Izzar Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Well that is precisely what I am doing now am I not? Funny I have told you all that I am doing, everything I am not doing or doing (dpends on how you want to look at it) on my end to let him be, to let him do what he needs, and he keeps coming back to me on his own free will, and that is still not good enough for you that is still ME taking him away from his W? Short of shooting him in the heart so that he stop feeling what he feels, I cannot control what his heart dictates him to do!!! You can close your door. Don't open it until he is divorced. Do not give him the chance to go back n forth from you to his wife. He thinks he has a revolving door. Speaking of shooting him in the heart, isn't that what he's doing to you & his wife every time he goes back? JMO here.
herenow Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 OK, speech notes are here. Gotta go write. See ya later!
Tomcat33 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Okay, let me try. I think you did fine though. If this man can cheat on his wife, who he is legally bound to, he can cheat on someone who empowered him to cheat. If he's not living with his wife or you, what's to stop him from keeping his options open and looking for someone else to meet all his needs, since neither you nor his wife is capable of doing so. I welcome that idea, in FACT when we started dating I said to him...wow don't you wish you could date around for a while before comitting to us? you've been in a relationship with someone for so long and don't you just wish you could have a little taste of what else is out there? (my question was more from my lack of experience at dating someone so fresh off of another rel) His answer was "why date around when I found the love of my life, besides what could I possibly find now that I didn't already experience when I was younger, you are everthing I could want in a woman, you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, you keep me on my toes, you make me laugh, I have a gREAT time with you and sex with you is incredible, you are the true sexy challenge" I am not that naive to take that sentence and eat it all up but I do trust he does feels that way. BUT now that he is alone, I know for a fact he could be testing the waters...if that is what he needs and that is what it takes for him to realise what he really wants, and at the end of that it's me, then so be it. We are not together now. We are broken up, if he wants to date that is completely fine. As it's fine for me to date right now. Now if we were together and he wanted to date that I will NOT stand for.
Tomcat33 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 I feel so bad for his wife. Especially after reading this. TomKat, He needs to divorce his wife so she can have the chance to be happy with someone else. NO KIDDING! but that's their decission to make not mine. You can close your door. Don't open it until he is divorced. Do not give him the chance to go back n forth from you to his wife. He thinks he has a revolving door. Speaking of shooting him in the heart, isn't that what he's doing to you & his wife every time he goes back? JMO here. EXCATLY which is why I will have nothing to do with him right now unless I can see some papers. Yes I love him, yes I want to be with him, yes what we lived felt true. But enough is enough. I cannot respect him until he does what he so claims he wants to do.
Izzar Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 NO KIDDING! but that's their decission to make not mine. EXCATLY which is why I will have nothing to do with him right now unless I can see some papers. Yes I love him, yes I want to be with him, yes what we lived felt true. But enough is enough. I cannot respect him until he does what he so claims he wants to do. And if he knocks on your door in an hour???
Trialbyfire Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 I welcome that idea, in FACT when we started dating I said to him...wow don't you wish you could date around for a while before comitting to us? you've been in a relationship with someone for so long and don't you just wish you could have a little taste of what else is out there? (my question was more from my lack of experience at dating someone so fresh off of another rel) His answer was "why date around when I found the love of my life, besides what could I possibly find now that I didn't already experience when I was younger, you are everthing I could want in a woman, you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, you keep me on my toes, you make me laugh, I have a gREAT time with you and sex with you is incredible, you are the true sexy challenge" I am not that naive to take that sentence and eat it all up but I do trust he does feels that way. BUT now that he is alone, I know for a fact he could be testing the waters...if that is what he needs and that is what it takes for him to realise what he really wants, and at the end of that it's me, then so be it. We are not together now. We are broken up, if he wants to date that is completely fine. As it's fine for me to date right now. Now if we were together and he wanted to date that I will NOT stand for. I can relate to the compliments. My ex kept that up even after D-day. Too bad for him that my eyes were wide open after that. Truly, judge by actions not words. Lip-service is too easy. Keep your eyes wide open too.
Tomcat33 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 And if he knocks on your door in an hour??? He's been sniffing around for a week now trying to contact me on MSN etc. but he contacted me last night, he sent me an email. Read my back post on this thread. And nothing. I am not going to budge until he has something more to offer me other than "I've been thinking...a lot it's you I want, it's always been you please meet me for a coffee"
Izzar Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Hey, You can always say to him: "Meet me for coffee over your divorce papers"
Trialbyfire Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Hey, You can always say to him: "Meet me for coffee over your divorce papers" Amended for clarity: "Oh, so you've got your final divorce papers? How wonderful. I would love to get together for coffee."
Izzar Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Amended for clarity: "Oh, so you've got your final divorce papers? How wonderful. I would love to get together for coffee." Perfect Trial. Thank You!
Tomcat33 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 And, once again, the blame ALL falls on the shoulders of his wife. Hello, he has a brain and he has a f**k'n MOUTH. He could have TOLD her ANYTIME that HE felt unhappy, that HE felt she was neglecting his needs and abdoning their marriage. He CHOSE to cheat on her. He CHOSE not to confront her and talk to her about the marriage. Now, if she CHOSE not to listen to him, he could have walked away and ended the marriage right there - But, he didn't...He chose to BETRAY her in the worst way, by cheating. I am blaming her for neglecting him, yes I am. I am not blaming her for his cheating. She DID neglect him though. She did let him go off so far off that she lost complete sight of him and realised where he was when he was in another woman's arms. . She (the woman in my case) DID do that. Stop taking my comments personally. I am not BLAMING HER for his cheating I am BLAMING HER for neglecting him. Look I'm not stupid I look around me we live in a society filled with superficialities, so what do I do to combat that? I try to eat healthy I go to the gym, I take good care of myself, I dress very well, I am very feminine in the way I dress and put myself together, I feel good about myself (I try to) I wear make up and love accessorising, and I try new things with my hair and would not be caught dead in granny underpants whether there is a man in my life or NOT. This is who I am. I am also very driven, everything I own I made on my own through my hard work, and I am well rounded. I am constantly trying to better myself in every way. I am a good friend a good listener and have a plethora of life experience to share with those who surround me, I'm an excellent convesationalist, I am very outgoing and just generally fun to be around. I am unfortunately, everything his wife was not. And ANY woman can be like this if she sets her mind to it. If you neglect yourself I doubt you have much to give to those around you. Again, I am apeaking only for my situation.
Trialbyfire Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 I am blaming her for neglecting him, yes I am. I am not blaming her for his cheating. She DID neglect him though. She did let him go off so far off that she lost complete sight of him and realised where he was when he was in another woman's arms. . She (the woman in my case) DID do that. Stop taking my comments personally. I am not BLAMING HER for his cheating I am BLAMING HER for neglecting him. Look I'm not stupid I look around me we live in a society filled with superficialities, so what do I do to combat that? I try to eat healthy I go to the gym, I take good care of myself, I dress very well, I am very feminine in the way I dress and put myself together, I feel good about myself (I try to) I wear make up and love accessorising, and I try new things with my hair and would not be caught dead in granny underpants whether there is a man in my life or NOT. This is who I am. I am also very driven, everything I own I made on my own through my hard work, and I am well rounded. I am constantly trying to better myself in every way. I am a good friend a good listener and have a plethora of life experience to share with those who surround me, I'm an excellent convesationalist, I am very outgoing and just generally fun to be around. I am unfortunately, everything his wife was not. And ANY woman can be like this if she sets her mind to it. If you neglect yourself I doubt you have much to give to those around you. Again, I am apeaking only for my situation. TC, no matter how well-rounded you are, there will always be someone to "upgrade" to. This includes someone more compatible. Where does it end?
whichwayisup Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 I am blaming her for neglecting him, yes I am. I am not blaming her for his cheating. She DID neglect him though. She did let him go off so far off that she lost complete sight of him and realised where he was when he was in another woman's arms. . She (the woman in my case) DID do that. Stop taking my comments personally. I am not BLAMING HER for his cheating I am BLAMING HER for neglecting him. And how do YOU know 100% for sure that he didn't drive her away, so SHE maybe felt neglected and chose to close herself off from him. I bet he wouldn't admit that to you. Either way, it takes TWO. Maybe he wasn't meeting her needs and that shut her down. Who knows? Or maybe she did shut him out and he did absolutely nothing wrong...Problem is, he didn't speak up - He didn't share how HE felt when she neglected him. Either way, what's done is done.
Ladyjane14 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Look I'm not stupid I look around me we live in a society filled with superficialities, so what do I do to combat that? I try to eat healthy I go to the gym, I take good care of myself, I dress very well, I am very feminine in the way I dress and put myself together, I feel good about myself (I try to) I wear make up and love accessorising, and I try new things with my hair and would not be caught dead in granny underpants whether there is a man in my life or NOT. This is who I am. I am also very driven, everything I own I made on my own through my hard work, and I am well rounded. I am constantly trying to better myself in every way. I am a good friend a good listener and have a plethora of life experience to share with those who surround me, I'm an excellent convesationalist, I am very outgoing and just generally fun to be around. I am unfortunately, everything his wife was not. And ANY woman can be like this if she sets her mind to it. If you neglect yourself I doubt you have much to give to those around you. Well THANK GOD you're not neglecting yourself!!! Do you actually read what you write before you hit the send button??? You spout off about superficialities and how busy you are combating them... and you're doing that by what??? ... boycotting granny-panties and doing your hair? C'mon. Cure cancer or something. Then maybe somebody will believe how much better you are than anybody else. Maybe then we'll be impressed.
greengoddess Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 LMAO tomcat is that what you really think it is all about? Are you really that shallow? I wonder what happened to christie Brinkly? Guess she didn't take care of herself or was well rounded enough. I'm sure we could name 100's of beautiful well rounded women who were cheated on. That post just reeks of nanny nanny boo boo I'm beautiful and she wasn't. Is that really what is important to you? Very sad. I guess when you are 60 and your man goes for the 30 year old you will understand after all she is firmer right? disgusting. He didn't even have kids as an excuse and he went back to his wife. Something must be there. I hope she finds out the whole truth so she can find someone who truly loves her.
whichwayisup Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 I am unfortunately, everything his wife was not It almost sounds like you're putting down his wife, like she's the fat, ugly, loser wife who wears grannie panties, doesn't shave her legs, doesn't shower and wears ripped clothing. Obviously she IS something to him because he married her. And he isn't divorcing her.
Tomcat33 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 TC, no matter how well-rounded you are, there will always be someone to "upgrade" to. This includes someone more compatible. Where does it end? It ends in making sure you are meeting each others needs, if not all (because that is impossible) at least most, and ensuring that you still ENJOY your friednship together, that you actually still have FUN together. That you take special interest in one another. Basically all the great things that brought you together with your mate in the FIRST place. So that no matter how good the outside looks, one can honestly say to onself "why go out for milk when I have the whole cow at home" (sorry that was a bad expressiong to use didn't mean any disrespect by the cow thing) Trial you said yourself there are a lot of things you improved about yourself that you were doing wrong before the affair. They are not new things they are not "gee wow I had no idea my husband would find x thing appealing or unappealing" we know what our mates find appealing we just think that just because the papers are signed, sealed and delivered, the marriage will always be there, the bond will always be there so bit by bit we start to let it slide bit by bit it slips away, and before we know it we are letting it ALL hang out. And I mean that in any respect of how we let things "slide".
Author GreenEyedLady Posted April 19, 2007 Author Posted April 19, 2007 Whoa! This is really becoming personalized now...I think everyone needs to take a step back & breathe...
whichwayisup Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 It ends in making sure you are meeting each others needs, if not all (because that is impossible) at least most, and ensuring that you still ENJOY your friednship together, that you actually still have FUN together. That you take special interest in one another. Basically all the great things that brought you together with your mate in the FIRST place. So that no matter how good the outside looks, one can honestly say to onself "why go out for milk when I have the whole cow at home" (sorry that was a bad expressiong to use didn't mean any disrespect by the cow thing) Well, maybe if he had chosen to talk to her, and fix his marriage instead of running into your open arms, things would be different. You sit and judge their marriage, you don't KNOW about their marriage or their real daily life while they were married. You know what you know through his words and other people's words...Other people's interpretations. Not your own eyes...
Trialbyfire Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 It ends in making sure you are meeting each others needs, if not all (because that is impossible) at least most, and ensuring that you still ENJOY your friednship together, that you actually still have FUN together. That you take special interest in one another. Basically all the great things that brought you together with your mate in the FIRST place. So that no matter how good the outside looks, one can honestly say to onself "why go out for milk when I have the whole cow at home" (sorry that was a bad expressiong to use didn't mean any disrespect by the cow thing) Trial you said yourself there are a lot of things you improved about yourself that you were doing wrong before the affair. They are not new things they are not "gee wow I had no idea my husband would find x thing appealing or unappealing" we know what our mates find appealing we just think that just because the papers are signed, sealed and delivered, the marriage will always be there, the bond will always be there so bit by bit we start to let it slide bit by bit it slips away, and before we know it we are letting it ALL hang out. And I mean that in any respect of how we let things "slide". No, I said I was undergoing evolution which is very different. Part of my evolution is to ensure that I never hook up with another narcissist. The signs are very clear to me now. Btw, I met all my exes needs and more, as expressed by him. It was his addiction to the hunt/kill and adrenaline rush that he couldn't control.
Trialbyfire Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Whoa! This is really becoming personalized now...I think everyone needs to take a step back & breathe... It might be getting personalized but I don't know if it's getting out-of-hand. I know I'm not angry or upset.
greengoddess Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 It might be getting personalized but I don't know if it's getting out-of-hand. I know I'm not angry or upset. I'm not angry either. I find this very humorous that tomcat thinks this is about her taking care of herself.
whichwayisup Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 I'm neither. Just feel that her slamming his wife for all the problems in their marriage is getting ridculous. That's all. She's making it seem like her MM is perfect and his sheeyot doesn't stink.
Tomcat33 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 It almost sounds like you're putting down his wife, like she's the fat, ugly, loser wife who wears grannie panties, doesn't shave her legs, doesn't shower and wears ripped clothing. Obviously she IS something to him because he married her. And he isn't divorcing her. Look I am illustrating trite qualities to demonstrate how opposite we are. I won't go into the nitty gritty of how we are fundamentally different because I don't wish to explain all the details on here, a public forum. I have no idea who is reading on the other side, what if one of you is she or knows her? I have no right to sit here and talk about someone in such detail that might blow their cover that is not myself. I couldn't do that to her or him. So keep in mind when I post here I am limited to my comments. But I will tell you this she is neither fat, nor a loser, in fact she is quite attractive, but she does not care to express her attraction. She appears unattractive but she is not. And my understanding is that at one point many years ago she was far more into "expressing" herself than she is now. She and I are complete opposites. Yeah she is def. "something" to him. I have a few theories as to what she may be...again there are a lot of factors that I cannot share on here. But yeah she's something.
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