mental_traveller Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 I lent a friend some money 2 weeks ago - he was expecting some funds (a student loan) in but they were delayed and he needed to make his rent payment (he's studying so a bit short of cash at the moment). He told me he'd get the money by the 13th, so I said no problem as long as he is confident he can pay back by then. I also said make sure to let me know if there's a delay and you need a bit more time. Anyway, it's now almost a week late and he has not paid back. He has also not let me know there would be a delay. If he hasn't got the funds yet (quite possible since the student loan company is slow & inefficient), then why the long silence, instead of telling me about the delay, as we agreed? I guess this is the most likely scenario - there's been a holdup and he just doesn't have the cash yet. But for some reason he's avoided informing me. If this turns out to be the case, how would you react if you were in my shoes? I am not so much concerned about the money (I'll get it back eventually), but more about this person's character. Part of me is saying I should just concentrate on getting repaid, and then totally cut this person off. Do you think this is fair/wise, or an overreaction? The other part says it's probably that he's just embarrassed about not being able to make the deadline, he expected it to arrive and was planning to just be a couple of days late and then be able to repay. Yes it's a mistake to keep quiet, but not a serious one. Anyway, I am going to call him tomorrow and ask why he hasn't contacted me about it. Any opinions on how I should proceed from there? How would you feel & act in this situation?
Tony T Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 IF you are able to get ahold of your friend, let him know that you are now in need of the money you lent him. Let him know that you relied on his promise to get it to you by a certain date, knowing you would need it for expenses several weeks later. You have no idea of the millions of "friendships" that have been totally destroyed by things just like this. Many people borrow money never intending to pay it back. Because you are a friend, you probably didn't ask him to sign a promissory note. Having one signed is the only way you can take him to court and get a judgment. Most states require loans to be in writing in order to be legal obligations. (Write Judge Judy and see what she has to say! She's likely kick him in the ars anyway!) The more time goes by without some words with him, the less likely you are to get your money. There are so very many people who would just rather forsake a friendship than pay money back...even when they have it. Talk to this man as soon as you can and, again, let him know you have a need for it next week. See what he says. If he doesn't have the money, tell him YOU are going to borrow money from someone else to make the obligation you intended to use this money for and he should keep you better informed about the situation. Frankly, I don't think you'll hear much from the guy. Even if he pays you back now, unfortunately, weird things happen in people's brains over stuff like this. It's highly unlikely the friendship will ever be the same. On the positive side, there are friends out there who pay as agreed or communicate very well. However, they are in a minority. Good luck and please never again loan money you aren't willing to just give away!
Moose Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Good luck and please never again loan money you aren't willing to just give away!Ya beat me to it.... ....
Author mental_traveller Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 It's not money that is particularly significant to me. And I don't lend what I can't afford to lose & put down to experience. The issue is more how one ought to treat or "classify" someone who keeps silent for a week after a deadline to repay. I.e. if it's just a case of them getting caught out by the loan company being slow, and then not thinking it's a big deal to be a bit late, expecting to repay as soon as they've got the loan...or just feeling embarrassed about not having it to repay, wanting to only raise the subject when they can settle it. Then what? Are they scum of the earth, or just a bit lax with deadlines? Should I never speak to them again, or just smile, get repaid 1-2 weeks late, and not lend again to this person? I'm aware of the type that never intends to repay, and unless I am way off base in my judgement, this guy isn't that type of scumbag. It looks more like he's just cash-strapped and genuinely finding it hard. My issue is not him being 1 week late, but not mentioning it, that's all. If he is just going to stiff me all along, then ok it's an easy decision what to do with him
Tony T Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 It's not money that is particularly significant to me. And I don't lend what I can't afford to lose & put down to experience. The issue is more how one ought to treat or "classify" someone who keeps silent for a week after a deadline to repay. I.e. if it's just a case of them getting caught out by the loan company being slow, and then not thinking it's a big deal to be a bit late, expecting to repay as soon as they've got the loan...or just feeling embarrassed about not having it to repay, wanting to only raise the subject when they can settle it. Then what? Are they scum of the earth, or just a bit lax with deadlines? Should I never speak to them again, or just smile, get repaid 1-2 weeks late, and not lend again to this person? I'm aware of the type that never intends to repay, and unless I am way off base in my judgement, this guy isn't that type of scumbag. It looks more like he's just cash-strapped and genuinely finding it hard. My issue is not him being 1 week late, but not mentioning it, that's all. If he is just going to stiff me all along, then ok it's an easy decision what to do with him Your best bet is just to be honest with him and let him know you are a bit taken back by his lack of communication on this matter. Let him know how you feel, that you aren't meaning to put pressure on him but that you really feel you are owed some sort of clear explanation of the situation and when you can reasonably expect to be paid back. Only YOU can judge whether or not to write this guy off based on your total experience here. As I said before, people really get weird when it comes to money. Give him a few points for being human and go from there.
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