am I being ditched?

[LoveLace]

So I've been pumped for my wedding reception date this Saturday, it's with a guy that I've actually known for several years but just recently developed a small crush...sucky part is, he has a girlfriend that he lives with..but at the time I asked him about the wedding (1 month ago) the rumor was they were on the verge of breaking up or they were just roommates, whatever. I don't wanna get serious with the guy, but he's a fun person and he knows all of my friends. He's also very attentive and has always kind of liked me, I think.

 

A month ago when I called him, he said he could go as long as he didn't have to work. Then I saw him a couple weeks ago, and he said to call and remind him about the wedding and seemed positve about going. That same night he was hitting on me hardcore. I saw him yet again just last weekend, cuz he bartends at a place where I hang out, and he was being attentive as usual towards me although that was limited since he was working. When I left he said to come back and see him the next night...but I didn't because I was sick and not feeling well. We're not "dating" and he has a GF, so I didn't feel obligated to call him or explain my absence.

 

So this is Thursday and I realized the wedding is only 2 days away, so I called to remind him like he asked tonight. He answered his cell and after I excitedly said his name, there was pure silence but the call was not dropped. I said hello and it was like we couldn't hear each other. I hang up, and called back after a couple minutes. I got his voice mail, so I left a message to remind him about Saturday, but if he had to work and couldn't make it, that it was cool and just gimmee a call. And he has called me himself before, so I know I'm on his caller ID and he knew it was me..

 

That was about an hour ago, and he hasn't called back. I guess his phone could have died, or maybe he was with his GF and couldn't talk? I just really hope he's not ditching me, cuz I've been so pumped about taking a fun, cute guy to my friend's wedding...I usually don't even have a date for these things. My rep is that I roll solo! But all my friends are couples now, and it's just more fun if I can be a couple too. There are a couple other guys I could call, but I don't know them very well yet, much less want to introduce them to my friends.

 

What do you think? thanx a mill.

[Art_Critic]

He has a GF and you want him to go to a romantic wedding with you ?

 

If I was his GF and I found out that he took a woman to a wedding I would cut his balls off...

 

It seems to me that you need to let him go.. Even if he takes you to the wedding do you really want someone else left overs ?

and he will be cheating on his GF and that should show you what type of guy he is..

 

Maybe he was thinking he was going to not be with her at the time the wedding got here..So you were his back burner babe..

 

To answer your original Question.. you got sandbagged..the only way he will call back and take you to the wedding is if he is scum

[LoveLace]

He's really never been faithful to this GF. I think he's afraid to break up with her or feels stuck or whatever, and guys can be real wusses with that stuff. I know another girl who dated him just a few months ago, and he was way into her, but she was going through a divorce herself. When she asked him to leave his GF, he didn't, so of course that didn't last.

 

I don't care what kind of boyfriend he is, cuz I don't intend for him to be my boyfriend. Maybe we flirt but I like him as a fun friend and he knows all of my friends, perfect for the reception. Weather or not we "hook up" isn't a concern to me. But I like the attention. And he's already cheated before, I'm not doing anything surprising. His really good buddy was the one who swore that he complains about his GF all the time and they are not "really together", and the guy is aware that I know about his GF, I have even met her. I figure he's half-ass on the market and he's was already a good friend of mine anyway. But regardless of all that, I'm really disappointed that he acted so positive about going and now I only have one day to prepare for another depressing solo appearance or to take a date I hardly know and might not even have fun with.

[Javelin]

Why are you going to a wedding reception with a guy that has a girlfriend?

 

From his actions, he probably told his girlfriend about you & the wedding he's attending and she probably put a boot in his arse. Basically, would you want your man to attend a wedding reception with a girl he met at a bar or similar?

 

If I were you, I'd find another date that wasn't involved.

[LoveLace]

..also, I know I'll see him again soon cuz I naturally see him on a regular basis without even trying...so what does he plan on saying to me when I see him again? And I guess I don't have a right to be mad at him, knowing he has a GF, so maybe I"M the scum!

[LoveLace]

I highly doubt he told his GF...like I know he's cheated before and I know the GF well enough to know she'd leave him if she found out.

[Art_Critic]

so maybe I"M the scum!

0

 

No.. he is the scum as he has the GF.. you are just trying to come between them..

 

Put yourself in the GF's shoes.. Would you want your BF to take another girl to the wedding.. Also would you like it if someone was trying to break you up ?

 

I say you find another date..

 

Are you trying to impress someone specific at the wedding with this chump ?.. Maybe an old BF you are trying to make Jealous ?

It seems to me that you have picked him becuase yo know it will get to someone else..

[Island Girl]

He's really never been faithful to this GF. I think he's afraid to break up with her or feels stuck or whatever, and guys can be real wusses with that stuff.

 

Yeah -- they can be wusses about that kind of stuff.

 

If they are lying, cheating, pathetic losers.

 

I know another girl who dated him just a few months ago, and he was way into her, but she was going through a divorce herself. When she asked him to leave his GF, he didn't, so of course that didn't last.

 

oh yeah he was "way into her" -- the girl he was cheating on his GF with.

 

Give me a break. You are delusional for even wanting to go out with him in the first place.

 

Get a guy of your own. Stop making excuses -- and he is not "way into you" - he hasn't even called you back.

 

Let it go -- you were wrong to invite him in the first place.

 

You lack self-esteem to even go down this road. Work on that instead of spinning your wheels.

[LoveLace]

Oh ArtCritic you just know me too well.

 

I am not trying to come b/tween he and his GF. I just want him as my reception date. After that, I have other guys interested that I plan on getting to know better.

 

And yes as a matter of fact I want to make my RM think I can get any guy I want. Cuz I'm sick of him putting on the "ladies man" act around me. I want to show him that I can have a good time with a cool guy that everybody likes and then I don't have to worry about being jealous of him and his date! If I have to go alone, and come back home alone, while my RM and his date are smoochy all night, I'll cry myself to pieces.

[LoveLace]

Yeah -- they can be wusses about that kind of stuff.

 

If they are lying, cheating, pathetic losers.

 

 

 

oh yeah he was "way into her" -- the girl he was cheating on his GF with.

 

Give me a break. You are delusional for even wanting to go out with him in the first place.

 

Get a guy of your own. Stop making excuses -- and he is not "way into you" - he hasn't even called you back.

 

Let it go -- you were wrong to invite him in the first place.

 

You lack self-esteem to even go down this road. Work on that instead of spinning your wheels.

 

It wasn't even MY idea to ask him as my date. His good buddy suggested it to me, cuz I was brainstorming on ideas for a date. At first I was skeptical but he seemed quite assuring that it was over with the GF. And since he said yes when I asked, I still assumed the same. I still do not know for certain if he really with her or not. And I never thought he was "way" into me, just really cool with me and finds me attractive. Even if he calls back with an a bogus excuse for not going before Saturday, I don't care, I just want to know so that I can prepare and we'd still be friends and cool next time I saw him.

[Art_Critic]

And yes as a matter of fact I want to make my RM think I can get any guy I want.

 

Then really go out and get some other guy that you want.. that guy is taken and severely broken.

Personally if I was your RM and you did that I would think you are crass and have no class if you pulled it off for me

I'm not judging you.. just trying to get you to see that you need to show some more maturity in picking your dates..

 

$hit rolls downhill..

[LoveLace]

Thanks art. My RM doesn't even know the guy has a GF though. So it's not even phasing him. So far he's acted slightly jealous.

 

And the event is only 2 days away, not enough time for me to just go out and get "any guy I want"...ya know? If I take a guy I hardly know, I'd be upset if he acted like an idiot and embarrassed me or something! Not to mention I have a lot of running to do between now and Sat, so I wasn't planning on even going out Friday night. And if I wasn't so busy with work and school, I might have had more time to gather up a good back-up date by now...but I seriously didn't think I'd have to, until now. I've been assuming it's pretty much over with his GF, etc, so wasn't worried about it. Oh well.

[Art_Critic]

Thanks art. My RM doesn't even know the guy has a GF though. So it's not even phasing him. So far he's acted slightly jealous.

Any old ex's floating around that would be good for a wedding ?

[LoveLace]

Any old ex's floating around that would be good for a wedding ?

 

Only one...but he hasn't returned my calls in quite a while so last time I contacted him I went off and said it was over. However, he would have been an excellent and fun date as well. I regret getting so mad at him even though he kept promising me things that never happened. I know I don't deserve to be treated that way, yet it still happens. Just a couple months ago I had a guy ditch me on the 2nd date, when there was nothing wrong with (nor special) about the 1st date. I'm tired of being abandoned without explanation. But at least this time I know its because the dude has a GF!

 

I could call the guy and kiss his butt and sound like I'm sorry for yelling at him, just to have a fun date that night. It wouldn't mean I'd have to keep dating him after that....

 

Otherwise, no exes. They are all either married, or just long out of my life, or both. I'm just not having as much fun being single in my 30s as I did in my 20s. I'm exhausted from trying to find one guy to settle down with, and trying to just have fun and not think about it at the same time.

[Island Girl]

After that, I have other guys interested that I plan on getting to know better.

 

Then ask one of them and be done with it.

[LoveLace]

Then ask one of them and be done with it.

 

 

I would but I've only been talking to these guys on the phone and haven't even met them yet because I met them online. That's not a situation where I'd be comfortable taking a 1st date to a wedding where all my friends are going to be. For a 1st meeting I prefer that it's just us 2. And with the wedding only 2 days away, I don't have time to get that ball rolling. I think I just might be screwed and will have to sit there and watch my RM act like he's king sh+t because he has a hot date, while all our friends are wondering why the hell I am still alone and wondering if I'm jealous about my RM. Since we're all friends, people are already wondering about what kind of relationship me and my RM have. So he's there with a date and I am not, it'll look like I'm a total 3rd wheel and didn't make any efforts to bring someone. When in truth, I've just been ditched at the last minute (practically)

[LoveLace]

I guess your all just at a loss for words now...since it'll be almost impossible for me to gather up a date within the next 24-36 hrs...LS can't do everything!

[serial muse]

My first thought was it might be his GF who answered the phone, actually - and when she heard you excitedly say his name...well. Busted!

Move on from this; this guy seems like a dead end.

[LoveLace]

Well I know it was him that answered, cuz i now his voice. But I'm convinced something's wrong with my phone now, cuz yet again today I was talking to someone and all of a sudden we couldn't hear each other, exactly like last night. But still, I did leave the guy a voice message about the wedding, so that should enough for me to do at this point.

 

My cousin is a close friend of this guy, so my cousin said I should go up to where he works tonight to get a straight answer. It wouldn't be odd for me to be there cuz it's a tavern i've been going to for several years. I still don't even know the true status of him and his GF either. My cousin still swears they are not really together. And if he's a "dead end" it's ok, cuz I just want him to keep his promise as my wedding date, other than that we are just friends and if it stays that way I'm more than happy with it.

[sunshinegirl]

Why do you care so much about impressing your RM? It reads as insecurity. Who cares what he thinks? Or do you actually want to date him and you're trying to make him jealous?

 

In all events, forget the guy w/ the GF. Seriously. Go stag to the wedding.

 

Disappointing, sure, since you've been looking forward to it for a long time, but jeez louise. Do not try to take a man who has a girlfriend. If you're trying to show off to the RM or whoever, you'll probably be all flirtatious with him, and when word gets around the wedding reception that he already has a girlfriend, who's going to look like the big nincompoop then? Hint: Y-O-U.

[LoveLace]

It isn't 100% about impressing my RM. That would just be a small perk. I was more or less just excited to show up with a really cool, fun guy that all my friends already know and like. They don't know he has a GF, no one does other than my cousin, who believes they aren't even really together anymore. And it isn't like everyone will be talking about it, we'll all be too busy trying to have fun. My friends just aren't that way...they wouldn't care less if my date had a GF or not, they would just be happy to see him. They mind their own business. And my cousin is the best man, so it isn't as though he's going to make a point of telling people that my date may or may not have a GF...he'll be too busy for that B.S. himself...my friends just don't gossip like that or care about about who's doing what with who.

 

However, if I go alone while my RM has a hottie for a date, they will probably wonder what the deal is there. But I can manage to ignore that and still have fun. I'm sure it would impress my RM just as much to see me alone and still having blast without needing anyone to help do it.

[Art_Critic]

so my cousin said I should go up to where he works tonight to get a straight answer.

 

How much straighter of an answer are you looking for ?

 

I think you have gotten about the straightest answer a person could give..

 

Being hung up on/ignored on the phone and ignored all of your messages and contacts would do it for me...

and throw in the fact that he is a taken man..

[Aloros]

Yikes!

 

Let me get this straight...You are afraid you are being ditched by the guy you want to take to a wedding as a date, who also happens to have a live-in girlfriend, and you want to take him mostly just to make your roommate jealous?

 

How does a person get into a situation like this? I know this will probably offend you, but I have to ask: do you thrive on drama? Do you think it makes your life more exciting, more interesting?

 

If I were you, I'd forget taking that guy. I'd go on my own, take the time to have a little fun and clear my head. Then I'd do one of two things - either move out already, or tell my roommate in crispy clear terms exactly how I felt about him and why I felt the need to move out...and then move out. Then I'd take a vacation or a weekend trip, hang out with the girlfriends, and just get away from the situation, emotionally and mentally.

 

When I get back, I'd check my answering machine, and if there's one from the roommate telling me he's madly in love with me, ok good, we'll take it from there. If there's nothing, I'd just move on, and avoid pursuing men who are already in relationships or who don't have my best interests at heart.

 

I mean, I know there are things in life we can't control - and here I'm talking things like the death of a family member - but you clearly have control over the situation. I know you may think that you don't, maybe you're convinced that you don't. YOU DO. But do you want to do anything about it?

[LoveLace]

How much straighter of an answer are you looking for ?

 

I think you have gotten about the straightest answer a person could give..

 

Being hung up on/ignored on the phone and ignored all of your messages and contacts would do it for me...

and throw in the fact that he is a taken man..

 

Well I have only called him once...and he didn't hang up, I hung up 1st because we couldn't hear each other...and it happened again on my cell phone today when talking to someone else. So something is definitely wrong with my phone. Then I left him 1 message which was late last night, and that's all I've done. It is not like him to blow anyone off weather he has a GF or not. My cousin just said that since the guy said he'd do me the favor, that I deserve to know for sure. But if I don't know anything by tonight, I'll be ready to go solo, I'm just giving the guy a little time to get back to me if in fact he plans on going still. And there is also still the contreversey over weather or not he is really taken. I have a close friend of his (cousin) that keeps telling me they are not together anymore, so that's what I've been going with all this time. My cousin wouldn't lie about it...he wouldn't have suggested asking the guy in the 1st place if he thought he and the GF were still good.

[Art_Critic]

that I deserve to know for sure.

 

You do have a point..

There is something to be said about that because he did promise you..

 

But when you asked he he was breaking up with his GF and today you know that he didn't.. So in reality your need to know kinda doesn't hold water anymore ..

 

He has a GF