spinback Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 Hi all. I'll apologise in advance as I have a feeling this might be a long one. A bit of background... I've posted here numerous times over the last four months after breaking up with my girlfriend after a two and a half year relationship. We moved away from each other to different universities and things just fell apart. I've had some fantastic advice and have discovered the wonders of NC, which has helped me heal a lot. Of the four months, three and a half have been total NC and, up until lately, I have been feeling very much improved. Easter holidays. We have both been at home for a month. I had done a good job avoiding her until last week, when I ran into her and her new boyfriend (of two weeks, whom I believe she cheated on me with before we split up) during a night out drinking. We didn't make eye contact (let alone talk), and she left and went home after about half an hour. At this point, I didn't really feel anything. I had known about her new boyfriend and was initally upset, but got past that quickly. Later that night I ran into one of her friends, who I know quite well. She gave me a total grilling about not replying to a text my ex had sent me the day before (pretty much the standard "how are you doing" message but asked if I had a new girlfriend too). Her friend also told me that her new boyfriend is a rebound and that she was not over me. In the end I felt guilty for not having replied to her text, and so the next day I did. We text each other a few more times and I ended up unblocking her on MSN. This is where it all falls apart. We had a very long talk on Sunday night online. She asked a lot of questions such as 'have you got someone else', 'have you been sleeping around', etc. I told her I had been seeing someone casually for a while, and she began asking to see pictures (not that I sent her any). She said she was happy with her new boyfriend and didn't "think" that he was a rebound. But then she told me that there'd always be a bit of her that will hope we can get back together. She still has a lot of pictures of me and while she was talking to me she told me she was getting upset again. She said she still cares about me a lot. I spoke to her for about 3 hours, then went to bed and we didn't speak for another two days. I have spoken to her twice online since then, once yesterday and once today, although not about anything particularly significant. Somewhat predictably, of course, I'm now thinking about her much more. I have really enjoyed talking to her and she said the same to me. She said she wants us to be "friends". But I can say with a good degree of certainty that I still love her. She has tried contacting me several times since we split up but I have always ignored her because I was afraid this would happen. I am stuck at the moment. I have been acting as though I'm totally over her so she doesn't know this is still how I feel; going back to NC is a fairly good indicator that I'm not. I was also hoping that if I could become accustomed to the idea of us just being friends, I could finally let go of hope (maybe there's no logic there but I don't know). But the truth is I'm torn - obviously I don't want these feelings to stick around, but I don't want to lose her from my life for a second time. I've missed her so much. What do I do? I have been on the brink of texting her telling her that I still love her and can't handle any form of friendship, but wanted to run things past people here before doing something potentially stupid. I can't figure out what the hell the deal is with this new guy of hers either - I wish she would just give me a clear sign as to whether it's a rebound or not so I can get some closure. I had made my peace with the fact she had someone else but now it just hurts. Breaking NC = disaster. Thanks for reading.
MattNZ Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 Maybe you should ask her how she feels about it all? She sounds like she is very confused right now still! She says she hoped you might get back together - maybe she is waiting for you to make that move? Then, if you find that a reconciliation is not on the cards, NC is the way to go to heal yourself and allow you to move on.
Author spinback Posted April 20, 2007 Author Posted April 20, 2007 I'm reluctant to ask her because if she really does just want to be friends, it's going to set me back even further when she sees that I'm still hoping for something more. That being said, it's reached the stage where I'm dreaming about her every night again, which can't be good. I'm thinking about sending a text along the lines of... "Sorry I don't think this friendship thing can work. I still love you and don't want to get hung up on you again, hope you understand. Have enjoyed talking to you again though. All the best." But I don't know. Mixed messages, gotta love them.
Davis Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 I'm thinking about sending a text along the lines of... "Sorry I don't think this friendship thing can work. I still love you and don't want to get hung up on you again, hope you understand. Have enjoyed talking to you again though. All the best." NOOOOOOOO!!! Dont you dare send a text like that or we on LS will think your a major WUSS, we will beat you and ban you from LS. Never ever send any emails or messages like that. NEVER!! It will do nothing except help you lose more dignity and make you feel worse. There is nothing to have "closure" on and I have no idea why people use this word and think they need it. There is NO ending with her that will make you feel any better. YOU are not going to be friends with her because (1) you are going NC (2) YOU do not want to be friends with her because you are not a doormat! You were doing well with NC until you broke it. Go back to it. You will start thinking about her less and less. Do some reading online about getting your lover back, it will give you some good advice about how to handle any future conversation you might have with her (if ever). You didn't handle the situation correctly contacting her and the type of conversation you had. Block her from your MSN again. DO NOT respond to her texts or whatever!! She has a boyfriend bro! She broke up with you and has him regardless of what you "hear" about him. She can only feel better about dumping you and you can only feel worse, so avoid her. Of course you dream about her and miss her now. But remember how much better you got over the past few months? You will get back on track. This was just a little "slip" in your "recovery". Go back to NC. DO NOT CONTACT!
Icantletgo Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 i can't breathe and i can't crying right now. I'm trying out NC (finally) with my ex. It's been a rough couple of months because I DO talk to him. And i see that he has moved on COMPLETELY and i'm still a wreck. I still love him so much and everytime I talk to him or see him is painful. It hurts even more when they dont call you or text you back. Please. for your sake. If you feel like she doesn't want to be w/ you anymore. end it now. before you become how depressed i am.
Davis Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 i can't breathe and i can't crying right now. I'm trying out NC (finally) with my ex. It's been a rough couple of months because I DO talk to him. And i see that he has moved on COMPLETELY and i'm still a wreck. I still love him so much and everytime I talk to him or see him is painful. It hurts even more when they dont call you or text you back. Hey Icantletgo. Yes it hurts. We hope Ididletgo becomes your new name soon. I'm sorry this is so painful for you. I was going to send you a PM, but you don't have one. I don't know WHY you talk to your ex, but you should not and you know why; it just continues the pain. You have to go total NC. I disagree with you, it's better if they don't call back or text bc it will help you get over it and move on. You will get better, I promise!! Do you have your own thread on this??
krzr Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 davis is right! i can get some meaningless text from my ex like hey how is your dad doing and it just gets my mind thinking of her and running through old memories. it would be best if nothing ever came thru because whats the point? its like they have moved on but dont want to let go its really selfish.
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