How long does it take to move on?

[Johnny B]

I already know this is dependent upon the person/situation/circumstances and different for every person on here... but How long does it take?

 

I understand how NC is the pathway to healing (I unfortunately am stuck working with my ex), but is it possible to still miss/desire/want them back after months perhaps years???

 

I'm at 4 months now (granted we work together and doing limited contact b/c of that) but I feel that I haven't healed one bit !!!

 

When will this get better? When will I truely forget? I've dated maybe 6 or so girls since we split and I can't bring myself to even ask them on a second date. I'm just not interested.

 

Can anyone who has been sufficiently removed from their ex for some time please comment???

 

Thanks,

Johnny

[Kwo-ne'-she]

I'm two years out. How long did it take to "get better"? About a year.

 

How long until you "get over" them or "forget"? Still waiting on that one, I'm afraid.

[krzr]

been about 8 months since she broke my heart have done no contact for 2 months and i feel like i regress sometimes its different for everyone.

[Nanachu]

As you said, it depends on so many things and it is hard, especially if you need to see her, I hear you. Dating other people may not help you especially when you date someone just "OK" to date (not WOW type). It actually does an opposite effect, they make you think about your ex more (how great she was) and the OK dates make you think that you cannot find anyone better than ex.

 

Having said that, there are several things worked for me recently.

As many people here have done, I have read tons of relationship related books. The fact that we cannot "let go" is almost always coming from our own internal issue; the resistance to/fear for change and starting all over. In my case, "the loss of future plan" must be a big factor. Holding on the idea of getting back together with ex seems a better idea than finding someone I can be attracted to, who will be attracted to me, start date, start to have issues, work on them, etc.., DO I HAVE TO DO THIS AGAIN, kind of feeling. But, I realize that I have to do this with my ex, too. I realize that I created my ex to be so great so that I can keep my plan.

 

Secondly, if you are still afraid of change, please think back the past. I did. I met my old friends who I was close before starting to date ex. I recall my dream and plans before I met him. I realize that I did not come here or had not lived my life to stay home crying and thinking about my ex.

 

Hope you feel better. We can depend on time to do the work for us, but some people go through the pain for years. We may sometimes push ourselves to move on so that we won't waste our important life.

[krzr]

life is short do everything u can to make that pain go away as soon as possible. easy to say hard to do but thats about all u can do. keep it out of your head remove all things ex and stay busy.

[katiebour]

I'm right there with Kwo-ne'-she- it's been over two years. Been in a great relationship for over a year and a half. I feel better every day, but recently have been dreaming a lot about the ex and his fiance. I just can't seem to shake him from my subconcious.

 

There are so many things I miss about my ex- his charisma, his goofiness, the way we fit together, his self-confidence.

 

My current boyfriend is charismatic and goofy in his own special way, and I love that. But it's more a matter of "Here's another person in the world that I love" rather than "this person fills the void left by another."

 

There's still that gap, that missing space where his affection and caring used to be.

 

I don't know when that void will go away.

[beyourselft]

Dating girls inmediately is not the best idea, because you always gonna compare these girls to your ex.

 

You can date, that's not a problem, but will see everyone "OK". I think you better wait until the (WOW type) come.

 

Good Luck...

[confucious]

Four months into NC and I still find myself pining over her every now and then. Today is one of those days, and so here i am Truth is, I loved her (or who I thought she was) and still have trouble reconciling myself to the fact we are not compatible, not together. I think this will go on for a long time, even though I am dating a sweet woman and have been for a couple of months. Sometimes we need closure, sometimes we cling to what was. Others, I think we just miss the hell out of them so much it hurts. Logic fails in the face of this...maybe we just need to learn to love oursleves enough that the void left by thier going is quickly filled right up.