greengoddess Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 If you had information about the affair person or their husband that would totally ruin them would you use it? Unfortunately my answer is no but only because I would not want to affect their kids lives. They don't deserve it.
yousaveme Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 I wouldnt use any information I have to harm anyone.
FireandIce Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Ummm I might use info that I had about her but I would never do anything to try and hurt or destroy the husband. I actually have information about the OW from my husbands affair that would totally destroy her with her family. She's not married and doesn't have kids so I don't have to worry about that. Her family is deeply religious (not sure what religion but she's from another country and they are very against premarital sex) and she would basically be disowned by her family if they found out about it. I'm seriously considering using it if she keeps up the crap she's doing (read my thread and you'll understand). I actually wouldn't have a problem doing so because IMO she has had more than enough chances to leave me alone but she has some sick need to try and upset me every chance she gets. A quick phone call to her mother or one of her brothers might take care of that....
Author greengoddess Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 I wouldnt use any information I have to harm anyone. are you in an affair? Isn't sleeping with a married man harming his wife and kids?
Author greengoddess Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 Ummm I might use info that I had about her but I would never do anything to try and hurt or destroy the husband. I actually have information about the OW from my husbands affair that would totally destroy her with her family. She's not married and doesn't have kids so I don't have to worry about that. Her family is deeply religious (not sure what religion but she's from another country and they are very against premarital sex) and she would basically be disowned by her family if they found out about it. I'm seriously considering using it if she keeps up the crap she's doing (read my thread and you'll understand). I actually wouldn't have a problem doing so because IMO she has had more than enough chances to leave me alone but she has some sick need to try and upset me every chance she gets. A quick phone call to her mother or one of her brothers might take care of that.... Have you told her if she doesn't back off you will do this?
NoIDidn't Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Sometimes revealing the A IS the worst that you can do to them. If there is a H or a BF, that is usually enough to "ruin" their lives for that particular moment. I wouldn't do it vindictively, though. I would do it simply because the truth needs to be known to all being affected that didn't know it yet. In my case, that's exactly what I did. I couldn't control what happened next, though. And it wasn't exactly MY fault that her BF left after finding out that she'd been cheating on him behind his back (like she tried to make it seem).
IfWishesWereHorses Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 are you in an affair? Isn't sleeping with a married man harming his wife and kids? I believe she said that she wouldn't use any information she had to harm anyone. People who are in affairs don't care about the damage they are doing to the people involved W or kids. They only care about themselves and go to incredible lengths to justify their actions. She wouldn't INTENTIONALLY harm them, the fact that they are harmed by it isn't her INTENTION so she is absolved of all responsibility. Get the logic?????
FireandIce Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Have you told her if she doesn't back off you will do this? No I haven't said that yet but I'm sure she knows that he told me. If she calls me tonight (like she told him she would but I still don't believe it because I do think the only reason she called last night is because she knew I wouldn't be home) I will tell her that if she continues this crap then I will have no problem going to her family and spilling her dirty little secret. Maybe then she'll realize that I'm not just going to lie down and play dead while she screws with my life.
silktricks Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 I'd think about it. I'd obsess over it. I'd dream of it. At times I'd gloat over it. I wouldn't use it though.
will2power Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 are you in an affair? Isn't sleeping with a married man harming his wife and kids? you seem to have a comprehension problem. She said she would not use INFO to harm anyone. She didn't say what she was doing was right or wrong, harmful to others or not. She might be participating in an R for which she knows her lover is M, but she is not the one who strayed out of a committed R to be with someone else. Her responsibility is to herself and not to others. Personally, I know of things that my sMM did not tell his W about us when we were having an A. But to hurt her would be to hurt him so I would not never hurt him no matter what he's ever done to me in the past.
Author greengoddess Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 As with the original poster's sitch, it isn't the informing that will destroy her, it's her own actions. I would tell the truth. I would not threaten 2 tell the truth as a bargaining chip 2 get her out of your life. I would do it because it's the right thing 2 do. If she didn't want the consequences she'll be faced with, she shouldn't have had an affair. -ol' 2long What about the children though? What if it will really, really hurt the children of the ow. I can not hurt children even if it is the moms actions that caused it.
Trialbyfire Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 gg, are you asking if the OW/OM would use this information against the BW/BH or the MM/MW or are you asking all parties of the triangle? My response is from the perspective of the BW, of course. I had quite a bit of information which I knew to be sensitive to the OW. I let her believe that I planned to use this information thereby causing her to run around attempting to mitigate future damage that would never happen. I don't plan to ever let her know that I wasn't and won't be using it. She's not my problem anymore.
Author greengoddess Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 gg, are you asking if the OW/OM would use this information against the BW/BH or the MM/MW or are you asking all parties of the triangle? My response is from the perspective of the BW, of course. I had quite a bit of information which I knew to be sensitive to the OW. I let her believe that I planned to use this information thereby causing her to run around attempting to mitigate future damage that would never happen. I don't plan to ever let her know that I wasn't and won't be using it. She's not my problem anymore. I'm asking whether the BS would use it against the other. Same with me TBF I would never use it but I'm much happier with her thinking I may.
JustBreathe Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Your responsiblity is to your husband and your family. She is the one who slept around with a married man and jacked up your life. Did she think what it would do to YOUR children? You and your kids were invisible when she was porking your husband. Tell her husband. He deserves to know what's happened. He probably wonders about why she's been "absent minded" or denying him sex. Distant. DOn't you remember how you felt while your H was having the affair? He deserves and explanation. He deserves a chance to know and make a decision to stay with her or not with full knowledge of what he is dealing wtih. You are NOT telling her children -- that is her choice and her husband's choice to make.
reservoirdog1 Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 There's one of my XW's OMs who I consider to be the worst offender. She and I split over three years ago. I've not taken any action against him and I don't plan to. However, if an opportunity to damage him landed in my lap, I'd probably take advantage of it. Sorry f*cko, but revenge is a dish best served cold.
Trialbyfire Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 However, if an opportunity to damage him landed in my lap, I'd probably take advantage of it. Sorry f*cko, but revenge is a dish best served cold. This isn't funny but it is... :lmao: No offense intended to anyone.
Frances Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 I have information that would get the OW in my h EA in big trouble but I will never use it. The A is over so there is no point but if she was still around and causing trouble I would think about it.
mopar crazy Posted April 23, 2007 Posted April 23, 2007 He!! ya, if it didn't include hurting her children, the innocent party in the A. She f@cking got my H fired from a good, stable job b/c she felt he was trying to fire her ( after her broke it off). He wasn't! They both should of been fired! But the b!tch got off scott free. Now would I try to seek revenge on her now, no, but at the time of their A I would have. However, she made her own messed up life happen b4 my H even came into the picture. She was known as the factory bicycle so everyone knew she was a loose skank who f@cked anything w/ a d!ck! She doesn't work at the same place but heard from someone that works w/ her that she has practically went through all the men at the factory.
Ripples Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 I told everyone about my exes OW, I ruined their lives as much as I possibly could and have no regrets in doing so.
ckman Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Unless some one's life or health is in danger there's no purpose in exposing the affair to friends, family or their children. Telling the children would be using them as a pawn. Part of the excitement and attraction of affairs is the secrecy. Letting the two people engaging in the affair know that you know will take away the secrecy and confronting them about the damage they will cause to others will take the excitement out of it. In most cases, that affair will fizzle.
lavendera Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 ...hmmm....seems to edit a post, you need to lengthen your message to at least 10 characters... so be it!
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