ThumbingMyWay Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 SO... I have noticed that in the last few weeks/months. A good number of the OW that cam here about 6 months ago...or longer/ shorter...what ever... Have reached D-DAY. I could name a few....but wont becasue you know who you are...and there are threads that you have for your new situation....post d-day. I am wondering.....as you look back to when you first got here on LS.....with all the bashing (which got pretty bad this past winter) and all the constructive advice to help you end the A..... do you look back know....and wish you would have done things differently? Is D-day as bad as all the former OW and BS made it out to be? is it worse than you expected? I am just wondering....what you think/feel about the consequences you are experience NOW?...VS when we told you about them before the A ended? Just hoping you all can manage thru it and come out in one piece. The end of an affair just plain sucks....for everyone involved...I aint taking anything away from anyone....the OM, OW, BS, kids...jobs...friends....it affects EVERYTHING in your life....and I hope everyone involved in the circle can endure the consequences.
Author ThumbingMyWay Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 if this came across as an 'I told you so" post...I appoligize....I didnt mean it that way. But I am curious to know...now that the A has been exposed......do you SEE things differently? just curious....I want you all to get through this....with as little pain as possible is all....
sadbuttrue Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 i had a d-day of sorts. but nothing has changed for me. i wanted something to happen, but i am still in the same sad mess. it was a very bad day when it happened, but i have not "suffered" nor do i think MM really "suffered" for it, i guess that is why things have not changed.
yousaveme Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Had D-Day and still together. LS has changed a few thoughts of mine about the situtation.
GreenEyedLady Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 You don't have to have a D-Day to end the A... You assume that the A was found out and the MM chose his M... Not always the case...
Freedom Now Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 D-day was over a year ago for me.... I walked away after that, but it hurt like hell. I'm not gonna lie. But, I stayed away even though he has tried NUMEROUS times to get me back into his clutches. I always thought having affairs was wrong and when I was smack dab in it, it realized how truly painful it is for all parties concerned. I learned alot here but did alot of self reflection and growth on my own...
NoIDidn't Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 You don't have to have a D-Day to end the A... You assume that the A was found out and the MM chose his M... Not always the case... The MM could have chosen to be a SG, or could have run off with OOW. Yeah, it doesn't have to always be the M that was chosen. But the question was posed to those that have endured the heartache of ending the R regardless of what the MM chose. But you are right about the D-day thing. Most OW/OM here didn't have a dday of sorts, but just got tired of the same ole, same ole. Maybe it should be worded (not that I am correcting you at all, thumbing) "For those that have experienced a D-day, and the A ended then or shortly thereafter....."
torranceshipman Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 I finished it with the MM (well, he had a long term R but wasn't married) - and the guy acted so irrationally and stupidly (that's in addition from the general lying that he did to pull me into the A in the 1st place of course!) - that it was a nightmare situation when we split - but my God, I'm so glad it's over. The way he acted post-split showed me his TRUE character and that's why moving on has been so much easier for me (he is my manager and threatened to sack me - can you believe that - then apologised for being such a loser, and did what he could to rectify the situation. This after many years of supposed friendship-betrayal of trust by a 'friend' was by far the worst part of this for me). Sad loser...the only bad thing now is that I have to put up with seeing his ugly mug at work every day!-and I look down on him now, because he's shown himself to be such a poor excuse for a man, but we work together OK, I manage to hide my disdain quite well...
Author ThumbingMyWay Posted April 20, 2007 Author Posted April 20, 2007 You don't have to have a D-Day to end the A... You assume that the A was found out and the MM chose his M... Not always the case... oh GEL...you always point out the technicalities.... :laugh: Yes...you are right....I meant for those A's that were exposed and the MM chose the W so how are you doing?.....
Author ThumbingMyWay Posted April 20, 2007 Author Posted April 20, 2007 I learned alot here but did alot of self reflection and growth on my own... thats what I want to hear..... that you, me, whoever can grow emotional from this......wether a BS or WS....
downtown Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 I finished it with the MM (well, he had a long term R but wasn't married) - and the guy acted so irrationally and stupidly (that's in addition from the general lying that he did to pull me into the A in the 1st place of course!) - that it was a nightmare situation when we split - but my God, I'm so glad it's over. The way he acted post-split showed me his TRUE character and that's why moving on has been so much easier for me (he is my manager and threatened to sack me - can you believe that - then apologised for being such a loser, and did what he could to rectify the situation. This after many years of supposed friendship-betrayal of trust by a 'friend' was by far the worst part of this for me). Sad loser...the only bad thing now is that I have to put up with seeing his ugly mug at work every day!-and I look down on him now, because he's shown himself to be such a poor excuse for a man, but we work together OK, I manage to hide my disdain quite well... how did you manage to work together after the A end ,,,i find it really hard and can not do drama,,,i think my exMM find it hard as well ,a bit of advice is very nice...
pureinheart Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 Post..... So, so glad to put this all behind me, can't believe it happened in the first place.... Got diagnosed with a not so hot disease during all of the crap, and was real sick.....but am healing and now realize this thing has plagued me most of my adult life....am better than before even. Alot of things broke in my life because of this, I don't have to have a relationship to survive....it feels like in the past that is exactly what was happening, I was simply surviving, now I am living.
pureinheart Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 I finished it with the MM (well, he had a long term R but wasn't married) - and the guy acted so irrationally and stupidly (that's in addition from the general lying that he did to pull me into the A in the 1st place of course!) - that it was a nightmare situation when we split - but my God, I'm so glad it's over. The way he acted post-split showed me his TRUE character and that's why moving on has been so much easier for me (he is my manager and threatened to sack me - can you believe that - then apologised for being such a loser, and did what he could to rectify the situation. This after many years of supposed friendship-betrayal of trust by a 'friend' was by far the worst part of this for me). Sad loser...the only bad thing now is that I have to put up with seeing his ugly mug at work every day!-and I look down on him now, because he's shown himself to be such a poor excuse for a man, but we work together OK, I manage to hide my disdain quite well... Amazing isn't it....only a true control freak behaves in the manor that you described here
pureinheart Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 The MM could have chosen to be a SG, or could have run off with OOW. Yeah, it doesn't have to always be the M that was chosen. But the question was posed to those that have endured the heartache of ending the R regardless of what the MM chose. But you are right about the D-day thing. Most OW/OM here didn't have a dday of sorts, but just got tired of the same ole, same ole. Maybe it should be worded (not that I am correcting you at all, thumbing) "For those that have experienced a D-day, and the A ended then or shortly thereafter....." In my case I strongly believe MM manipulated a d-day occurance....wow I'm so glad all of that is over.....
SoxPrincess Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 I just started posting here recently, but I've been reading and lurking here for the better part of the last 18 months or so. When I first became involved with exMM, I remember reading posts here from OW's who had DDays and their stories and I would think "That will NEVER happen to me, MM is not like all of THOSE guys" and as is turns out...exMM was just like THOSE guys (if not worse). Looking back, I wish I would have opened up and asked for advice here..but shoulda, coulda, woulda right? I have learned quite a bit here reading and posting, from both BS' and OW's/exOW's, but I've also spent a lot of time working on me. I have gone and still continue to go to therapy, I've spent a ton of time thinking about what was missing in my life that made me get involved with a MM, I've realized I made a huge mistake but I've forgiven myself (or I'm at least working on that part lol), I have a lot of guilt but I work on that daily and most importantly I realize that I can't change the past but I have the ability and the tools to change my future.
frannie Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 Haven't had a d-day, though I sometimes wish we would, just to be out of the stupidity of it all. However, as time has gone on I don't think a d-day would matter to me so much any more. Nothing to lose my end, and really, whatever he choses to do is up to him. I suppose I am happy in that I am pretty sure he doesnt love his wife, and he'd want to be with me if a screaming event occurred.
puddleofmud Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 Hi PIH: So good to hear from you as always, but this is the first to hear about a "not so hot disease". I am very sad to hear of this and your struggle. I do pray for your healing and wish you well. My heart and soul goes out to you, Sweet warm hugs and thoughts to you for your healing and well being. Kisses to you! Post..... So, so glad to put this all behind me, can't believe it happened in the first place.... Got diagnosed with a not so hot disease during all of the crap, and was real sick.....but am healing and now realize this thing has plagued me most of my adult life....am better than before even. Alot of things broke in my life because of this, I don't have to have a relationship to survive....it feels like in the past that is exactly what was happening, I was simply surviving, now I am living.
puddleofmud Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 There is no particular D Day, so to speak. One never gets "over it"; one just gets "beyond it" with a great deal of hard work, self awareness and a huge helping of humble pie. SO... I have noticed that in the last few weeks/months. A good number of the OW that cam here about 6 months ago...or longer/ shorter...what ever... Have reached D-DAY. I could name a few....but wont becasue you know who you are...and there are threads that you have for your new situation....post d-day. I am wondering.....as you look back to when you first got here on LS.....with all the bashing (which got pretty bad this past winter) and all the constructive advice to help you end the A..... do you look back know....and wish you would have done things differently? Is D-day as bad as all the former OW and BS made it out to be? is it worse than you expected? I am just wondering....what you think/feel about the consequences you are experience NOW?...VS when we told you about them before the A ended? Just hoping you all can manage thru it and come out in one piece. The end of an affair just plain sucks....for everyone involved...I aint taking anything away from anyone....the OM, OW, BS, kids...jobs...friends....it affects EVERYTHING in your life....and I hope everyone involved in the circle can endure the consequences.
GreenEyedLady Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 oh GEL...you always point out the technicalities.... :laugh: Yes...you are right....I meant for those A's that were exposed and the MM chose the W so how are you doing?..... You should know my style by now... I am doing FABULOUS DAHLING! SIMPLY FABULOUS... Thanks for asking...
movinon05 Posted April 21, 2007 Posted April 21, 2007 I had too many D-days to count. So by the time I gave the ultimatum, I was already prepared for the outcome, actually hoping it didn't happen and fully expecting it not to. In my mind and in my heart, I was done. As POM says, you get beyond it with hard work and self awareness. Fortunately, I didnt' have to eat that humble pie, because as I said, I was done in my heart. So my name became my mantra. And it really does work. There IS life after an A! And much laughter and joy and monkeyoffmyback feelings! I'm good to go!
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