Guest Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 My exH and I divorced in late '05 - long story, married 15+ years, 2 kids. He was unfaithful years before, untreated/undiagnosed depression forever. Tried MC (he was having an EA all that time).. eventually I just gave up because the man I'd married was "gone". I filed, waited a long time to push it ahead, but followed through. During our separation, we both moved on with other people. Just prior to the divorce, I had ended my post-M relationship partly because I was having serious second thoughts about divorce. I approached exH at that time, but he had a relationship on the go, and he wanted to keep me on the backburner (he said he'd consider reconciliation) but he kept right on going with the other relationship so I went ahead with the divorce. After that I resumed my relationship with the same man... long story we both thought we'd worked through our respective issues. That ended for me a few months ago. My ex announced to me a couple of weeks ago that his gf was moving back to the state she left to move in with him (and her kids)... she left yesterday. Since he told me she was leaving, I've had all these thoughts and feelings about him - wondering if now that he might have a chance to get his head out of the fog, will he have thoughts of trying to put our family back together? It's WAY too soon to even talk about it. We've been amicable throughout, although we've had a few bumps in the road - he's responsible for his actions but a few could be indirectly "blamed" on his now ex-gf... If I said that I was NOT interested in at least exploring the idea, I'd be a liar. A lot would have to have changed in him in order for it to work - and his having seen that the grass is not necessarily greener might help... and I've done a lot of growing and changing myself in the last few years since we separated. Am I insane to be thinking this way? I'm not going to go out of my way to do anything about these feelings I have - in fact, to do so now would likely be doing more harm than good, because he's still reeling from being unceremoniously dumped. I just have to wonder that if he hasn't had this sort of thought, might he - that maybe he was wrong to let it all slip away? Knowing him - even if he had those thoughts that "maybe" there's another shot at it - he would probably be too scared to say anything. I think there was a window of opportunity for him to want to reconcile while we were separated - but he never told me - and by the time I told him, he was involved with somebody else - via internet and that was too new and exciting to let go of - although he still spent time with us as a family. He kind of wanted it both ways and I wasn't going to be second best. All or nothing. I own my part in the breakdown of the marriage, and I have learned from my mistakes - but I didn't break my vows, I just wasn't the best wife I could have been. I don't know if he'll ever "own" his part - although he did say something to me about "what goes around comes around" - when he was dumped HE was the one emotional and vulnerable and she was cold and unemotional - a turnaround from how he and I used to be. Whatever happens, I know there needs to be some time alone for him. I'm on my own and content with things as they are, but I can't shake these feelings I have - and I even wonder if I'm looking at this foolishly, but then I wonder if the lessons we've both learned since we've been apart could make us better partners to one another? Men - do any of you regret past mistakes enough to try again? If/when the time is right, a few months from now, should I drop a hint or two and see? Any thoughts/advice/experience would be much appreciated. Me.
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