"Love must be tough" in my situation

[Milano]

First of all excuse my english.

 

I've met my girlfriend in december( so we have a rather short relationship).

It wasn't love on first sight for both of us but we spent a lot of time together(also in bed) and so the feelings began to grow.

In February we had a weekend where we had to smaller verbal fights.

I made the mistake of asking her why she didn't pay me attention(later I realized that she was only tired).

But instead of reacting as I had expected( shortly explaining her behaviour) she seemed to be shocked and withdraw from me - she even thought about ending all.

Later she told me that she had a 3-year-relationship where her ex put a lot of emotional demands and pressure on here.

The relationship ended last year in July.

Well I thought that she would realize that I've got insecurities but that I don't blame her for this.

Unfortunately from this day she didn't trusted the relationship anymore.

She withdraw more and more and my fear of losing her went over the top.

I made an appointment to a psychologist but unfortunately I couldn't stop to talk about our issues with her 1-2 times the week.

And her trust went downwards.

Well 3 weeks ago we went on holiday and I thought that the situation would relax but instead of this she became much more distant and didn't want to kiss me anymore.

We made a pregnancy test and in the moment that we saw that the test is positive she told me that we are finished.

She thought that she had to make a decision and decided against me.

I was shocked and tried -like usual- to talk this idea out of her brain:this are only your fears and they could be managed with a therapy.

Without big success.

I had only success when I told her that she had to realize that for me a finish is a finish. So she said that we should wait and see.

Back home I started an appeasement policy.

I was so shocked that I thought I have to understand what is going on(with her) and I take measures that she isn't afraid any more of our relationship.

Long story short: I don't sleep at her home, I don't kiss her, I see her once or twice but her behaviour gets more and more cold and disrespectful.

I thought about many different theories but only this morning while reading some articles of Dobson( "Love must be tough") I realized my mistakes.

 

If I go on with this behaviour our relationship is doomed and I am afraid of this - especially as we are becoming a baby.

We aren't separated - she calls me her boyfriend- but the situation is rather tricky.

Actually I don't feel a lot of self-esteem - especially in her presence.

What should I do?

Quitting it and using the time to recover?

This would be tough for me(I'm jealous).

Because of the baby we are always in contact - is this a plus or rather negative?

And because we are only together for 4 months I don't know if it is enough for her to feel the urge to come back.