This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 This all is just convincing me that I have a serious problem. Looking back over my life, it seems like I've spent most of my time just trying to keep my head above water. All my relationships ended due to this. All of my friendships. I have no problem keeping a job, thank God. That's almost a miracle, and I'm not sure I could explain it. I've been thinking about my self-esteem. It's absolutely terrible. It was before last weekend, and that's why I've been alone for so long. Even with my ex I was alone, and I was alone for years before her. On that night out it was like the door was opened on it, and a light was shown on it, and I could finally see it after keeping it hidden away from myself for so long. And now it's out and I'm living with it. I don't know how to fix it, or why I was cursed with this. But this past week has been absolute misery for me. If she called, which she hasn't, I wouldn't answer. And I wouldn't call her back. I know better. It's the opposite of where I should be, but I feel seriously sick. I probably couldn't say two coherent words to her, and I guarantee I'm not her type. Not now. I'm not anyone's type. You realized you have been feeling alone for most of your adult life. But did you ask yourself why that has been so? What is it that has kept you from a feeling of togetherness while in a relationship? Why haven't the friendships lasted? What is it that YOU want? If you say "I don't know", I would ask you to try harder. Be honest to yourself about what you want. What kind of person? What kind of relationship? What kind of friends? Have the the people in your life, so far, been the kind you wanted? Let's say you come across such people tomorrow. Would you follow through and try to be with them as much as they are with you? You know, it's one thing to expect THEM to like you and love you and be in your life. Would YOU like them and love them and be in their lives, in return? I know I'm raising more questions for you. But there is no other solution. You have to know yourself and what you want, and you have to realize that in order to get what you want, you have to act towards it. It's like an ongoing project. Man, I sound totally dense. Don't worry, this is about all the "advice" I had to give.
pelagicsands Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 Be honest to yourself about what you want. That's right on the mark, and such a good point. For me, it was admitting that I enjoyed loving from behind. It was as if all the chains were falling off, and the whip could now swing freely.
shawn_68 Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 Johan, As you know, you are your own worst enemy at this point. But it doesn't have to be this way. You may want to pay close attention to what you are saying to YOURSELF on a daily basis. If your "self-talk" is making you feel bad then change it. Your "self-talk" is important because it ultimately determines who you are and what you become. In all areas of life. You're driving the Johan ship.
Teddy and Jane Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 sounds like she might be out of your league. At least you can recognize that.
pelagicsands Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 sounds like she might be out of your league. :lmao: The dude has two cars. Mind you, he could be compensating.
Author johan Posted April 22, 2007 Author Posted April 22, 2007 :lmao: The dude has two cars. Mind you, he could be compensating. Actually I have three. And a motorcycle. As far as the vehicles go, mostly I'm just compensating for how slowly I move on foot.
Storyrider Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 Count your blessings. First and foremost, apparently Pelagic is deeply, deeply attracted to you. On the other hand, I liked what Serial Muse wrote. I think you simply didn't connect with this girl. And for some reason you had it in your mind that this date was a test you had to pass and now you've decided you failed it. I wonder if you would judge a friend or relative as harshly as you judge yourself, johan? Would you do that to someone you care about?
pelagicsands Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 Actually I have three. And a motorcycle. I stand corrected. How I underestimate you. As far as the vehicles go, mostly I'm just compensating for how slowly I move on foot. :lmao: I never realised you could grip on all fours, and get into tight spaces. I'm quivering just thinking about it.
Teddy and Jane Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 When I say "out of your league" I wasn't talking moneywise at all. Lookswise....that's usually what is meant by that. She's too hot for him.
Storyrider Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 When I say "out of your league" I wasn't talking moneywise at all. Lookswise....that's usually what is meant by that. She's too hot for him. That clears it all up. Thanks.
pelagicsands Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 When I say "out of your league" I wasn't talking moneywise at all. Lookswise....that's usually what is meant by that. She's too hot for him. You have the wisdom of two.
Teddy and Jane Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 Yes, also...it sounds like he is really into the fact that he is successful financially. Maybe he was bragging a bit too much on the date about his two cars and motorcycles or something. I get really turned off with guys who try to impress me with money and such, I want to know who the person really is.
Storyrider Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 Yes, also...it sounds like he is really into the fact that he is successful financially. Maybe he was bragging a bit too much on the date about his two cars and motorcycles or something. I get really turned off with guys who try to impress me with money and such, I want to know who the person really is. You should be the next Doctor Phil.
pelagicsands Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 , I want to know who the person really is. Interesting. Just a moment ago you said that looks are what's important. I guess you are one of these indecisive people.
Storyrider Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 Interesting. Just a moment ago you said that looks are what's important. I guess you are one of these indecisive people. This one is just too easy, but, OK I'll say it. She couldn't even pick one name. She had it narrowed down to two...
Author johan Posted April 22, 2007 Author Posted April 22, 2007 Count your blessings. First and foremost, apparently Pelagic is deeply, deeply attracted to you. Ha ha. I will be sure to thank God for PelmtragicShaglnds. On the other hand, I liked what Serial Muse wrote. I think you simply didn't connect with this girl. And for some reason you had it in your mind that this date was a test you had to pass and now you've decided you failed it. I wonder if you would judge a friend or relative as harshly as you judge yourself, johan? Would you do that to someone you care about? I once climbed out of another prolonged self-hate pit by concluding that if I met someone just like me, I'd be much more forgiving of that person than I am of myself. I guess this time I haven't dwelled on myself long enough yet to reach that level of exhaustion. The only problem is that I never really dealt with it all the way. I just got to a point where it wasn't such a bother. And since my last relationship came apart, I have been struggling to not get down on myself. But the foundations were cracking. It's ironic that that relationship made a huge difference in how felt. Because she was always so critical of me and difficult to be with. I guess having her doubt me so much kind of took that job off my shoulders. She strengthened me. That was such a crazy relationship. I have to say though, that I know this has been a pretty deep-seated part of my personality. I can remember when it started. I'm not sure why I chose this at the time, because there is not much reward to it. I just think I didn't know what I was really doing. I'd love to go back and choose another path.
dropdeadlegs Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 If you haven't experienced what Johan is going through, you just don't get it.
pelagicsands Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 You should be the next Doctor Phil. Doctor Phil would know that it is three cars and a motorcycle, not "two cars and motorcycles or something." It might not sound like much, but even little details can be important.
pelagicsands Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 If you haven't experienced what Johan is going through, you just don't get it. Is it my fault that I have spent my entire life being worshipped?! Don't take your anger out on me, please.
Storyrider Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 I have to say though, that I know this has been a pretty deep-seated part of my personality. I can remember when it started. When did it start?
pelagicsands Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 When did it start? The motorcycle sounds like the beginning of a mid-life crisis. Next thing you know, he's a leather-clad badass. Is anyone else getting horny?
Storyrider Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 The motorcycle sounds like the beginning of a mid-life crisis. Next thing you know, he's a leather-clad badass. Is anyone else getting horny? Don't give him a complex about his ass. I am sure it is very attractive.
Teddy and Jane Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 Interesting. Just a moment ago you said that looks are what's important. I guess you are one of these indecisive people. Ha, ha, no. I didn't state how important looks were. Haven't you ever heard of dating 'out of your league' or she's/he's out of your league? It's been on this board before. Most people date within their 'league' lookswise. But it doesn't have anything to do with how well they get to know each other or connect once they do get together. I swear some people on here don't know how to read.
Teddy and Jane Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 Doctor Phil would know that it is three cars and a motorcycle, not "two cars and motorcycles or something." It might not sound like much, but even little details can be important. THAT IS MY POINT. I was stressing how much I could care LESS about how many cars and/or motorcycles a guy owns. It takes something other than that crap to impress me.
Storyrider Posted April 22, 2007 Posted April 22, 2007 Ha, ha, no. I didn't state how important looks were. Haven't you ever heard of dating 'out of your league' or she's/he's out of your league? It's been on this board before. Most people date within their 'league' lookswise. But it doesn't have anything to do with how well they get to know each other or connect once they do get together. I swear some people on here don't know how to read. We were just momentarily blinded by your insight. Give us a moment to catch up.
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