He's suffering, too, but if you care for him, I think you should let him be.
whichwayisup Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 His silence is your answer. If he doesn't email you back by the end of the weekend, then chances are, (sorry) he isn't interested in keeping intouch. Don't try to contact him again, it will just end up hurting you even more.
sweetscarlet Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 No, don't email him again with the same thing. If it were me, I might wait a week and if I didn't hear from him, then send one saying that I had hoped we could talk about things and work things out but that it didn't look like that was what he wanted and then wish him luck. Some people can accept the silence and silently walk away. Some can't. I don't silently walk away and I don't advise it (unless that's what someone really wants to do). I've had success with the direct approach and it's made me wonder how many of those who have silently walked away have missed out on things that never got said. BUT....you have to do it wisely. You can't come off as annoying or pestering. You have to think clearly about what to say and when and do it when you're less emotional.
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