amaysngrace Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 My relationship ended. He went and got Prozac for OCD but never filled it. He said he can stop drinking through the week on his own and drink only on the weekends. He probably wants me to believe in him AGAIN but I just can't. I think he needs to stop drinking completely. This is a relationship I'm not proud of. When my kids call me out on it years from now and ask me what was I thinking what am I going to tell them? That I had my head up my ass? Yeah, pretty much. The cards are on the table. He knows where I stand. He knows who I am. He knows what he stands to lose. I'm trying really hard not to take his drinking personally, Lord help me I am. It's been three days N/C. It seems he prefers drinking to me. All the great things I am, all the great things I did, all the good inside my heart and inside my mind and he would rather have a beer than me??? It's time I let it go... (this thinking ~ not my stomach contents )
a4a Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Sorry Grace. Please remember you did not fail. You did not. He failed himself...... it was not you!
Author amaysngrace Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 Thanks a4a. You're a sweetheart.
a4a Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Thanks a4a. You're a sweetheart. aw, shiat!!! did I let my nice side show??!! damn damn damn. now I am going to have to go kick some toddlers at the mall.
dropdeadlegs Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Hey, AG. I'm sorry you're hurting and I feel your pain. Taking a stand and sticking to it hard. He's crazy to think that drinking on weekends is acceptable while using an antidepressant drug. Alcohol being a depressant it will make the Prozac ineffective. Sadly, I don't think doctors speak to their patients about drinking history, and tell them how important NOT drinking is to treating ailments requiring antidepressant drugs. Try not to make it about you, I know that's hard, you feel rejected. He has to face his demons, and he isn't ready for that just yet. I bet he won't stop drinking on weekdays if it's a full fledged habit. At least not for long. then he won't find the Prozac helpful, and he'll quit using it, too. be happy that you won't take that particular ride on the ole merry go round. As for your kids, I have had to admit to some mistakes where men are concerned. It's not so bad, they're pretty forgiving. I have had to literally say that MY head was up my ass more than once. It's all about how the future is handled from this point. A steady stream of undesirable men is harder to forgive. If he tries to come back into your life, take it slowly and be sure he is making the appropriate changes to avoid getting reeled in for another bout in the same tired ring. Be good to yourself, girl!
Miss_Bee Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 You did the right thing Amazing... Just remember that time heals all wounds and that we are here for you He lost a good thing, and unfortunatley he won't realize that until he awakens from the drunken haze that he has sunk himself into. It's time to move on, heal and find and amazing man that suits you.
littlekitty Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Sorry to hear that Amayngrace. *hugs* to you. As you know only to well, only he can make the decision to stop drinking. And only he can realise what a good thing he lost. It's a shame he can't see that right now.
Author amaysngrace Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 Thanks Ladies. It's tough today no doubt but it's better than yesterday. I think it's true that he won't realize what he's lost until there's a really big void there. Maybe or maybe not. Who knows? Maybe I'm giving myself too much credit here. Maybe he already filled the void in his bed? Anyway, not for me to think about. It's good in a way to go through these stupid things I go through in my life. So I can tell my kids what life's about...firsthandedly and not from some dudley do right perspective, ya know? Just because their mama's got her head up her ass doesn't mean they should be so dumb! They can look to me as an example on what NOT to do. Nice, huh? Just what every mother aspires to be. The bad example.
a4a Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 well you can set a good example by not beating yourself up and having the brains to see that you don't need that in your life. * a4a has kicked two toddlers and "pantsed" a old lady in a walker.
Author amaysngrace Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 **Did the old lady's Depends bunch up??** I know it. I have to stop with this thinking. It's bringing me a rain cloud. But I can just see my kids later on in life steering clear of anything that closely resembles anything in my life, warning each other, "don't do THAT, mommy did THAT!".
dropdeadlegs Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Thanks Ladies. It's tough today no doubt but it's better than yesterday. I think it's true that he won't realize what he's lost until there's a really big void there. Maybe or maybe not. Who knows? Maybe I'm giving myself too much credit here. Maybe he already filled the void in his bed? Anyway, not for me to think about. It's good in a way to go through these stupid things I go through in my life. So I can tell my kids what life's about...firsthandedly and not from some dudley do right perspective, ya know? Just because their mama's got her head up her ass doesn't mean they should be so dumb! They can look to me as an example on what NOT to do. Nice, huh? Just what every mother aspires to be. The bad example. From my point of view, as a child and as a parent, you have a valid point here. I was told not to do things because they were "wrong" to do. I tell my children not to do things based on my personal experience. I share a lot of that experience and I know that they find me more believable and honest than I found my parent's so called wisdom. I give them the good, and the bad perspectives. They are not afraid to come to me with problems or questions for fear of being mistrusted in the aftermath. I think we live in a much more realistic environment. We have much better communication and far fewer lies and sneaking around than the relationship I had with my parents. My mistakes, and the lessons learned, are little badges of honor to me. They show that people are capable of change. They show that I am human and therefore imperfect. They show survival of things I thought might actually kill me. I cry, I laugh, I scream, I show emotion. I am honest. AG, I'm glad today is better than yesterday, and hopeful that tomorrow will be better yet.
a4a Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 **Did the old lady's Depends bunch up??** I know it. I have to stop with this thinking. It's bringing me a rain cloud. But I can just see my kids later on in life steering clear of anything that closely resembles anything in my life, warning each other, "don't do THAT, mommy did THAT!". no they did not bunch up but she was packing a load! :sick: Hey so look at it this way you got bright kids that can learn from the mistakes of others.... you may feel better in a couple of weeks and just chat with them about it. Might be a great lesson for them to learn that they cannot change others. You may have done a great service for them in the long run. :D Now if your head were really up your butt (it would be dark btw) you would not be in NC now! So maybe you just kinda had your head lodged between your cheeks, not really up your butt.....?
Author amaysngrace Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 From my point of view, as a child and as a parent, you have a valid point here. I was told not to do things because they were "wrong" to do. I tell my children not to do things based on my personal experience. I share a lot of that experience and I know that they find me more believable and honest than I found my parent's so called wisdom. I give them the good, and the bad perspectives. They are not afraid to come to me with problems or questions for fear of being mistrusted in the aftermath. I think we live in a much more realistic environment. We have much better communication and far fewer lies and sneaking around than the relationship I had with my parents. My mistakes, and the lessons learned, are little badges of honor to me. They show that people are capable of change. They show that I am human and therefore imperfect. They show survival of things I thought might actually kill me. I cry, I laugh, I scream, I show emotion. I am honest. AG, I'm glad today is better than yesterday, and hopeful that tomorrow will be better yet. Well this is very encouraging. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. You brought a smile to my face.
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