moman Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 The girl I've been seeing since last summer and I have finally hit a breaking point. Her ex still regularly comes to visit (they broke up over a year ago), and he always comes to see her and surprise her when things get really hot between us. The reason is this - this girl lives with a friend who is the ex's best friend, and I'm sure everything 'my' girl tells her friend about us gets back to him. Then he makes the couple hour trek up for the weekend to stay with his friend, and invariably he's also staying with his ex-gf. I asked her to stop talking to him, she says that she doesn't want him anymore but that she feels like he is so emotionally fragile that she cannot stop all contact out of fear of what he will do to himself. I do respect this, but I've tried to explain to her that he is just hanging around trying to mess up our relationship (and she agrees this is true), and until she stops coddling him he will never move on. She knows this but doesn't feel strong enough to do anything about it. She also told me that if it bothered me that bad, I should just back off a bit and that if we are meant to be together we will be. She also said she wants badly to fall in love with me soon. I've tried to be supporting but it's clear I'm being walked on. This weekend she has a huge family function and she has been balking about inviting me. Actually her sis called me and invited me to come and when I told my girl about it, she asked me NOT to come because supposedly her sis has also invited her ex to come and he is coming, so I shouldn't be there. It's painfully obvious exactly what is going on here - and now I feel like a total idiot for letting this girl yank my chain. I've resolved to not answer her calls or texts and move on in my life. I still feel a certain loss and stupidity for letting this kind of behavior going on. I have a masters degree and a commercial pilot license, plenty of friends, and plenty of money. Obviously I don't even have an 8th grade education when it comes to signs of being used and taken for granted.
corazoncito Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 moman, you're doing the right thing. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. She clearly isn't ready for a relationship and isn't showing you respect. You shouldn't have to take that. It's her loss. I have had similar exeriences with ex's of my (now) ex's, although nowhere near as extreme as you are going through. I know how annoying it can be when the ex is constantly living in the past and trying to exercise control over their ex's/your SO's life. But your GF is allowing him to do this to her (and you). The part about her being afraid of what he'll do to himself is crap. If she really is afraid that he'll hurt himself or her or other people, she should contact the police and report him. Then he can be checked out by mental health professionals. Of course, I highly doubt he would go that far. It's all a dramatic game they're playing with each other. It's best for you to let them play their game while you move on to something better.
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