Author GreenEyedLady Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 I'm not saying anyone is getting angry...I just said it was getting real personalized... And I know what it's like when everyone's jumping on you...and when what you wrote wasn't really what you meant or was taken in a way that was not intended... Just trying to help...
Tomcat33 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 I'm neither. Just feel that her slamming his wife for all the problems in their marriage is getting ridculous. That's all. She's making it seem like her MM is perfect and his sheeyot doesn't stink. Look I have my opinions on my situation. Are you my exMM's W or something? Why are you taking my comments SOOOO personally? Can you not seperate yourself from my situation for one second simply to take in a different point of view, on a different situation other than yours?
Trialbyfire Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Look I am illustrating trite qualities to demonstrate how opposite we are. I won't go into the nitty gritty of how we are fundamentally different because I don't wish to explain all the details on here, a public forum. I have no idea who is reading on the other side, what if one of you is she or knows her? I have no right to sit here and talk about someone in such detail that might blow their cover that is not myself. I couldn't do that to her or him. So keep in mind when I post here I am limited to my comments. But I will tell you this she is neither fat, nor a loser, in fact she is quite attractive, but she does not care to express her attraction. She appears unattractive but she is not. And my understanding is that at one point many years ago she was far more into "expressing" herself than she is now. She and I are complete opposites. Yeah she is def. "something" to him. I have a few theories as to what she may be...again there are a lot of factors that I cannot share on here. But yeah she's something. Shall I illustrate how different I was from the OW and what my strengths are? I don't see the need because it's completely irrelevant.
Tomcat33 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 I'm not angry either. I find this very humorous that tomcat thinks this is about her taking care of herself. Good I'm glad I can provide some comic relief, maybe that will help every one chill out a bit. And yes I do think it is about taking care of oneself. Taking care of oneself can come in the form of something physical, mental, or spiritual and if we stop caring about ourselves why would anyone else? The fact that this comment of mine ruffled so many feathers makes me wonder if it's not because I may have hit a nail....
whichwayisup Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Look I have my opinions on my situation. Are you my exMM's W or something? Why are you taking my comments SOOOO personally? Can you not seperate yourself from my situation for one second simply to take in a different point of view, on a different situation other than yours? Nope. I'm not her and I'm not taking it personally at all. And I have no situation I'm in. I am sorry I'm being harsh, I guess after many months of reading various threads by certain OW who disrespect and resent MM's wives, I feel sad for the wife as she isn't here to defend herself. And sometimes, even if you don't mean it to, the way you speak of his wife, it comes off like you're better than her. Nothing about your situation is easy, all I see is pain all around you, your MM and his wife.
Trialbyfire Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 The fact that this comment of mine ruffled so many feathers makes me wonder if it's not because I may have hit a nail.... Sly but oh so inapplicable...
Tomcat33 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Shall I illustrate how different I was from the OW and what my strengths are? I don't see the need because it's completely irrelevant. Actually I would LOVE to see what they are. sure!
Trialbyfire Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Actually I would LOVE to see what they are. sure! Do you? Since I feel they're irrelevant, you'll have to wait until they are relevant.
sadbuttrue Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 have wives ever come on here and found the OW?
Author GreenEyedLady Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 have wives ever come on here and found the OW? In the year I've been here, I can't remember that happening, but it's always good to watch how much info you give out about your own situation...
Tomcat33 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Nope. I'm not her and I'm not taking it personally at all. And I have no situation I'm in. I am sorry I'm being harsh, I guess after many months of reading various threads by certain OW who disrespect and resent MM's wives, I feel sad for the wife as she isn't here to defend herself. And sometimes, even if you don't mean it to, the way you speak of his wife, it comes off like you're better than her. Nothing about your situation is easy, all I see is pain all around you, your MM and his wife. Excuse me, you know nothing about me other than what I choose to disclose on here. I don't "disrespect or resent MM's wives" I have no reason to. I don't even have a reason to disrespect or hate my MM's W. I do however have my strong opinions as to why my situation happened, why I allowed myself to do the unspeakable, and proceed to allow myself to feel things for someone that was not available. But I also know that you have to be in MY shoes to see and live what I lived to make the choices that I did when I was presented by this situation. And though I don't expect any sympathy whatsoever for my own doings, I certainly don't expect to take into account what your opinions may be to a situation that you have no clue about. I've noticed there are a few regular posters in the OW forum in particular who are just here to needle other members, in particular the OW. Lest we forget this is the OW/OM forum. So if you don't like to hear what some of us OW have to say perhaps you should not subject yourself to such torture, surely if you're in THAT much need for feeling pitty for someone, as you do in the case of my exMM's wife, you can feel far more pitty by visiting a hospital with cancer kids. now there is a good place to deposit all this "pitty you feel" I'll give you this much though, you have made an ART out of being harsh. I have yet to read a post by you in any thread on the OW forum where you are being anything less than harsh. Why so much tough love WWIU?
Ruby Tuesday Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 You would know if it's my xOW because the bitch cant spell. Yeeehawww
Tomcat33 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Do you? Since I feel they're irrelevant, you'll have to wait until they are relevant. I won't hold my breath on that. If you you can't come up with even one thing that you feel you had over your H's OW then maybe that explains why these women become such a threat.
Trialbyfire Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 I won't hold my breath on that. If you you can't come up with even one thing that you feel you had over your H's OW then maybe that explains why these women become such a threat. There you have it in a nutshell...
Tomcat33 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 And how do YOU know 100% for sure that he didn't drive her away, so SHE maybe felt neglected and chose to close herself off from him. I bet he wouldn't admit that to you. Either way, it takes TWO. Maybe he wasn't meeting her needs and that shut her down. Who knows? Or maybe she did shut him out and he did absolutely nothing wrong...Problem is, he didn't speak up - He didn't share how HE felt when she neglected him. Either way, what's done is done. wooops I had missed this point, v important one He actually DID admit this to me, he was ashamed to admit it and part of his guilt was also that he allowed himself to pull away as opposed to confronting her about it. I am not absolving him of his share, not at all. I am not so naive that I would think it was all her doing, no, not at all. But let's face it's the men that usually have the wandering eye. And I feel it's more the woman's job to make sure his eyes stay focused, pure and simply because he is the one who has that tendency to begin with. Either way they both played their part in it. But unlike him, she chose a career that would take her away from her home for months at a time and to me that is a pretty significant choice. especially since she was not even interested in what she was doing, she was doing it purely for the money. I can't tell you how I know this but trust me I know this for a fact. That is where I think she went SERIOUSLY wrong. And this started pretty much within months after they were married. When you marry someone you make a commitment to be there for them and to be there also means to be there "in person" she chose her career over the marriage. excuse me not even HER career "a" career. Isn't that a broken vow? And before anyone says yeah but they agreed to this together, actually no they didn't he supported her, and when the tables were turned for his work and he had a side project that he worked on (that's how I met him) she did not support him at all, she did not want to spend time to help him succeed in his passion, and that's how he and I met we had the same passion for this project. Suddenly after he moved out she found out about us, she magically wanted to join him and take interest. C'mon. All in all they BOTH did things terribly terribly wrong.
herenow Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 I'll give you this much though, you have made an ART out of being harsh. I have yet to read a post by you in any thread on the OW forum where you are being anything less than harsh. Why so much tough love WWIU? I only have a few minutes, but I have to respond to this. WWIU is one of the best posters here at LS for both BW and OW. You are freaking kidding me if you think she hasn't been of help to many OW with her insightful posts. You are so off base here that it's clear you are not willing to listen to any ideas that don't fit in your world. If you are so perfect Tomcat, where is the man you love? Why isn't he pledging his unconditional love for the most perfect woman he has ever met? Where is the answer to that Tomcat? Why would he leave you to go back and work on his marriage? I sense that you are jealous of his wife because she has something that you don't understand. Maybe she has human decency and kindness. Maybe she is just a really good person. I can see how you wouldn't understand that.
Tomcat33 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 I only have a few minutes, but I have to respond to this. WWIU is one of the best posters here at LS for both BW and OW. You are freaking kidding me if you think she hasn't been of help to many OW with her insitful posts. You are so off base here that it's clear you are not willing to listen to any ideas that don't fit in your world. If you are so perfect Tomcat, where is the man you love? Why isn't he pledging his unconditional love for the most perfect woman he has ever met? Where is the answer to that Tomcat? Why would he leave you to go back and work on his marriage? I sense that you a jealous of his wife because she has something that you don't understand. Maybe she has human decency and kindness. Maybe she is just a really good person. I can see how you wouldn't understand that. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, you think she is helpful I think she is harsh. we can agree to disagree. Clearly I am far from perfect, if I WERE perfect I would not be on here now would I. It's not about being perfect, it's about awakening a need in someone that was dormant for a very long time. And he too awoke needs in me that I didn't realise I neede in a man, things that go back to how both he and I were brought up, our family values our cultural similarities. Smething he did not have with her. In my MMs case the needs were deep emotional ones, they were needs that on some level I met for him and he for me. But in the process of this happening an innocent bystander had to be hurt, and there is just too much emotional baggage that goes along with that. Perhaps if we were both cold pricks this would have been much easier but we are not. I let him go back to do what he had to because people make mistakes, people think they want something and then they don't. And as much as it killed me to know that he had to go back to try, it was better to have that happen now than to have him come to me a year down the road and say to me "Oh my god, what have I done" I don't care why he went back, I really don't aside from the pain it caused me but I it's part of the package... he had to and that's that. i don't know why you are fixating on that? He DID pledge his unconditional love to me, he moved out to be with me, he broke another woman's heart to be with me, and then it all hit home. every single one of his actions hit home, he realised the amount of pain that he has caused all around him, both on my side and especially on hers. And now he is just trying to make sense of it all. Or not, maybe it is all figured out in his head, I have't a clue. All I know is what I can do, and that is let him be. Why is that so hard to comprehend? Would I be a better version of the OW you have concocted up in your head, if I were a psyhco bitch calling him and doing drive by's to spy on him at home trying to break him up when he went back to his W!?!? What you fail to see is that it's not about ME or HER winning. It's about what life wants it to be. I can't push him to choose me and love me anymore than she can, anymore than HE can push his heart to be with whom he does not wish to be. It's a mess the whole thing is a mess. But I have come to realise that when there are several people's hearts at stake, it's not that simple anymore. . I don't know why he went back to his W. I don't know what it is that he needed to figure out, like I don't know why he keeps coming back to me. I can have my guess as to what prompts him to do such a thing but it's all it is, a guess. Only he knows what he needs to do and why. I sense that you a jealous of his wife because she has something that you don't understand. Maybe she has human decency and kindness I'm sure she is decent and kind, as I am decent and kind despite what your judgement may be. I know who and what I am and I don't feel I am any less than her in that respect, nor in any respect. Nor do I think I am MORE. I am just different. Maybe I am a really good person, I can also see how you wouldn't understand that.
whichwayisup Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 you can feel far more pitty by visiting a hospital with cancer kids. now there is a good place to deposit all this "pitty you feel" Actually I do visit a cancer child in the hospital - One of my closest friends child. Happy now????????? I'm done on your thread.
Tomcat33 Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 Actually I do visit a cancer child in the hospital - One of my closest friends child. Happy now????????? I'm done on your thread. Yeah I'm ecstatic! It's not "my" thread it's just as much your thread as it is mine. It's everyone's thread. Notice you keep coming back to it, I don't call you, YOU CHOOSE to come back and respond. See how we ALWAYS have a choice? There is always going to be something luring us in, if we let it. Ultimately it's up to us to take the bate....really it all boils down what our needs are. In this case you should analize what your need is in responding to all my posts? Once you figure that out you might understand the points I have been trying to make all along.
greengoddess Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 Yeah I'm ecstatic! It's not "my" thread it's just as much your thread as it is mine. It's everyone's thread. Notice you keep coming back to it, I don't call you, YOU CHOOSE to come back and respond. See how we ALWAYS have a choice? There is always going to be something luring us in, if we let it. Ultimately it's up to us to take the bate....really it all boils down what our needs are. In this case you should analize what your need is in responding to all my posts? Once you figure that out you might understand the points I have been trying to make all along. That was the rudest most callous thing I have ever read on here. You're ecstatic she has a friend with a child with cancer? You really are all about you aren't you?
sadbuttrue Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 i would just like to say that wwiu has never been too harsh with me, i think she has been a lot of help and what she says makes sense even if i dont always follow the advice.
whichwayisup Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 GG, it's okay, what she says has no effect on me at all. Her true colours are coming out and in all honesty, she doesn't need any help, harshly put or not. And, thanks again for the kind words HN! And to you to sbt. I do admit some of words can be harsh, but I do care, otherwise I wouldnt' be posting at all. Harsh advice is much different than rude advice......Rude advice doesn't help, but harsh does. Just wish some would recognize that.
sadbuttrue Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 i would just like to say that wwiu has never been harsh with me, and i appreciate all of her advice, even if i dont always follow it i would also like to say that i am sorry your friend's child has cancer, that is so hard to deal with. i hope there is a good outcome.
Tomcat33 Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 That was the rudest most callous thing I have ever read on here. You're ecstatic she has a friend with a child with cancer? You really are all about you aren't you? It's called sarcasm, Einstein (you see I did it again that was sarcastic too, I don't REALLY think you are Einstein) see how that works?
Recommended Posts