Salicious Crumb Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 After reading through some posts today, I wondered; for those of you that are the BS, do you paint the OW/OM with the same broad brush or do you "treat" every situation differently based on what is shared here? I see an OW/OM differently that were lied to and didn't know they were seeing a MM/MW than I do of those that knew beforehand. I try to come across in my posts how I am in real life and how the A has effected me and I try to reflect the guilt I feel and how wrong the A was in all of my posts; not to gain compassion but as a form of therapy for myself and in a way, to show not all OW's are the same. Then you are somewhat different than alot of the OW/OM on here that think it is their right to satisfy their needs with someone elses spouse and don't care who they are hurting in the process......as long as they are getting "theirs"...to hell with anyone else. In regards to the BS, it helps me to read their posts, heed their advice and to learn from their perspectives. I have learned from their hurt and I have a lot of compassion for them and although I don't know how my A effected exMM's W, I feel like I can gain an idea from reading through the posts here. I don't know exMM's W personally and I don't believe a word the lying scumbag told me, so I definitely do not paint all BS' with the same brush. And I guess thats what amazes me about alot of OW/OM...did they really think their MM/MW is NOT a liar? They are cheating on their spouses...of course they are liars and scumbags. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SoxPrincess Posted April 21, 2007 Author Share Posted April 21, 2007 And I guess thats what amazes me about alot of OW/OM...did they really think their MM/MW is NOT a liar? They are cheating on their spouses...of course they are liars and scumbags. I think the mindset of most OW/OM (or at least in my case) was, in the beginning, I would think "OK, he is lying to W, but I know he isn't lying to me." Nothing is logical about it at all and it doesn't make any sense whatsoever, but I know that was my train of thought in the first couple of months of the A. Link to post Share on other sites
mammax3 Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 From what I've read a lot of A are 'addictive' for both MP & OP. I would have thought that MM would end it due to their guilty feelings, or feelings of respect for the marriage and their wife and their sense of right in regards to the kids. How far off am I?? But if the OW doesn't want to wait for the MM to end and gives him an ultimatum, and he tried to choose OW, will the OW stick in the relationship? I realize I'm generalizing. my sitch is that he's away most of the month and so sees her WAY more than me & the kids, he's stated he wants to leave (for her, i presume). I feel that she's got that upper hand, and if she knows about us why would she stop seeing him? Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 my sitch is that he's away most of the month and so sees her WAY more than me & the kids, he's stated he wants to leave (for her, i presume). I feel that she's got that upper hand, and if she knows about us why would she stop seeing him? Simple...they are both selfish. Why would she stop seeing him?...just out of getting fed up waiting for him to leave. "she" doesn't care about you or the kids....she wants HER needs satisfied no matter who she hurts. Have you thought about getting a lawyer? It sucks that two selfish people might cause you to do something to break up the family....but what are you going to do? I take it you know about her, she knows about you, and the secret is out.....if thats the case...what is your H saying? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 From what I've read a lot of A are 'addictive' for both MP & OP. I would have thought that MM would end it due to their guilty feelings, or feelings of respect for the marriage and their wife and their sense of right in regards to the kids. How far off am I?? But if the OW doesn't want to wait for the MM to end and gives him an ultimatum, and he tried to choose OW, will the OW stick in the relationship? I realize I'm generalizing. I really can't say that an A is more addictive than any R where two people are crazy about each other...it's just not socially acceptable... Mammax3, there are SOME MM who feel guilty and end it, but when you're talking about a LTA, that's usually not the case or they would have ended it sooner... If the OW really thought that he would leave for her within the somewhat near future, of course she would wait...When you're in an A, the OW loves the MM so much she would sacrifice her needs/wants if she feels that they will be met in the future...similarly I'm sure to the feelings of the W waiting for her WH to come back to her...(I'm not saying it's the same feeling for both, just a similar one...) I'm really sorry about the situation that you find yourself in Mammax3... Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 GEL, I cannot imagine how being abandoned by a man who started a life with you and promised to be there forever, with two children under the age of 4 and one on the way, who wants to move away to be with another woman, is in anyway similar to a woman who knowingly fell in love with a MM with 3 small children. I understand that OW may love and want him but there is NOTHING similar in the feelings. OW has not been betrayed. OW has not had her life changed because someone else changed their mind, OW is not worried about how she will juggle, parent and support 3 young children on her own. OW is not in a situation which she did not choose. OW allowed feelings to develop with a MM (assuming she knew this). Can't imagine that the feelings are in anyway similar. Link to post Share on other sites
outofdarkness Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 IWWH, That really WAS a wonderful post! You always seem to say just want I'm thinking but can't put into words. The only thing I wanted to comment on is the "special occasions" These make me extremely nervous. Of course we don't make as big a deal out of them after being M for so long! These are occasions for the MM and OW to plan on being together and make it even more passionate. Oh, and I can't even begin to post about the OW who inserts herself into the MM's marriage...That was, to me, the BIGGEST betrayal of all. It limited my ability to be the best Mother that I could possibly be to my kids and caused umpteen arguments and ugliness in my family. All, but especially main OW of 10 years felt to be actually a part of my family and focused heavily on my kids. Do I only blame her? NOOO..I blame my H too for inserting her in the first place by talking so d---much!! Link to post Share on other sites
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