religion

[belladuke97]

I read the Bible alright, it's 2000 year old hear-say.

This is exactly the kind of crap I want to avoid, but I don't see my gf preaching about the lord at all.

 

No offense, but your gf doesn't seem to be that committed to her faith. If she was she would have never dated a non-Catholic in the first place. As long as she stays "lukewarm", you two may be ok. My fear is that later on she may develop a stronger commitment to her faith, and then there will be major conflict between you two because she will want to share it with you.

 

Though I don't agree with your ideas of God and the Bible, I am not saying these things because you are an atheist. I would still caution you if you were Christian and she were Buddhist, for example. The labels don't really matter. The problem is that the labels aren't the same.

[sunshinegirl]

I think that it is incredibly selfish of her not to accept your beliefs. If she wants you to respect hers then she should respect yours.

 

I think the selfishness is going both ways here. The OP doesn't seem willing to compromise, and denigrates his fiancee's beliefs; the fiancee doesn't seem willing to compromise on the wedding and thinks the OP's lack of belief isn't important.

 

I can't believe you two haven't talked more in depth about the future - specifically, how you will raise kids. That's one of the worst subjects to leave unaddressed. In my opinion, who cares about the wedding itself? That's one day of your lives. What really matters is all the days that will come after the wedding.

[DutchGuy]

I think the selfishness is going both ways here. The OP doesn't seem willing to compromise, and denigrates his fiancee's beliefs; the fiancee doesn't seem willing to compromise on the wedding and thinks the OP's lack of belief isn't important.

 

I can't believe you two haven't talked more in depth about the future - specifically, how you will raise kids. That's one of the worst subjects to leave unaddressed. In my opinion, who cares about the wedding itself? That's one day of your lives. What really matters is all the days that will come after the wedding.

 

I agree with what you're saying.

The thing is, she isn't a very strict Catholic.

She goes to church with easter, christmas and when she feels like it.

She made no point about pre-marital sex and doesn't act conservative at all.

I would be the strict one as you can see by my comments.

On the other hand, I am baptised and I join her to church in case of funerals and all.

 

It's not that I don't allow her to believe what she wants.

It's just that it has to be at the expense of my beliefs.

 

Do we really need a preachers blessing to be married in the eyes of "god" and does it even count when I don't believe in him.

[a4a]

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Do we really need a preachers blessing to be married in the eyes of "god" and does it even count when I don't believe in him.

 

No and No.

 

I would think it a big farce for you to pretend you were buying all the crap at a religious wedding. You would be up there spouting off and listening to things you just think are BS.

 

Obviously your gf is a holiday catholic and the wedding is "show".

 

But most likely there will be the need of lots of "show" if kids come into the picture.

 

I think you really need to take a hard look at what you are getting into here.

 

And what, she is really planning on wearing a white wedding dress?

[seductress989]

I am a Baptist and I dated an atheist for a while and it did not work out. I would proceed with the relationship very carefully. The only way that this can work is if BOTH of you are willing to compromise....

You have to consider the fact that if you were to marry and have children, what religion would the children be raised in? From my experience, dating and even marrying someone of a different religion is just asking for disaster. I have talked to friends of all ages and this situation rarely works.

If I were you, I would consider the relationship and discuss the future very openly with your girlfriend. Best of luck to you in this matter. ~Seductress

[boshemia]

Marriage is a union of two people into one unit, a family so to speak. Something tends to happen in marriage, you hear it phrased quite often as "They changed" after we got married.

 

Imagine a relationship as a tug-of-war. The more one person pulls, the harder the other person has to dig their feet in and resist just to avoid being pulled into the mud puddle. In a tug-of-war that is the goal, in a marriage it's not.

 

The harder she works to pull you to the Christian side, the harder you will resist being pulled. The harder you pull, the harder she resists. Now you have a few choices here..

 

You can pull harder, then she pulls harder, then you pull harder, then she pulls harder... it can establish a pattern that will continue through the rest of the relationship. Nobody will remember who pulled first, but surely the other person started it.

 

You can pull hard enough that you pull her over flat on her face, you've won, she's lost... it can establish a pattern that will continue through the rest of the relationship. She'll remember it for sure, and eventually she will resent the loss of herself.

 

You can just stop resisting and fall in to the puddle just to please her. Again a pattern that will continue, only you will be the one resenting her.

 

Or you can stop pulling... just step back and say, hey this isn't going to get us anywhere. Figure out where the middle ground is... this is a skill you will need for the rest of your life, with her as a partner but with others as well. Just agreeing to disagree, once you stop focusing on the problem and start focusing on the solution things get a little easier.

[Guest]

To the OP: I don't mean to offend you nor go completely off topic, but I tend to be very technical and analytical:

 

Isn't the concept of marriage (not the physical union but the religious union) the way it is practiced in the Western World, have its orgins in Christianity?

 

I know every culture, since the beginning of time, has had physical/spiritual unions of some sort but "marriage," was a practice implemented by first century Christians.

 

I don't consider myself a practicing Christian (I'd be a hypocrite if I said I was) nor do I consider myself an Athiest. I'm just curious why marriage is so important to an Athiest as are other festivities like Christmas that have origins in Christian themes?

 

If the idea of Christianity and/or religion is that appalling to you, I'd think you'd be more "anti-religious," in more ways than one; applying a more rebel-like mentality to the entire culture. It's like someone who claims to be a true vegetarian but still eats fish/chicken since it's not red meat.

 

Again, I don't mean to offend you or take your issue off track, I just thought I'd share another perspective for you to consider that isn't currently being shared in this forum.

 

My personal advice: You are only fooling yourself if you think you'll be successful in the long term if your religious convictions are completely opposite to your partner.

 

However, if you GF is the type of Catholic that represent 99% of my family, she is only Catholic by name and only during special occassions like weddings and quinceaneras.

 

Part of the reason that I don't consider myself a true Christian is because I believe being a true Christian represents an entire lifestyle to adhere to and not just someone who goes to Church on Holidays. I'll admit I'm just too selfish right now to commit to it.

 

Okay, I'm done preaching. Take Care.

[O'Malley]

I have no problems with telling my kids that for instance, granddad went to heaven to be with the angels and he can still see us.

I would have a problem, if they were getting older (12+) and still would believe that stuff.

I don't think religion is all that bad, it's just outdated.

I wouldn't want to see my children or my wife to depend on a god to help them, they have to help themselves.

Like normal, well-educated, enlightened people.

 

Aren't you a little judgemental yourself, as much as some religious people? I don't see where the marriage ceremony is such a big issue--have a civil and a religious one. I'm agnostic, and I could give a crap what other people practice, as long as they don't try to convert me.

 

I think the real problems are going to pop up when your fiance wants the kids to be confirmed and you'll be expecting them to share your enlightened beliefs, instead of letting the kids grow up and choose for themselves. If neither of you can compromise and lighten up about certain things, why get married to eachother?

[Topper]

My Brother married a Catholic, They had their wedding in a Catholic Chruch, One of the things he had to do as a non Catholic was sign a document that said he would allow any Children to be raised as Catholics.

Wedding are today more about the Bride. Most woman started dreaming about their wedding day when they were little girls. She wants a Chruch wedding, It is her wedding day,your more or less there as her prop. That might be a stretch but not far from the truth.

You have said nothing about her family? Are they putting pressure on her for a Chruch wedding? You can't ignore what her family has to say in this.

In my Brothers case his wife is from a large Italian Family. If he had put his foot down and said no chruch wedding. The whole family would have gone insane. There would have been H*ll to pay if he had put his foot down and said no Catholic Church wedding. That wedding was over 30 years and 4 kids ago. Mixed marriages can work.

Do this for her and your own peace of mind. It's her day let her shine. It would be your gift to your future wife.

[VirtualInsanity]

My Brother married a Catholic, They had their wedding in a Catholic Chruch, One of the things he had to do as a non Catholic was sign a document that said he would allow any Children to be raised as Catholics.

 

Signed a document. No way would I.