GreenEyedLady Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 I've seen this referenced in a couple of threads, that the BS has information that can "ruin" the OW... What type of information are we talking about?! Like America's Most Wanted? Or are we just talking about the A, period? I mean, just ruining someone's reputation? Small-town type of stuff? Or financially ruin someone? I'm a little clueless as to what type of information could "ruin" someone. I do live in a rather liberal state and A's are not uncommon...but the only people who really care are those directly affected and those who love them (family and friends)...of course, makes for good gossip, but not much more... I can't think of any type of information that is SO damaging to someone personally that it could ruin their life and that they would tell someone else about it... Unless of course, they're in political office, or dating someone who is...
Freedom Now Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 I don't understand, either. My xMM is very influential in his community, is a minister and spiritual leader. He is also VP of a huge business conglomeration. I am fully aware that with a phone call, I could destroy his world as he knows it. I don't, however, know that his BS could ruin mine. In the grand scheme of things, I'm just not that important to the world...
greengoddess Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Funny you ask this today. I was just thinking about this because I have information that would cause the ow's whole world to come tumbling down. She knows I know. Would I ever reveal it? No. Does she know that I would not? NO. She told my husband her deepest secrets and one of them was about her husband who she is now divorcing. This secret is about his business and some of his dealings and I know for a fact if I made a phone call and had him investigated his business liscense would be revoked and he would lose his nice cushy million dollar a year career and be forced with many many fines if not jail time. He reinvented himself after his younger mistakes and actually is an upstanding citizen now but it's built on lies and his reinvention. He has not committed murder or anything even remotely like that where I would feel obligated to tell. No one was harmed. I've been tempted many times to make that phone call because I hate the ow's husband too but I will not make it because of their children. Their children are innocent and don't deserve to have all they've known taken away. One child is attending a very expensive college and I would never want to see her lose that. Everytime she contacts my husband I get tempted becuase the thought goes through my mind that she doesn't care for my kids so why should I be concerned with hers? I love kids though. All kids and would never want them hurt. She can just keep being scared i may make that phone call though.
Author GreenEyedLady Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 GG: How would that ruin "her" life? Sounds more like it would ruin her STBXH's life...Is he her sole support, is that what you're getting at? I mean it takes a lot to "ruin" someone's life...it's not like people can't start over...
greengoddess Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 GG: How would that ruin "her" life? Sounds more like it would ruin her STBXH's life...Is he her sole support, is that what you're getting at? I mean it takes a lot to "ruin" someone's life...it's not like people can't start over... It would ruin her financially. Yes she is the stay at home, fake nails, fake hair - blonde with hair extensions:laugh: , fake breasts, fake tan. etc etc. Her whole life is based on material things. Would it ruin her? no Would her life come tumbling down around her? yes. I would do it in a second if it would not hurt her kids who are innocent in all this.
greengoddess Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 actually maybe I will when her youngest graduates college. That's a long way off but hey maybe I can hold a grudge that long.
Trialbyfire Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Here's my take: 1) If she's married, tell her husband, family and complete social circle. Nothing says pain like a good divorce due to infidelity and the shunning by all the people she cares about. 2) If she's working at the same place as the MM and is career-oriented, inform her superiors. Most work places have employee non-fraternizing policies so she'll probably get fired. 3) Pillow-talk can reveal many secrets which the OW may find excrutiatingly embarrassing or might be criminal. 4) A good PI can unveil a lot of information. People rarely have skeleton free lives.
sadbuttrue Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 you know, OW dont have affairs with MM to hurt the W, i understand that may happen as a result, but it is not the intention. what you are all talking about is purposefully harming the OW and her family. what will you get out of that? some sort of vindication for her loving your husband?
Author GreenEyedLady Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 It would ruin her financially. Yes she is the stay at home, fake nails, fake hair - blonde with hair extensions:laugh: , fake breasts, fake tan. etc etc. Her whole life is based on material things. Would it ruin her? no Would her life come tumbling down around her? yes. I would do it in a second if it would not hurt her kids who are innocent in all this. Well, first off, I am in no way suggesting you should do anything with the information you have... But when you get divorced, your life changes, which is what she is going through right now...I am D, so I know...and I can't even imagine letting someone else take care of me...I take care of myself...and I live the life I am accustomed to within my means... Would her world come crashing down? Maybe not...maybe she would finally learn the value of everything that she holds dear... I realize that you are hurt and cannot imagine there being even one good trait about the OW... But there's nothing wrong with taking care of yourself either...you perhaps do it in another way...but many women color their hair, have acrylic nails, tan and have implants... i'm sorry that you're hurting and I hope that your M makes a quick recovery, is stronger than ever and that you can heal and find peace...
Tomcat33 Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 GG: How would that ruin "her" life? Sounds more like it would ruin her STBXH's life...Is he her sole support, is that what you're getting at? My thoughts EXACTLY!!! Sounds like really far and removed revenge... Would her world come crashing down? Maybe not...maybe she would finally learn the value of everything that she holds dear... "Everything you hold dear!?!?" you are talking about ratting out her husband so that she is left with no money. Is that what you hold dear to winning your husband back, the money thing!?!? Surely you didn't want your husband back solely for the financial aspect...surely it was for love too. Right?
Author GreenEyedLady Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 I don't understand, either. I don't, however, know that his BS could ruin mine. In the grand scheme of things, I'm just not that important to the world... FN: That's exactly what I think...Besides, I'm used to messed up things happening at this point...I think the worst thing that can happen to a female happened to me as a child and kinda reinforced the whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger... Or how about the Truth will set you free? Sometimes it's the dreaded anticipation of something happening that's actually worse... Oh well, guess I'm rambling now...
greengoddess Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 you know, OW dont have affairs with MM to hurt the W, i understand that may happen as a result, but it is not the intention. what you are all talking about is purposefully harming the OW and her family. what will you get out of that? some sort of vindication for her loving your husband? oh please you don't just fall in love at first sight. The ow or om has to make a concious decision to disregard the fact he is married with children to allow herself to get that close. You just do not get that close to someone who is married. You back off out of respect for marriage and yourself. Falling in love does not just happen. You have to place yourself in the position to fall in love. I don't think anyone is speaking of vindication. It was a statement made and the person who said they had the information and me also have said they would NEVER do that.
Author GreenEyedLady Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 "Everything you hold dear!?!?" you are talking about ratting out her husband so that she is left with no money. Is that what you hold dear to winning your husband back, the money thing!?!? Surely you didn't want your husband back solely for the financial aspect...surely it was for love too. Right? Tomcat, that was actually my thought, not greengoddesses...I am basically trying to say that it takes a lot to ruin someone's life and that a lot of BS's seemed fixated on the revenge part of it... I just find it (can't think of a really good word to describe it) weird that so many BS's want revenge...when I left my XH, I was so happy to be OUT and FREE, why the last thing I cared about was what happened to him (and he and the OM are still going strong)...I felt like I finally had my chance to be happy! Although it seems the majority of people who have the revenge fantasies choose to stay with their FWS...Maybe? Maybe not?
Author GreenEyedLady Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 oh please you don't just fall in love at first sight. The ow or om has to make a concious decision to disregard the fact he is married with children to allow herself to get that close. Falling in love does not just happen. You have to place yourself in the position to fall in love. That is true...but sometimes MM misrepresent their marital status...like say they're divorced...
greengoddess Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Well, first off, I am in no way suggesting you should do anything with the information you have... But when you get divorced, your life changes, which is what she is going through right now...I am D, so I know...and I can't even imagine letting someone else take care of me...I take care of myself...and I live the life I am accustomed to within my means... Would her world come crashing down? Maybe not...maybe she would finally learn the value of everything that she holds dear... I realize that you are hurt and cannot imagine there being even one good trait about the OW... But there's nothing wrong with taking care of yourself either...you perhaps do it in another way...but many women color their hair, have acrylic nails, tan and have implants... i'm sorry that you're hurting and I hope that your M makes a quick recovery, is stronger than ever and that you can heal and find peace... Her life will not change much. She will recieve alimony for life and a lot of it. I could change that and I enjoy possessing that knowledge. Lol as far as nails fake tan breasts etc etc are you suggesting that people who choose not to go this route do not care for themselves? Sorry i enjoy my natural glow rather than a sprayed on tan and natural looking highlights rather than bleached white blonde hair with extensions on a 44 year old woman. :laugh: To each his own right. All I know is the weekly tan and once every week extension and color maintenace would be out of her finacial range if i decided to be vindictive but I won't.
greengoddess Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 My thoughts EXACTLY!!! Sounds like really far and removed revenge... "Everything you hold dear!?!?" you are talking about ratting out her husband so that she is left with no money. Is that what you hold dear to winning your husband back, the money thing!?!? Surely you didn't want your husband back solely for the financial aspect...surely it was for love too. Right? You are way off base. This is what the ow holds dear. Money. Not me. WIN MY HUSBAND BACK? Is that what you consider it winning? My husband never left. I am the one contemplating leaving over his one time HUGE MISTAKE. Do I blame the ow? No I blame both of them. Would I like her to feel some of the pain I felt when I found out. HELL YES.
Author GreenEyedLady Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 Her life will not change much. She will recieve alimony for life and a lot of it. I could change that and I enjoy possessing that knowledge. Lol as far as nails fake tan breasts etc etc are you suggesting that people who choose not to go this route do not care for themselves? Sorry i enjoy my natural glow rather than a sprayed on tan and natural looking highlights rather than bleached white blonde hair with extensions on a 44 year old woman. :laugh: To each his own right. All I know is the weekly tan and once every week extension and color maintenace would be out of her finacial range if i decided to be vindictive but I won't. Well, first you can't change her ability to receive alimony, a judge granted it, not you...the only thing that would change it is if he can not pay it and the order is modified due to a change of circumstances (which would be if his income is decreased)... I was not suggesting that people who don't tan, get their nails done etc. don't take care of themselves...I said perhaps that you take care of yourself in a different way...but there's nothing wrong with getting your nails done, hair done, etc...you seem rather defensive and jealous about it...If you like yourself the way you are, that's all that matters anyway...
greengoddess Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Well, first you can't change her ability to receive alimony, a judge granted it, not you...the only thing that would change it is if he can not pay it and the order is modified due to a change of circumstances (which would be if his income is decreased)... I was not suggesting that people who don't tan, get their nails done etc. don't take care of themselves...I said perhaps that you take care of yourself in a different way...but there's nothing wrong with getting your nails done, hair done, etc...you seem rather defensive and jealous about it...If you like yourself the way you are, that's all that matters anyway... yes take away his finaces there goes hers. Jealous and defensive. NO I was merely pointing out the high maintenace aspect of this woman. It is not an inexpensive thing to tan, nails facial etc etc weekly. It was not an appearance thing it was a high mainenace thing describing the finacial perks she enjoys. and Yes I am from the same finacial circle as her. I just am not high maintenace. I'm more the natural athletic type. That is not a judgment but a state of fact.
outofdarkness Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Funny you ask this today. I was just thinking about this because I have information that would cause the ow's whole world to come tumbling down. She knows I know. Would I ever reveal it? No. Does she know that I would not? NO. She told my husband her deepest secrets and one of them was about her husband who she is now divorcing. This secret is about his business and some of his dealings and I know for a fact if I made a phone call and had him investigated his business liscense would be revoked and he would lose his nice cushy million dollar a year career and be forced with many many fines if not jail time. He reinvented himself after his younger mistakes and actually is an upstanding citizen now but it's built on lies and his reinvention. He has not committed murder or anything even remotely like that where I would feel obligated to tell. No one was harmed. I've been tempted many times to make that phone call because I hate the ow's husband too but I will not make it because of their children. Their children are innocent and don't deserve to have all they've known taken away. One child is attending a very expensive college and I would never want to see her lose that. Everytime she contacts my husband I get tempted becuase the thought goes through my mind that she doesn't care for my kids so why should I be concerned with hers? I love kids though. All kids and would never want them hurt. She can just keep being scared i may make that phone call though. I thought that was an excellent post! 1
Trialbyfire Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Tomcat, that was actually my thought, not greengoddesses...I am basically trying to say that it takes a lot to ruin someone's life and that a lot of BS's seemed fixated on the revenge part of it... I just find it (can't think of a really good word to describe it) weird that so many BS's want revenge...when I left my XH, I was so happy to be OUT and FREE, why the last thing I cared about was what happened to him (and he and the OM are still going strong)...I felt like I finally had my chance to be happy! Although it seems the majority of people who have the revenge fantasies choose to stay with their FWS...Maybe? Maybe not? GEL, Keep in mind that most of the wives haven't bothered to carry through their revenge. It's not because they can't, it's their personal choice not to. It's all part of the anger, re-empowering, letting go, then moving on emotional rollercoaster. Btw, you're welcome to try to demean me if you want. I let the OW know how I could devaluate her and she, to this day, is still trying to mitigate the damage that never happened. That she's making it worse for herself, all by herself was at one time fascinating to watch. It's no longer interesting anymore but I doubt I will ever tell her I had no intention of following through...
herenow Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 I said that I had information about the OW that could be harmful if I told anyone. I never said that I would use it. As a matter of fact I said that I would never use it because that would bring her back into my life, and I would rather not have anything to do with her. I believe it was brought up in the context of the MM coming clean after a D-day. I also said that I really don't care about what the OW did or didn't do, I care about my H being honest with me and answering my questions. It may be hard to understand, but I really don't care what is said about the OW, I care that my H is willing to say it. I needed him to prove his loyalty to me and that means that he could not keep anything from me even if the OW expected him to. As far as what I know. Well, I know enough to get her fired from her job, and to alienate her from her friends. Will I ever "use" it? No, not ever. But, the fact that my H was willing to tell was the first step towards re-building trust in our marriage. Fact is, she is not part of my life and I don't care enough about her to put any energy into revenge. I don't even care if she knows what I know or thinks I will tell or whatever. She is gone and I want her to stay gone! All of this has nothing to do with the OW, it has to do with the steps that are taken to fix and re-build a marriage, and in the beginning (right after D-day) there are many questions about the OW. After a while it becomes only about the two people involved in the marriage and the OW is not part of that.
Author GreenEyedLady Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 Btw, you're welcome to try to demean me if you want. I wasn't trying to demean anyone...my apologies to anyone if that's how it came across...I am just trying to understand, like so many who come here with their questions...
Ruby Tuesday Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 I'm not saying anything to make this a personal attack on anyone here on this forum, but from the BS's P.O.V. the OW are coming between two people and breaking-up a family. It's their family, not the OW's. More than half the time, we don't even see it coming and we get our world shattered for having been so blind to it. I mean, what would you do (or how would you feel) if someone was deliberately messing with your family? If you know he is married and you persisted in seeking out the MM, then basicly you are just opening yourself up to an attack from the betrayed person. I think the level of revenge has to do with the length of the affair, and if there have been multiple d-days, where the BS is dealing with someone who just attacks, attacks, attacks. Once the affair is out in the open, the MM usually gaslights the BS and they are forced to investigate OW's personal and professional life and do whatever it is that they have to do to put an end to the OW's game and maybe even perhaps teach her a valuable lesson. If the BW did try to aggressively mess with the OW's life, like the xOW messed with mine, then I'd say they had it coming and thensome. I do have a guilty pleasure in seeing a bad person go down, and the harder she goes down the better. As the OW you have no idea the amount of lifelong pain you have caused another woman. You see it as pleasure, she sees it as pain. Our perpectives are very different, but you are knowingly harming another soul for whatever "reasons" and it may just come back to you x3. I do enjoy the karma stories because it's just too freaky. Sometimes what comes around goes around, and thats a fact. It's as though God's hand is punishing the person for their cruelty and it's justified when seen through the eyes of fate. The OW wrote my husband after d-day threatening payback and she stopped at nothing to help break us apart thensome. She succeeded everytime. She just would not fu*ck off to save her own life. One whole year of hell, she said. It's payback time, she cried. I'm just getting started, blah blah blah. As for my revenge, I did the ultimate thing I could ever do to her, the same thing she did to me. I have her boyfriend
IfWishesWereHorses Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 you know, OW dont have affairs with MM to hurt the W, i understand that may happen as a result, but it is not the intention. what you are all talking about is purposefully harming the OW and her family. what will you get out of that? some sort of vindication for her loving your husband? Yeah and people don't drink and drive in order to kill innocent victims but they ARE held accountable for the damages caused by their very poor decisions. And when did the word word revenge become an ugly word. Well, I guess its all a matter of what side of the fence you are on. I prefer natural consequences and accountability that puts the RESPONSIBILITY ON THE RESPONSIBLE PARTY. Do you consider incarceration revenge also? I mean people are being purposfully punished for their actions which in turn might harm their families.
Author GreenEyedLady Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 I have her boyfriend I think that's cute...
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