ab99 Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 My ex girlfriend with whom i was tremendously in love with recently messaged me after no contact for three months...Let me digress a bit. She broke up with me and i had a nervous breakdown...I called and text messaged her like crazy...She finally began to ignore me...Which mind you i can understand...I never loved anyone like her...So, now she messages me wanting to say hi and how i am..This correspondence after a few days drifts into the "why did you break up with me" question...She said she did cause i loved her and she didnt love me...fine..I get that. She then goes on to say that she could have had i not gone all nuts on her...My question to whomever reads this is, What does she want from me? It's not like she wasn't aware of how much i was affected by our split..Is it a control thing? Unclear to me and highly confusing.
Davis Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 What you had bro, was a compulsion or addiction to her. I've been there. Work on that. She could have loved you if you didn't go nuts? BS!! Oh, blame it on you. Lame. She probably wants to know how you are doing. She could be trying to see if you're stilled "hooked", but I don't think she's controlling. Maybe she's "fishing" to see how you react or MAYBE she's having second thoughts (don't get your hopes up). DON'T go back to your old compulsive ways and start calling and texting!! You have to try to man up. You know, tell her you're good. Life is good. None of that "I miss you" stuff from you. You were affected, but you're not now. You have pride and dignity bro, use it.
2ndIINone Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 first and foremost.... the two of you are talking. Don't F it up. Hmmmm.... how could you F it up? By falling back into the 'person' who chased her away in the first place.... a "Wuss".... sorry bro', had to be said. What brought her back? A guy who gave up.... A guy who walked away.... got distant, found his own life.... a guy who showed her he can live without her....gave her time and space to 'think'. Learn the lesson.... the lesson of what kind of guy you were that attracted her... and the guy you became that pushed her away... What does she want from you??? Most likely an ego boost. You'll learn alot about this as you read into other posts and threads. What she wants from you isn't important right now... cause it's too early and too soon to tell. What IS important is you don't fall back into THAT person. Don't talk about the past.... your hurt, how she left you, why she left you. Don't mention your feelings now.... don't even hint around about it. Don't DON'T ask her how she feels.... about anything. Conversations.... to a minimum. Day to day crap.... your work, your job... your family. Keep it short and sweet. Occasionally and sincerely ask her she is... her family..... DON'T talk about the history or relationship. You basically have to start over... as if you just met.
oppath Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Perhaps you could share some info about your relationship and how the breakup went down? Most likely, she is just trying to absolve her own guilt now that some time has passed. She wants to stoke her own ego and feel that you don't hate her for her hurting you.
Ssheena Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Reading this and putting myself in her shoes as well as yours (at least trying to)....I would say that she really does want to know how you are but that's IT. Perhaps she knows or found out about how badly you took the ending of the relationship. I don't know what qualifies as a nervous breakdown in your book but in mine, it's pretty bad (teeth chattering, unable to stop, crying, not able to move, blank thoughts, mind racing, thoughts of suicide etc - I've had all of those). I don't want and never told my x that I was like that after the first of our endings. Anyway, she could just be wanting to make sure you are ok as she cares about you as a person. She doesn't love you. She may be trying to tell you that she thinks you have some issues that you need to work on - which hopefully you know yourself. It's hard to say without more details. I would suggest leaving her be though.
Davis Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 I agree with 2nd. That would have been my part II of how to handle the situation. Good luck.
seductress989 Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 HI, As a girl, I can make an assumption and say the reason that she sends you this message after 3 months NC is because she may be ready to be friends with you and cares about you.(as a friend) I highly doubt that she wants a reconciliation with this contact. Like the others said, it is often a form of egoism on her part. She probably does want to know if you are still wrapped around her finger. My suggestion is to give her what she gave you........No Contact!
Davis Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 I think you could possibly get her back IF you can do what 2nd said, stick to it and do it well. You're going to have to do a lot of reading and learn to be a player. Are you sure you really want her back?? There's a strong possibility that she will break up with you again at some point and you have to go through all of this heart ache again. Is it worth that?
2ndIINone Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Well, what I failed to add (on purpose) was that during his time away.... hopefully he'll toughen up a bit.... learn some about her and more about himself... find himself a new hottie and know that he's better then his ex... and he won't have time for her when she comes back around. In a perfect world.
krzr Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 listen to 2nd and davis there giving u the best advice.
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