johan Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 And probably last. I went on a date with a girl on Saturday. I have been so damn depressed ever since. I just came away from it hating myself. With an all new passion, to depths I haven't reached in a long long time. I don't understand this. But I have to say that I am just hanging on to sanity. I feel like hell.
jerbear Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 Did call her back or she didn't return your calls? Sometimes that just happens, the 1st date doesn't lead to date #2.
melodymatters Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 Is this the mom set-up date ? No worries, sweetie, and NO need to be depressed, people can be tiresome sometimes.....
Author johan Posted April 20, 2007 Author Posted April 20, 2007 She called me last night, as a polite return to my call on Tuesday. I wasn't home, so all I got was a brief, dull, enthusiasm-free "just calling you back" message. I should call her tonight, but I don't think I want to. I was attracted to her, but there was just something about that night. It seemed like everything I said just fell flat. No jokes were funny, nothing I said was interesting. In fact, it seemed like everything I said about myself was just meant to highlight how incredibly dull and non-male I am. Until that night, that thought hadn't really crossed my mind. This girl should be in love with me by now. Instead I just want to hide from her and forget she ever existed. She was actually pretty nice. It's not like she put me down or anything. I just felt more and more disapproval of me coming from both of us. What the hell is that about? I don't understand myself at all. There have been so many times when I could basically just HAVE a girl. But now I feel like I'm about 2 inches tall.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 And probably last. I went on a date with a girl on Saturday. I have been so damn depressed ever since. I just came away from it hating myself. With an all new passion, to depths I haven't reached in a long long time. I don't understand this. But I have to say that I am just hanging on to sanity. I feel like hell. I don't know if anything I say will make much of a difference, but still, I can (try to) empathize. The girl you went out on a date with, why are you letting her make you feel bad about yourself? Was she so incredibly good, and are you so incredibly bad in direct comparison, that you allow yourself to feel this crappy? I know that there are factors which have nothing to do with the saturday girl, that are making you feel this way. Meeting her probably sparked off this whole chain reaction. You know, this is precisely why I am so damn wary of going out on "dates". I know I'm probably not doing myself a big favor by being this way, but I know the way I'm wired. And this is how it works for me. Please, take it easy. It's never ever so bad that it can't get worse. One day, you WILL meet a girl who actually makes you feel great. At least most of the time. It's not easy to meet a person like that, but it will happen - take my word for it. After that, it' will be up to you. You'll have the key, it will be your prerogative to use it to open the lock. There's nothing wrong in feeling the way you do. But, as long as you know you're up to being and giving your best when that person does come along, you have nothing to worry about. **End of long post**
Road Rage Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 I think the thirties are the toughest decade of your life at present. OK, I know life gets tough past say sixty, but, most people nowadays seem to think the late teens and early twenties are the tough times. Well, it ain`t so. The thirties are tough and many are blindsided by that. So, Johan in many ways I sus pect with you it is situation normal. you just didn`t know or think it would be like this. It will get better. Just don`t get impatient and be down on yourself;) Right now you`re trying to fit into some objective ideal that does indeed work for some. You are going to have to recognize your individuality and be comfortable with it.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 She called me last night, as a polite return to my call on Tuesday. I wasn't home, so all I got was a brief, dull, enthusiasm-free "just calling you back" message. I should call her tonight, but I don't think I want to. I was attracted to her, but there was just something about that night. It seemed like everything I said just fell flat. No jokes were funny, nothing I said was interesting. In fact, it seemed like everything I said about myself was just meant to highlight how incredibly dull and non-male I am. Again, why are you letting her make you feel this way? The fact that you're attracted to her doesn't mean you have keep second-guessing whether you are good enough for her. You probably are. First meetings don't always work out the way you expect. It doesn't HAVE to be a perfect scenario where the guy and the girl hit it off right away and everything the guy says is hysterically funny, and everything about the girl is beautiful. Give it a second chance. The good thing is that you feel she might be your type. Call her tonight.
Art_Critic Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 No jokes were funny, nothing I said was interesting. I feel like I'm about 2 inches That would surprise me if you weren't funny.. Maybe you were just trying to hard Or maybe it was the two inch thing.. do you think she would mind ?
jerbear Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 the second guessing is just bad for you. Maybe a truffle will help. Honestly if she called back is a good thing. why not call back? Just because you feel like 2 inches tall, stop laying down, stand up, and eat more If you don't feel a vibe, which I doubt because you are attracted to her, you should call her back. Maybe not tonight but call her back. Talk to her on the phone live no, SMS or email. Go for it!
Author johan Posted April 20, 2007 Author Posted April 20, 2007 I don't know if anything I say will make much of a difference, but still, I can (try to) empathize. The things you say always make a difference. She isn't the one making me feel this way. It's me. I've completely turned on myself. And I don't really feel like I can afford that, because I know how long it takes to recover. Somehow I just came to a realization that I have a very empty life, and it's possible that the things I have to offer are not valuable at all. I was going along thinking they were, and then this one night just changed my whole perspective. I think I haven't been dating, because I sort of had a feeling about this. Maybe I've been brought down a few notches to where I should be. Give it a second chance. The good thing is that you feel she might be your type. Call her tonight. I don't know if that's a great idea. I don't really think I'm in a state of mind to chat with her and try to act like I'm not actually completely fouled up. And I don't think she really wants to deal with it. I think the thirties are the toughest decade of your life at present. OK, I know life gets tough past say sixty, but, most people nowadays seem to think the late teens and early twenties are the tough times. Well, it ain`t so. The thirties are tough and many are blindsided by that. So, Johan in many ways I sus pect with you it is situation normal. you just didn`t know or think it would be like this. It will get better. Just don`t get impatient and be down on yourself;) Right now you`re trying to fit into some objective ideal that does indeed work for some. You are going to have to recognize your individuality and be comfortable with it. Damn, I'd love to know that you're right. I'm just really surprised by all this. I had myself completely fooled.
Road Rage Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 I am right. In my fifties I feel I`ve come full circle. but yet lived my life on the fringe. So, I have noticed with many, the thirties are where it all crashes. But, you get through it and it gets better. Depression seems to really dog a lot of people in their thirties. A big part of it is just learning how to avoid the depressive cycle. You are now having to learn that.
Author johan Posted April 20, 2007 Author Posted April 20, 2007 That would surprise me if you weren't funny.. Maybe you were just trying to hard Or maybe it was the two inch thing.. do you think she would mind ? Ha ha. She'd probably mind. I wasn't trying too hard at all. I told myself to cool it before the date. Partly because the little jokes I made on the phone beforehand went nowhere, and partly because it seems like all I do anymore is make jokes. the second guessing is just bad for you. Maybe a truffle will help. Honestly if she called back is a good thing. why not call back? Just because you feel like 2 inches tall, stop laying down, stand up, and eat more If you don't feel a vibe, which I doubt because you are attracted to her, you should call her back. Maybe not tonight but call her back. Talk to her on the phone live no, SMS or email. Go for it! I can sort of tell that I won't call her. If she doesn't call, I'm not sure we'll speak again. Who knows. Maybe I will. It seems like a silly thing to do when I'm in this state of mind. If you want to turn a girl off, call her when you're feeling really messed up about things. Especially when she doesn't have any idea what you're like when you're fine. She'll probably be relieved if I just slip quietly away into the past.
jerbear Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 The things you say always make a difference. She isn't the one making me feel this way. It's me. I've completely turned on myself. And I don't really feel like I can afford that, because I know how long it takes to recover. Somehow I just came to a realization that I have a very empty life, and it's possible that the things I have to offer are not valuable at all. I was going along thinking they were, and then this one night just changed my whole perspective. Sometimes that is what is need to turn ones life around.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 Somehow I just came to a realization that I have a very empty life, and it's possible that the things I have to offer are not valuable at all. I was going along thinking they were, and then this one night just changed my whole perspective. I think I haven't been dating, because I sort of had a feeling about this. Maybe I've been brought down a few notches to where I should be. You don't know just HOW wrong you are there, buddy. From what I do know about you, I can say one thing for sure: You have more to offer her than you think. This is almost like you're having that warm fuzzy feeling of persecution. (But as nice as it feels, it won't help you). You're way off in estimating yourself, that's all I'd say. I don't know if that's a great idea. I don't really think I'm in a state of mind to chat with her and try to act like I'm not actually completely fouled up. And I don't think she really wants to deal with it. Now you listen to me - stop all this doubting and re-doubting. How do you know what's in her mind? You're attracted to her, you've only met her once, and she's called you back. No need to give up hope yet.
fallendisguise Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 I completely agree with everything that TTSP has said. Take her advice. I think you should call her again. We don't always hit off with someone the first time. There are nerves involved and sometimes you haven't talked to the person enough beforehand to get a good handle on their sense of humor or their personality. Yeah you're right that you probably shouldn't call her if you're in a foul mood. Instead, grab the phone, sit down and just smile. I know it sounds silly, but try it. When you smile your brain naturally produces those "I feel good" feelings. So sit there and just smile until you feel those feel-good feelings and call her - like it's your first time talking to her. She wouldn't have even "politely" returned your phone call if she never wanted to speak to you again. She's not obligated to. And by her calling... she's going to know that she's going to talk to you. And who wants to risk that if they really don't want to talk to someone? So I know my post is kind of silly and I thought the smiling idea was when I first heard it, but it actually works. If anything, you'll laugh at yourself for sitting there smiling about nothing and that will do the trick!
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 Thanks, Fallendisguise. This makes me feel so wise. All this is great for my ego.
Trialbyfire Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 The flip side of this is, maybe she doesn't have a sense of humour.
mental_traveller Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 A salesman doesn't quit or go into depression just because one cold-called customer doesn't buy his product. So why should it be any different on a first date? Look - you met someone, you didn't have that chemistry, now move on and find others. Don't waste time introspecting, just go out and hit on some girls in various situations, enjoy yourself man. I can't believe people are talking about depression and the terrible 30s just because of one damp squib of a date! Get some perspective, then get out there and get some ass!
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 The flip side of this is, maybe she doesn't have a sense of humour. Great point!! Always think about all the possibilities.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 A salesman doesn't quit or go into depression just because one cold-called customer doesn't buy his product. So why should it be any different on a first date? Look - you met someone, you didn't have that chemistry, now move on and find others. Don't waste time introspecting, just go out and hit on some girls in various situations, enjoy yourself man. I can't believe people are talking about depression and the terrible 30s just because of one damp squib of a date! Get some perspective, then get out there and get some ass! Ah, that's some deep philosophy right there. If only Johan would heed to it.
Yamaha Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 It always sucks when your very attracted to the person and things don't go the way you hoped. You have the date all planned out in your mind and things go great and they laugh and you/them can't wait to see each other again and then the date comes and your expections are so high that any little glitch sends the whole thing crashing down like a house of cards. It may not have gone as badly, in her mind, as you believe so maybe one more call will put you back in the pink. Worth a shot.
Art_Critic Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 Ha ha. She'd probably mind. I wasn't trying too hard at all. I told myself to cool it before the date. Partly because the little jokes I made on the phone beforehand went nowhere, and partly because it seems like all I do anymore is make jokes. There are people that I have met/gone on dates with before that didn't laugh at my jokes.. I always believe it is them that doesn't have a sense of humor and move on.. To me humor is the foundation of the beginning of a relationship.. She has to laugh at my jokes.. period..She doesn't have to really think they are funny though.. she just has to laugh
pelagicsands Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 She called me last night, as a polite return to my call on Tuesday. I wasn't home, so all I got was a brief, dull, enthusiasm-free "just calling you back" message. It's hard to talk to machines. No jokes were funny, nothing I said was interesting. Hahahahaha. Hahahahaha. Hahahahaha. Ha. Don't be ridiculous. "You" and "not funny" just don't go together. You were obviously trying too hard, or you have found your perfect straight woman. Dude, I don't know what to say. It's so clear to me that you're way more than two inches of pleasure.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 It's hard to talk to machines. Hahahahaha. Hahahahaha. Hahahahaha. Ha. Don't be ridiculous. "You" and "not funny" just don't go together. You were obviously trying too hard, or you have found your perfect straight woman. Dude, I don't know what to say. It's so clear to me that you're way more than two inches of pleasure. One of the rare times that we're on the same page, Pinky. Literally and figuratively.
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