caringfriend Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 What does it mean when a man only comes over your house at night? After 9-10 PM. Is it me but its been two months and we have never gone out on a real date?
Topper Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Bootycall. The least he could do is buy you a nice dinner.
Author caringfriend Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 ok, I figured as much. Next question: He has kids and is raising them alone. He lied and said he had a certain amount when he really had more. He says its because he didn't want to scare me away. Is it true that if he denies his own he would do the same to me if him and I were to get serious or should I not even consider the fact that he says he wants to marry me in the future.
norajane Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 ok, I figured as much. Next question: He has kids and is raising them alone. He lied and said he had a certain amount when he really had more. He says its because he didn't want to scare me away. Is it true that if he denies his own he would do the same to me if him and I were to get serious or should I not even consider the fact that he says he wants to marry me in the future. He lied about how many kids he has? That's really wierd. Otherwise, that would actually explain why he only sees you after 9pm...after the kids go to bed...though, how old are they? He can't possibly leave them alone, can he? Something's strange about this guy.
Author caringfriend Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 Yes, said he had 4 but really had 6.
IpAncA Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Um...yeah...I would lose this guy. But that's just me.
Author caringfriend Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 He says he is serious about me and we have even been talking marriage and moving. I like him but he is raising these kids alone and though he assure me I won't have to be responsible for his kids cause I am not their mother can I trust him. I really like him but I don't know how to read this one.
norajane Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 You're going way too fast if you're talking about marriage and moving. You've only been dating 2 months! How could you possibly know much about him, and what you do know is strange. Do you even know what happened with his wife? How long he has been on his own? What he does for a living? Who cares for the kids when he is at work? Anything about his family - parents, siblings, etc.? There is no doubt you will have some responsibility for those kids if you marry - how could you not if you are living with them? Maybe you should meet these kids first and find out more about this guy before you consider anything like marriage.
AFarAwayPlace Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 It's been two months and you're discussing marriage?! That in itself is a problem! I'd run, fast and screaming if I were you!! I think he just wants a mother for his children, seriously!!
Author caringfriend Posted April 20, 2007 Author Posted April 20, 2007 Ok, but something in me says he is the one. Do you really think I would be making a big mistake? He wants me to meet his parents? Now can that really be bad.
IpAncA Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 Wo wo wo....your jumping a little quick here don't you think?
Island Girl Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 What does it mean when a man only comes over your house at night? After 9-10 PM. Is it me but its been two months and we have never gone out on a real date? Booty call -- he is not investing anything in you but getting what he wants in the meantime. And you are allowing him to. He has kids and is raising them alone. He lied and said he had a certain amount when he really had more. He says its because he didn't want to scare me away. Is it true that if he denies his own he would do the same to me if him and I were to get serious or should I not even consider the fact that he says he wants to marry me in the future. You are talking marriage -- a lifetime commitment -- with a man whom you have never even been out in public with?!!! He lied about how many kids he had. You only know him behind closed doors not in LIFE. He says he is serious about me and we have even been talking marriage and moving. I like him but he is raising these kids alone and though he assure me I won't have to be responsible for his kids cause I am not their mother can I trust him. I really like him but I don't know how to read this one. If you marry a man -- you marry his kids too. He can say all he wants that you won't be responsible but you WILL BE. If you do not want an instant family where you are instant mommy to 6 kids you are in for a rude awakening if you marry this guy. Seriously -- you are all over the board with this "relationship". Get your head on straight girlfriend! You DO NOT know what you are going to get if you marry this guy. Ok, but something in me says he is the one. Do you really think I would be making a big mistake? He wants me to meet his parents? Now can that really be bad. The whole thing is bad. He can't take you anywhere out of the house -- will not see you during the day -- and has lied to you not only about the number of kids he has but has lied to you about the extent you would be involved if you marry him. Get a grip. How long has this been going on? A couple of months?!!! YOU DON"T KNOW HIM and HE DOESN'T KNOW YOU. If he is looking to marry you he has some serious problems -- you just don't know what they are yet -- BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW HIM. And meeting his parents?!! --- Oh GAWD!
Davis Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 Ok, but something in me says he is the one. Do you really think I would be making a big mistake? He wants me to meet his parents? Now can that really be bad. Something says "he's the one"?? Is that your sub-conscious telling you to be self-destructive and ruin your life? This has bad ending written all over it. You better stop and figure out why you would accept bootycall behavior from any guy. He wants to marry you after 2 months? RUN!! That's always a really bad sign. Who cares if he wants you to meet his parents!?! You are really lacking in good judgement here. You better trust all of us here on LS even if you don't believe us or don't want to and get out of this situation.
Topper Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 So his 6 kids are home alone in bed, while he is visiting you? Have you met his kids? Do they like you? Have you ever gone on a date? Dinner and a movie? Another question is do you want Kids? He may not want more, since he already has 6 kids to feed and support. I hope this guy has one heck of a great paying job. Why does he have custody and not the Mother or at least some joint custody? Is she in the Picture at all? Does this guy have some religious background that prevents him from useing condoms? or from allowing his with or GF from using Birth Control? I can't imagine being with a woman who had 6 kids. She would never have any time for a relationship. It is hard dating a woman with just one or two Kids.
Author caringfriend Posted April 27, 2007 Author Posted April 27, 2007 I am greatful for the advice. I just have to ask and get the opinion. Do you think it would work for me if it did work out with him to survive this relationship with him and his kids. Or do you think I would be swallowed alive?
norajane Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 I am greatful for the advice. I just have to ask and get the opinion. Do you think it would work for me if it did work out with him to survive this relationship with him and his kids. Or do you think I would be swallowed alive? Go to a child day care center and watch what goes on there for an hour. Then answer your own question.
Miss_Bee Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 Ok, but something in me says he is the one. Do you really think I would be making a big mistake? He wants me to meet his parents? Now can that really be bad. What is this "something"? Can you explian a little more? If he lied to you about his children, how could you actually dance around the prospect of him being the "one"??? Also if you've only been together for two monthes? AND.... the fact that he only comes over for sex after 9??????? I think that you ought to put some space between you and this man and quick. Seriously. It sounds like he's looking for an instant mom for these 6 kids of his, to take the burden off of his shoulders... I wouldn't normally say that but..... 2 monthes? From the info that you've given us, that's what it sounds like.... Can you give us more details please?
Author caringfriend Posted April 27, 2007 Author Posted April 27, 2007 I don't know what other details to give.......Maybe you could ask me some questions?
Miss_Bee Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 I don't know what other details to give.......Maybe you could ask me some questions? Well, for one thing.... How could you possibly think that he's the one for you after seeing him, after 9 and on weekends, for only two monthes? How can you come to know someone well enough in that short period of time, let alone know that he's you ONE? I'm sorry if i'm coming off as a little blunt or rude... I really don't mean to, i just don't know any other way to ask you these questions. Does it bother you that he lied to you about how many children he has? If you don't mind me asking, how old are the both of you? How old are the children? Has he ever taken you out? Or has it just been "late night visits" and nothing else?
Author caringfriend Posted April 27, 2007 Author Posted April 27, 2007 I am 29 and he is 34. Yes, it bother sme he lied but he told me he didn't want to scare me away. The children range from 7 to 19. We have never officially gone out. Just for lunch once. But mostly weekend visits etc.....
norajane Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 What do you do together when you do see each other?
nittygritty Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 Is he self-employed? Daycare for six kids would be very expensive when school is out. Who takes care of them when they are sick? They can't go to school or daycare when they are sick. If he doesn't have alternative help then he would not be a dependable employee if he works for someone other than himself. Make sure he is not looking for someone to financially support him and his kids or someone to watch his kids while he goes to work. Also, I would make sure he is not drowning in debt. His talking about marriage after only two months and no date is major red flag.
Author caringfriend Posted April 27, 2007 Author Posted April 27, 2007 norajane - I know what your saying. You know what we do amongst other things like watching a movie, eating..... No, he is not self employed. The children are ages 7-19 years old. I can't answer those other questions. I know that I have given him more than he has given me (nothing) so I see too where you are going! Maybe he's using me!
Touche Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 Are you sure he's not married? My advice though? RUN the other way! I can't think of a worse nightmare than being a stepmom to six kids...YIKES! I've been a stepmom twice. It's no picnic. I assure you. I can't imagine what it would be like with SIX all at once...almost impossible. Maybe you can handle it though. Have you even met the kids yet though? (Sorry, if you already answered that question.) If you haven't even met the kids and you're talking about moving in/marriage there's something seriously wrong here. He might be an abuser or a very controlling man. It's one of the signs. Be warned.
Recommended Posts