herenow Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Forgive my next comment but it's just my observation: For a bunch of "happily there after, our marriage is stronger than ever after the affair" the BSs who survived the affair and are now in new found bliss withing their marriages, you do spend an AWFUL long time on LS on the OW boards.... One would think you would be off enjoying your new lovey dubby time with your Hs!?!? Have things REALLY changed for the better? What does that have to do with anything? My husband is at work, and I'm waiting for notes on a speech. Just sitting at my computer because all my other work is already done.
Tomcat33 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Tomcat you are done with your mm relationship right? He disrespected you by moving back in with his wife right? Why don't you just try to move on now and find a single guy instead of arguing points of justification for your affair and why the wife should leave him. He made his choice. He is with his wife. Actually he went back to his wife WHILE we were together and then we reconveined three weeks after the fact because he could not go through with it. Right now he is still living on his own in his apartment and we have been in NC for over two months because he needed to be alone. As of last night he emailed me wanting to get together for a coffee at my convenience "he's been doing a lot of thinking" . She still wants him back he does not want to go back home again and he is now chasing after me again. I don't want him back. Not yet, not like this. So really I have nothing to "win" or "lose" on my personal situation, from discussing this, I just enjoy the discussion.
greengoddess Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 you don't sound like someone enjoying the conversation. You sound very angry with the wives for wanting thier husbands.
herenow Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Yeah I've read these "stats" a million times on here. And who writes the stats of the happily ever after, when the marriage repairs and survives and affair. I certainly hope it is not the same people who brought us the there is a 1 in four chance in a marriage that a man cheat and 60% of marriages end in Divroce. Actually I think the 1 in 4 statistic you quote is low.
Tomcat33 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 You do not have any right to infringe on a legal partnership. There is a contract that prevents it. You do not own the business and you must, according to law, end the partnership before you "seek out" another partner. Simple business law baby! If my business is going down the tubes, and I being one of the partners approach a new cnadidate and tell them "look I see a lot of potential in you, and given our rapport I feel we can work GREAT together" how would you like to be considered for the next position my partnership? And then my current partner finds out that I have been looking around after being told that that they were slacking off, and that the relationship was just not working anymore personal differences that get in the way of the business, is it the new candidates fault the they were a good match for this potential opening or is it the two partners doing to ensure that said partnership stay intact until the contract is officially legally broken?
Tomcat33 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 you don't sound like someone enjoying the conversation. You sound very angry with the wives for wanting thier husbands. And you sound like someone who has nothing relevant to contribute to a discussion and therefore needs to parasite off of other's thoughts to get any attention at all.
Trialbyfire Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 If my business is going down the tubes, and I being one of the partners approach a new cnadidate and tell them "look I see a lot of potential in you, and given our rapport I feel we can work GREAT together" how would you like to be considered for the next position my partnership? And then my current partner finds out that I have been looking around after being told that that they were slacking off, and that the relationship was just not working anymore personal differences that get in the way of the business, is it the new candidates fault the they were a good match for this potential opening or is it the two partners doing to ensure that said partnership stay intact until the contract is officially legally broken? Without severing or legally amending with consent from your partner, your previous agreement with a 50/50 partnership, you can't pull in a new partner. Otherwise you leave yourself open to civil suit. Sound familiar?
greengoddess Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 And you sound like someone who has nothing relevant to contribute to a discussion and therefore needs to parasite off of other's thoughts to get any attention at all. lol yep angry.
herenow Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 If my business is going down the tubes, and I being one of the partners approach a new cnadidate and tell them "look I see a lot of potential in you, and given our rapport I feel we can work GREAT together" how would you like to be considered for the next position my partnership? And then my current partner finds out that I have been looking around after being told that that they were slacking off, and that the relationship was just not working anymore personal differences that get in the way of the business, is it the new candidates fault the they were a good match for this potential opening or is it the two partners doing to ensure that said partnership stay intact until the contract is officially legally broken? First, there is no potential opening. One partner cannot legally go out and bring anther person into the business without the approval of the other partner. That is a breach of contract. The partner is bound to dissolve the contract with the other partner or come to an agreement before he can change the terms of the contract. Business law 101.
outofdarkness Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 You guys bicker alot. If this is helping you all...GREAT! Mabey I should try it..I'll try anything at this point..lol Just trying to lighten it up a bit!
Tomcat33 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 He has accepted 100% responsibility for what he did. He has never blamed the OW or me. It was his choice, it was his mistake, not mine. Okkkkk nowww we're getting somewhere... THAt's the magic phrase, those are the magic words we've all been waiting for: if HE does not blame the OW for his doing why do SOOO many BS blame them. If he takes FULL responsibility for his actions and does not blame the W or the OW why are so many BS so hung up on blaming the OW? You didn't marry the OW you married your H.
Trialbyfire Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Okkkkk nowww we're getting somewhere... THAt's the magic phrase, those are the magic words we've all been waiting for: if HE does not blame the OW for his doing why do SOOO many BS blame them. If he takes FULL responsibility for his actions and does not blame the W or the OW why are so many BS so hung up on blaming the OW? You didn't marry the OW you married your H. Allow me to turn this around on you. Why do you feel you have the right to get involved and stay involved with someone already bound by law?
herenow Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Okkkkk nowww we're getting somewhere... THAt's the magic phrase, those are the magic words we've all been waiting for: if HE does not blame the OW for his doing why do SOOO many BS blame them. If he takes FULL responsibility for his actions and does not blame the W or the OW why are so many BS so hung up on blaming the OW? You didn't marry the OW you married your H. Did you miss the last sentence of my post or did you just ignore it?. Go back and read it. I think it said something like, I do not blame the OW, she is irrelevant. Correct me if I'm wrong.
greengoddess Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Okkkkk nowww we're getting somewhere... THAt's the magic phrase, those are the magic words we've all been waiting for: if HE does not blame the OW for his doing why do SOOO many BS blame them. If he takes FULL responsibility for his actions and does not blame the W or the OW why are so many BS so hung up on blaming the OW? You didn't marry the OW you married your H. and back to the beginning of the thread. NOT ONE PERSON said they would use the info they have on the ow. NOT ONE. I do blame an ow who comes back to stalk the marriage and continue trying to get in after they are told the affair is over and the husband is working on it. I do blame an oother woman for putting herself in a place she does not belong. YOU do not belong in the middle of someones marriage and you know you don't that's why you keep trying to justify it in your mind. Being an OW is WRONG no matter how you would like to paint it. That's why it is a SECRET cause it's wrong, wrong wrong.
herenow Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Allow me to turn this around on you. Why do you feel you have the right to get involved and stay involved with someone already bound by law? Please tell us Tomcat. You are the one that compared a marriage to a legal business partnership.
herenow Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 and back to the beginning of the thread. NOT ONE PERSON said they would use the info they have on the ow. NOT ONE. I do blame an ow who comes back to stalk the marriage and continue trying to get in after they are told the affair is over and the husband is working on it. I do blame an oother woman for putting herself in a place she does not belong. YOU do not belong in the middle of someones marriage and you know you don't that's why you keep trying to justify it in your mind. Being an OW is WRONG no matter how you would like to paint it. That's why it is a SECRET cause it's wrong, wrong wrong. Just like Tomcat expects a BW to back off if her husband wants to be with an OW, the OW should back off if the MM decides to stay and work on his marriage.
herenow Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Okkkkk nowww we're getting somewhere... THAt's the magic phrase, those are the magic words we've all been waiting for: if HE does not blame the OW for his doing why do SOOO many BS blame them. If he takes FULL responsibility for his actions and does not blame the W or the OW why are so many BS so hung up on blaming the OW? You didn't marry the OW you married your H. Why do SOOO many OW refuse to accept resposibility for their actions and their part in the affair?
Tomcat33 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Allow me to turn this around on you. Why do you feel you have the right to get involved and stay involved with someone already bound by law? I felt I had the right to my own choice at said time, because First and foremost I have free will. Secondly possibly the most important reason of all, because I felt that the man I ment and got to know was being honest with me that he really was trying to end a marriage. So I put him to the test, I said to him "if you really are trying to leave your marriage, then come and talk to me when you are in a condition to see me freely, talk to me freely and there is no secrets between us or the world. And he did just that. After a few months of NC he got s#$$ together, got his own place and proceeded to inform. And lastly and most importantly because we fell deeply in love. Lastly and certainly just as important a reason as # 2, because love makes you do crazy things sometimes. Correct me if I'm wrong.
greengoddess Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Why do SOOO many OW refuse to accept resposibility for their actions and their part in the affair? guilt. They hide from the devastation they help cause.
whichwayisup Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Because they aren't in the frame of mind to see or even accept that they are in the wrong. Don't try to figure it out - It's pointless to try to open someone's eyes when they refuse to see what they're doing is wrong.
SoxPrincess Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Why do SOOO many OW refuse to accept resposibility for their actions and their part in the affair? I've been following this thread since the beginning, so I would just like to say, as an exOW, I take 100%, full responsibility for my part in the A. I have never nor will I ever blame BW because I have NO idea if what exMM told me was true and based on the zillion other lies he told, I would gather he was lying about some things in regards to BW also. Tomcat, I usually agree with you and sympathize with your situation but there are a few points within this thread that I do disagree with you on, which is fine..that's what makes a discussion
Tomcat33 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Just like Tomcat expects a BW to back off if her husband wants to be with an OW, the OW should back off if the MM decides to stay and work on his marriage. I totally agree with that statement. In FACT I think a BS has MORE entitlement to the husband than the OW. And I don't even expect a BS to back off, I just don't get why she would want to take him back at all! (Now I see the reasons and thanks to all the posts in this thread) This was the whole reason this whole discussion even got under way... LOL I have been in the betrayed seat and I just did not see the point of subjecting myself to be disrespected again.
herenow Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 I felt I had the right to my own choice at said time, because First and foremost I have free will. Secondly possibly the most important reason of all, because I felt that the man I ment and got to know was being honest with me that he really was trying to end a marriage. So I put him to the test, I said to him "if you really are trying to leave your marriage, then come and talk to me when you are in a condition to see me freely, talk to me freely and there is no secrets between us or the world. And he did just that. After a few months of NC he got s#$$ together, got his own place and proceeded to inform. And lastly and most importantly because we fell deeply in love. Lastly and certainly just as important a reason as # 2, because love makes you do crazy things sometimes. Correct me if I'm wrong. If you are so deeply in love with each other and you know it's real, what is keeping you apart? I would think that if you love someone you would be there for him to help him make the changes he needs so that the two of you can be happy. Why aren't you with him to help him through this difficult time? He does love you right?
Tomcat33 Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 I've been following this thread since the beginning, so I would just like to say, as an exOW, I take 100%, full responsibility for my part in the A. I have never nor will I ever blame BW because I have NO idea if what exMM told me was true and based on the zillion other lies he told, I would gather he was lying about some things in regards to BW also. Tomcat, I usually agree with you and sympathize with your situation but there are a few points within this thread that I do disagree with you on, which is fine..that's what makes a discussion Sox - though I appreciate your comment, I am quite fine with the idea that not everyone will agree with me and I am able to really "put myself out there" with this in mind. That is also why every situation is its own. that is why when we come together on a discussion board as this one, I cannot tell someone YOU need to feel this because you did THAT. But I might ask WHY do you feel THIS after experiencing that?
herenow Posted April 19, 2007 Posted April 19, 2007 Actually he went back to his wife WHILE we were together... Isn't this a betrayal towards you? Don't you consider this cheating? So all your talk about him only cheating on his wife and he has never cheated on you is a bunch of bull. I don't care how much his wife begged, if he loved you, he would have stayed with you.
Recommended Posts