evo5039 Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Hey all, So I have been dating my now ex-girlfriend for 11 months now. We were very much in love. We were also eachother's first times. We were planning on spending our lives together and both felt that each other was our soulmate. She was/is the best-friend that I have. Well for the past month and a half all we have been doing is fighting. I have realized that this is mostly my fault. She has finally taken the split. The break-up has been occuring for 2-3 weeks now, but was made final this friday. She has told me that she still wants to stay in contact and that she still loves me. She has also told me that she wants to get back together eventually. She has told me that she needs space and wants to be with her friends and focus on her school work. It took me a while to get it out of her, but i also got her to admit that it was mostly the fighting the feeling of no appreciation that pushed her away. Well the past couple days have been hard but we have been talking a substantial amount. I'm away at college so the first time I'll get to see her is saturday. I know this will determine a lot. The things that are confusing me is that she tells me that she thinks about me. Last night she told me she was thinking about how we would get back together(who would ask who). She's been telling me that she's not sure when she would want to and that she needs time to get over everything that happened. I'm worried that I'm just a back-up. I really do want her back and am willing to do just about anything. So, for those much more experienced to me, what should I do and what is she saying? I'm still in love with her and I could picture myself spending the rest of my life with her.
Author evo5039 Posted April 17, 2007 Author Posted April 17, 2007 Anyone? I could really use some help and advice. She still wants to be friends and I dont know what to do. Im not sure if walking away would be better and possibly make her miss me more? Im so lost to the whole thing.
krzr Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 she told u what she wants so do it and that will keep u from pushing her farther away and she might even miss u because u seem like u could care less and life goes on. and if it dosnt work out well than u are moving on. and if ur thinking well if i dont try i will regret it all i got to say is ignoring her is the best thing u can do to try and win her back.
luvtoto Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Sounds like she's got some living to do before she settles down with anyone. Maybe you should consider that option, also. I may be wrong, but you do seem too young to be married already.
Author evo5039 Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 Ya we are both very young but we are going to undergrads that are near eachother and do(did?) feel very strongly for eachother. I just know that shes who i want to be with. Any advice for getting her back?
honeybees28 Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 from a girl close to your situation: my boyfriend of 3 years and i also started having arguments very frequently over things that didnt matter.... typically this involves being around each other too much.. it happens to my grandparents almost everyday.... but after 50 years..the love is still there... the difference with this situation is that she chose to leave and not stick it out. she chose to not communicate to you the severity of how you were making her feel. and you chose to not acknowledge it before it was too late. you cannot blame yourself entirely. it takes 2 people to argue. also, as a girl,i would never leave someone because of petty arguments. conflict is a part of being in a relationship. it spurs growth. so it was obviously something major to her. and if it wasnt, she'll figure it out pretty soon. she has to want to be with you. she obviously loves you but i cannot understand breaking up with someone just to talk about getting back together right after the fact. whats the point? why did she even bother? she sounds confused. give it time and see what happens.
Davis Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 You guys are way too young. The divorce rate before age 28 is about 70-80%! Ok, thats that. First, you HAVE to understand that she IS NOT the one and only for you!!! I think it's an excuse that she wants space (although some of that might be true since you're so young). You didn't "appreciate" her? I don't think thats whats going on. More like you are no longer a challenge = predictable = boring = she lost interest = you getting dumped. You want her back? Ok... If you have ANY chance at all, you have to do the total opposite of what you think you should do. 1. NO CONTACT! Be unavailable. 2. Don't be a wuss. 3. Don't be friends. 4. Don't fall at her feet. 5. Don't tell her how much you love her. She doesn't care how much you "love" her, she only cares about how she feels. 6. Don't send flowers and gifts. Don't be a wuss! 7. Agree with her. "You know, I've been thinking. I think you're right. We should break up and have space". Be a man and man up. 8. When she says "someday" you say "we'll see". 9. Act like you don't want her. 10. GO on some dates, even if you don't want to go!!!!!!!! You don't just want her "thinking" of you, no, you want her begging for you back. That can only happen with No contact. She's just stringing you along right now. If it starts to work, DO NOT take her back to quickly!!! Make sure she's hooked and make her work to get you back. If it doesn't work out, move on bro. You may not think this right now, but there are other great women out there!! This was all from a lot of time, reading and experience. That will be $100!! Good luck.
simon sez Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 So, for those much more experienced to me, what should I do and what is she saying? She is saying that she is interested in another guy. She is giving you the "test" Stop calling her and start avoiding her. Start dating immediately. Next time she calls, let her know that you have been doing some thinking and agree with her. Tell her YOU need space too and think that this is for the best. You will NEVER get a woman back by waiting around. Chasing NEVER works. Waiting around NEVER works. Back off. Agree with her point of view on the state of the relationship. Start dating. That is what will get her back. Make her come pounding on your door. Women are not attracted to weak men. You are coming across as weak and needy. That is not going to work.
Author evo5039 Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 Hey everyone thanks for all of the advice. What should I do about seeing her though? Should I cut her out completely for the time being? We talked last night and we I still dont know what to think or do. She said she wants things with me later, and that she needs time to get over everything. We discussed both of us walking away or whether the whole thing was worth it. Judging by the advice already given I'm assuming it's best to walk away for now?
Davis Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Yes! Walk away. Do not see her this weekend. Do some serious no contact. Do not call. Do not respond to her for about 6 weeks. Tough it out. Well, you won't be talking to her, but I would have told her "we'll see" about the future. DO NOT discuss it with her or tell her that you're going to go NC!! It ruins the whole program IF there's any chance of you getting her back. Start dating even if you don't want to and quit being a doormat and letting her tell you how you're going to run your life!
Author evo5039 Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 Alright, i just talked to her. I told her that I need space too, and that we should just walk away for the time being. I also told her that under no circumstances will I be her "friend". I am going to see her this weekend because I need my clothes back, and all of this has been over the phone and i heard that you can really tell what the other person is thinking by watching their eyes. When we talked things were amicable, and she did express that she loves me and doesnt want to give up on us. Are you sure the best option is to not talk to her?
Davis Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Bro! I'm gonna smack you! Didn't we say don't talk to her!? I told you NOT to tell her you need space, you just do it! Good on telling her that you don't want to be friends. You DO NOT have to see her this weekend. You never see them to get your stuff. Leave her an email or voice when she won't answer. Tell her "hey I can't make it over this weekend, I've got too much going on. My friend "Dan" is going to pick up my stuff for me. Can you leave it out? what time can he get it?" DO NOT get into any conversation with her about why you can't or that she wants to talk or whatever. You only want to know when your friend can pick up your stuff. Are you a total wuss!? 'Watching their eyes', 'you can tell what they're thinking' etc! What a weak excuse to see her. Dude. She broke up with YOU. Have some pride and dignity and quit being a wuss. If you tell us that you told her you love her, we're going to ban you from LS and then you'll be S.O.L.! YES, THE BEST OPTION IS NOT TO TALK TO HER! HAVE SOME BALLS! Sorry to be so tough on you, but YOU'RE NOT GETTING IT!!!!
Author evo5039 Posted April 18, 2007 Author Posted April 18, 2007 I know, I know. It's just hard. She was going to pay for dinner saturday, and give me my stuff back. I'm not going to talk to her from now on. What should I do if she calls? Just ignore her? And I thought you said agree with her about the space thing?
krzr Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 let it go to voicemail the same **** she is doing to u
annabelle75 Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 I know, I know. It's just hard. She was going to pay for dinner saturday, and give me my stuff back. I'm not going to talk to her from now on. What should I do if she calls? Just ignore her? And I thought you said agree with her about the space thing? Well.......you should have mentioned the free dinner before. How could you pass that up? Sorry, I don't mean to make light of it. I just laughed a bit because it sounded like something I would say in your situation. I'm going to go against popular opinion and say that having dinner with her may not be the worst idea ever. I'm not endorsing the idea, but in the end you are the only person that knows if you can handle it. Be honest with yourself about why you want to see her again and whether it will make you feel better or worse now that you are going your seperate ways.
Davis Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 Yes it's hard. That's what separates the men from the wusses. Forget dinner. Go to my plan of sending a friend. Don't answer her calls. Ignore her. You owe her NO explanation. Yes I did. It was good to agree about the breakup as long as you delivered it the right way.
2ndIINone Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 My friend "Dan" is going to pick up my stuff for me. what if he doesn't have a friend named Dan? :laugh::p Ps... my .02 about dinner.... skip it. and this is why.... "something suddenly came up... with Marsha." She's paying because she feels baaaaaad for you. Why doesn't she just make you 'sit' and 'stay' too? Don't be her little puppy dog.
Author evo5039 Posted May 3, 2007 Author Posted May 3, 2007 Well I went against all advice. At first I ignored the no contact and did go to dinner. It was ok and she then realized that she still loves me. She gave me the same song and dance about having things later. Well a couple of nights after that she told me it was over. All I said was ok in a non-caring way. She immediatly got upset and asked me why I wasnt more emotional, and I told her there was nothing I could do. For the next couple days after that I started NC. She kept calling and texting and I gave in and picked up. She was crying and telling me how she knew she made a mistake and that she was sure that she wanted to be with me. She didnt like losing me from her life. I went home this weekend to see her and take her out for her birthday. The weekend was nice and we connected like we used to. I should have seen it coming but i didnt, She called me monday acted like a complete bitch and told me that it was definetively over for the time being. I got pissed and didnt react to well, I didnt insult her or yell at her I just wasnt very nice or calm. She told me that she doesnt want a relationship right now. I want to know if NC is still the way to go, or if I should do LC? She does still call and text me a fair bit, and I still want her back.
Guest Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 Well I went against all advice. At first I ignored the no contact and did go to dinner. It was ok and she then realized that she still loves me. She gave me the same song and dance about having things later. Well a couple of nights after that she told me it was over. All I said was ok in a non-caring way. She immediatly got upset and asked me why I wasnt more emotional, and I told her there was nothing I could do. For the next couple days after that I started NC. She kept calling and texting and I gave in and picked up. She was crying and telling me how she knew she made a mistake and that she was sure that she wanted to be with me. She didnt like losing me from her life. I went home this weekend to see her and take her out for her birthday. The weekend was nice and we connected like we used to. I should have seen it coming but i didnt, She called me monday acted like a complete bitch and told me that it was definetively over for the time being. I got pissed and didnt react to well, I didnt insult her or yell at her I just wasnt very nice or calm. She told me that she doesnt want a relationship right now. I want to know if NC is still the way to go, or if I should do LC? She does still call and text me a fair bit, and I still want her back. I don't quite see why you are asking for advice from people? You are this girls emotional pet. She tightens the leash around your neck, and when she sees fit she draws you back in for a meal..Well time to toughen up and bite the hand that feeds you if it's self respect you are wanting.
TheBigQuestion Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 At this point, I'd say just let her go. You gave in to her demands and just got crapped on. Don't give her another chance.
Author evo5039 Posted May 3, 2007 Author Posted May 3, 2007 Ya, i started the whole No Contact thing again yesterday and shes already freakin out. Last night I turned my phone off, and I guess she called because there was a text the next morning saying "thanks for turning off your phone..." Then today she called me and i didnt pick up, she left me a text 10 minutes later asking "why are you ignoring me?". Then she left me another message that said "stop the games". Should I let her know what Im doing? Shes obviously too comfortable and she doesnt seem to realize that I might not be there some day. Does anyone think that I should tell her whats going on? I want to tell her that I dont want to be her friend(Ive told her this before) and that if I sit on the phone with her that's all we are. Opinions?
New Hope Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 Evo5039, get your head out of your ass...Davis said it best for me thats why im not gonna give my opinions..Listen Man, Listen!!!!!!!!!! everything u doing is not working, stop being a wussy and grow some balls..and be a man,,Why the hell are u going to tell her ur moves? think art of war, r u gonna tell your enemy your moves NO!!!!...she just vanish and stop worrying about her..ya no longer together..time to focus on you.take it from people who have experience on the matter....If u see No CONTACT is working then why go against the formula...they all come back but with time, when there is true love..No contact is hard the first week but after that it gets easy...If you lose your Ex, its gonna be your own fault by not listening..your in the negative Zone....time for you to move on with your life....and not worry about what she is doing...and dont fall for her tactics, Love dont mean **** if the person is not showing you...Like I said DAVIS SAID IT BEST FOR ME...Listen Evo5039 Listen..
Author evo5039 Posted May 3, 2007 Author Posted May 3, 2007 New Hope I would very much like your opinions, any other perspective is great. What do you think about Little Contact(answering a few short calls here or there when I'M not busy) as opposed to full NC? Or do you think that NC will bring her back?(I know, I know, NC is meant for me to heal/better myself...)
2ndIINone Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 Duuuuuuuude.... this girl took away your own self respect. You went to the dinner.... she fed you a burger AND a bunch of lines about how she loves you, but, but, but... later on, later on, later on crap! STRING! You're hangin' from it. When you pulled away and said you need space... she freaked right??? Do ya NOT get it??? Then you gave HER want SHE wanted and spent time with her, just to have her turn around and take a big dump on you. Then she kicked ya in the nutz, again. You disappear, and she freaks again. WTF! This girl is NO GOOD! Emotionally unstable. An emotional train wreck. I'd bet you got all emotional during her birthday... telling her your feelings, how you wanted to be with her...etc... knock that crap off. She's playin' you for a fool.. Stay away, far away... forget that LC crap... no good could/would ever come outta LC. LC = people who look for excuses to contact their ex's cause they have no willpower. LC = is for people who are goin' through a divorce, have kids or share the dog.... apartments.. etc. YOU OWE HER NOTHING! So give her nothing. NO CONTACT.
Author evo5039 Posted May 4, 2007 Author Posted May 4, 2007 Alright, thanks guys. Im starting(finally...) to get it. Im definetly sticking to NC. Anymore opinions would be great. It's getting easier with each passing day. Only on day 2 1/2 and Im already feeling better. I have finals all next week so I can stay busy. Should I even bother when I get home? I know shes gonna call me, should I just ignore her still?
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